Synopsis

Months after the sudden disappearance of everyone's most irritating relatives , newly minted Christian Rayford Steele attempts to convert his millennial daughter Chloe to the Christian faith. Meanwhile, Chloe's boyfriend Cameron "Buck" Williams , the host of cable television's most obnoxious opinion program, stumbles across evidence that the elite is lying about the covid rapture numbers.

Soon Buck discovers a plot to exploit everyone's fear and anxiety to establish a one world government, one world currency, and universal social credit system, all under the control of incredibly uncharismatic Antichrist Nicolae "Jetty" Carpathia.

Review

It's hard to explain what makes something look like a "real movie," but this looks like a real movie. The shots are well composed and the color grading feels cinematic without looking artificial. The interiors are gloomy and lived in, while the streets capture a sense of urban blight and despair. Everything feels like a run-down shithole. Finally Detroit's filmmaking tax credit is paying off.

The script also makes major improvements to the novel. The book's biggest flaw was failing to connect the Antichrist plot to the Rapture plot--in the book, the one world government emerges simply because that's the kind of thing those people do. The movie, meanwhile, draws the obvious connection of authoritarians seizing power in a crisis.

The down side of this is that the whole thing is obviously an extremely hamfisted covid metaphor rushed through production during the coofdemic. And because fundamentalists don't understand subtext, covid gets mentioned by name multiple times so you'll be sure to connect the dots. Aside from the name drops it's just a general pileup of every current rightoid grievance with a loose coat of Bible prophecy paint.

• The government fakes additional rapture-like disappearances and tells non-essential workers to stay home (?).

• All of the stats about the vanishings come through a single company called "Dominator Analytics"

• All media outlets, social media, and payment processing systems are owned by the same globalist billionaire who wants to take over the world

• The protagonist googles "Bible prophecy" and all the videos have been removed for violating the "terms of service." Then he gets his account suspended for unspecified violations (yes jannies got called out in a rapture movie)

• Anyone who catches onto all of this gets the treatment.

Actual dialogue

• "It's like, everybody knows there was a second wave, but nobody's actually seen it happen."

• "Welcome to a new reality. A Great Reset."

• "I think these new vanishing counts that we now proudly display on every broadcast are probably fake."

• "The Rapture wasn't debunked. Someone on TV told you it was debunked and you believed them."

• [Of the Antichrist] "I haven't seen anything like this since Obama."

Miscellaneous

• They didn't have the rights to the UN logo (?) so they made their own version with the map at the wrong projection

• The whole thing is narrated by a lispy black guy who's still delivering exposition well past the one hour mark

• This is in the Left Behind (2014) continuity, not the Left Behind: The Movie (2000) continuity. Note that both series recast between every movie. Nic Cage was too expensive so they got church basement DVD actor Kevin Sorbo to be Rayford Steele instead.

• Somebody vandalized a church by scrawling "SCIENCE!!!!" on the wall

• The filmmakers either forgot or retconned that literally all children canonically vanished. The world should have freaked out a lot harder; instead they act like this was maaaybe 3x as bad as covid

• One character is killed by a car bomb (with flashing lights, which is just sitting in the back seat of the car that the protagonists were just riding in and they didn't notice) that goes off only after the other characters have already left the car

• The movie ends with the Antichrist shooting people gangsta style

• One scene after characters discuss the importance of faith even in times of doubt, they dig up the dead grandma's coffin to prove that her body vanished and the rapture was real

Overall this is still an objective improvement over both previous LB adaptations. However, nothing will top the fever dream charm of the classic 80's budget rapture movies. IMO this kind of movie actually gets worse when you do it well. You lose the clumsy earnestness and are left with smugness. !christians

Yes, it has been 1 week since the last thread. Don't question me.

What have you kinosseurs been watching? How was it? Tell us!

Movies:

Wonka (2023) - Saw this one with my mom. It's a really cute family movie! Admittedly there are some deeply Marxist messages, but nothing more than intersecting the convergence of religion, commerce, and police state to protect capital and subjugate workers. Honestly didn't expect to like it, but I couldn't stop smiling. Twinky Tim is really great in this.

