i spend every waking moment of my life trying to somehow suppress my desire to kill myself. My bed sits adjacent to a window, and sometimes I feel as though that window calls my name. I've removed the screen before, just to get some fresh air and perhaps a sense of adrenaline through my veins. All of this because I'm trans, because I'll never have the semblance of a normal life. I just want to be a woman more than anything in the world, and yet God must hold that from me while freely handing it out to everyone else. I remember digging into my perineum as a child, hoping that there was secretly an opening down there. Part of me still clings onto the hope that perhaps if I pray to God hard enough and want it badly enough, that some day I'll wake up and I'll be a cis woman and will have always been a cis woman and this bad dream can finally come to and end. But every day I wake up only to discover that it's not, and the only way to truly end this living nightmare is to end my life.
So frick you, @CrystalVulpine. I have gender dysphoria. There is no reason for it; it is an irrational desire which can only partially be sated by transition. The "why you should transition" post was a light-hearted attempt to highlight some of the positives of transitioning (and poke some fun at chuds), rather than all of the negative. But rhetoric is lost on rDrama, and due to low literacy rates in the US, many (including you!) took it literally. Frick you, you have absolutely no foundation to speculate upon feelings which only I truly know. I tend to keep these things close to my heart, but I absolutely loathe people like you who erroneously take lack of mention to imply lack thereof.
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of all of the
"this never happened" posts that I've read, this one happened the least.
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‘Never' just ain't what it used to be anymore, huh?
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BIPOC gimmick accounts DNI
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Dude I was a fricking
kid wtf are you talking about
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I did though? Lol
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It could feel wrong in a way someone who's never felt that way might not be able to imagine. I'm sure someone who lost an arm would feel off all the time, even if they somehow didn't lose any functioning. But the rest of us don't go around thinking about our arms constantly.
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Look up phantom
limb sensations, trans 
women 
report 
similar symptoms
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It improves after treatment, so it's definitely real. Unfortunately most of the people getting these treatments now should not be.
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Interesting theory, but I disagree.
You'd dig around for a mouth if I took yours.
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Me personally I'm looking
for that third 
hole behind 
the knee 
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I'll give you one between the eyes
POW, TERF btfo'd
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Hey, I'm not a feminist
at ALL
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I had something so incredibly r-slurred to say about my own experiences that I actually stopped myself. I think this might be the very first time this happened on rDrama.
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How do you know you aren't wired to feel and use your mouth?
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Trans
women 
do not have this "phantom peepee" sensation after getting the snip, suggesting their body image 
developed w/o it. (5/5)
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The same holds for the reproductive organs. Of men who had their peepee
amputated due to cancer, 60% claim to have "phantom erections." (4/5)
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Body image
develops separately from your actual body. In a sense their body is “hard-wired” to have arms, even if born without. (3/5)
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They can move their (non-existent) arm around in complicated
gestures. (2/5)
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It is established science
that people born without arms still maintain a vivid self-perception of themself with arms. (1/5)
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I'm no ally, and buzzwords don't work on me. I'm speaking the truth and you're trying to disprove me with the most elementary logical fallacies.
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I can tell you have pretty bad dysphoria and I feel badly for you. I would never say this to any of my trans friends in real life, but being trans seems like unthinkable Lovecraftian body horror. It seems like an unending nightmare. Pain and suffering is evident to anyone who's not a psychopath.
You aren't stupid. The only thing worse than suffering beyond your comprehension is to have significant powers thereof and to suffer anyway.
Sorry, dramanaut.
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Why can't you say that to your trans friends in real life? If they disagree with that statement let alone are offended by it, they're almost certainly snowflakes who are actually not trans at all. It's a fad like emo was, and it makes me and OP look stupid.
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Because I don't want to remind them that they're freaks who exist in the wrong body and will probably never be happy? I dunno, are you a raging jackass who picks at your friends' insecurities? That would be pretty based.
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It's one of those things that maybe you shouldn't say irl but is absolutely true
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I care about at least some of them so I try not to salt the wound. I'm in public at a show so I can't be seen on rdrama talking to trains right now, sorry.
