You caught me. You flat-out caught me. It's time to come clean.
Let me tell you a little bit about how I go through my day, which is also how literally every other moderator goes through theirs.
I wake up in my dingy, unwashed bed (which is covered with suspicious stains), then immediately scream for my mother to come downstairs and tell me that I’m a special boy. Once I feel sufficiently better than everyone else, I log in to Reddit, where I go through all of the top-secret communiques that I receive from whichever political party you personally dislike. Having accepted my marching orders, I motivate myself by going to town on my own backside with an anime-style figurine; a doll which looks vaguely like the world leader you most abhor. Then it’s time to get to work.
Pushing a narrative which irritates you – yes, specifically you – is obviously my first priority… but if a totalitarian regime which controls another country, religious group, or corporation has sent me enough money, I take whatever steps I can to promote or censor anything that’s even tangentially related to what they’ve highlighted for me. If the entity in question also happens to have a very small minority stake in Reddit (or if one of the site’s executives has rumored ties to their organization), then I make sure to publicly fellate them whilst simultaneously denying their influence. The more sucking that I do, the more cash I receive!
Mind you, I don’t actually spend any of that loot, because moving out of my parents’ basement would mean that I wouldn’t get that crack-of-noon ego-stroking anymore. No, rather than using those ill-gotten gains to improve my lot in life, I sculpt them into life-size (and anatomically correct) sculptures – using copious amounts of my own neck-sweat as glue – of the various public figures whose actions or perspectives anger you.
Anyway, once I’ve made certain that my corrupt overlords are pleased, I start looking for ways that I can ruin individual users’ days. Randomly removing posts (and then pretending that they were in violation of some invisible rules) is the only way that I can become aroused, after all, and I need to stand at my full, massive two inches if I’m going to be able to reach myself past all of my stomach fat. Having come to attention, I put on my self-pleasure hat – which is a trilby, of course – and start banning people who disagree with my opinions.
Those opinions having been carefully structured to go against yours, of course.
It’s time for a break by that point, so I spend an hour or three lecturing my waifu body-pillow about a given social trend that makes people (again, specifically you) upset. She’ll usually offer some kind of counterargument, which means that I need to throw an impotent tantrum. Whenever that happens, my only solace comes by way of somehow abusing my awesome Internet powers, typically while gorging myself on junk food, soda, and heaping handfuls of straight-up lard. Don’t ask me how that abuse actually manifests, though, because I’ll silence all of the remarkably insightful questions that you send my way. The thing is, I’ve never heard any of them before... and since my hidden masters haven’t told me how to respond, my only option is to screech at my computer monitor as I wildly flail around.
Those eight seconds of exertion tend to bring me pretty close to unconsciousness, so I have to completely ignore the communities that I govern for a while, thereby allowing a multitude of posts and comments to go through unchecked. Fortunately, they’re only ever submissions which you (once more, specifically you) find distasteful, so it still counts as a victory. At the same time, though, if you try to submit anything – especially if it’s entirely adherent to those invisible rules that I mentioned earlier – I’ll wheeze my way back into a semi-upright position for just long enough to mete out another completely unwarranted ban.
Finally, once all of that is done, I kill myself, frequently by dying in a fire. Getting the suggestion to do so dozens (or even hundreds) of times a day just proves to be too much for my utterly unfathomable intellect to handle, so I eventually succumb to the sweet embrace of death.
Besides, it’s the only way that I can get to sleep at night.
TL;DR: You don’t need to read this, because you’ve already decided that you know it all.
So this dude forbids his little daughter from participating in a gift exchange just because he’s an atheist, which is pretty stupid in and of itself
The kicker for me is the way everyone in there is acting like his daughter got molested because they gave her a book. Like just being around a Bible is going to infect her with religiosity lol
Honestly it's not even the OP that's the interesting bit, fuck Christians lol, but the (over)reaction in the comments is delicious
This is scary.
You should ask the school if they have surveillance footage of someone dropping off the bag. This is targeted harassment, someone is trying to pressure you into converting your kids.
Honestly, you should inquire with a lawyer. Your beliefs are being infringed upon and they are going to try to basically raise your kids in a way you don't want.
They're treating it like a fucking mailbomb when it was just a shitty book.
The Bible has been a massive influence on literature and history, especially in the Western world, where the Gutenberg Bible was the first book printed using movable type.[5] According to the March 2007 edition of Time, the Bible "has done more to shape literature, history, entertainment, and culture than any book ever written. Its influence on world history is unparalleled, and shows no signs of abating."[5] With estimated total sales of over 5 billion copies, it is widely considered to be the most influential and best-selling book of all time.[5][6][7][8] As of the 2000s, it sells approximately 100 million copies annually.[9][10]
And if that anyone realizes that actual words of Jesus are useful, and the rest is just mythology that is an interesting picture on human history?
Imagine some poor lady thinking this guy is robbing their child of experiencing christmas magic only because he neved grew out of his 14 y/o "there is no god and everything involving religion is stupid" phase, so she throws together a couple of not shitty gifts and a bible, because she genuinely believes it would be for the best.