Chinatown (1974) - Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown . A classic noir starring (arguably) the best actor of all time, Jack Nicholson. Why did I wait this long to watch it? I though it had Chinese people and avoided it.

THX 1138 (1971) - George Lucas movie which came out 6 years before Soy Wars. Experimental and esoteric scifi (corpopunk?) dystopian movie about drugged sexless humans working in robot factories, slowly regaining humanity. I see what it was going for. Sci-fi bros can't stop jerking off over this, but it was ok. Maybe if you never read book and were in a dorm room in 1997-2009 and this hit your brain, you'd feel like you took a redpill idk.

Dream Scenario (2023) - Nicholas Cage in an A24 movie about a boring evolutionary psychology professor who suddenly starts appearing in people's dreams. He becomes a viral sensation and his life pays the toll. Story explores the theme of regular people stumbling into viral relevancy and the toll it takes on their lives, even when they have pretty much done nothing wrong. Decent laughs and Nic Cage makes a coom face.

Napoleon (2023) - Goddarn this movie was some garbage lmao. Only saving grace was Vanessa Kirby mogging the planet. Napoleon simps so hard he destroys the continent for she . Also wildly historically inaccurate.

Dave Chapelle: The Dreamer (2023) - This one was decently funny. His last special, Dave Chappelle: The Closer (2021) where he just ranted about s. Funny blowback, but unfunny show. This new one was actually pretty funny. Unfortunately he ended it with a really gay like 10 minute stool speech about chasing your dreams.

TV:

True Detective: Night Country - LOL

Reacher - (spoilers, but this show is r-slurred so who cares) Basically his Le Special Investigators Unit did like 3 months on a case 11 years ago and they immediately became family??? Frick this was a mid season. Go back to a small cast and beating up goons in small towns.

The Terror - Just started this one. In episode one, the guys who play Brutus and Julius Caesar in Rome are in a scene where someone talks about "Crossing the Rubicon" Show is pretty good though, will stick with it.

Curb Your Enthusiasm - With news that the new season will also be the last, I am in determined to catch up in time. Just started season 6 when the black family moves in. Already funnier than like all of season 5.

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2024/apr/24/anne-hathaway-gooner-arsenal-fc?CMP=twt_gu&utm_medium=#Echobox=1713967250

>Does the actor's recent excited outburst... reveal a deep love of the game – or a cynical bit of media massaging by a lukewarm star?

>For us true believers, this was always heresy – Hathaway's total commitment to the task at hand, whether it's shaving her head or hosting the Oscars, is what makes her Hathaway – so it's a relief to see the rest of the world come around. Part of this change has been down to her willingness to experiment

>although sadly there is no video footage of Hathaway making similarly guttural noises

>the internet has already embraced Anne Hathaway's decision to come out as a secret Gooner

>Further investigation reveals that Hathaway has, on occasion, enjoyed various other spectator sports

link to video: https://www.tmz.com/2024/04/23/alec-baldwin-hits-phone-anti-israel-protester-rust-trial-shooting/

I miss when science fiction was allowed to be weird for the sake of being weird. I liked the reboots, but we really don't need another movie to ask the question "what if humans were the real apes?".

If Kigdoms doesn't end with something along an atomic bomb being psychicly detonated by albinos with giatantic brains then art is dead.

I just got banned on reddit again. Bets on how long it lasts?

I'm still stuck alone as a pathetic alcoholic who can't walk so I have to watch TV all day. Here's my latest batch of recommendations.

Shang Chi

Surprisingly good capeshit. I guess since it has asian people in it they decided to make some actually good fighting scenes (especially the one on the bus). The story isn't terribly interesting but Awkwafina is cute. I think this is the first Marvel movie I've seen that I actually liked since X-Men back around 2000.