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Who is this crystal vulpine person and why are they bothering me
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No, I'm saying this because I'm sick of people refusing to admit the truth about me.
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Are you a
?
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yes
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So I should just be a cruel, mean person to my train friends irl for some reason?
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No?
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“You will never be a woman, you freaks. Every waking moment is unending horror at the realization that you are in a body that is unfamiliar to you. You will die miserable and alone, and the only palliative we have are brutal surgeries.”
Is that what I should say to my beloved friends? Is it? You frick.
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You need to find happiness in yourself, friend. Everyone has something they don't like about themselves and wish they could change. It sounds cliche but it's true -- go outside and get some sun. Take a stroll. Stop focusing on bad things and focus on good.
This place is filled with unironic incels and people who hate their own lives, so they shit on others, especially women and casual people happy with their lives. They want it badly, so they hate on the people and things they want the most. Don't let these people affect you. These are the extremists of the world. Most people are fine with whatever you are as long as you don't do harm to them and stay cool with them.
Krayon sexually assaulted his sister.
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So real, and I feel like rdrama is actually full of nice people compared to other places on the internet.
I like most of the people here
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There are some nasty dudes on here, but I agree that a majority are nice people just shitposting for lulz.
Krayon sexually assaulted his sister.
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Average dramalard
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I quite enjoy trading r*pe threats with one of my fave dramatards. He threatens me but oh no no no I think he is sadly mistaken if he thinks he will be doing the rapin.
Krayon sexually assaulted his sister.
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Just remember under Title IX you have to verbally ask for consent and receive a clear no before you r*pe. You can't just assume they don't consent.
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I'm going to use AI to fake his signature and voice consent.
Krayon sexually assaulted his sister.
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who
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SHUT THE FRICK UP YOU STUPID WHORE
Trans Lives Matter.
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Screw you my life is great
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I'm also not sure about "hating the people who have what you want". There happens to be a person who has nearly exactly what I want. That is one of my favorite people, not an enemy.
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Then you are a happy person. You can be happy and still have goals.
Krayon sexually assaulted his sister.
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I pray every night for that day to be my last. I'm anything but happy.
Why should I hate that someone doesn't have to suffer like this?
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That's terrible dude. Doesn't sound like you're an angry person still. Like I said to OP, you gotta truly find something that makes you happy and it's different for everyone. Some people don't even gaf about money, so they have other goals.
Also reiterating that going outside even for a short walk is really good for mood. Working out is great for mood, and eating well too. It's cliche, and tbh when I saw people say it I thought they were buttholes for thinking something so stupid would make you (me) feel better, but it's v v v true. Try it!
Krayon sexually assaulted his sister.
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I already do
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Good! Kick some arse!
Krayon sexually assaulted his sister.
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"Focus on the good" only works if there is good in your life.
And sometimes there is some. But plenty of people go their whole lives with way too much bad to ignore. In fact I would argue most do, you just don't see it as often in developed societies.
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yeah, sometimes shit sucks for sure. It ain't easy, but you can aim towards some good. Sometimes life throws you some shit for sure though.
Krayon sexually assaulted his sister.
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Careful what you wish for
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Ignore him. Medical tourism (including psychiatric!) is a real thing and a godsend for Americans who can afford travel abroad, but are unable to afford the ever-skyrocketing costs of the American medical industry. Fortunately, medical tourism has never been easier as one need no longer book several weeks off to fly to Europe or India or east Asia and Americans don't even need a full on passport for the best solution here.
Just get yourself a passport card
https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/passports/need-passport/card.html
and take a trip over our northern border for a doctors visit. They'll sort you right out in no time.
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not to take the spotlight off my second favorite train, but can i cash out on that pin now?
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Yeah go ahead
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Excuse me, I think I need to go visit Canada now myself, it appears my sense of humor and IQ have plunged off a cliff of late.
