I'm imagining me going to my reunion and I see my old bully's Corvette parked out front. "What an idiot, I bet he doesn't even realize how poor that vehicle's gas mileage is" I'll say to my mom as she drops me off in her 2004 Camry. People will look in awe as I burst through the doors in slow motion looking fly as frick in my dad's suit (It was the only possession of his that we had in our house. For some reason, he loaded up everything in his car and still hasn't returned from when he told me he was going to the grocery store seventeen years ago).

Chad will be standing there trying to make it not sound lame that he still works at McDonald's just because he's the "global director of marketing", whatever the frick that means. I'll have a number three with a large coke, fry boy.

As soon as I show up, his wife will say in some weird, probably made up language "Quem é esse homenzinho estranho?" which probably means "Wow, I never realized that short men with glasses were so much more physically attractive than tall men without". B-word thinks she's too good to learn English just because she's a Brazilian supermodel.

"Hey Chad, it's me, (name redacted). I bet you never thought you'd see me again"

"Who are you?"

"I'm the guy you said would be a loser forever. But now, I have a stable salary of at least 80,000 upmarseys per year and enough reddit gold to last me almost until 2022. I've personally interacted with multiple gonewild posters, most of which have female genitalia. My tens of thousands of loyal followers shower me with love and attention daily. However, toxic masculinity makes them unable to articulate these messages properly so it sometimes sounds like they're telling me to kill myself. Again, that's just the toxic masculinity talking".

Chad and Stacy will recoil in shock as they realize the raw masculinity just displayed before them. Everyone will clap. Stacy will become my new mate and leave Chad in tears. The earth will start to shake and eventually crumble before I wake up and realize it was all a dream and my manager stands over my body with an annoyed look on his face.

"Hey jackass, we got a triple threat in the women's restroom. It's when someone shits, vomits, and has their period all at the same time. It sounds like she had bad aim with all three. I need you to clean it up."

"Can I get some gloves at least?"

"No"

And then I'll finish my shift, continuing my day as one of America's blue-collar heroes and continuing to plot my revenge on Chad.

Thanks for reading.

https://old.reddit.com/r/Drama/comments/d71xj8/you_know_when_i_was_in_high_school_all_the/

Imagine passing up on a demigod like this. Foids truly are incapable of choosing real chads. @snallygaster