Synopsis

Months after the sudden disappearance of everyone's most irritating relatives , newly minted Christian Rayford Steele attempts to convert his millennial daughter Chloe to the Christian faith. Meanwhile, Chloe's boyfriend Cameron "Buck" Williams , the host of cable television's most obnoxious opinion program, stumbles across evidence that the elite is lying about the covid rapture numbers.

Soon Buck discovers a plot to exploit everyone's fear and anxiety to establish a one world government, one world currency, and universal social credit system, all under the control of incredibly uncharismatic Antichrist Nicolae "Jetty" Carpathia.

Review

It's hard to explain what makes something look like a "real movie," but this looks like a real movie. The shots are well composed and the color grading feels cinematic without looking artificial. The interiors are gloomy and lived in, while the streets capture a sense of urban blight and despair. Everything feels like a run-down shithole. Finally Detroit's filmmaking tax credit is paying off.

The script also makes major improvements to the novel. The book's biggest flaw was failing to connect the Antichrist plot to the Rapture plot--in the book, the one world government emerges simply because that's the kind of thing those people do. The movie, meanwhile, draws the obvious connection of authoritarians seizing power in a crisis.

The down side of this is that the whole thing is obviously an extremely hamfisted covid metaphor rushed through production during the coofdemic. And because fundamentalists don't understand subtext, covid gets mentioned by name multiple times so you'll be sure to connect the dots. Aside from the name drops it's just a general pileup of every current rightoid grievance with a loose coat of Bible prophecy paint.

• The government fakes additional rapture-like disappearances and tells non-essential workers to stay home (?).

• All of the stats about the vanishings come through a single company called "Dominator Analytics"

• All media outlets, social media, and payment processing systems are owned by the same globalist billionaire who wants to take over the world

• The protagonist googles "Bible prophecy" and all the videos have been removed for violating the "terms of service." Then he gets his account suspended for unspecified violations (yes jannies got called out in a rapture movie)

• Anyone who catches onto all of this gets the treatment.

Actual dialogue

• "It's like, everybody knows there was a second wave, but nobody's actually seen it happen."

• "Welcome to a new reality. A Great Reset."

• "I think these new vanishing counts that we now proudly display on every broadcast are probably fake."

• "The Rapture wasn't debunked. Someone on TV told you it was debunked and you believed them."

• [Of the Antichrist] "I haven't seen anything like this since Obama."

Miscellaneous

• They didn't have the rights to the UN logo (?) so they made their own version with the map at the wrong projection

• The whole thing is narrated by a lispy black guy who's still delivering exposition well past the one hour mark

• This is in the Left Behind (2014) continuity, not the Left Behind: The Movie (2000) continuity. Note that both series recast between every movie. Nic Cage was too expensive so they got church basement DVD actor Kevin Sorbo to be Rayford Steele instead.

• Somebody vandalized a church by scrawling "SCIENCE!!!!" on the wall

• The filmmakers either forgot or retconned that literally all children canonically vanished. The world should have freaked out a lot harder; instead they act like this was maaaybe 3x as bad as covid

• One character is killed by a car bomb (with flashing lights, which is just sitting in the back seat of the car that the protagonists were just riding in and they didn't notice) that goes off only after the other characters have already left the car

• The movie ends with the Antichrist shooting people gangsta style

• One scene after characters discuss the importance of faith even in times of doubt, they dig up the dead grandma's coffin to prove that her body vanished and the rapture was real

Overall this is still an objective improvement over both previous LB adaptations. However, nothing will top the fever dream charm of the classic 80's budget rapture movies. IMO this kind of movie actually gets worse when you do it well. You lose the clumsy earnestness and are left with smugness. !christians

Yes, it has been 1 week since the last thread. Don't question me.

What have you kinosseurs been watching? How was it? Tell us!

Movies:

Wonka (2023) - Saw this one with my mom. It's a really cute family movie! Admittedly there are some deeply Marxist messages, but nothing more than intersecting the convergence of religion, commerce, and police state to protect capital and subjugate workers. Honestly didn't expect to like it, but I couldn't stop smiling. Twinky Tim is really great in this.