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oh yeah we suicide baitin up in this bih
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dude she had a crush on you take it easy
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meanie
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I think it's time for a hole for
s just like there's one for chuds
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If only the sadmins didn't delete my heckin trans positive hole
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I was thinking more of a containment hole, not just a regular one
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Red herring. trying to suppress feelings like that doesn't work, you need to use it as fuel for spite. Spite is genuinely the best possible motivator that the human psyche has. Convert the blegh to a seething hatred of whoever made you feel that way and you'll ultimately do like ten times better by simple virtue of proving some loser wrong. It got me through high school, college and into my current career like a decade ago
!nonchuds do it with white trash
!chuds do it with non-white trash
If you see quite literally anyone successful, there's a decent chance spite got them there. Heck, Even Pizzashill manages to be successful out of sheer impotent spite towards white women and minorities. It's the great equalizer.
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im suicidal everyday, but continue to live just so that i can continue to contribute voting or influencing the world against wokes and commies out of sheer fricking unadulterated spite
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Atta-boy, that's how it's done.
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This is terrible advice 👍
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All advice is bad advice unless it works
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it-is-what-it-is-chads stay winning
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it-is-what-it-is-cels seething over i'll-show-them.-i'll-show-them-all-chads
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no it isn't
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literally moving on and consciously trying to have a positive outlook is much better advice
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incorrect, denying the existence of your merit and validity to be angry, let alone the anger itself, is not healthy by any means
a positive outlook is nice and all but being able to run the anger through a filter and distilling it to clean energy is advanced moid skillet and a solid meta
e: this ironically involves adoption of some foid techniques, really high level stuff.
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Unironically this r-slurred perspective is why Gen Z is so straggy and depressed
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Gen Z is depressed because they've been taught that all their problems are someone else's fault, then they attempt to cope with the cognitive dissonance that is a lot of their mental health problems are in fact not someone else's fault, and then they go on antidepressants and pay therapists to tell them where their trauma comes from (to find who that someone else is who's fault it is)
Since someone here will probably tell themselves that this is what I think of all people who go to therapy, in order to have an excuse to not think up an actual counterargument, here's the disclaimer saying obviously there are many people who this does not apply to.
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They're depressed
because hot chip
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People of all times and places have the natural instinct to think everything is someone else's fault.
The real reason each new generation is more miserable is genetics. In the past, the weak and defective didn't survive, they died in infancy and never reproduced. Nearly everyone who lived was strong and functioning well. But now we have advanced technology to keep the less fortunate alive and having kids. It's well-intentioned, but it also means they pass on genes that doom a person to a lower quality of life. Instead of say a 1% chance of losing the genetic lottery (and probably being put out of your misery within a few years), it's now more like 50%.
People don't like to hear that much if not most of their life satisfaction was predetermined, but in the vast majority of cases it was. If you're a miserable, unhappy person, maybe think twice before running into the rat race and having kids. There's always adoption if kids are non-negotiable for you, we're getting overpopulated anyway.
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That's malebrained as heck.
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Dudes rock
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Heck hath no fury like a woman scorned
Women doing things out of sheer hatred and spite is a known fact since millennia
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successful women don't exist
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I have irrefutable proof that at least one does
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He's a liberal artscel who couldn't get a suitable job
but his loved ones still see some potential in him. Instead he decided to grocerymax, but his education prepared him for higher things (wrangling wagies) and he squanders his slowly atrophying wits developed through schooling on running schemes involving nut suppliers.
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I didn't read your post (too many lines, not enough marseys to saturate it) but i appreciate the effort and gave u an heckin upmarseyrino anyway
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Stop trying to make her commit a mass shooting!!!!!
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Dramaphobic
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this is an ability unlocked with the moid class, tb had been on hgc (whatever the hormone is called) and had suppressed these abilities. I think by this point they are unable to even convert anger to free energy, it seems they're just getting sad now (i.e. hormones have taken affect, she's losing her moid powers)
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What if the reason you feel horrible isn't another person?
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Reddit tier post
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!neomoids claim another victory over twinkhon !neofoids
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I'm sure writing cryposts on a website guaranteed to harass you will make you feel better...
Only chosen few get dealt the perfect hand in life, crying because you are not the perfect version of yourself is just fricking stupid.
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I'm so happy in the CongoSzrotmistrz 1yr ago #5375164 spent 0 currency on pingsImagine being imperfect. Ngmi
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What else are you supposed to do? Living with it only works if the good outweighs it to make life worth the trouble at all.
