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to everyone in my 8:30 class this morning: I was *not* masturbating

so i was sitting in the back row of my lecture and i realized my fly was unzipped. i was trying to fix it up before anyone saw me. however, my zipper was caught in the boxers, and it wouldn't move no matter how hard i tugged. this was creating a commotion, and these 3 girls were starting to stare. so, i started making grunting noises to indicate i was trying to fix my pants. however, it seemed like it made it worse because they started whispering and more people started to stare. so eventually i just gave up and walked out the room. when i came back, everyone kept giving me weird looks. i am really sorry for today and i just wanted to clear the air.

18
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you should have cranked one out if everyone's going to think you're jerking it anyway

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