Dear How to Do It,

My wife (34F) and I (37F) have been together for four years. Within the first six months, we nearly split up because she showed so little interest in flirting and s*x, I was almost positive she was asexual (which is fine, but we wouldn't be compatible). She insisted she was just inexperienced (I was her first serious relationship) and shy but that she was interested in s*x in general, attracted to me specifically, and wanted to learn and gain confidence rather than be with someone else whose drive more closely matched hers.

We now have a compromise to have s*x on Sundays. My wife never initiates physically. She acknowledges verbally on Friday that “date night” is coming and we're going to have s*x. Sunday evening, she'll say something like, “After this movie do you want to have grown-up time?” Then she'll go to the bedroom, undress, and wait in bed for me to physically initiate, which, even now, is an awkward process where for the first five to 10 minutes it seems like she's disinterested. She insists it just takes her a while to get into it. I believe her because once she does get into it, it's adventurous, intimate, and fun, and we both usually get off.

I've explained countless times that I don't need to have s*x more often, but I do crave more sexual interactions and feeling desired. If I try to kiss her passionately, touch her flirtatiously, place her hand inside my shirt, she'll stiffen up and stand there awkwardly. She says she can't switch her brain to sexy stuff on command. If I say something flirtatious, she immediately changes the subject or is silent until I change it, both in person and over text. She says she doesn't know how to respond. I suggested she try responding to texts with an emoji and I would take that as a positive, flirtatious response but a sign that she wasn't interested in carrying it further. She said she could do that but she didn't, so I quit trying.

Recently on a date night, I tried playing sensually with her fingers in the car and putting her arm around my waist while we were window shopping. She was cold to all my attempts, so by the time she suggested s*x, I felt so rejected I couldn't bring myself to want to do it. It felt like she'd been turning me down all evening, which made her offer seem like pity or duty. Most of the time I just fight my natural urge to speak or act flirtatiously because I know her reaction will be disappointing. But once in a blue moon, she responds positively, and it's something I crave so strongly so I don't want to just give up entirely. She says I'm meeting all her needs in this relationship, and she's pretty comfortable asking for things, so I tend to believe her. I make a huge effort to ensure we have as much non-sexual contact as possible because it's important to her, and I very much don't want her to feel like I'm only interested in touching her for sexual reasons. But I desperately want to feel like she is interested in touching me, at least sometimes. Do you have any suggestions for what I could say to make her understand? Things she might try, to get more comfortable flirting? Or maybe things I can do to numb the feeling of rejection and unmet needs?

—Left Hanging

TLDR: Women and society did not tell men to be nice guys. These guys hear what they wanted to hear and came to their own bad conclusions. These guys WANTED to believe being nice would get them laid, even when NO ONE told them that was the case.

First of all, you're not nice if you expect a reward for it, so automatically guys ranting “Nice Guys Finish” are buttholes. Otherwise you wouldn't care that buttholes get laid because that would be irrelevant to you being nice. You would only care because you're only nice to get laid, which makes you an butthole too. Youre suppose to be nice because its theright thing to do.

“Be nice and girls will like you” is advice mothers give to kids. Why are men's understanding of dating not evolving with their age? Also, like I said before, when mothers say “be nice” who thinks that was code for “Being nice is sexually attractive and every women will get wet for you”? And I truly do not understand guys who look for their mother to give them a advice on how to get kitty. That's such a red flag.

Lastly, when Nice Guys explain that “society lied to them”: If it's not blaming mommy for not teaching them how to make kitties wet (because that's TOTALLY the role of a mom), it's blaming it on Rom-Coms. I don't know how a person can graduate middle school and still think movies are real life. Even back in elementary school, I knew romance stories were bullshit, so I don't understand how a grown man didn't figure this out yet and is so bitter about it.

I honestly think there is a problem with a lot of mentally stunted men being unaware how stunted they are because there are too many people in this subreddit normalizing blindly learning shit from movies.

This sub is too for me to post any specific drama, here's one comment at least:

Must've been nice having a male figure in your life to teach you game if you are a guy. A lot of men don't and some like me grew up in all female households filled with dominant women. It took me until 28 to undo all the shit programming that was put into my head regarding attraction and dating.