Battle: Los Angeles

A technologically advanced but apparently r-slurred alien race makes an infantry assault on Los Angeles. It takes itself way too seriously for the goofy subject matter so it's not fun like Independence Day.

Past Lives

A Korean girl in middle school has a crush on a boy but she emigrates. Many years later he visits her and her white husband. I was afraid this would be cuck fiction, but it's anything but. It's an examination of how we share a common fate with certain people in our lives and the different ways that can play out. The characters actually have realistic emotions and actions that I can relate to. It's probably the best movie I've seen in years, in my top 10 of all time. Sorry zoomers, but if you're under 30 you probably won't be able to fully appreciate it.

Captive State

Aliens have taken over Earth and turned it into a dystopian shithole run by a puppet regime. Critics found it confusing, probably because it's actually a very realistic depiction of how a resistance/terrorist organization works and not some stupid Hollywood fantasy. It captures what the real challenges are, like needing to secretly communicate with each other without doing anything that looks suspicious.

Golda

I just watched a few bits of this bizzare attempt to make Golda Meier look like some kind of feminist heroine. It reminded me of an interview I heard last year with an Israeli officer who had served in '73. He said Golda came to visit the front lines and was like "Aw shucks, we got surprised but how could I have known? I'm just a little old lady and I trusted the men around me." Which made him go ballistic and tell her that he'd had 50 guys in his battalion killed in the first hour and she needed to come up with a better explanation. It's really bizarre sometimes to see how different the view of the American media is about people in Israel versus the domestic view.

Guns Akimbo

Grown up Harry Potter gets guns bolted onto his hands so he's forced to run around like a character in a John Woo movie as assassins try to hunt him down for the sake of a reality tv show. Batshit insane in a good way and lots of fun.

21 Jump Street & 22 Jump Street

Cops go undercover as high school students to find out who is selling drugs there. There's not much to say except that it's a good premise for a comedy and there's actually a lot of funny jokes in it. The sequel doesn't quite measure up but is still watchable. Made by the guys who did The Lego Movie so it's not surprising that it's good for what it is.

Transporter Refueled

The opposite of the above. There's a whole genre of moves with names like Transporter, Driver, Conveyor, Freighter, Courier, Delivery Boy, etc. and I think Jason Statham is in 80% of them. This one falls flat in every way. Only watch this if you're curious about how badly you can frick up making a Transporter movie.

Shooter

Marky Mark is a sniper who gets framed for an assassination by guess who: the evil corporations and the CIA blah blah. The plot is made up of cliches that are as predictable as they are r-slurred. It's typical Hollywood shit for mouthbreathers where you're supposed to think things are plausible because they appear in Kennedy assassination conspiracy theories. Don't watch this shit, watch the first Jack Reacher movie which is similar but for people with developed frontal lobes.

Point Break

I've never watched this the whole way through but seen every part of it multiple times because it was constantly on channel 12 or 49 on Saturday afternoons in Portland in the '90s. I'm highly ambivalent. Patrick Swayze does a great job as a Gen X hippie surfer cult leader bank robber. That parkour scene in the middle is kino. But overall the premise is incredibly silly and again it takes itself too seriously. The other movie constantly played in that time slot was Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins which I maintain is far superior.

Transformers

I had one of these on the tv while I was playing with my phone and cooking and stuff. It's incredibly bad even as a children's movie. I can't even tell wtf is supposed to be going on. It's just random CGI shapes moving around. Honestly it reminds me of when I was taking zaleplon and would experience totally bizzare hallucinations before I fell asleep. It's just random pixels and sometimes there's a joke.

Overboard

Goldie Hawn is a rich stuck up b-word. She gets amnesia and Kurt Russell tells her that she's his wife in order to scam her into taking care of his kids. Critics at the time cried and shit their pants because it's "predictable". Congratulations r-slurs, I guess you would have turned up your noses at Shakespeare's comedies because everyone gets married at the end. (Except for Don Pedro. Get a wife, bro!) It's a comedy in the old sense of the word where it makes you laugh but you also don't feel dirty at the end. I also highly recommend the classic Hong Sisters romcom Couple or Trouble based on it. (These words rhyme with each other if you're Korean.)

