So, as I mentioned here before, my life has gone down the drain 
. I'm physically and mentally sick 
. This has lead me to conversations with people who are suffering like me.
Recently talked with a guy who is slowly going blind (Keratoconus) looking for a painless way to go out. He had apparently tried to approach VAD (voluntary assissted suicide) clinics in Switzerland 
but realised he was not eligible (young and no life threatening illness). Like this one.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dignitas_(non-profit_organisation)
Dignitas is a Swiss non-profit organization providing physician-assisted suicide to members with terminal illness or severe physical or mental illness, supported by independent Swiss doctors. By the end of 2020, they had assisted 3,248 people with suicide at home within Switzerland and at Dignitas' house/flat near Zürich.[1] They provide advisory work on palliative care, health care advance directives, suicide attempt prevention, and legislation for right-to-die laws around the world.
Interesting stuff 
.
So now, he's looking into south american countries like mexico and colombia because one can get pentobarbital (drug used in assisted suicides) at pet shops there.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_tourism
A drug known as liquid pentobarbital, which is used by owners to euthanize pets, can give a person a painless death in under one hour. Due to the drug's availability at pet shops, tourists seeking to end their lives were reported to be flying from around the world to Mexico.
He says he has some money saved up and will travel in 2 months or so 
. Honestly, I didn't even a say lot to encourage him to live which says a lot about how far I've sunk psychologically. I sympathised with him and mustered up some words about how I hoped he can get some treatment 
that fix his issue but that's about it 
.
I also joined a telegram group comprised mostly of socialist guys from slavic countries and a few from the middle east and latin american countries 
. Nothing particularly interesting there. Just thought I share 
.
So, how have you guys been?
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I feel empty
and my existence seems only to make others happy 
and have easier lives 
without me ever getting a slice 
of the cake. I'm fairly 
certain I'll die old full of regret 
and feeling unfulfilled. I endure because I feel like I owe my ancestors that much for the hardships they had to endure and I have a deep curiosity 
for how the world 
will turn out in the years to come.
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It sucks that being a people pleaser is often a sadder existence than being a hedonist
Though you're probably aware of this, it's still a huge plus to provide a positive impact to other people's lives. I'm sure many of the people in your life appreciate you for it
, but it's a shame that your helpfulness hasn't given you any tangible benefits 
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I'd first
suffer so others can thrive. I do it because it feels 
right, it feels 
correct, but I still would 
like to receive some benefit which makes me feel guilt.
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