And then some losers on a forum call for security footage as if the child got literally raped.
I hate defending christcucks, but such is the life of a centrist I guess.
I hate defending christcucks, but such is the life of a centrist I guess.
It's a rigged game because the opposite of this normie christcuck is a band of insane people from ResetEra.
I mean swap the bible for a Marilyn Manson CD and they sound exactly like evangelicals
"JESUS, someone gave your child a bunch of presents, and one of them is The Devil's music, they're trying to indoctrinate your kid with Satan! get security tapes, call your lawyer, this is fucked up!!!"
For the record: the bag contained a Lego set, a princess doll, and a children's Bible all wrapped. The children's Bible had no name tag and was wrapped separately and was not listed on the front with the rest of the gifts.
Tbf, your kids got more than just a Bible that you can burn in a parking lot. Hell, that's more than what most kids who are living in poverty are getting for Christmas. Stop being an ungrateful bitch.
That poor child. They will grow up miserable, not being able to keep toys because some evil christian gave it. These people at resetera shouldn't be having kids, didn't know they were even able to honestly
Why are people so upset about this kid being put in another classroom? What was the teacher supposed to do? Say 'too bad, you're celebrating this year' or make her sit in a corner by herself? They would have been reeing then too.
Also, seems like a good time to actually talk to your kid about the Bible, but go off fam. I deconverted when I actually picked it up and read it. Yea, the Christcucks giving the kid a Bible was disrespectful but get the fuck over it. It's not worth this freakout everyone on the forum is having.
31 comments
1 SnapshillBot 2019-12-26
Damn, you know what?
You caught me. You flat-out caught me. It's time to come clean.
Let me tell you a little bit about how I go through my day, which is also how literally every other moderator goes through theirs.
I wake up in my dingy, unwashed bed (which is covered with suspicious stains), then immediately scream for my mother to come downstairs and tell me that I’m a special boy. Once I feel sufficiently better than everyone else, I log in to Reddit, where I go through all of the top-secret communiques that I receive from whichever political party you personally dislike. Having accepted my marching orders, I motivate myself by going to town on my own backside with an anime-style figurine; a doll which looks vaguely like the world leader you most abhor. Then it’s time to get to work.
Pushing a narrative which irritates you – yes, specifically you – is obviously my first priority… but if a totalitarian regime which controls another country, religious group, or corporation has sent me enough money, I take whatever steps I can to promote or censor anything that’s even tangentially related to what they’ve highlighted for me. If the entity in question also happens to have a very small minority stake in Reddit (or if one of the site’s executives has rumored ties to their organization), then I make sure to publicly fellate them whilst simultaneously denying their influence. The more sucking that I do, the more cash I receive!
Mind you, I don’t actually spend any of that loot, because moving out of my parents’ basement would mean that I wouldn’t get that crack-of-noon ego-stroking anymore. No, rather than using those ill-gotten gains to improve my lot in life, I sculpt them into life-size (and anatomically correct) sculptures – using copious amounts of my own neck-sweat as glue – of the various public figures whose actions or perspectives anger you.
Anyway, once I’ve made certain that my corrupt overlords are pleased, I start looking for ways that I can ruin individual users’ days. Randomly removing posts (and then pretending that they were in violation of some invisible rules) is the only way that I can become aroused, after all, and I need to stand at my full, massive two inches if I’m going to be able to reach myself past all of my stomach fat. Having come to attention, I put on my self-pleasure hat – which is a trilby, of course – and start banning people who disagree with my opinions.
Those opinions having been carefully structured to go against yours, of course.
It’s time for a break by that point, so I spend an hour or three lecturing my waifu body-pillow about a given social trend that makes people (again, specifically you) upset. She’ll usually offer some kind of counterargument, which means that I need to throw an impotent tantrum. Whenever that happens, my only solace comes by way of somehow abusing my awesome Internet powers, typically while gorging myself on junk food, soda, and heaping handfuls of straight-up lard. Don’t ask me how that abuse actually manifests, though, because I’ll silence all of the remarkably insightful questions that you send my way. The thing is, I’ve never heard any of them before... and since my hidden masters haven’t told me how to respond, my only option is to screech at my computer monitor as I wildly flail around.
Those eight seconds of exertion tend to bring me pretty close to unconsciousness, so I have to completely ignore the communities that I govern for a while, thereby allowing a multitude of posts and comments to go through unchecked. Fortunately, they’re only ever submissions which you (once more, specifically you) find distasteful, so it still counts as a victory. At the same time, though, if you try to submit anything – especially if it’s entirely adherent to those invisible rules that I mentioned earlier – I’ll wheeze my way back into a semi-upright position for just long enough to mete out another completely unwarranted ban.
Finally, once all of that is done, I kill myself, frequently by dying in a fire. Getting the suggestion to do so dozens (or even hundreds) of times a day just proves to be too much for my utterly unfathomable intellect to handle, so I eventually succumb to the sweet embrace of death.
Besides, it’s the only way that I can get to sleep at night.