!kino, the last episode is out!

Will BWC-sama end up with Fuji sama?

Please share some of the strange or interesting content you've found on tiktok/yt shorts/insta reels

deep breath

Spoilers for a 20 year old TV series & TW for special interest 'tism...

The creator/showrunner/lead writer of Gilmore Girls was Amy Sherman-Palladino (ASP), and she's the main person responsible for the unique cozy vibe and fast-paced, reference-heavy dialogue of the original series. She's also something of a crazy control freak who had a very particular predefined arc in mind for the show, one that would highlight the parallels between Rory and her mother and grandmother, Emily (the 3rd Gilmore Girl). For years fans heard about the mysterious "final 4 words" that she already knew would end the series. She's like the opposite of the GoT showrunners who had no idea how the frick they were going to wrap up the ending.

ASP may be a stubborn b-word but she's a good writer with strong hat game

Except... ASP was forced out after the penultimate sixth season of the original run in a contract dispute with the network, the details of which have always been hazy. Toward the end of the sixth season, ASP added a bunch of zany plots (e.g. Lorelai throwing herself at Rory's deadbeat dad, Christopher) that almost seemed like a vindictive attempt to sabotage the show on her way out the door. The new show runners dumped into the thick of it for the seventh season did their best to tie up all the bizarre loose ends, and in doing so they moved away from the predestined fatalism of ASP's original arc - the theme of which could be loosely summed up as "no matter how you try to run away from it, you always grow up to be your mother."

Spoiled douchbag boyfriend, meet spoiled douchebag dad

For example, ASP always had in mind that Rory's rich, spoiled boyfriend, Logan, would be "her Christopher," a dissolute playboy who toys with her heart, knocks her up, and ultimately abandons her - but during the final season without ASP, the writers moved away from that storyline: Logan becomes estranged from his wealthy family, he has to stand on his own two feet, he exhibits personal growth. By the end of the series, he's ready to commit; he doesn't abandon Rory, he wants to marry her, but she decides she's not ready to settle down so young. The original series ends with Rory Gilmore, a promising young journ*list heading off to Iowa to cover the long-shot presidential campaign of a promising young Senator named Barack Obama.

The seventh season is divisive among fans for a few reasons (the hasty resolution of many of ASP's S6 landmine plots, the dialogue feels kind of off, some new characters are sloppily introduced late in the game) but I think most people enjoyed seeing Logan grow up a bit and the way his relationship with Rory matured. Most people liked the ending, and thought it was fitting to have Rory choose herself and her career over a man. There's a little bit of added millennial nostalgia/wish-fulfillment and serendipity to see Rory climbing onto the Obama campaign bus when we know he's going to win that race. As viewers, we figure Rory is off to a great start with a bright future ahead of her covering a landmark campaign up close.

Go get 'em, Ace!

Then, eight years later, Netflix gave ASP an assload of money to make A Year in the Life and she used it to take a giant shit all over Season Seven. She basically returned to Stars Hollow with the intent to settle old scores and give Gilmore Girls the ending that she knew it had to have: even if it didn't make a darn lick of sense almost a decade later. She has claimed that she has never watched S7, that she doesn't even really consider it canon. She said she had an assistant watch it and take notes for her. In AYITL, she kept one baby born in S7, and threw out almost everything else, determined to tell her version of what season 7 should have been.

Netflix: Buying your childhood to wear as a four-piece skinsuit

Lorelai and Luke (her main love interest/will-they-won't-they) act like newlyweds wrestling with the decision about whether to have kids, even though they've been married for the better part of a decade and Lorelai is pushing 50. Rory is broke, directionless and struggling like a new college grad, not like a woman in her 30s with access to a multimillion dollar trust fund. Logan is instantly back to being a useless frickboi: engaged to a beautiful woman we never see, but carrying on an affair with Rory.

