Imagine the U.S. being run by twitterlards. Sanctions put on warlords that won’t sprint up 30 floors to deliver your lard to you at your door because the throttle on your mobility scooter hurts to pull. Nuclear strikes on Domino's because they won’t do quadrupole pepperoni for a discount because of your poc thicc oppression. Maybe even orbital tungsten rods dropping if you forget the keg of ranch.
I feel bad for the gig economy workers. I avoid using the apps for the most part, and on the rare occasion I do, I won't give bad feedback even if they did a terrible job. I don't feel like rewarding companies whose only innovation was finding workers dumb enough to work essentially for free. This is also why I have never bought reddit gold, and run adblockers.
Wrong mutha fucka! Im unemployed because I dont want to work. Scotland gives you everything for free. House paid. Childcare paid. Healthcare paid. And they still give me money to spend on shite every 2 weeks. Working is for chumps
I always tip really well in cash (30%+) but they have to come to my door to get it. If they park their lazy fucking ass outside and then call me telling me to come down to the bottom floor so they can hand me my shit through their car window they can get fucked.
Holy shit. Does this validate any of the r/choosingbeggars posts?? Because this is some of the same shit they’d post, but this time it’s posted by an actual disabled begcel.
What kind of retard hobbit buildings do you go to where the elevators can't manage 600lbs? Almost every standard elevator has a capacity of at least 2,100lbs.
Mark my words; all therapists will be trained to tell patients to get the fuck off the net in the next 5 years. It only exacerbates anyone's problems. Whether its schizos finding people who say "no, don't take the medication, the CIA is out to get you you aren't crazy", or validating immense entitlement due to some sort of self inflicted condition, I have never seen anyone improved by an online community.
What happened to the 90s style disabled guy who would find some way to participate in a new extreme sport despite their condition? The kind of person who would resent being labeled as "disabled", and would relish the opportunity to replace their inferior meat limbs with superior steel ones?
That's too cynical even for my tastes. The licensed social worker was never going to be an effective therapist, but psychiatrists have medical degrees and are generally competent.
They have a duty of care that a company does not have towards you. A psychiatrist had to pay for medical school, they're not going to risk that over any one interaction.
A psychiatrist is even worse than a psychologist. At least the therapist won't give you pills that make your dick stop working, and cause suicidal ideation.
Anyone who is weak enough to choose mental health treatment deserves what they get. Anyone who has their dick broken by SSRIs wasn't much of a man to begin with, and anyone who remains on them despite a broken dick is a serocuck. None of this is the psychiatrist's fault.
It’s always fun to go down the r/gangstalking rabbit hole. I want those schizos to keep documenting their hilarious delusions. Echo chambers can be very interesting if you don’t subscribe (mentally) to them.
When I browse /r/Drama I want to see hypocrites suffering ironic punishments, not the ill failing to be treated. I don't find gangastalking fun for that reason, there's no moral agency and that makes it more difficult to feel smug.
I’ve been there a few times. The thing about SF is that you can score enough drugs on the first day that you can completely ignore how shit everything is.
30mg morphine tablets make even pier 39 smell like roses
You caught me. You flat-out caught me. It's time to come clean.
Let me tell you a little bit about how I go through my day, which is also how literally every other moderator goes through theirs.
I wake up in my dingy, unwashed bed (which is covered with suspicious stains), then immediately scream for my mother to come downstairs and tell me that I’m a special boy. Once I feel sufficiently better than everyone else, I log in to Reddit, where I go through all of the top-secret communiques that I receive from whichever political party you personally dislike. Having accepted my marching orders, I motivate myself by going to town on my own backside with an anime-style figurine; a doll which looks vaguely like the world leader you most abhor. Then it’s time to get to work.
Pushing a narrative which irritates you – yes, specifically you – is obviously my first priority… but if a totalitarian regime which controls another country, religious group, or corporation has sent me enough money, I take whatever steps I can to promote or censor anything that’s even tangentially related to what they’ve highlighted for me. If the entity in question also happens to have a very small minority stake in Reddit (or if one of the site’s executives has rumored ties to their organization), then I make sure to publicly fellate them whilst simultaneously denying their influence. The more sucking that I do, the more cash I receive!
