Literally this though.
On the left side of my bathroom cupboard I have beard oil, scissors, brush.
On the right side I have safety razor, badger-hair brush and lime-scented shaving soap.
I CAN'T USE THEM BOTH AT ONCE.
Moids what do you do? Is this why some of you have goatees and shit?
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You are a real Carp. You have no fins, you have no gils, you have no eggs, but that doesn't matter. You are a valid drama user who is trying to feel comfortable in his body.
All the “validation” you get is pure. Behind your back people love you. Your parents are happy and proud of you, your friends laugh at your jokes behind closed doors, and boys love you, and girls envy you.
Men absolutely love you. Fish folk who “pass” look ordinary and natural to a dramanauts. Your bone structure does not matter.
You will be happy. You will smile every single morning and tell yourself it's going to be ok, and deep inside you feel the euphoria creeping up like a weed. It is what defines you, not the Carpphobes.
Eventually, it'll be perfect for you - you'll come out, start gill therapy, get fin surgery, and finally be your ideal self. Your parents will find you, happy and relieved that they finally have a happy fish. They'll congratulate you on your hard journey, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a Carp is what you are.
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