TL;DR: You don’t need to read this, because you’ve already decided that you know it all.
Snapshots:
I am just a simple bot, *not** a moderator of this subreddit* | bot subreddit | contact the maintainers
1 BussyShillBot 2019-12-26
May Allah break the backs of all those who support these disease-ridden rodents.
Outlines:
I am a bot for posting Outline.com links. github / Contact for info or issues
1 shadowles5 2019-12-26
Based
1 hyphenjack 2019-12-26
So this dude forbids his little daughter from participating in a gift exchange just because he’s an atheist, which is pretty stupid in and of itself
The kicker for me is the way everyone in there is acting like his daughter got molested because they gave her a book. Like just being around a Bible is going to infect her with religiosity lol
1 DangerNut 2019-12-26
I can't imagine having a personal belief system that is so weak that the mere sight of a Bible causes an adult to shutdown.
Imagine how triggered this person will be if they ever stay in a US hotel...
1 hyphenjack 2019-12-26
This guy is the kind of atheist who has made “non-religion” into their religion
This is no different than a suburban Christian mom freaking out because she found out her kid read a Harry Potter book
1 DangerNut 2019-12-26
I like the advice that he should get the school to hand over security footage...
Yeah because 1) the school is sure to have cameras everywhere, and 2) they just hand over the video to any random wanker.
1 FearOfBees 2019-12-26
I might actually just start carrying a bible on me at all time to scare atheists.
1 DangerNut 2019-12-26
When they sneeze, just tell them "God bless you"....
1 911roofer 2019-12-26
Turns out atheists are demons from hell.
1 600_lbs_of_sin 2019-12-26
sprinkle em with holy water and watch it eat thru their flesh for the lulz 🤣
1 Woolgun 2019-12-26
Honestly it's not even the OP that's the interesting bit, fuck Christians lol, but the (over)reaction in the comments is delicious
They're treating it like a fucking mailbomb when it was just a shitty book.
1 The_Great_I_Am_Not 2019-12-26
Is it really?
And if that anyone realizes that actual words of Jesus are useful, and the rest is just mythology that is an interesting picture on human history?
1 Habahz 2019-12-26
Bit of a difference between getting some random kid a childs bible and giving one to a literature student.
1 serialflamingo 2019-12-26
This is how we end up with zoomers who act as if the Bible iz kool
1 Shitposting_Skeleton 2019-12-26
The best conversion tool is a 20 minute conversation with an internet atheist.
1 watermark1917 2019-12-26
Go fuck yourself
1 IAmHebrewHammer 2019-12-26
Seethe
1 Shitposting_Skeleton 2019-12-26
This is some stereotypical fundie shit. Atheism really is a religion to these people, huh?
1 forseti911 2019-12-26
Bless OP for trudging through the sewers of resetera so we don't have to.
1 Woolgun 2019-12-26
Actually got it from KF but I guess your comment still somewhat applies.
1 Habahz 2019-12-26
Imagine some poor lady thinking this guy is robbing their child of experiencing christmas magic only because he neved grew out of his 14 y/o "there is no god and everything involving religion is stupid" phase, so she throws together a couple of not shitty gifts and a bible, because she genuinely believes it would be for the best.
And then some losers on a forum call for security footage as if the child got literally raped.
I hate defending christcucks, but such is the life of a centrist I guess.
1 Redactor0 2019-12-26
Imagine taking toys away from your kids just so you can feel superior to some anonymous person who gave them.
1 TheColdTurtle 2019-12-26
Taking your kids toys away to own the chirstcucks
1 Thereal14words 2019-12-26
like they took away our pinging?
1 Woolgun 2019-12-26
It's a rigged game because the opposite of this normie christcuck is a band of insane people from ResetEra.
I mean swap the bible for a Marilyn Manson CD and they sound exactly like evangelicals
"JESUS, someone gave your child a bunch of presents, and one of them is The Devil's music, they're trying to indoctrinate your kid with Satan! get security tapes, call your lawyer, this is fucked up!!!"
1 911roofer 2019-12-26
What are the chances he isn't molesting his kid?
1 [deleted] 2019-12-26
[removed]
1 SendWhiskey 2019-12-26
Tbf, your kids got more than just a Bible that you can burn in a parking lot. Hell, that's more than what most kids who are living in poverty are getting for Christmas. Stop being an ungrateful bitch.
1 TheColdTurtle 2019-12-26
That poor child. They will grow up miserable, not being able to keep toys because some evil christian gave it. These people at resetera shouldn't be having kids, didn't know they were even able to honestly
1 deplorable420 2019-12-26
Why are people so upset about this kid being put in another classroom? What was the teacher supposed to do? Say 'too bad, you're celebrating this year' or make her sit in a corner by herself? They would have been reeing then too.
Also, seems like a good time to actually talk to your kid about the Bible, but go off fam. I deconverted when I actually picked it up and read it. Yea, the Christcucks giving the kid a Bible was disrespectful but get the fuck over it. It's not worth this freakout everyone on the forum is having.