I need to hurt women and it never goes away.

It's not even a sexual thing. I can have jerked off 3 times in the past hour and be drunk enough that I can't get erect or stand up straight and I still can't stop wanting to experience women being in pain. There's something very wrong with me. I've drunk 300 ml of vodka in the past hour and I'm still capable of typing fine and thinking ahead enough to be eating food and drinking water to mitigate tomorrow's hangover and I still want to beat women . There's no hope for me, it's over.