Unironically, the absolute state of commie n33ts that have infested the Internet over the past few years, and the boldness with which they believe themselves virtuous and moral for being terminally online shut-ins, and not just ask for, but demand bennies from us productive members of society, has made me turn almost 180° on social welfare. From "everyone should at least be able to live" to "he who does not work shall not eat".
Which ironically makes me a better commie than them as well.
I started forming said belief when people I believed only existed on internet began to affect my irl life. That’s my bad for living in a big liberal city I guess.
This is bullshit cause I recently went to Austin (and 6th street) for a bachelor party. It’s one of the most stereotypical “libcuck” cities I’ve ever been in, and I live in a blue state and go out and drink in a city with a huge LGBT population.
Shut the fuck up dude. God I hate Twitter and these self righteous fuckers. Take the Tedpill
Talking about twinks and Austin... No stickies from MasterLawlz this weekend ...I hope he is really busy with his janitorial work, otherwise thoughts and prayers like they say 🙏
Psychic style powers are some of the easiest grifts to debunk, it's just sad. We need to give these people a choice of prison or hospitalization. It's the only way to help them.
You caught me. You flat-out caught me. It's time to come clean.
Let me tell you a little bit about how I go through my day, which is also how literally every other moderator goes through theirs.
I wake up in my dingy, unwashed bed (which is covered with suspicious stains), then immediately scream for my mother to come downstairs and tell me that I’m a special boy. Once I feel sufficiently better than everyone else, I log in to Reddit, where I go through all of the top-secret communiques that I receive from whichever political party you personally dislike. Having accepted my marching orders, I motivate myself by going to town on my own backside with an anime-style figurine; a doll which looks vaguely like the world leader you most abhor. Then it’s time to get to work.
Pushing a narrative which irritates you – yes, specifically you – is obviously my first priority… but if a totalitarian regime which controls another country, religious group, or corporation has sent me enough money, I take whatever steps I can to promote or censor anything that’s even tangentially related to what they’ve highlighted for me. If the entity in question also happens to have a very small minority stake in Reddit (or if one of the site’s executives has rumored ties to their organization), then I make sure to publicly fellate them whilst simultaneously denying their influence. The more sucking that I do, the more cash I receive!
Mind you, I don’t actually spend any of that loot, because moving out of my parents’ basement would mean that I wouldn’t get that crack-of-noon ego-stroking anymore. No, rather than using those ill-gotten gains to improve my lot in life, I sculpt them into life-size (and anatomically correct) sculptures – using copious amounts of my own neck-sweat as glue – of the various public figures whose actions or perspectives anger you.
Anyway, once I’ve made certain that my corrupt overlords are pleased, I start looking for ways that I can ruin individual users’ days. Randomly removing posts (and then pretending that they were in violation of some invisible rules) is the only way that I can become aroused, after all, and I need to stand at my full, massive two inches if I’m going to be able to reach myself past all of my stomach fat. Having come to attention, I put on my self-pleasure hat – which is a trilby, of course – and start banning people who disagree with my opinions.
Those opinions having been carefully structured to go against yours, of course.
It’s time for a break by that point, so I spend an hour or three lecturing my waifu body-pillow about a given social trend that makes people (again, specifically you) upset. She’ll usually offer some kind of counterargument, which means that I need to throw an impotent tantrum. Whenever that happens, my only solace comes by way of somehow abusing my awesome Internet powers, typically while gorging myself on junk food, soda, and heaping handfuls of straight-up lard. Don’t ask me how that abuse actually manifests, though, because I’ll silence all of the remarkably insightful questions that you send my way. The thing is, I’ve never heard any of them before... and since my hidden masters haven’t told me how to respond, my only option is to screech at my computer monitor as I wildly flail around.
Those eight seconds of exertion tend to bring me pretty close to unconsciousness, so I have to completely ignore the communities that I govern for a while, thereby allowing a multitude of posts and comments to go through unchecked. Fortunately, they’re only ever submissions which you (once more, specifically you) find distasteful, so it still counts as a victory. At the same time, though, if you try to submit anything – especially if it’s entirely adherent to those invisible rules that I mentioned earlier – I’ll wheeze my way back into a semi-upright position for just long enough to mete out another completely unwarranted ban.
Finally, once all of that is done, I kill myself, frequently by dying in a fire. Getting the suggestion to do so dozens (or even hundreds) of times a day just proves to be too much for my utterly unfathomable intellect to handle, so I eventually succumb to the sweet embrace of death.
Besides, it’s the only way that I can get to sleep at night.
TL;DR: You don’t need to read this, because you’ve already decided that you know it all.
