I've been sitting on this pasta for weeks, and now I get to post it twice in a few days!
"My Pit Bull Somehow Got Out"
Leashes, collars, kennels, crates, Electric neckband, towering gates, Commands of owners, whistles, bells, Clickers, harness', bolts from hell.
Muzzles, latches, locks and keys, Anchor chains on oakwood trees, Thorny hedge and fences stout, But UP goes the cry "the pit's got out!"
OUT he goes and none knows WHY, Through windows, doors and balcony high, OUT he goes on his lawless way, Romping, roaming, Pittle-Pittle play.
Snacking on cats and fat on fun, He dodges the cure of knife and gun, Romping and chomping and kicking up Hell, The cop cars roaring on siren and bell.
"BOOM" barks the gun, and into the dust, Falls our happy killer and his wander-lust, No matter his victims, no matter those cats, No matter the wee dogs used as his snacks, No matter the schoolchild torn in the face, No matter the jogger with knee-caps displaced, No matter the old man dragged to the ground, No matter the small girl whose scalp can't be found... NOTHING'S as loud or as long as that shout,
"I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT, MY PIT BULL SOMEHOW GOT OUT!!!"
I'm pro-pitt, but these two were appearantly so psychotic that they needed to be crated all the time or they'd attack each other and they already put someone in the hospital. I'd recommend machinegunning the pair of them, because at this point, that's not a dog. It's a a meat grinder with teeth.
I can only confidently guarantee that the prostitute you end up making tender love to (lol) will shower longer than she usually does after your 5 shameful minutes of disappointing her
"’ve known more golden retrievers to be aggressive than ‘pit bulls’ in my life. I knew one that killed dogs and cats. 30 breeds are misidentified as ‘pit bull’ and lumped together statistically."
Ah yes the aggressive breed known as the golden retriever.
What's even funnier is that these two were known to be psychotic. They'd already hospitalized someone and regularly tried to kill him. This is the sort of man who invites Syrian refugees into his home, and is then shocked when they try to behead him. If the dogs didn't kill him, he'd have probably moved up to increasingly more dangerous animals like bears and tigers until something finally won him the Darwin Award.
"Why are you so concerned about male rapists? I've known more women to be rapists than any man I ever met. I knew one that raped everybody! It was sorta her thing."
You americans can learn from this and introduce pibble loicences that come with a complimentary "heckin sleepy boi" heavy crossbow for when the kisses get a little too rough
"Omnipresent Nazareth man found mauled by recently adopted pitbull, powerful Father threatens locusts if justice is not done, says it feels like a part of Himself has died."
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37 comments
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5 SaveUsUncleTed 2020-02-07
I've been sitting on this pasta for weeks, and now I get to post it twice in a few days!
"My Pit Bull Somehow Got Out"
Leashes, collars, kennels, crates, Electric neckband, towering gates, Commands of owners, whistles, bells, Clickers, harness', bolts from hell.
Muzzles, latches, locks and keys, Anchor chains on oakwood trees, Thorny hedge and fences stout, But UP goes the cry "the pit's got out!"
OUT he goes and none knows WHY, Through windows, doors and balcony high, OUT he goes on his lawless way, Romping, roaming, Pittle-Pittle play.
Snacking on cats and fat on fun, He dodges the cure of knife and gun, Romping and chomping and kicking up Hell, The cop cars roaring on siren and bell.
"BOOM" barks the gun, and into the dust, Falls our happy killer and his wander-lust, No matter his victims, no matter those cats, No matter the wee dogs used as his snacks, No matter the schoolchild torn in the face, No matter the jogger with knee-caps displaced, No matter the old man dragged to the ground, No matter the small girl whose scalp can't be found... NOTHING'S as loud or as long as that shout,
"I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT, MY PIT BULL SOMEHOW GOT OUT!!!"
2 911roofer 2020-02-07
I'm pro-pitt, but these two were appearantly so psychotic that they needed to be crated all the time or they'd attack each other and they already put someone in the hospital. I'd recommend machinegunning the pair of them, because at this point, that's not a dog. It's a a meat grinder with teeth.
4 FrostyBlowmanSnowman 2020-02-07
You mean a nanny breed?