Mind you, I don’t actually spend any of that loot, because moving out of my parents’ basement would mean that I wouldn’t get that crack-of-noon ego-stroking anymore. No, rather than using those ill-gotten gains to improve my lot in life, I sculpt them into life-size (and anatomically correct) sculptures – using copious amounts of my own neck-sweat as glue – of the various public figures whose actions or perspectives anger you.
Anyway, once I’ve made certain that my corrupt overlords are pleased, I start looking for ways that I can ruin individual users’ days. Randomly removing posts (and then pretending that they were in violation of some invisible rules) is the only way that I can become aroused, after all, and I need to stand at my full, massive two inches if I’m going to be able to reach myself past all of my stomach fat. Having come to attention, I put on my self-pleasure hat – which is a trilby, of course – and start banning people who disagree with my opinions.
Those opinions having been carefully structured to go against yours, of course.
It’s time for a break by that point, so I spend an hour or three lecturing my waifu body-pillow about a given social trend that makes people (again, specifically you) upset. She’ll usually offer some kind of counterargument, which means that I need to throw an impotent tantrum. Whenever that happens, my only solace comes by way of somehow abusing my awesome Internet powers, typically while gorging myself on junk food, soda, and heaping handfuls of straight-up lard. Don’t ask me how that abuse actually manifests, though, because I’ll silence all of the remarkably insightful questions that you send my way. The thing is, I’ve never heard any of them before... and since my hidden masters haven’t told me how to respond, my only option is to screech at my computer monitor as I wildly flail around.
Those eight seconds of exertion tend to bring me pretty close to unconsciousness, so I have to completely ignore the communities that I govern for a while, thereby allowing a multitude of posts and comments to go through unchecked. Fortunately, they’re only ever submissions which you (once more, specifically you) find distasteful, so it still counts as a victory. At the same time, though, if you try to submit anything – especially if it’s entirely adherent to those invisible rules that I mentioned earlier – I’ll wheeze my way back into a semi-upright position for just long enough to mete out another completely unwarranted ban.
Finally, once all of that is done, I kill myself, frequently by dying in a fire. Getting the suggestion to do so dozens (or even hundreds) of times a day just proves to be too much for my utterly unfathomable intellect to handle, so I eventually succumb to the sweet embrace of death.
Besides, it’s the only way that I can get to sleep at night.
TL;DR: You don’t need to read this, because you’ve already decided that you know it all.
Imagine signing up for door dash thinking you could make extra money easily, only to receive a 300$ ticket because some fatass couldn’t move down the stairs or take the elevator to pick up his mobile Cracker Barrel order.
I live in a decent area and this door dash driver is 10x more polite & fluent in english than any I've ever had.
I can't believe it throws in a "you should be fine". What an insanely pampered nasty fat cunt to expect basic near min wage deliverers to run extra services for the disabled.
About the only profession more disrespected than food service is food delivery. I don't believe in a physical hell, but if I'm wrong, it definitely involves delivering pizza in Detroit.
Hi, we can help with that! Send us a direct message with your email address and phone number associated with your DoorDash account and we will see what we can do. -Maria
this is the most disappointing automated response ever, especially considering the extreme ableism of the situation. Yikes.
Why would this response be disappointing at all that they want this fat bitch's contact information? What are they supposed to do? Literal magic?
I genuinely don’t understand how people fall for and defend these grifters? It’s clear she’s just using her “disability” for attention and special treatment,
102 comments
10 Starship_Litterbox_C 2020-01-09
Deliver the cheesy lard fries, bigot
9 Chapo_Landlords 2020-01-09
đź‘Ź
4 HodorTheDoorHolder_ 2020-01-09
Uh oh she just got cancelled
https://twitter.com/john_gayne/status/1214372308422402049?s=20
1 dramasexual 2020-01-09
It's the ciiiircle of liiiiiiiiife
1 Ohnoidontlikethat 2020-01-09
Imagine the U.S. being run by twitterlards. Sanctions put on warlords that won’t sprint up 30 floors to deliver your lard to you at your door because the throttle on your mobility scooter hurts to pull. Nuclear strikes on Domino's because they won’t do quadrupole pepperoni for a discount because of your poc thicc oppression. Maybe even orbital tungsten rods dropping if you forget the keg of ranch.