Chinatown (1974) - Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown . A classic noir starring (arguably) the best actor of all time, Jack Nicholson. Why did I wait this long to watch it? I though it had Chinese people and avoided it.

THX 1138 (1971) - George Lucas movie which came out 6 years before Soy Wars. Experimental and esoteric scifi (corpopunk?) dystopian movie about drugged sexless humans working in robot factories, slowly regaining humanity. I see what it was going for. Sci-fi bros can't stop jerking off over this, but it was ok. Maybe if you never read book and were in a dorm room in 1997-2009 and this hit your brain, you'd feel like you took a redpill idk.

Dream Scenario (2023) - Nicholas Cage in an A24 movie about a boring evolutionary psychology professor who suddenly starts appearing in people's dreams. He becomes a viral sensation and his life pays the toll. Story explores the theme of regular people stumbling into viral relevancy and the toll it takes on their lives, even when they have pretty much done nothing wrong. Decent laughs and Nic Cage makes a coom face.

Napoleon (2023) - Goddarn this movie was some garbage lmao. Only saving grace was Vanessa Kirby mogging the planet. Napoleon simps so hard he destroys the continent for she . Also wildly historically inaccurate.

Dave Chapelle: The Dreamer (2023) - This one was decently funny. His last special, Dave Chappelle: The Closer (2021) where he just ranted about s. Funny blowback, but unfunny show. This new one was actually pretty funny. Unfortunately he ended it with a really gay like 10 minute stool speech about chasing your dreams.

TV:

True Detective: Night Country - LOL

Reacher - (spoilers, but this show is r-slurred so who cares) Basically his Le Special Investigators Unit did like 3 months on a case 11 years ago and they immediately became family??? Frick this was a mid season. Go back to a small cast and beating up goons in small towns.

The Terror - Just started this one. In episode one, the guys who play Brutus and Julius Caesar in Rome are in a scene where someone talks about "Crossing the Rubicon" Show is pretty good though, will stick with it.

Curb Your Enthusiasm - With news that the new season will also be the last, I am in determined to catch up in time. Just started season 6 when the black family moves in. Already funnier than like all of season 5.

Haven't seen it but Redditors seem grossed out and indignant about the 17 year old running around naked.

(Did they get this upset over Euphoria?)

Edit: watched em all. here's my rankings:

A Grand Day Out: 8/10 - amazing student film. the technological feats they pulled off are amazing, but as a film it's more about the novelty and the imagination. the villain is great and I love the way Wallace is eating all the cheese on the moon trying to figure out what it's like, but there's not a lot of content there it's mostly just a technical showcase. tons of great moments tho

The Wrong Trousers: 10/10 - one of the tightest half hours you could watch, if you are getting into screenwriting you need to study how efficient this short tells its story in order to tighten up your plots. The villain is great, the heist is great and the climax is great and all three of those things are set up and fleshed out in the first half in order to pay off in the back half. I also like the sleuthy vibe of this short

A Close Shave: 9/10 - This one is a bit of a slow starter in all honesty. I love the new use of setting, i think the villain is great and the sheep are adorable but I heard this was the short that had the most ideas cut from it in development and i can kind of tell. It has this weird inbetween of the whimsical tone that the other shorts had and the dark tone they probably wanted to go for. I think it works, the whimsy contrasts the dark stuff and the dark stuff being in such small doses keeps it from seeming like it takes it too seriously but I think it leads to the short having an amazing climax but then the buildup isnt as strong as the first two. I especially think that outright reusing the plot point of the villain finding the gadget and stealing it was a bit lazy. Also small nitpick: didnt like how wallace looked compared to wrong trousers, but i found the fact the love interest (a ten in bongland) is just him with hair