1 SnapshillBot 2020-02-07
I can only confidently guarantee that the prostitute you end up making tender love to (lol) will shower longer than she usually does after your 5 shameful minutes of disappointing her
Snapshots:
I am just a simple bot, *not** a moderator of this subreddit* | bot subreddit | contact the maintainers
1 Breed_of_Peace 2020-02-07
1 Armadildo_ 2020-02-07
Now if only the_reason_pete_wins could learn to blank post just like you.
1 PappyPutin 2020-02-07
It makes me sad to know he'll be gone after the election
No homocracy for us ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
1 Babybear_Dramabear 2020-02-07
Pete's got too much of a shot for it to be ironic, but too long of a shot for it to be a good bet.
Catch 22
1 Armadildo_ 2020-02-07
Can you imagine the cope if a faggot gets elected tho? The rightoid reeeeeing would be heard on the Moon.
1 TouchFIuffyTaiI 2020-02-07
Pete won't happen. If he makes it to the general, he'll get a negative percentage of black votes.
1 Babybear_Dramabear 2020-02-07
Blacks can vote?
1 boyoyoyoyong 2020-02-07
"’ve known more golden retrievers to be aggressive than ‘pit bulls’ in my life. I knew one that killed dogs and cats. 30 breeds are misidentified as ‘pit bull’ and lumped together statistically."
Ah yes the aggressive breed known as the golden retriever.
3 911roofer 2020-02-07
What's even funnier is that these two were known to be psychotic. They'd already hospitalized someone and regularly tried to kill him. This is the sort of man who invites Syrian refugees into his home, and is then shocked when they try to behead him. If the dogs didn't kill him, he'd have probably moved up to increasingly more dangerous animals like bears and tigers until something finally won him the Darwin Award.
1 TaysSecondGussy 2020-02-07
No, they usually don’t. But the goal is convincing you that it is plausible.
1 CeetheAndSope 2020-02-07
It's amazing how this number keeps growing. I could have sworn it was four breeds just a few weeks ago.
3 Mysogenes 2020-02-07
six million breeds lumped together under the "pit bull" umbrella
1 ClementineChime 2020-02-07
Yes
1 boyoyoyoyong 2020-02-07
It was a rhetorical question
1 Platycel 2020-02-07
No one cares retard
1 Babybear_Dramabear 2020-02-07
We should flip it on foids.
"Why are you so concerned about male rapists? I've known more women to be rapists than any man I ever met. I knew one that raped everybody! It was sorta her thing."
1 DidntAsked 2020-02-07
Events like this make me understand why europoors call us burgercels a third world country sometimes
1 boyoyoyoyong 2020-02-07
Do they not have Nanny dogs there?
1 DidntAsked 2020-02-07
The breed of peace was banned there a while ago https://www.gov.uk/control-dog-public/banned-dogs&ved=2ahUKEwj5u4yr6r_nAhWQB80KHeiyDlIQFjAOegQIAxAB&usg=AOvVaw2f6BYb8JQZdfPo88MQ50Cw . Also the fact it looks to have happened in a low income public housing unit and the fact a crossbow was used just kinda ices the cake
1 KaaraRaven 2020-02-07
A pibble license actually sounds pretty reasonable.
1 DidntAsked 2020-02-07
POC only may apply
1 WarSanchez 2020-02-07
The pitbulls of the human race
1 forseti911 2020-02-07
Based Bong Loicenses saving the day
1 Suns0ut 2020-02-07
You americans can learn from this and introduce pibble loicences that come with a complimentary "heckin sleepy boi" heavy crossbow for when the kisses get a little too rough
1 TouchFIuffyTaiI 2020-02-07
Based, let's introduce breeding licenses for other similarly aggressive populations.
1 Manchu_Fist 2020-02-07
Aren't staffordshire terriers still legal?
1 TrailerParkRide 2020-02-07
I'm kind of surprised it happened in Massachusetts. If I had to bet I would have guessed Memphis outskirts.
1 Msmit71 2020-02-07
Bongs actually kinda based for once?
1 pepperouchau 2020-02-07
Ok zombieshitter
1 Frostfright 2020-02-07
Thread got y'alled
1 mechakingghidorah 2020-02-07
Jannies need y’all power revoked.
1 Metatron58 2020-02-07
CLEAN IT UP JANNIE
wait this is actually news wtf...