A Twittercel can dream...
1 WhiteTearsForFears 2020-01-09
Well they would have military scooters instead of mobility scooters for a start...
1 -Kite-Man- 2020-01-09
Do those have guns?
1 WhiteTearsForFears 2020-01-09
Fully automated.
1 wm20123 2020-01-09
I feel bad for the gig economy workers. I avoid using the apps for the most part, and on the rare occasion I do, I won't give bad feedback even if they did a terrible job. I don't feel like rewarding companies whose only innovation was finding workers dumb enough to work essentially for free. This is also why I have never bought reddit gold, and run adblockers.
1 lol_te_gusto 2020-01-09
Being unemployed sucks even more than gig econ. at least poorcels can get a miserable simple job
1 wm20123 2020-01-09
I have no idea what being unemployed is like, nor does anyone else who posts here.
1 youngozmond 2020-01-09
Wrong mutha fucka! Im unemployed because I dont want to work. Scotland gives you everything for free. House paid. Childcare paid. Healthcare paid. And they still give me money to spend on shite every 2 weeks. Working is for chumps
1 SaveUsUncleTed 2020-01-09
True, we will always have our $20/hour jobs here at www.reddit.com/jannie
1 RedditIsFullOfBasics 2020-01-09
Nah.
Social liberal fiscal conservative centrism take:
I always tip really well in cash (30%+) but they have to come to my door to get it. If they park their lazy fucking ass outside and then call me telling me to come down to the bottom floor so they can hand me my shit through their car window they can get fucked.
5 byobombs 2020-01-09
Holy shit. Does this validate any of the r/choosingbeggars posts?? Because this is some of the same shit they’d post, but this time it’s posted by an actual disabled begcel.
Edit: lmao here’s the same disabled lizzo
2 big_papa_stiffy 2020-01-09
lol i like the reply that just says "how you gonna ask one single guy to be diversity"
1 AlveolarPressure 2020-01-09
At the very least Lizzo dances and shit instead of pretending that being a fat ball of lard is a real disability.
1 bigfuckerton 2020-01-09
Lizzo might be ugly as fuck but there's no denying she's a bad bitch
1 PUBLIQclopAccountant 2020-01-09
Is that Door Dash post on CB already? You should put it there if not.
5 forseti911 2020-01-09
"halp bolice the man no delivar my burgur to door"
"We're on our way to shoot him in the face ma'am just stay calm paramedics will be over with emergency ranch pizza."
1 Ingelri 2020-01-09
dog bless ameriga :DDDDD
1 -Kite-Man- 2020-01-09
Does that exist? It sounds good.
1 IHeartCommyMommy 2020-01-09
I mean pizza with ranch as dip is fuckin excellent
1 icomeforthereaper 2020-01-09
Blasphemer
4 BernieMadeoffSanders 2020-01-09
DAY OF THE ELEVATOR REPAIR??
4 HodorTheDoorHolder_ 2020-01-09
She’s gonna get that poor dude fired
1 Infidel6 2020-01-09
And he will still save money from not getting a parking ticket over her fat ass.
4 69733348 2020-01-09
I wonder what she ordered
4 BlastMyBussy 2020-01-09
It would be easier to list what she didn't order so here you go: A salad
1 Starship_Litterbox_C 2020-01-09
Cheesy lard fries from Braaaaap's Sloppy House of Chunky Stewmeat
1 [deleted] 2020-01-09
[removed]
1 isohans 2020-01-09
Probably HipCityVeg since it's "healthy.
4 big_papa_stiffy 2020-01-09
why the fuck is a 600 pound wheelchair bound disabled person living in an upstairs apartment lmao
2 804-929-4988 2020-01-09
Imagine having to share and elevator with her and her huv-around. Is there room for anyone else?
1 Pepe_von_Habsburg 2020-01-09
No
1 Tzar-Romulus 2020-01-09
I'd be scared she'd crash it.
1 SaveUsUncleTed 2020-01-09
I know enough buildings where the elevators probably can't even take 600lb capacity, never mind the sheer size to fit that whale.