Curse of the Were-Rabbit: 9/10 - you can feel a bit of the Americanization here, but it's a fun movie and I love the Hammer Horror pastiche that it's going for. The villain is a little weak but I'd say it's probably the funniest W&G installment plus I think it has the best use of Wallace so far. Gromit is usually the best character in all the shorts but Wallace is very good here and gets a lot more focus, while still letting Gromit shine as the smarter half. I also think Hutch is the funniest character, it's genius that he literally isnt even sentient he just repeats what Wallace has said before in the franchise, divorced from its original context

A Matter of Loaf and Death: 9/10 - this is surprising how kind of underrated this one is. I dont think anyone who isnt a superfan has watched it but it's a damm good short, lost with how acclaimed the three shorts and first movie are. I think this has the most inventive imagery and best dialogue of the franchise, it feels weirdly more adult in places but for the most part it's tastefully done. It probably didnt do as well because it seems to deliberately reference Wrong Trousers and a Close Shave for its plot, but I didnt mind when it was obviously invoking a trope, unlike the latter. The villain is another great one and the little battered dog she has adds a great dimension to her because it makes her more hateable and gives us a new character to root for to defeat her. The one problem i have with it is that i find the ending a little weak, because the villain does herself in and i didnt find that satisfying even tho it is foreshadowed twice. I also thought the film references were a bit too obvious compared to the other shorts

I'm already tired. This shit is 3 hours?

I'll try to avoid spoilers, but I was impressed by Wicked. I hate musicals (reason why I gave it 4 stars), but it wasn't too bad and I enjoyed the storyline. There is definitely some "fight rahhcism" stuff and they made the Wicked Witch of the West's sister a cripple Not sure how they will tie that in but you never see her sister in the original Wizard of Oz.

Glenda's character was funny. It's a mix of Elle from Legally Blonde with Cher from Clueless and Regina Gorge from Mean Girls.

If you got kids, I think it's a great watch. Some of the kid stuff I have to watch is boring af IMO, but I enjoyed this movie.

Part 2 comes out next year!

eta: Haven't been to an actual theater in yearrrrrs but it was fun! I said I'd never go again because why when you have home equipment now, but I forgot that it's fun to go to the movies together as a nice weekend thing to do.

[EDIT: I'm adding shows as people suggest them but sticking to ones I've actually seen and can vouch for.]

Number one pick: Space Above and Beyond. It's largely about WW2 (they will mention during the show stuff like this "hey this is like Guadalcanal") and Vietnam but told as sci-fi which gives them the opportunity to open it up to other stories. Made by Morgan & Wong, the guys who did all the really good parts of the X-Files. Hence the nerd in "Jose Chung's From Outer Space" (best episode of tv ever) wearing this t-shirt.

Probably the most underrated TV show of all time. It's not just the same stock war movie characters you've seen since the 1940s, there's interesting stuff going on. Much of it was very directly ripped off for Battlestar Galactica. Canceled after one season in a pretty epic ending.

You may have seen me post my crippled brother Col. McQueen describe how I feel about slumming it with you tards:

Other sci-fi shows from that era that you may have overlooked (at least I did). I ignored these at the time because Trek had my expectations too high, but they're quite watchable:

• Stargate SG-1 - Doesn't take itself as seriously as Star Trek but in a good way. It's fun. The problem is you've got to watch the episodes in order because you have to actually know the lore.

• Total Recall 2070 - Blade Runner turned into a TV show, except they couldn't get the rights to Blade Runner so they bought another Philip Peepee property. Very underrated. Maybe the closest to a Star Trek show on this list.

• Battlestar Galactica - As I said earlier, ripped off a lot from SAAB. It was kind of a breath of fresh air at the time as it was a little bit more real and post-9-11 than the slop we'd been served before. Goes off the rails toward the end because the writers had no idea what to do. Stop watching when you get to a plot twist that's just too much for you.

• Earth: Final Conflict - I've only seen maybe 15 episodes but it's got some interesting stuff going on. The best depiction I've ever seen of how an alien invasion would really work.