You speak from a position of privilege and ignorance of it and your tone is arrogant and disgusting.

Or which one of you clever rusemen is this?

Hey all, I just wanted to vent a little. It's incredibly hard for me to date since I'm trans. I used to not declare it on my profile and only shared that information, when I'm already chatting with that person through the dating app (early on) but since that has gotten me a lot of transphobic remarks, aswell as insults, I put it in my profile.

Now the problem is, I understand most lesbians won't date transbians, because of their genitalia, which makes sense, and makes it unlikely to match with another lesbian, but rather bisexual/pansexual women. Now I have gotten into a lot of matches thinking the other person is also into women, but usually it turns out they are just bi-curious and state that I'm "the perfect thing in-between" which is so incredibly insulting. Most of them don't see me as a real woman, but something in-between woman and man, because of my genitalia, which gives off chaser vibes.

I don't know how to go about this. If i don't declare I'm trans, I don't get chasers since I pass fairly well, but get a lot of hate when outing myself. If I do declare it, most of my matches are by bi-curious chasery women.

Idk what to do :( it all sucks so bad I just want a cute gf that doesn't see me as a man. (Most of my previous relationships also stated that they never saw me as a woman, when they broke up with me. Or I found out that they were actually into men and never liked women at all.) Help? :')

here is their pic. how many filters do you think they used?

Maybe you could try a sassy approach to dating app profile text? Something like: “Transwoman looking for a lesbian relationship. Chasers, bicurious flakes and transphobes need not apply”.

guaranteed tons of matches with this

Boring low effort posts from rightoids to balance out my leftoid postinf

Hey loves, I am a fricking mother to 2 beautiful girls. My oldest is fricking 10 and my youngest is fricking 7. I'm (33F). These days has been a fricking lot dealing with so much emotions that I don't know how to control. I can barley think, I'm hurt but I'm getting through.

2 weeks ago I found out my husband 10 years cheated on me with my so called best friend, they've been seeing each other for how long and I was so fricking stupid to not realize and that's why I'm being hard on myself. I thought I could trust her because for years she showed me loyalty but that was fricking all an act. I should have known when he started to go out often in the fricking evening. What makes me more mad is fricking that they both smiled in my face, I don't know how much I've cried about this but I will say it's more than a fricking million.

I'm not with him now because the fricking girls and I are fricking at my mother's house, my youngest daughter doesn't know what's going on but my oldest does and I wish she didn't understand because I know she is fricking hurt. I want a fricking divorce fast as possible but I have to find a fricking lawyer. My husband has been calling nine stop, he knows where we are fricking at but I told him not to come because I need my space.

Sorry for my ranting, the fricking day I found I was fricking pregnant was the fricking day I caught my husband and my friend in our bed together. I took a fricking pregnancy test at work because i was fricking feeling so sick. I was fricking going to surprise him but I was the fricking only surprised that day. The fricking reason why I'm thinking about an abortion is fricking because I feel like if I have another baby with him I will feel even more locked down, I'm an emotional mess so what mom would I be if I brought a fricking child into this world when I have mental health problems, b-word? Aita

!moidmoment

LOCKED BECAUSE Y'ALL CAN'T BEHAVE :#CLAP

Seriously though, I saw someone share this screenshot as if it was a bad thing but if you look at the full context it's actually a proportionate response. /h/swifties when???

!moidmoment

Demonic woman admits to having multiple affairs on her husband, resulting in neither of the children being biologically his own.

She then laughs about the fact he was left broke and homeless after the divorce.

Pure evil. pic.twitter.com/36ebfVfCOC

— Lucky (@TheMagaHulk) February 7, 2024

Take the test here :d https://www.idrlabs.com/feminist-perspectives/test.php !moidmoment

Why is the video's description so dramatic lmao

They're not happy in her Instagram comments

She's responding to all the haters with "happy Black History Month"

Um, she's clearly trying to say that Palestine isn't Black people's problem

!moidmoment

Married couple separated for 54 years during World War II. The woman never remarried, but the man did and had children and grandchildren pic.twitter.com/HnAKfUUrNL

— Historic Vids (@historyinmemes) February 4, 2024

!moidmoment I do feel bad for this lady (even though she's a pickmeisha). They should've just pretended that he was still dead