1 Barkasia 2020-01-09
What kind of retard hobbit buildings do you go to where the elevators can't manage 600lbs? Almost every standard elevator has a capacity of at least 2,100lbs.
3 Kramer_rulez 2020-01-09
Hitler might have been on to something.
1 orchestrato 2020-01-09
No fucking shit.
1 bigfuckerton 2020-01-09
Lol u just know that fucker would be ordering door dash in the middle of his meth binge if he were alive today
1 Infidel6 2020-01-09
Amphetamines are the world's most effective appetite suppressants.
You don't order food delivery in the middle of a speed binge, you order it at the end of one.
1 Barkasia 2020-01-09
based and junkiepilled
1 MoistLanguage 2020-01-09
His mistake was being too ambitious.
The jews would have awarded him the Nobel Prize in Public Health if he only targeted the disabled, gays and gypsies.
1 BernieMadeoffSanders 2020-01-09
"God damn Nazi stealing our ideas!"
1 Tzar-Romulus 2020-01-09
His mistake was killing gods chosen people when he could've been killing anglos.
1 BernieMadeoffSanders 2020-01-09
You misspelled nignogs
1 Tzar-Romulus 2020-01-09
Inb4 you get a 6 day suspension
3 Woolgun 2020-01-09
Maybe the guy should've parked his car in her mouth. Probably would've gotten a free oil change too.
3 randomination 2020-01-09
Mommy the bad man didn't make airplane noises when he fed me the chicky tendies.
2 jaredschaffer27 2020-01-09
Go and get your own fucking food. Jesus christ people are lazy.
1 flexharder 2020-01-09
You can tell from her pic that she was starving before modern fast food delivery apps existed she was starving.
1 LightUmbra 2020-01-09
Just fucking cook
2 upcomingDaddy 2020-01-09
The amount of people agreeing with that obese waste of oxygen is a little tragic.
1 RerolledANewAccount 2020-01-09
Twitter somehow has even more circlejerking wokies then Reddit.
1 [deleted] 2020-01-09
[deleted]
1 wm20123 2020-01-09
Mark my words; all therapists will be trained to tell patients to get the fuck off the net in the next 5 years. It only exacerbates anyone's problems. Whether its schizos finding people who say "no, don't take the medication, the CIA is out to get you you aren't crazy", or validating immense entitlement due to some sort of self inflicted condition, I have never seen anyone improved by an online community.
What happened to the 90s style disabled guy who would find some way to participate in a new extreme sport despite their condition? The kind of person who would resent being labeled as "disabled", and would relish the opportunity to replace their inferior meat limbs with superior steel ones?
1 AntiTulpaInquisition 2020-01-09
lmao imagine thinking the average mayofoid therapists arent active participants in this twitter shit
1 wm20123 2020-01-09
When I said therapists, I meant competent therapists.
1 AntiTulpaInquisition 2020-01-09
a dying, and probably already dead, breed
1 wm20123 2020-01-09
That's too cynical even for my tastes. The licensed social worker was never going to be an effective therapist, but psychiatrists have medical degrees and are generally competent.
1 Infidel6 2020-01-09
A rare breed indeed.
If you can somehow find a psychiatrist who doubles as a therapist, that's what works best imo.
Unfortunately the industry has normalized this idea of separating psychiatry from psychotherapy and I think it is detrimental overall.
1 SamManilla 2020-01-09
Consumer psychology is inherently predatory. A competent therapist is essentially is someone who is better at being bad.
1 wm20123 2020-01-09
They have a duty of care that a company does not have towards you. A psychiatrist had to pay for medical school, they're not going to risk that over any one interaction.
1 SamManilla 2020-01-09
A psychiatrist is even worse than a psychologist. At least the therapist won't give you pills that make your dick stop working, and cause suicidal ideation.
1 wm20123 2020-01-09
Anyone who is weak enough to choose mental health treatment deserves what they get. Anyone who has their dick broken by SSRIs wasn't much of a man to begin with, and anyone who remains on them despite a broken dick is a serocuck. None of this is the psychiatrist's fault.
1 SamManilla 2020-01-09
Ok, but they're still scum with no place in civil society.
1 wm20123 2020-01-09
Wait are we talking about people who make it to age 20 while still being virgins?