• The Outer Limits (1990s) - Surprisingly really good, actually better than the original probably. I totally missed this back when it was on. I guess it wasn't broadcast here.

• Max Headroom - Late 1980s cyberpunk show. Pretty good. To me one of the most interesting things about sci-fi is what it says about the time when it was made. It's very interesting for that. That era when people involved with computers understood the internet was coming soon and the general public had a vague idea that it was.

• Farscape - I've seen scattered episodes and I'm ambivalent. I do not like the puppet aliens. There's a reason why in Star Trek the aliens are all just people with ridges on their forehead or funny hats. But there's a few episodes of this I got sucked into and really liked. I intend to watch more.

Older TV shows that must be watched (that aren't completely obvious):

• The Rockford Files - A couple weeks ago I was talking to this random old boomer on the train and I was like "Man, how about the Rockford Files." And he's like "James Garner amirite." And I'm like "We don't have anyone that cool anymore." Private investigator who is a gigachad but also vulnerable and half the time he's clueless about what's going on and getting the shit beaten out of him. Has some very high-brow episodes.

• Hawaii Five-O - Again, cop show with better scripts, actors, people giving a shit than usual and a fascinating setting.

• Columbo - The mystery genre flipped around on its head. You see who committed the murder in the beginning. The mystery is how Detective Columbo is going to catch him. It's based on the interplay between Peter Falk's Columbo, who fakes being an annoying slob, against the guest star playing the murderer who is just as good. You'll recognize a lot: Montalban, Shatner, Nimoy, Vaughn, McGoohan, let's see... Culp, Landau... basically all the top actors of the time. Even if it doesn't sound interesting, give it a try.

• The Outer Limits (1960s) - An inferior rip-off of The Twilight Zone, but still pretty good most of the time. If nothing else, watch the episode that James Cameron ripped off to make Terminator just to see how he never had any good ideas of his own.

• Relic Hunter - Tia Carrere is being Indiana Jones but she also needs to take her shirt off at least once an episode. Surprisingly good for what it is.

• Honey West - Early 1960s show with Anne Francis (of Forbidden Planet, Twilight Zone, etc.) as a sexy private detective who has a pet ocelot and a pet man. Again, fascinating if nothing else for seeing how a female action hero was depicted then.

Cop shows:

• The Shield - A team of corrupt LAPD detectives against all the scum on the street and their honest fellow cops. Remarkably realistic about how people really are. No Hannibal Lecter genius cannibals.

• Miami Vice - There's actually a lot of overlap between the writers here and TNG. It's a cop show in an interesting setting where they just try a little harder than usual. The writers, directors, everyone is just about 50% better than usual.

Korean and Japanese dramas:

If you're willing to step outside your comfort zone a little, there's endless hours of great content out there. This is what I did when I'd run out of American TV to watch. I don't watch as much anymore but I can recommend lots of stuff.

For those who don't know this sequel has already been delayed by a couple of years and was set to come out in 2026 I think . Now, James Gunn has come out to say it hasn't been cancelled yet and calm their fears but throws it out there that the script hasn't been finished yet . So some of them are still melting down .

https://old.reddit.com/r/DC_Cinematic/comments/1h0isxd/james_gunn_reassures_fans_matt_reeves_the_batman/

!kino !comicshitters

ETERNALLY CUCKED !BONGS LMAO

!kino !chuds

Source: https://archive.li/jLHYX

You can't make this stuff up. Green-skinned people are under attack! The British Board of Film Classification (BBFC) has decided to issue a trigger warning for "Wicked," citing concerns over discrimination against a "green-skinned" people.

The film follows the friendship between Elphaba, a misunderstood young woman with green skin played by Cynthia Erivo, and Glinda, a popular rich girl portrayed by Ariana Grande.

I didnt knew that England was located in planet Namek... Or Azeroth.

