Sorry for the novel. But I'm so frustrated. Apologize in advance if I repeated myself a bunch.

I am a mom to a son age 5 and his dad and I have been winging it co-parenting since our son was 1 when we split. He has been a difficult co parent the whole time. He got married last year, and has been with her since immediately after we broke up. I am a stay at home mom and have a significant other of 3 years and he is the financial provider for our home. My significant other and I have a daughter together as well.

So monthss back I got lawyer to get a parenting plan rolling. He then got a lawyer as well. Our lawyers have been communicating for us about custody schedule to avoid a court hearing, but no agreement from either party. If we can't agree then court will be in late August. About 2 months ago courts made us enter an interim plan (a parenting plan in place while we wait for a hearing) We then agreed to the exact residential schedule we have been doing. K no prob.

Son has some minor behavioral issues that are likelyy due to anxiety and possible ADHD we have learned. But we decided to get him a counselor back in February to see if it's beneficial. His dad and I then started looking around for a counselor and he found one set an appointment without discussing it with me, even though I communicated I was waiting for a call back from the highest rated family counseling place in town, Then his dad went to the initial appt without telling me, the appointments were all schedule during baby dad's parenting time. Mindd you my son's medical (medicaid) is under me. But I had given him the policy number at some point so he used that info. Second appt comes and he informed me about it and I went, of course. Step mom there as well. The counselor happened to be my son's dad's old counselor for years when he was young. The first appt she was showing clear bias towards my son's dad but I figured this was for my sons mental health so I ignored it. At the beginning of my first appt present the counselor completely broke HIIPA laws of patient confidentiality by talking to sons dad, step mom and I about past patients of hers, (who are son's dad's mother, and two of his aunt's) saying she used to see them and talking about their mental health issues they used to have etc. I was shocked and concerned right then but continued the appointment where counselor asked our concerns about son. Then step mom and I had what I thought was a good chat about past stuff and moving forward (baby dad and son left the room for this) Anyways then counselor asked about custody arrangements and we mentioned we couldn't agree and had lawyers and planned on having a hearing soon , then the counselor, my son's dad and step mom kept pushing for me to get rid of my lawyer and not do court and just agree on 50/50 etc etc. I immediately said I wasn't comfortable talking about this at all and counselor kept saying stuff and then would bring it up and try to talk about it with us for multiple appointments. I eventually did a little bit but kept it short. There were several things about this counselor that made me uncomfortable. She was unprofessional and we spent the WHOLE next appt after that with the counselor making random small talk about random stuff including her friends kid, her opinion on vaccines, and a bunch of random stuff not pertaining to anything relevant to us or my son. Anyways after 4th or so appointment son saw her without parents present 2/3 times, then the covid stuff happened so he didn't see her for a few weeks ish until they resumed via video chat sessions THREE appts before telling me. Once I found that out I immediately got involved in those. But then it was mostly just the counselor, step mom w/ my son, and me. Son's dad was working during this time. Counseling started being less about son and more like counseling for step mom and I. And son's dad a little. Not what I signed up for but I thought it could benefit us a little so I kept doing it. I actually almost liked doing it for awhile, thinking it was helping step mom and i's relationship... But no step mom started being very mean, accusatory and taking charge of the whole sessions even when my son's dad was in the calls every so often. One time I swear my son's dad said two sentences the whole hour while step mom also talked over me and talked way more than my son's dad and I. But Ive kept being involved because I'm trying to do what's best for my son, even if it isnt making me happy to do the sessions and I wasn't feeling like it was beneficial to son I kept trying to see if it might. Counselor was still showing signs of bias towards them. Son's dad and step mom are very eloquent when speaking and super manipulative. I'm not either of those things so I probably ended up looking inarticulate or like an inferior parent. At least my anxiety feels that way. I'm sure the counselor thought that though as well. During appts step mom would frequently say things like "____ said ___ ____ ___" regarding something negative son said about me or whatever during my days with him. 99.9% of the time it was a completely untrue statement and I would obviously shut it down and assure them it wasn't accurate. But they (mostly step mom) did this all the time with tons of different things. Idk if my son actually said these things or if they were just being manipulative to build a case against me or trying to make me look bad. Sometimes my son said things to me or people that were just made up, completely inaccurate, or even just lied. In the past there was some things I brought up to sons dad but usually I just shut them down when son said them, considering he just turned 5 and young children say untrue things sometimes. Some example of things brought up in the sessions that step mom has said my son supposedly said that would be concerning and that are obviously not true... That I sleep all day and he's alone, he takes care of his sister (sibling with my current boyfriend), that his sister is in her crib all day (she's never been in her crib lol), that i don't play with him, he stays at his grandparents all the time, when we visit grandparents I always take a nap and he hangs out with