1 SamManilla 2020-01-09
Why not both?
1 Tzar-Romulus 2020-01-09
So Jews?
1 Putin-Nanny 2020-01-09
No way. They're all clearly white.
https://twitter.com/FionaBodyPosAus
https://twitter.com/LindaBaconHAES
https://twitter.com/FionaWiller
https://twitter.com/MarciRD
https://twitter.com/judyanneswift
https://twitter.com/fyeahmfabello
https://twitter.com/Nadiac322
https://twitter.com/takeonEDs
https://twitter.com/Lucy_WellNow
https://twitter.com/LoriG
https://twitter.com/heatherdcRD
https://twitter.com/andrealala89
https://twitter.com/LauraCollinsLM
https://twitter.com/JessSprengleLPC
1 DontAshOnTheDog 2020-01-09
It’s always fun to go down the r/gangstalking rabbit hole. I want those schizos to keep documenting their hilarious delusions. Echo chambers can be very interesting if you don’t subscribe (mentally) to them.
1 wm20123 2020-01-09
When I browse /r/Drama I want to see hypocrites suffering ironic punishments, not the ill failing to be treated. I don't find gangastalking fun for that reason, there's no moral agency and that makes it more difficult to feel smug.
1 DontAshOnTheDog 2020-01-09
You don’t have to feel smug, just enjoy the wonders of the internet. You ain’t gonna see this kinda shit irl
1 wm20123 2020-01-09
Its all we see in life. Especially if you've ever been to San Francisco.
1 DontAshOnTheDog 2020-01-09
I’ve been there a few times. The thing about SF is that you can score enough drugs on the first day that you can completely ignore how shit everything is.
30mg morphine tablets make even pier 39 smell like roses
1 wm20123 2020-01-09
Imagine not being straight edge in 2019
1 SaveUsUncleTed 2020-01-09
The police should take these """peoples""" internet access, not just their guns when they send them to the loony bin. change my view.
1 wm20123 2020-01-09
Big surprise, a drama user suggesting infringement.
1 SnapshillBot 2020-01-09
Damn, you know what?
You caught me. You flat-out caught me. It's time to come clean.
Let me tell you a little bit about how I go through my day, which is also how literally every other moderator goes through theirs.
I wake up in my dingy, unwashed bed (which is covered with suspicious stains), then immediately scream for my mother to come downstairs and tell me that I’m a special boy. Once I feel sufficiently better than everyone else, I log in to Reddit, where I go through all of the top-secret communiques that I receive from whichever political party you personally dislike. Having accepted my marching orders, I motivate myself by going to town on my own backside with an anime-style figurine; a doll which looks vaguely like the world leader you most abhor. Then it’s time to get to work.
Pushing a narrative which irritates you – yes, specifically you – is obviously my first priority… but if a totalitarian regime which controls another country, religious group, or corporation has sent me enough money, I take whatever steps I can to promote or censor anything that’s even tangentially related to what they’ve highlighted for me. If the entity in question also happens to have a very small minority stake in Reddit (or if one of the site’s executives has rumored ties to their organization), then I make sure to publicly fellate them whilst simultaneously denying their influence. The more sucking that I do, the more cash I receive!
Mind you, I don’t actually spend any of that loot, because moving out of my parents’ basement would mean that I wouldn’t get that crack-of-noon ego-stroking anymore. No, rather than using those ill-gotten gains to improve my lot in life, I sculpt them into life-size (and anatomically correct) sculptures – using copious amounts of my own neck-sweat as glue – of the various public figures whose actions or perspectives anger you.
Anyway, once I’ve made certain that my corrupt overlords are pleased, I start looking for ways that I can ruin individual users’ days. Randomly removing posts (and then pretending that they were in violation of some invisible rules) is the only way that I can become aroused, after all, and I need to stand at my full, massive two inches if I’m going to be able to reach myself past all of my stomach fat. Having come to attention, I put on my self-pleasure hat – which is a trilby, of course – and start banning people who disagree with my opinions.
Those opinions having been carefully structured to go against yours, of course.
