I fartblasted a girl while getting head, help please (🍑💨🙅)

1  2021-05-03 by trailerparkmalarkey

I hate to admit this but I can’t help but feel my Xanax use is starting to take its toll on my life. I feel like I’m becoming an arrogant prick who thinks my actions are hilarious in the moment.

I was hanging out with a girl yesterday and we were both drinking. Little did she know I was also on a bar.

As she proceeded to suck my cock, I thought it would be hilarious to wait for her to take a breath. I then thrusted my hips upwards and shot an absolutely disgusting, heinous, and toxic gasious entity straight in her face.

The worst part about it was I shit earlier that day and my anus most certainly had leftover fecal matter in/around it.

The look on her face was priceless. Like she had discovered a dead body.

Im ashamed to say I wasn’t even upset she stopped sucking because the whole situation was worth it to me at the time. Well now the day after I feel ashamed.

It’s like I’m a totally different person on Xanax. Anyways just had to rant

This isn't drama, but it is dramatic. This is a PSA to suggest that you subscribe to the place I got this post from to read comically degenerate stories from Reddit's thriving bartard community. These people are probably slated for removal before the dumb ipo so go read their testimonies now while you still can.

Here are some other choice headlines from the front page of the best worst sub on reddit:

Scoring Crack Barred TF Out

Shitting on my Carpet

Blacked out and got fucked in the ass

There is also the grand saga of the guy who posted his plans to get high and rob his plug. Check it out before the badmins yeet it 🍑💨🙅

9 comments

47  EarlCampbellsMeat 2021-05-03

Jordan peterson is a freak 😳

9  __TIE_Guy 2021-05-03

That's where Mikhaila gets it from.

25  Iowa_Hawkeye 2021-05-03

We need to ban Narcan and Romazicon.

22  thenortheastface 2021-05-03

Lmfaoooo omg I’m a girl and I’m dying but dude karma is going to get you back your going to be hitting some chick in the b hole and your going to get explosive diarrhead on . 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Absolutely, or it will be 69 and get a deuce dropped on his face. Or a tampon maybe. Would just be hilarious if she popped up and pinned his head down there and blasted him with a period fart. 😆

Girls talk about this shit to each other, you just went to war with any female friend she has. Be aware.

Offense is a great defense though, try to gas em all before they get you

Classy.

13  red1dragon588 2021-05-03

Locker room talk

21  texanresurrection44 2021-05-03

I don’t think it’s the xans, you’re just a disgusting man. Still having shit on yourself and letting her give you head? Lmao go OD

That entire comment section is like WSHH

8  __TIE_Guy 2021-05-03

Goldmine. Thank you OP

7  SnapshillBot 2021-05-03

How does it feel to be a filthy bedouin who belongs to a lineage and culture which has never actually accomplished anything for itself? The only remarkable traits of your people are that they sit atop oil which white people pay you for and that you are dishonest and relatively dim witted. If western leaders weren't a bunch of jew addled traitors they would have wiped your people off the face of the earth and simply taken your oil rather than paid your retarded royalty a single cent.

Now we have a scenario in which a bunch of dune coons run around playing 21st century warlord with weaponry their stupid people couldn't possibly invent and shitting up life on earth for everybody. We never should have sold you so much as a Lamborghini let alone a fucking autocannon. Handing you sand niggers modern weaponry is like handing a small child a hand grenade.

If your people were worth their weight in salt they would turn their own lands into a place fit for human beings. Since they aren't able to, they flee to our lands and proceed to breed like rats while feeding their children with fraudulently earned income and welfare paid for by white people. You and your ilk will eventually outnumber us in our homes and our lands will become as shitty and useless as your lands. Cograts, you'll achieve dar es salaam but you won't have running water or a functioning power grid. You played yourself.

Shameful behavior from a deceitful desert tribe. Yet you feel pride. So strange.

Begone, rat.

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4  __TIE_Guy 2021-05-03

This is known as a blumpkin