I was meant to be a princess but unfortunately it hasn’t worked out quite yet for me, so I cope by consuming dumb royal drama.

Half of England has been clutching their pearls ever since Prince Harry married Meghan Markle since she is half Mayo (🤢).

One group of truly dedicated schizos has taken this to another level. There is a web of tumblrs, twitters and stand-alone websites to obsess about this bish.

The most prominent one is a crypto-tweeter called Toronto Paper. This account now claims to be the work of multiple people, although they originally said they were an old friend of hers from when she lived in Canada.

Their whole conspiracy is this:

An evil group plotting to take down the British monarchy has been funding her since day 1 to get Harry to marry her. Why? They never explained, as conspiritards like to gloss over the important stuff.

They claim her pregnancy was fake and that the baby she presented on TV was a doll. Now they say there is a real baby, but it came from a surrogate. In England all royal children technically belong to the Queen (no joke) and any baby from a surrogate does not count (must be “of the body” or something), hence the coverup and why the royal family plans on having her arrested for treason.

The latest TP claim is that she has been banned from entering Canada because it’s actually the Queen who runs shit there & that Markle is frantically trying to cross the border from the US in order to get to a fertility clinic in Vancouver for a second fake baby/pregnancy. (They say she was stopped at the border by Niagara Falls & that Trudeau’s “welcome” tweet the other day was to keep her quiet so she could save face ??? I don’t know, I can’t follow their logic. Also Vancouver is on the other side of Canada)

Other claims from Toronto Paper include that a “yacht girl” and there’s a sex tape out there, that she slept with Harvey Weinstein for acting gigs and that she was a procurer for Jeffrey Epstein...

Literally NOTHING this person has said has actually panned out but there’s still a sizable following of psycho foids (myself included) watching this unfold & half of them unironically believe this.