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At least you aren't even the trans woman with the more painful life on this site, and you're doing better than many incels here
!nonchuds I already see them gathering around here to harass a trans woman, we must stop them!
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This site's demographic makes me so sad at times
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Have you considered that everyone here deserves to suffer?
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Nobody on this site is real smh
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Sad enough to get with a dramatard??
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I'd harass her but I can't be bother. Tell her to go get measured for a necktie or something
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Who is the other one?
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If you'd like people to be understanding of your lifestyle, maybe chose one of the million reddit hugbox subs and post there, it seems like posting here is counterproductive to a healthy mind when you're a
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On reddit they'd just be another train. Here they're our train.
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*she
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You know, you're right
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Wrong.
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Take a few Vitamin D supplements and get some sunlight sis for that depression.
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Turn that frown upside down! Try some coloring books, pet a kitty, go for a walk, think about the Roman empire
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I got just the product for you
and maybe a collar with a little bell on it so you don't get lost
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I thought you said that transitioning was good for you?
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It was. Reread the post again but slowly. As I mentioned, transitioning partially sated my desire; ie. it would be a lot worse if I hadn't. I can't believe I have to explain to you people what is already written in the darn post.
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Filter did you dirty
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Lol
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There's too many boring words and not enough marseys
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"transitioning was good for me but I still feel like I want to kill myself every day!"
my favorite
cope refrain. The cognitive dissonance has taken over and any attempt to recognize reality will result in your entire psyche shattering
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The wanting to kill myself
every day part is new, it used to not be this bad, even after I was on hormones. It's difficult to say how bad something would 
have been when it never 
happened in the first 
place; I've been socially transitioned since the second 
year of high school. But based 
on how others have tried repressing and failed (c.f. Alabama mayor), I think 
I would 
have been much worse off.
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You can't understand simple arithmetic? -10 + 5 is still -5.
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Sounds like you were never really suffering from gender dysphoria. Whoops!
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No true
would put sugar on her oats
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Just take testosterone to feel like a man.
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That would feel even worse.
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I don't think it could work on me. It just wouldn't. I'm well beyond the age where much of anything can change (which is still very young, so I have plenty of time to suffer).
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Rationality is irrational too.
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Genuine question, not trolling. If the above statement is true, it sounds awful. If something in your brain is hurting you this much and theres nothing you can do to make it go away, why is this not considered mental illness?
Question part 2: If there was something other than transitioning that you could do that would make the dysphoria go away, would you do it?
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i get where you're coming from, but "if there was a magic cure, would you take it?" isn't really gonna reveal anything
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So far theres only been one medically accepted treatment for dysphoria, and its cutting off your peepee and balls. It seems to me that trans people are so deep in the sad that they refuse to look at the problem from any other way. I want to believe that it stems from an actual place, but 95% of the trans people i've met and seen are really just failsons that suck being men/women, so they imagine the other side as having it easier. All other mental illness treatment has been shouted down by trains so now the psych field is petrified to look at any other reasonable treatment that might be more effective.
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Gender dysphoria 100% isn't real, it's just complex depression/anxiety that the person doesn't fully understand but they've let themselves be convinced that it must be something to do with gender. Then they frick themselves up, get a momentary high off it because it feels like they're doing something, then feel worse because the actual issue hasn't been fixed and now they've done a bunch of dumb shit to themselves. This repeats with every new "treatment".
The actual solution is to exercise and work out and get higher testosterone and sunlight, at which point all the wibbly wobbly girly feelings will just go away because it was always just anxiety
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Thats my gut feeling. But I dont really know enough about it. Everyone who's ever been in a depression hole has felt like there was something different about their case of the sads. There probably is some unique cases where someone has a broken enough brain that cant be cured by the regular treatment for depression/amxiety, but those were the people who were tranning out in the 50s and 60s. The rest seems like social contagion and it makes me sad that we are enabling some really heinous life altering shit when lifting weights and going for a run will have the same impact.