KIA Thread https://old.reddit.com/r/KotakuInAction/comments/1h2jz91/wicked_slapped_with_trigger_warning_by_uk_film/

-less fat

-better takes

-not beloved by redditors

I thought you guys liked bad localization that changed the actual content of the story. https://t.co/SnM4JhWZMM

— 𝑮𝑨𝑻𝑶𝑹🐊⭐ (@TheGatorGamer) November 26, 2024

theres like fifty other quote retweets of the original post all making the same "just watch porn gooners" posts

total chud victory

Everything in that trailer is just from the first 20 minutes. After that it's just continuous escalation. Something is always happening. It's always r-slurred and entertaining. Any scene with prolonged dialogue, of which there are few, describes the increasing extent of The Beekeeper's rampage and accurate predictions on what he'll do next based on bee analogies.

The Beekeeper is the ultimate badass. He never runs from danger. In fact he never runs. He meanly struts everywhere he goes. Even in the middle of intense firefights. He doesn't use guns or kill innocents, except when he does. Yes he tortures, but in a very lazy way to let you know he's not happy about it.

His enemies? Everyone! And he beats them all! Some crazy chick with a minigun? He slams her head into a gas pump, wraps the hose around her neck, swings her into side of a truck, and lights her on fire. One legged Maori man? He sweeps the leg then beats him with it.

All of this in pursuit of the dastardly duo Josh Hutcherson and Jeremy Irons, election riggers, who in between doing blow and Asian masseuses made the mistake of driving his elderly black friend to suicide.

All of this culminates in the ultimate twist. Josh Hutcherson is the son of the female president of the United States. This is revealed with an incredible musical sting after her phone call with Josh ends with someone calling her Madame President. Of course, The Beekeeper must now go and shoot her

But what about diversity? This is a 2024 movie afterall. Don't worry, we got white scam call centers modeled after Jordan Belfort telling people to redeem card. We got a fat black FBI agent. We got aforementioned crazy chick with a minigun and one legged Maori operator.

The Beekeeper wastes no time. The pacing is breakneck and the plot is insane. I can't emphasize enough how fast paced this is. The bad guys don't get away. They die so Statham must then fight new, more powerful bad guys. And yet you always know who the Beekeeper is fighting, why, and where they are fighting. Unironically skillful storytelling/filmmaking.

Is there anything comparable? I mean based on the trailer this is clearly John Wick right? But remember that's just the first 20 minutes and then it becomes it's own insane thing. I think the best comparison here would be Evil Dead 2 but for action movies. It starts with the quick recap of the traditional action movie. That ends and now there's 90 minutes left for it to go insane.

Overall 9/10 Would recommend

Only interesting part was when the cute blonde foid fricks Space Aladdin twice, with a space cocaine break in the middle (space cocaine not available on redgifs). This is to remind you that it's not TV, it's HBO (max).

The Spacing Guild just got back from their peepee flattening appointment and now you want them to fold space?

Ragnar touches his forehead and burns a guy (not all the way to death this time) for Sol the Emperor. A Bene Gesserit tries to use The Voice to make him commit Canadian healthcare but it doesn't work. Also one of the Bene Gesserit younglings drinks poison and dies (oops) after vagueposting. This is probably the titular Prophecy, but I wasn't paying attention.

I can't wait till it's over, just another 28 minutes

5/5

https://boards.4chan.org/tv/thread/206271254#p206271254

https://boards.4chan.org/tv/thread/206281664

Shadow with a gun in ‘SONIC 3’ pic.twitter.com/wYQQcjjniU

— DiscussingFilm (@DiscussingFilm) November 25, 2024

House edgy finally getting their own movie

!kino !poll_voters

Years after witnessing the death of Maximus at the hands of his uncle, Lucius must enter the Colosseum after the powerful emperors of Rome conquer his home. With rage in his heart and the future of the empire at stake, he looks to the past to find the strength and honor needed to return the glory of Rome to its people.

Has anyone seen Gladiator 2 yet? I haven't seen this and I probably won't anytime soon but if I had to guess one of the bulletins at top is most likely relevant to the plot of the story.

So what's everyone in !kino watching this week?