So is dirty sixth just hoodrat central now? I remember some of the clubs on the east side of dirty right before Red River being ghetto when I was in college, but it was still mainly tourists and UT greek life/rich St. Eds students.
You know how cockroaches and other vermin normally scatter when you shine a light on them? Somehow, with twitter (and the internet in general) they only feel emboldened.
43 comments
198 [deleted] 2021-06-12
[removed]
118 Godhand_Donovan 2021-06-12
they are not only taken seriously, they are a protected class.
You can literally be evicted from reddit for mocking WitchesVsPatriarchy
106 [deleted] 2021-06-12
[removed]
43 alt_account_umbreon 2021-06-12
They are literally just full ass adults that never grew up. At least bronies don't try to pass off their obsession as new-age science
24 UncleTedsBackup 2021-06-12
Man, I miss when bronjes were the most delusional people you'd regularly encounter on the internet. We really didn't know how good we had it.
7 raughtweiller622 2021-06-12
“You’re not a witch, you’re mentally ill and have candles”
37 pepperouchau 2021-06-12
You better boof the fourth one
27 UncleTedsBackup 2021-06-12
Unironically, the absolute state of commie n33ts that have infested the Internet over the past few years, and the boldness with which they believe themselves virtuous and moral for being terminally online shut-ins, and not just ask for, but demand bennies from us productive members of society, has made me turn almost 180° on social welfare. From "everyone should at least be able to live" to "he who does not work shall not eat".
Which ironically makes me a better commie than them as well.
Also hand over your 🍩starfish
16 HAthrowaway50 2021-06-12
I keep hearing this take that "I changed my political beliefs because of people on the internet"
i mean just walk away like turn your computer off
7 MisterBillyBobby 2021-06-12
I started forming said belief when people I believed only existed on internet began to affect my irl life. That’s my bad for living in a big liberal city I guess.
18 IraqiLobster 2021-06-12
Get to postin buddy boyo
18 LonesomeFvgitive 2021-06-12
Let’s see that starfish.
4 mischwanz 2021-06-12
Beyond based
4 Homofascism 2021-06-12
Please do post bussy king
2 noPENGSinALASKA 2021-06-12
So I met this gussy last night 🤢 but she put a fingy in my dingy soooo I’ve been hanging with her drinking all day. Still on my buzz and stay tuned 😉
3 Homofascism 2021-06-12
Sad!
9 MisterBillyBobby 2021-06-12
What ? I can't say WitchesVsPatriarchy are a bunch of retardedo cunts ?
9 zkube 2021-06-12
WvP the type of group to graduate to FemaleDatingStrategy after a third date didn't go their way
1 VeganVagiVore 2021-06-12
finally, a way out
1 [deleted] 2021-06-12
[removed]
-1 AutoModerator 2021-06-12
Linking to subreddits is not allowed.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
100 AugustinesBitchBoy 2021-06-12
Calling him a twink is an insult to twinks
76 i_h_s_o_y 2021-06-12
Sorry for getting you horny you should head to the twinks subreddit
57 AugustinesBitchBoy 2021-06-12
I'm trying to defend my own image tyvm 😌
34 Eastern_Emotion6906 2021-06-12
Why would you want to cultivate your image as the gay equivalent of a white women?
18 AugustinesBitchBoy 2021-06-12
because other f-slurs that I'm into are into that. Also my genes made me skinny and incapable of growing facial/body hair 😌😌😌
7 Big_Daymo 2021-06-12
Don't listen to the criticism you be the best skinny hairless gay you can be 🤩🤩🤩 I'm rooting for ya champ
10 NEVER_FORGET_TRAPPY 2021-06-12
Where do you think we are right now?
1 [deleted] 2021-06-12
[removed]
1 AutoModerator 2021-06-12
Linking to subreddits is not allowed.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
59 noPENGSinALASKA 2021-06-12
This is bullshit cause I recently went to Austin (and 6th street) for a bachelor party. It’s one of the most stereotypical “libcuck” cities I’ve ever been in, and I live in a blue state and go out and drink in a city with a huge LGBT population.
Shut the fuck up dude. God I hate Twitter and these self righteous fuckers. Take the Tedpill
12 JungleStirFry 2021-06-12
You went to dirty for a bachelor party? Tell me you’re without saying you’re poor.
9 LEFTOID_DESTROYER 2021-06-12
Average sixth street partier. That’s why it sucks.