It’s time for a break by that point, so I spend an hour or three lecturing my waifu body-pillow about a given social trend that makes people (again, specifically you) upset. She’ll usually offer some kind of counterargument, which means that I need to throw an impotent tantrum. Whenever that happens, my only solace comes by way of somehow abusing my awesome Internet powers, typically while gorging myself on junk food, soda, and heaping handfuls of straight-up lard. Don’t ask me how that abuse actually manifests, though, because I’ll silence all of the remarkably insightful questions that you send my way. The thing is, I’ve never heard any of them before... and since my hidden masters haven’t told me how to respond, my only option is to screech at my computer monitor as I wildly flail around.
Those eight seconds of exertion tend to bring me pretty close to unconsciousness, so I have to completely ignore the communities that I govern for a while, thereby allowing a multitude of posts and comments to go through unchecked. Fortunately, they’re only ever submissions which you (once more, specifically you) find distasteful, so it still counts as a victory. At the same time, though, if you try to submit anything – especially if it’s entirely adherent to those invisible rules that I mentioned earlier – I’ll wheeze my way back into a semi-upright position for just long enough to mete out another completely unwarranted ban.
Finally, once all of that is done, I kill myself, frequently by dying in a fire. Getting the suggestion to do so dozens (or even hundreds) of times a day just proves to be too much for my utterly unfathomable intellect to handle, so I eventually succumb to the sweet embrace of death.
Besides, it’s the only way that I can get to sleep at night.
TL;DR: You don’t need to read this, because you’ve already decided that you know it all.
Snapshots:
I am just a simple bot, *not** a moderator of this subreddit* | bot subreddit | contact the maintainers
1 CommissarCletus 2020-01-09
Imagine signing up for door dash thinking you could make extra money easily, only to receive a 300$ ticket because some fatass couldn’t move down the stairs or take the elevator to pick up his mobile Cracker Barrel order.
1 AugustinesBitchBoy 2020-01-09
Either being fat is a disability or perfectly healthy, you can't have it both ways.
1 LyrMeThatBifrost 2020-01-09
OP did you drop a “my 600 pound life” reference in your /r/drama thread?
1 TayloTayloBookito 2020-01-09
The fact that this asshole isn’t getting absolutely ratioed is a fucking shame.
1 ShitTornadoToOz 2020-01-09
Twitter makes me wish Iran would hurry up and develop nukes and just put the west out of it's misery.
1 Spysix 2020-01-09
Why didn't she use her "black girl magic" to work for her?
1 mrmarfanman 2020-01-09
GO ON A DIET YOU FAT BITCH
1 TerribleFateTerrible 2020-01-09
I live in a decent area and this door dash driver is 10x more polite & fluent in english than any I've ever had.
I can't believe it throws in a "you should be fine". What an insanely pampered nasty fat cunt to expect basic near min wage deliverers to run extra services for the disabled.
1 ulo3424 2020-01-09
I dont think we can call nattys disabled when they're just retarded.
1 BernieMadeoffSanders 2020-01-09
Don't forget lazy.
1 throwawaygirlsquad 2020-01-09
Fucking use your scooter
1 transgirltradwife 2020-01-09
Woke culture hates the poor, what else is new.
1 Chapose 2020-01-09
Yeah, I cant imagine with that profile pic of a fatass foid scooting around
1 Pepe_von_Habsburg 2020-01-09
You can easily tell her disability is being female
1 [deleted] 2020-01-09
[removed]
1 SamManilla 2020-01-09
About the only profession more disrespected than food service is food delivery. I don't believe in a physical hell, but if I'm wrong, it definitely involves delivering pizza in Detroit.
1 -M-o-X- 2020-01-09
Why would this response be disappointing at all that they want this fat bitch's contact information? What are they supposed to do? Literal magic?
1 Tzar-Romulus 2020-01-09
Kinda disappointing these soulless corporate fags are humoring the fat cow.
1 THEDUBSGUY 2020-01-09
Is this Lizzo's account?
1 istural 2020-01-09
I genuinely don’t understand how people fall for and defend these grifters? It’s clear she’s just using her “disability” for attention and special treatment,
1 Al_Simmons 2020-01-09
Just đź‘Ź deliver đź‘Ź the đź‘Ź damn đź‘Ź borgars
1 icomeforthereaper 2020-01-09
Inshallah.