, Out-of-shape 
, can't afford a house 
. 
Recently returned from an extended visit where I stayed with friends interstate. Despite working the entire time, the whiplash is insane with how much happier I was there.
Realised how much I hate living back at home. People were happy to see me, encouraging, and don't treat me like I'm an r-slur baby there.
Worse, the savings I made over the last year living at home were basically wiped out by interest rate rises, so I'm in a position where I can only afford a house about 5k more than I could 12 months ago despite 30k more in actual savings. Of course, I can keep up with the market but never outstrip it so I'm essentially running in place, always JUST behind being able to afford a starter place that isn't a literal crackden or in an outer suburb that isn't a crack-suburb where I'll get gay bashed.
I spend my time either working or chasing after my dysfunctional family to make the house livable. I change so much cat litter and mop so much piss because these r-slur cats literally can't litterbox like every other cat in history. And if I don't plan dinner it either doesn't happen, or happens at 8pm. No one will communicate and I can't keep up with the filth they all generate.
Because of this, I have literally 0 time to go to the gym so I'm back from fit boy to 10kg heavier with fricking back creases. So now I'll never be able to pick up a man on the off chance I get time for myself. Which means my buying power will KEEP being shit while I sit alone in my room wondering how many of my pills will cause me to effectively end it all.
Lexapro-bros, I'm on 10mg, but I got a new script. If I take all 30-odd pills at once will it be enough to end it or will it just cause my kidneys to shut down and drag the whole thing out?
Sorry to dispair on you all. But I figure Christmas is the best time for it no?
Anyway, hope you're all well.
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Hey it'll be ok. If it helps I'm stressed out and a hambeast, but I'm planning on grinding it out for another seventy years. I know what it's like to have tough times. I literally almost died a few years ago. When it comes down to brass tacks, you have to want to get better.
Lots of people on here will answer ironically. I'm telling you, my friend, that the world is your oyster. Set goals, and work towards them. Remember the 80/20 rule. 80% of people are just getting by. By choosing to be part of the twenty percent, you're going to do so much better. Seek counseling, choose day by day to do small things that help you.
If you can learn to navigate troubled waters now, you'll do so much better in the future.
You can do it!
Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.
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Thanks for the kind words.
It's just getting too much. I want to work toward my own goals and it would be best to just cut and run from my fam. But I love them and feel guilty. Mum isn't quite right either health wise and isn't really putting in effort to change or try to be better. And it hurts to watch, but at the same time, I can't leave.
I have a list of stuff I want to do and am planning to focus and grind out at least 1 this year. So I can feel like I've accomplished something. But I honestly just feel trapped.
And you're right. I need to get a psych, I couldn't find one when I originally moved and I think it's necessary.
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Telehealth has made a strong showing, check into something like that!
I know how hard it is to make choices when all choices seem bad or mixed. What I think you should do is write down your choices, and list what's good and bad about them, then score those good and bad things. Seems silly, but it'll help you navigate what you want to do. When someone makes bad health choices, it's on them. They drive their own bus, and you probably cannot change that till they want to change it. That's like, the hardest thing to realize about loved ones. You have to realize that you have to be able to leave. Orbiting people who don't want to get better is what's going to kill you too. You should have a frank and honest conversation with her.
"Mom, I love you but you're killing yourself. How can I help?" Offer support and love, make it clear you value her.
Don't feel trapped, feel empowered that your next move will put you in a better position.
Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.
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