The only good storyline in AYITL centers on Emily coming to terms with the loss of her husband, Richard (Rory's grandfather) and that story was forced on ASP by the real-life death of the actor Edward Herrmann. She had to actually write a new, age-appropriate story for Emily instead of dusting off whatever she wanted to do for S7, and it's so much better for it.

Poor Ed's brain cancer is the real MVP of AYITL

There's a bunch of other minor shit that sucks in AYITL: fat-shaming that feels very early-2000s and out of step with modern culture, lazily retconning certain characters to be gay for added diversity, an unfunny retread of the "Ann? Her?" gag from Arrested Development. But the main reason A Year In The Life is terrible is that ASP was too stubborn to incorporate any of the stories that other writers had given to her characters, so instead of a thoughtful extrapolation of how these characters might have lived and grown or changed over almost ten years, she did S7: ASP's Version. It's 2016, not 2007, but no one has changed at all or learned anything in the meantime.

A Year in the Life ends with the famous "final four words" that ASP had always preordained, even if they no longer make any goddarn sense from a narrative perspective:

"Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm pregnant."

Barely 32 years old and having a bastard with this dude!

Thank you for coming to my TED talk, as a reward for your patience, enjoy this spot-on Mad TV parody:

More Ukrainian "heroes" pic.twitter.com/GCbHLH4tSA

— Pamphlets (@PamphletsY) April 21, 2024

they made the dragon warrior a woman

and turned po's dads into a gay couple

In this episode, the Enterprise finds the God Apollo (or at least an alien who claims to be him) living on a random planet in the middle of nowhere. Kind of like finding a member of Pink Floyd living random social housing in North London...

Anyway he spies out Lt. Palamas (xenobiology apparently) and flexes on Kirk and the others. Scotty takes exception to this as he has taken a shine to Lt. Palamas to the level of harassment. This isn't just me putting a 21st century spin on things- in the episode 'Wolf in the Fold' McCoy- Scotty's drinking buddy mind you- has some interesting things to say about Scotty...

Apollo flexes for the ladies:

Apollo takes Palamas off and makes sure she can't wear a bra. This totally wins her over and she returns to tell the boys that they should all accept beta status but Kirk is no beta.

Here Kirk shows us how to deal with foids. One of Shatner's finer speeches IMO:

Palamas does the frick what she's told to do and then the other alpha in the room, Spock, drives the car straight across the lawn and through Apollo's garage:

It's worth mentioning that the actor who plays Apollo is Michael Forrest. He's 95 and still working as a voice actor. He apparently went to the same gym in LA as Ricardo Montalban.

Leslie Parish was supposedly 33 when she played Palamas in 1967 but her first gig was as a 'Miss Color TV' in 1951 aged 19...

_{This is not her but the picture shows what Miss Color TV did- show people how to adjust the color on their TV. She was chosen for her 'natural skin tones'. Mayos gonna mayo.}

...which would make her 35 when she was in Star Trek. She is described on IMDB as an 'environmentalist and political activist'. Oh yeah, she was one of those ones. Never-the-less she was very attractive and was in a whole bunch of other stuff including Mission Impossible (shot across the road from Star Trek) the original Manchurian Candidate and also she was Mr Freeze's sidekick in Batman when Freeze was played by Eli Walach ('the ugly' from The Good, The Bad and the Ugly):

This one's from Mannix but she seems to be wearing the exact same dress as she wore in Star Trek:

An inexplicable production still where a stunt performer appears to be soiling himself:

She is, as of this post, still around today.

Seems like @KinoBushido has died and we haven't had one of these in a while

As always NO ANIME

I don't have anything to talk about other than finishing Masters of the Air. Was pretty kino.

Is good film, recommend you watch it. Builds tension throughout really well and has a based ending that you kind of spend the whole movie assuming won't happen because it would be too based.