them. Stuff like that, I personally don't think he said all those things because they are very much not true and lately he only occasionally said/says things to me about his dad and step mom or his time there, usually it was stuff I knew were simply untrue or just silly, but if I had any concern or question I would mention it. (If son really did say those things about me to them I do understand as a parent why they would bring them up or be somewhat concerned) but they have no faith in me or any trust. Even though they are awful I still have a little bit of faith and trust in them. So it's just sad they think I'm so awful. Things son would say were just a twisted version of reality or just my son's truth, like the comment about he takes care of his sister, because he's a big brother he LIKES to help "take care" of her by handing her bottle or bringing her a blanket etc. And I'd say things to him like awh you're such a good brother taking care of your sister. Or talking about me "napping" all the time, he's probably talking about everyday when I handle his sissy's nap time WHILE my daughters dad is home and hanging with my son, id lay down with my daughter and pretend i was asleep so she would fall asleep and son would whine about it sometimes (jealousy I presume), or me napping while we go to his grandparents cuz I've done it a couple times for a short time, which does not make me a bad parent. so when they said son said something about me I would always explain my thoughts as to why he would say what they said he said and assure them of the reality and that it wasn't true. And sometimes if son was present while they said he said something id ask him why he would say something untrue and tell him lying wasn't nice or good. Sometimes when I did that son wouldn't admit he was lying and get upset that I said that never happened. But a few times he did admit he lied. Me being chill and not mentioning during the sessions the times son has said untrue things or silly stuff about his dad or step mom to me has ended up biting me in the butt, because step mom and occasionally son's dad, would bring up every little thing son supposedly said and would always do it during the sessions therefore, making me look bad. I don't claim to be anywhere near a perfect parent but I know I am a good one. Son's dad and step mom think they are better than me in every way Every session we would talk about how our time with son had went, how his behavior was, what we did our days with him etc. I had been saying for a few appts that son was being better, tantrums were less and he had been pretty well behaved for me etc, step mom those times was saying son's behavior wasnt better at all and sometimes was worse even. During a session with son's dad there as well step mom said his bad behavior etc was clearly an indication he wasn't getting enough attention etc and saying I wasn't giving him enough attention or spending enough time doing things with him and the counselor agreed with her that his behavior indicated lack of attention and then talked about things I should be doing blah blah (all directed towards only me and not step mom and/or son's dad) all while I had just been telling them he's been good and what good things I'd been doing with son etc etc. So I finally stuck up for myself this time and said well yall just said his bad behavior indicates lack of attention and I've been saying how he's been better during my time and yall are saying the opposite, so if anyone's not doing enough with or for him maybe it's yall cuz he's been better/ pretty good for me. Counselor immediately shut it down by saying okayyy now let's regroup blah blah and then neither step mom, son's dad or counselor touched on the comment I had just made about step mom very obviously contradicting herself. Basically every session was accusatory towards me and my parenting and that I was the source of his issues. Eye roll.... I'll take any suggestion or tip with grace because I want the best for my son. But when I'm already doing what you're saying it's very frustrating to be told by them I'm not doing it. My family and friends kept telling me son should not see this counselor because the bias and I did it anyways because if I didn't I would look uninvolved and like I didn't care about my son's issues, and they would just continue seeing her anyways without me so I thought better to be apart of it and know what they are doing with son and try to help him. But no....
Got a message from my lawyer earlier stating son's dad is using the counselor as an "expert witness" during court. The email to my lawyer stated counselor thinks son's symptoms are better managed in dad's home due structure and consistency. And she believes in my home son exhibits more anxiety and adhd which is less structured and consistent. And that she recommends this fall when son starts kindergarten that son reside with his dad during the week days so he can have the opportunity to be successful in school.... Unbelievable. Step mom and counselor literally contradicted themselves bad by saying what they said above... How could that be her professional opinion when he is improving in my home and not theirs?! I am shocked and so upset.

So again... i'm wondering

In our interim parenting plan it states "non emergency medical and dental work must be approved by both parties before proceeding, including but not limited to routine medical checkups and procedures, included but not limited to, physicals, well child check ups, immunizations, dental checks, teeth cleaning etc." Not exactly sure what that translates too or has wiggle room for, but to me it sounds like if I don't approve of the counselor that they can't proceed with seeing her? Appt with my lawyer Monday and will ask that question obviously. Jw what y'all think.

1. Son's medical (medicaid) is under me, can I put a stop to our insurance paying for this quack of a counselor??

2. Can custody court really use counselor as an expert witness when the counselor was my son's dad's old counselor for years? Also if you didn't know expert witnesses get paid (and paid pretty well) to testify for a party in court.. making it even more f**cked.