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It's absolutely the same as the people who like, tattoo scales all over themselves because they're convinced they could only be happy if they were a lizard. We know that's not true and something else is wrong with them because it's impossible that there's anything in the human brain that would have a "sufficiently lizard" check which is making them sad. People of gender are the same only society has a more mystical belief in women so it's easier for people to fool themselves into thinking that if they could get the Golden Kitty it would cure their brain aids.
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Yeah, just consider how much trans overlap there is in the furry community. When someone says that they're really a fox, clearly they're mentally ill and just wishing that they could escape their life by becoming something different. But when they say that they're also a woman, that we have to take seriously.
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I am broken. It's not even remotely the same. All these "trans" people are really a cult, setting the "cool" trend for kids these days. Their explanation is bullshit, it's entirely based on sexist stereotypes; but that doesn't really matter, because it's really a thinly-veiled method for political recruitment. Anyone who says this is cool is faking it or deluding themselves, it is one of those things you would not wish on your worst enemy.
I will tell you I probably would have
ed out if I had been born 10 or more years earlier than I was, before the 
garbage. People hate 
s right now for a reason. And the confusing and insane gender ideology narrative held me back for a long time from coming to terms with what's wrong with me. They also hate me and others like me, because our existence disproves the narrative, therefore we're also "transphobic".
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idk I think it's possible the feelings can arise from genuine foidbrain elements developing in a moid, but with that said that'd only be temporary imo. After a certain point of maturity people tend to realize that there really isn't all that much of a difference in mental faculty, or rather the difference isn't nearly as big as you thought it was.
If I castrated myself then realized I didn't need to do that I'd probably off myself too. That's such an extreme measure. And people who try and talk you out of it are genocidal fascist bigots, while the people who encourage it are loving and accepting.
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There isn't much of a difference, no. However, my assumption that there was is what made me previously rule out the possibility of having any s*x-based problems.
My experience isn't normal though. What I was born with is very rare (thank GOD); most of the "trans" things you see revolve around social roles and sexist assumptions, basically the opposite. And that's a large part of what prevented me from realizing what's wrong with me for a long time.
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wait your assumption that there is a huge difference, made you rule out the possibility of having s*x-based problems?
As in if there weren't much of a different, s*x-based problems wouldn't be ruled out?
Sry having trouble understanding what you mean could u elaborate?
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That's exactly what I mean. There must be something that makes me feel this way, but because I'm not exactly like a stereotypical Barbie doll I didn't think it could possibly be this.
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Oh I understand now. I'm sorry to hear that! Were you able to at least kinda work something out for yourself?
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“Compulsions aren't real, just feel-bads” lol
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Compulsions AREN'T real. I have OCD but the answer to me feeling like I need to do my specific stupid compulsion is not to just tell me to do it and that it's because god is talking to me. It's to identify that my brain has a problem in it and it's telling me things that are not real
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Compulsions are real, and sometimes they're harmful, sometimes they're benign. It's not a distinct entity from you and denying them is as much grooming yourself as finding another way to cope with them.
I appreciate your perspective though, from the other side of the aisle.
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I believe your experience 100%, because it has also been mine, but you can't say so conclusively that it "isn't real". In my case more testosterone is the worst thing you could give me. What I am dealing with is quit different from what you're used to seeing and what trans ideologues want you to believe. Even if I somehow managed to pull through and become happy, I'd still have the feeling nagging at me with no end in sight. There's truly no hope for some people, and that's the sad reality.
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What he means is getting your life together instead of chopping off your peepee
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you fookin bigottttttt!! do you realize what you jus said is fashism??
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It does help to distinguish something the trans ideology is trying to erase: that there are people who are genuinely in distress about their sexual characteristics. But we can't talk about that, because then it wouldn't be the cool thing anymore, and it would mean that, oh heaven forbid, gender might not be a social construct!
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This is a really
good question. I'll answer 
once the bird site award 
elapses
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It is. The DSM (Diagnostic And Statistical Manual Of Mental Disorders) is the authoritative source on mental disorders, and it contains an entry for "gender dysphoria." It's a recognized mental condition. Mine is a lot worse because I also have depression on top of it.
Yes.
