You caught me. You flat-out caught me. It's time to come clean.
Let me tell you a little bit about how I go through my day, which is also how literally every other moderator goes through theirs.
I wake up in my dingy, unwashed bed (which is covered with suspicious stains), then immediately scream for my mother to come downstairs and tell me that I’m a special boy. Once I feel sufficiently better than everyone else, I log in to Reddit, where I go through all of the top-secret communiques that I receive from whichever political party you personally dislike. Having accepted my marching orders, I motivate myself by going to town on my own backside with an anime-style figurine; a doll which looks vaguely like the world leader you most abhor. Then it’s time to get to work.
Pushing a narrative which irritates you – yes, specifically you – is obviously my first priority… but if a totalitarian regime which controls another country, religious group, or corporation has sent me enough money, I take whatever steps I can to promote or censor anything that’s even tangentially related to what they’ve highlighted for me. If the entity in question also happens to have a very small minority stake in Reddit (or if one of the site’s executives has rumored ties to their organization), then I make sure to publicly fellate them whilst simultaneously denying their influence. The more sucking that I do, the more cash I receive!
Mind you, I don’t actually spend any of that loot, because moving out of my parents’ basement would mean that I wouldn’t get that crack-of-noon ego-stroking anymore. No, rather than using those ill-gotten gains to improve my lot in life, I sculpt them into life-size (and anatomically correct) sculptures – using copious amounts of my own neck-sweat as glue – of the various public figures whose actions or perspectives anger you.
Anyway, once I’ve made certain that my corrupt overlords are pleased, I start looking for ways that I can ruin individual users’ days. Randomly removing posts (and then pretending that they were in violation of some invisible rules) is the only way that I can become aroused, after all, and I need to stand at my full, massive two inches if I’m going to be able to reach myself past all of my stomach fat. Having come to attention, I put on my self-pleasure hat – which is a trilby, of course – and start banning people who disagree with my opinions.
Those opinions having been carefully structured to go against yours, of course.
It’s time for a break by that point, so I spend an hour or three lecturing my waifu body-pillow about a given social trend that makes people (again, specifically you) upset. She’ll usually offer some kind of counterargument, which means that I need to throw an impotent tantrum. Whenever that happens, my only solace comes by way of somehow abusing my awesome Internet powers, typically while gorging myself on junk food, soda, and heaping handfuls of straight-up lard. Don’t ask me how that abuse actually manifests, though, because I’ll silence all of the remarkably insightful questions that you send my way. The thing is, I’ve never heard any of them before... and since my hidden masters haven’t told me how to respond, my only option is to screech at my computer monitor as I wildly flail around.
Those eight seconds of exertion tend to bring me pretty close to unconsciousness, so I have to completely ignore the communities that I govern for a while, thereby allowing a multitude of posts and comments to go through unchecked. Fortunately, they’re only ever submissions which you (once more, specifically you) find distasteful, so it still counts as a victory. At the same time, though, if you try to submit anything – especially if it’s entirely adherent to those invisible rules that I mentioned earlier – I’ll wheeze my way back into a semi-upright position for just long enough to mete out another completely unwarranted ban.
Finally, once all of that is done, I kill myself, frequently by dying in a fire. Getting the suggestion to do so dozens (or even hundreds) of times a day just proves to be too much for my utterly unfathomable intellect to handle, so I eventually succumb to the sweet embrace of death.
Besides, it’s the only way that I can get to sleep at night.
TL;DR: You don’t need to read this, because you’ve already decided that you know it all.
Why isn't there a bot that follows TiTS around replying to every post he makes with "I absolutely take your story at face value, and I'm sorry that happened to you." ??
Because he would whine to the admins on their priority helpline, 3 minutes later you'll be IP banned, and then he'd go back to his discord to declare victory!
