need araragi bf (or gf???) so fricking bad bros its actually unreal

There's this one story he tells where someone proudly presents that he beat up an elementary school student and the kid had no chance at all against the person, even though he was in high school or something. The point, of course, is that Araragi himself is the person in the story. I've often told the story with myself as the main protagonist and foids find it amusing. Naturally I'm too old nowadays to tell it, but if you tweak the specifics a little, it could work well as an icebreaker.