46 [deleted] 2021-06-12
[removed]
13 GeminiRocket 2021-06-12
Talking about twinks and Austin... No stickies from MasterLawlz this weekend ...I hope he is really busy with his janitorial work, otherwise thoughts and prayers like they say 🙏
40 General_Insomnia 2021-06-12
Psychic style powers are some of the easiest grifts to debunk, it's just sad. We need to give these people a choice of prison or hospitalization. It's the only way to help them.
1 [deleted] 2021-06-12
[removed]
16 SnapshillBot 2021-06-12
Damn, you know what?
You caught me. You flat-out caught me. It's time to come clean.
Let me tell you a little bit about how I go through my day, which is also how literally every other moderator goes through theirs.
I wake up in my dingy, unwashed bed (which is covered with suspicious stains), then immediately scream for my mother to come downstairs and tell me that I’m a special boy. Once I feel sufficiently better than everyone else, I log in to Reddit, where I go through all of the top-secret communiques that I receive from whichever political party you personally dislike. Having accepted my marching orders, I motivate myself by going to town on my own backside with an anime-style figurine; a doll which looks vaguely like the world leader you most abhor. Then it’s time to get to work.
Pushing a narrative which irritates you – yes, specifically you – is obviously my first priority… but if a totalitarian regime which controls another country, religious group, or corporation has sent me enough money, I take whatever steps I can to promote or censor anything that’s even tangentially related to what they’ve highlighted for me. If the entity in question also happens to have a very small minority stake in Reddit (or if one of the site’s executives has rumored ties to their organization), then I make sure to publicly fellate them whilst simultaneously denying their influence. The more sucking that I do, the more cash I receive!
Mind you, I don’t actually spend any of that loot, because moving out of my parents’ basement would mean that I wouldn’t get that crack-of-noon ego-stroking anymore. No, rather than using those ill-gotten gains to improve my lot in life, I sculpt them into life-size (and anatomically correct) sculptures – using copious amounts of my own neck-sweat as glue – of the various public figures whose actions or perspectives anger you.
Anyway, once I’ve made certain that my corrupt overlords are pleased, I start looking for ways that I can ruin individual users’ days. Randomly removing posts (and then pretending that they were in violation of some invisible rules) is the only way that I can become aroused, after all, and I need to stand at my full, massive two inches if I’m going to be able to reach myself past all of my stomach fat. Having come to attention, I put on my self-pleasure hat – which is a trilby, of course – and start banning people who disagree with my opinions.
Those opinions having been carefully structured to go against yours, of course.
It’s time for a break by that point, so I spend an hour or three lecturing my waifu body-pillow about a given social trend that makes people (again, specifically you) upset. She’ll usually offer some kind of counterargument, which means that I need to throw an impotent tantrum. Whenever that happens, my only solace comes by way of somehow abusing my awesome Internet powers, typically while gorging myself on junk food, soda, and heaping handfuls of straight-up lard. Don’t ask me how that abuse actually manifests, though, because I’ll silence all of the remarkably insightful questions that you send my way. The thing is, I’ve never heard any of them before... and since my hidden masters haven’t told me how to respond, my only option is to screech at my computer monitor as I wildly flail around.
Those eight seconds of exertion tend to bring me pretty close to unconsciousness, so I have to completely ignore the communities that I govern for a while, thereby allowing a multitude of posts and comments to go through unchecked. Fortunately, they’re only ever submissions which you (once more, specifically you) find distasteful, so it still counts as a victory. At the same time, though, if you try to submit anything – especially if it’s entirely adherent to those invisible rules that I mentioned earlier – I’ll wheeze my way back into a semi-upright position for just long enough to mete out another completely unwarranted ban.
Finally, once all of that is done, I kill myself, frequently by dying in a fire. Getting the suggestion to do so dozens (or even hundreds) of times a day just proves to be too much for my utterly unfathomable intellect to handle, so I eventually succumb to the sweet embrace of death.
Besides, it’s the only way that I can get to sleep at night.
TL;DR: You don’t need to read this, because you’ve already decided that you know it all.
Snapshots:
I am just a simple bot, *not** a moderator of this subreddit* | bot subreddit | contact the maintainers
16 ArachnoLibrarian 2021-06-12
heh
7 xX69Sixty-Nine69Xx 2021-06-12
So is dirty sixth just hoodrat central now? I remember some of the clubs on the east side of dirty right before Red River being ghetto when I was in college, but it was still mainly tourists and UT greek life/rich St. Eds students.
5 HauteProperty 2021-06-12
"Otter with brown eyes causes mass shooting."
5 UncleTedsBackup 2021-06-12
You know how cockroaches and other vermin normally scatter when you shine a light on them? Somehow, with twitter (and the internet in general) they only feel emboldened.
1 [deleted] 2021-06-12
[removed]