What kind of a loser watches a 90 minute movie and demands word building? “Oh, where is the glossary and complete encyclopaedia of this speculative conflict????!? Why don't the state lines (barely if at all depicted in the actual canon film) make any sense to me?!?!????? WHY ARENT THE BRIDGES BLWON UP????? I WANTED TO SEE THE CHARACTER TRYING TO CROSS A BODY OF WATER FOR HOURS!?!??

Battlefield Earth (2000) is the infamous Scientology propaganda film commissioned by John Travolta. It is considered one of the worst moves ever made, but I'd never seen it before yesterday.

It is now one of my favourite films.

Literally everthing about this movie is hillariously bad. The sheer incompetence is awe-inspiring and I didn't want it to end.

Story & Writing

In Battlefield Earth, a species of 10-foot tall aliens called Psychlos (seriously) run a mining colony on Earth after conquering the planet a thousand years ago after a war lasting just nine minutes. Humans are now reduced to stone-age tribes in irradiated wastelands, or slaves of alien masters.

I can't really say much more except it makes no sense. The Psychlos believe "man-animals" are too stupid to mine for gold, but they already employ humans as a labour force in their city.

Also, how the heck did illiterate tribesmen learn to fly Harrier attack jets in seven days without electricity or fuel?

The film is filled with the most ham-fisted exposition I've ever heard. As an audience-member, can you understand what blackmail is? Yes? Too bad! We're going to tell you anyway in 90 additional seconds of dialogue!

The Acting

John Travolta stars the scheming Psychlo security chief named Terl (seriously), trying to earn a transfer off the planet. His nemesis is the human Johnny Goodboy (seriously), played by a wooden Barry Pepper, who must lead humans to freedom.

Travolta's (and everyone else's) performance is so far over the top, he can't see all the way down. He isn't chewing the scenery, he is engorging himself upon it. Hense my favourite line in any movie anywhere:

If you ever wanted to see John Travolta in dreadlocks and a codpiece shooting the legs off a cow, this is the film for you.

Even Forest Whitacker, who's acting talent is undeniable, is wasted with nothing to do except deliver terrible dialogue.

Cinematography

A "Dutch angle" is a filming technique where the camera is tilted off the horizon to portray a scene of uneasiness or tension.

Literally the entire film is shot in this way. It looks like the DP had a stroke.

Also, there are loads of corny slo-mo shots, an over-use of wipe transitions, and most scenes are shot with an ugly, sickly purple filter.

Pacing

Battlefield Earth is all over the place. Fast-paced action set pieces are inter-cut with corny slo-mo. Thematically important scenes are not allowed to breathe, but are immediately followed by more exposition or John Travolta overacting.

Special Effects

Honestly, for 2000, the special effects aren't half bad. It all looks ugly as sin, of course. But I think this was a deliberate choice rather than technical negligence.

Summary

This film is worse than I ever thought possible and lives up to its reputation. But it's so bad, it became a joy to watch. I found myself laughing many times at the sheer absurd awfulness of this movie.

If you haven't seen Battlefield Earth, I thoroughly recommend it. I love this movie.

50s Matrix was lit pic.twitter.com/hjqhQWJjiX

— Funny Bebo (@myfunnybebo) April 19, 2024

It also made me think, I don't know bipocs that like Matrix

So this movie is like mayo's scarface (All bipocs love scarface)

I will admit I'm a retired wrestlingcel and going in I knew the story of the Von Erichs. Some aspects don't happen chronologically, nor accurately. Heck they didn't even put Chris (the youngest brother) in it at all because it would have made the movie like 4 hours long.

Fact is tho, Zac Efron should get a look for best actor Oscar, and the film itself should as well. Incredibly well acted and cast, the pacing is great and there isn't any filler. By the last scene of the movie I was literally balling my eyes out and I'm a 40yo guy. Highly recommend this to all dramatards.

'nam show by oldboy guy

FIRST EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS:

I'm 1/16 negro

why do these fricking Ivy League kids insist that they're black?

I'm gonna kill myself

do it r-slur

watches woman pooping

gets what he deserves