TakeItToRCirclejerk is a delicate flower. TakeItToRCirclejerk is a breath of cool air on a hot day. TakeItToRCirclejerk is a true gentleman, but not in the traditional sense. TakeItToRCirclejerk is a our saviour. TakeItToRCirclejerk is a sex knight. TakeItToRCirclejerk is real smart, like really smart. TakeItToRCirclejerk is a lol-cow extraordinaire. TakeItToRCirclejerk is love. TakeItToRCirclejerk is life.
The truth is that /r/JordanPeterson is just as soy as /r/menslibs, they're just in denial. Seriously, I don't think the "Rules for Life" says anything about spending all your time on the internet whining about how the meanie feminists are bullying you.
23 comments
1 AutoModerator 2019-12-27
do not comment or vote in linked threads
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1 SnapshillBot 2019-12-27
Damn, you know what?
You caught me. You flat-out caught me. It's time to come clean.
Let me tell you a little bit about how I go through my day, which is also how literally every other moderator goes through theirs.
I wake up in my dingy, unwashed bed (which is covered with suspicious stains), then immediately scream for my mother to come downstairs and tell me that I’m a special boy. Once I feel sufficiently better than everyone else, I log in to Reddit, where I go through all of the top-secret communiques that I receive from whichever political party you personally dislike. Having accepted my marching orders, I motivate myself by going to town on my own backside with an anime-style figurine; a doll which looks vaguely like the world leader you most abhor. Then it’s time to get to work.
Pushing a narrative which irritates you – yes, specifically you – is obviously my first priority… but if a totalitarian regime which controls another country, religious group, or corporation has sent me enough money, I take whatever steps I can to promote or censor anything that’s even tangentially related to what they’ve highlighted for me. If the entity in question also happens to have a very small minority stake in Reddit (or if one of the site’s executives has rumored ties to their organization), then I make sure to publicly fellate them whilst simultaneously denying their influence. The more sucking that I do, the more cash I receive!
Mind you, I don’t actually spend any of that loot, because moving out of my parents’ basement would mean that I wouldn’t get that crack-of-noon ego-stroking anymore. No, rather than using those ill-gotten gains to improve my lot in life, I sculpt them into life-size (and anatomically correct) sculptures – using copious amounts of my own neck-sweat as glue – of the various public figures whose actions or perspectives anger you.
Anyway, once I’ve made certain that my corrupt overlords are pleased, I start looking for ways that I can ruin individual users’ days. Randomly removing posts (and then pretending that they were in violation of some invisible rules) is the only way that I can become aroused, after all, and I need to stand at my full, massive two inches if I’m going to be able to reach myself past all of my stomach fat. Having come to attention, I put on my self-pleasure hat – which is a trilby, of course – and start banning people who disagree with my opinions.
Those opinions having been carefully structured to go against yours, of course.
It’s time for a break by that point, so I spend an hour or three lecturing my waifu body-pillow about a given social trend that makes people (again, specifically you) upset. She’ll usually offer some kind of counterargument, which means that I need to throw an impotent tantrum. Whenever that happens, my only solace comes by way of somehow abusing my awesome Internet powers, typically while gorging myself on junk food, soda, and heaping handfuls of straight-up lard. Don’t ask me how that abuse actually manifests, though, because I’ll silence all of the remarkably insightful questions that you send my way. The thing is, I’ve never heard any of them before... and since my hidden masters haven’t told me how to respond, my only option is to screech at my computer monitor as I wildly flail around.
Those eight seconds of exertion tend to bring me pretty close to unconsciousness, so I have to completely ignore the communities that I govern for a while, thereby allowing a multitude of posts and comments to go through unchecked. Fortunately, they’re only ever submissions which you (once more, specifically you) find distasteful, so it still counts as a victory. At the same time, though, if you try to submit anything – especially if it’s entirely adherent to those invisible rules that I mentioned earlier – I’ll wheeze my way back into a semi-upright position for just long enough to mete out another completely unwarranted ban.
Finally, once all of that is done, I kill myself, frequently by dying in a fire. Getting the suggestion to do so dozens (or even hundreds) of times a day just proves to be too much for my utterly unfathomable intellect to handle, so I eventually succumb to the sweet embrace of death.
Besides, it’s the only way that I can get to sleep at night.
TL;DR: You don’t need to read this, because you’ve already decided that you know it all.
Snapshots:
I am just a simple bot, *not** a moderator of this subreddit* | bot subreddit | contact the maintainers
1 Curbside_dental 2019-12-27
Fuck the "powermods."
Especially those on research chemicals and or "activists" on the narrow representation of the real world.
Not enough us assholes on reddit are left to give a shit.
1 [deleted] 2019-12-27
[removed]
1 frightcult 2019-12-27
Why isn't there a bot that follows TiTS around replying to every post he makes with "I absolutely take your story at face value, and I'm sorry that happened to you." ??
1 jason_frg 2019-12-27
Because he would whine to the admins on their priority helpline, 3 minutes later you'll be IP banned, and then he'd go back to his discord to declare victory!
1 shhh_im_ban_evading 2019-12-27
Imagine going to a sub just tell people you blocked them.
1 WholesomeDrama 2019-12-27
it would actually be kinda funny behavior if he werent an eternally asshurt srdine himself
1 avistel 2019-12-27
"Hey guys, try this thing!"
"We know your thing, it sucks huge schlong, now go away"
"lol umad blocked you"
I wish this level of obnoxiousness was fatal in a really slow and painful way
1 MotorButterscotch 2019-12-27
Pick anything tits says,post to srd, get ban for bad faith posting
1 DangerNut 2019-12-27
One day TiTS will die at his shitty apartment, in mid comment, and no one will notice for weeks.
1 forseti911 2019-12-27
If there were one person in his life that truly cared about him he might have had a chance.
1 GaysianSupremacist 2019-12-27
I don't know who the fuck that TakeItTorCirclejerk is but unironically shilling for r/MensLib tells me a lot about him.
1 fernguts 2019-12-27
TakeItToRCirclejerk is a delicate flower. TakeItToRCirclejerk is a breath of cool air on a hot day. TakeItToRCirclejerk is a true gentleman, but not in the traditional sense. TakeItToRCirclejerk is a our saviour. TakeItToRCirclejerk is a sex knight. TakeItToRCirclejerk is real smart, like really smart. TakeItToRCirclejerk is a lol-cow extraordinaire. TakeItToRCirclejerk is love. TakeItToRCirclejerk is life.
I hope that clears things up.
1 forseti911 2019-12-27
He's lost his goddamn mind. Permanently lurking subreddits that make him mad only to be btfo by even the lowest iq randoms he argues with.
1 seshfan2 2019-12-27
The truth is that /r/JordanPeterson is just as soy as /r/menslibs, they're just in denial. Seriously, I don't think the "Rules for Life" says anything about spending all your time on the internet whining about how the meanie feminists are bullying you.
1 serialflamingo 2019-12-27
They both think that interpreting the world in a certain way and having other people do the same will make wahman want to fuck them.
1 seshfan2 2019-12-27
it's just the lack of self awareness cracks me up
Jordan Peterson: My book is about how you should grow the fuck up and stop seeing yourself as a victim all the time.
/r/JordanPeterson: You're right! White males truly are secretly the most oppressed group of all time. It's sooo hard being a victim.
1 serialflamingo 2019-12-27
My only experience with Peterson is his debate with Daddy Žižek so it seems like they inherited his hatred of reading lol
1 colormebadorange 2019-12-27
At least their gay shit is contained and less smug.
1 serialflamingo 2019-12-27
I find it hard to believe any gays post there tbh, like what's the point?
1 forseti911 2019-12-27
Trawling for some boypussy.
1 colormebadorange 2019-12-27
Performative femeninization.