My mother is a pyschologist with a PhD. She took me to all sorts of doctors and therapists to try and find that "something other than transitioning." It doesn't exist. All it did was substantially delay my transition and make me cry. My gender identity is innate to my perception of self; gender dysphoria is something that has underscored my entire life. It's not something that can just be unlearned or undone through therapy.
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Thanks for explaining to me. I am an older millenial, probably closer to gen X than millenials. I havent had much interaction with trans people, and the interactions i have had were with weirdos with no social skills. Your story still feels familiar. Its not exactly the same on account of gender dysphoria, but i have had plenty of buddies with regular dysphoria.
(Side note: I'm not sure how to relate to you, your transgender experiences are outside my wheelhouse. I'm tiptoeing around because I know you had a tough day yesterday and I'm not trying to pile on. That said, because your transgender, then you know what its like to be male, and thats how I know how to relate to you. I dont normally talk to women other than my wife's friends, and I dont really listen to them because they arent really interesting to me.)
I noticed starting around the mid 2000s that lots of guys around college age went through some serious depression bouts. I'm not sure what caused them, but it became more common than not to have some really sad years then. Some handled it by pouring themselves into school, some into dating, some into drinking and drugs. The ones with bad dysphoria became obsessed with working out. I went through a partying phase that lasted about 7 years. All the guys that I knew that went through this came out of their depression once they started to get their life in order. For some it was career, for some it was a girl or family, whatever it was they found some type of purpose and it really did wonders for them. I see the same general struggle in trans people. Where it seems to go south for them is that they make their gender identity their purpose. That seems both more complicated and not quite strong enough to me. It relies on other people to buy in on your purpose, to validate it. Thats the part that I think will always let you down. Instead of looking inward for validation of your purpose, it relies on external validation. And youll never be able to control how other people respond to your purpose. I might have this all wrong and total acceptance of trans people would be enough to chase the demons out of your head, but my gut says its not that easy. Sorry for the giant wall of text, and sorry if I have offended you. I dont serious post much, so I hope you read this in the spirit that I wrote it. Feel free to DM if you want to discuss more.
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This is a good grasp, although it misses some details.
This is true for me but not in general. Trans people who are happy in their lives don't make their gender identity their purpose. They also don't crypost about it on the internet. What I need to do is accept the fact that I will never be cis and in spite of that still live a fulfilling life. Unfortunately, this is much easier said than done.
Also, when people berate and judge you based on your looks, it makes you focus on those things. I think it's a bit tougher for trans ppl to "find purpose" because we're seen as the laughing stock of the internet. It's hard to move on when people keep pulling you back down.
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This stuck out to me. The internet is not where you find purpose. The internet is for shenanigans. Finding purpose is all about searching for a cause thats bigger than yourself, something that sits on your mind most of the time and drives you to do more than smoke weed and play video games all day. Something in us drives us to need a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Whatever this drive is, i think thats where the religion comes from. But it doesnt have to be religion. Its got to be something that consists of more than just you.
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Have you looked much into Stoicism? Its done wonders for me. Theres a few podcasts I can recommend, if you want them. I was going through a really tough time a while ago, thought I was about to get divorced. I was going through heck fighting every day, dreading coming home, and generally watching my life fall apart. I started getting up earlier than my wife, going for a small run, and drinking coffee while "meditating" on a dock down the road from my house. I'd listen to these stoic meditations that continually talked about how letting go and accepting the things you cant control leads to a happier life. Control the things that you can control and let all the other shit go. It sounded easy but it wasnt. I would then finish my run and lift weights. Weirdly, that morning routine did more to change my life than anything else I have ever done. I started going to therapy, not to b-word, but to ask how I could be a better man for my family. Thinking I was about to get divorced and choosing to better myself anyway was legit one of the most gratifying things I've ever done. I'm not sure how that all lines up with what you are experiencing, but maybe theres something in my rant that can help you.
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I'm not OP but I'll answer.
1. Because 99.99% of "trans" people anymore are a bunch of snowflakes who aren't suffering from it at all, instead they're self-diagnosed kids who think being part of the oppressed group is "cool" (the irony being that they are the single biggest reason for that oppression). They don't understand the difference between something like autism which makes someone function differently, vs. a disease in need of eradication that does nothing but cause unceasing, hopeless pain that can only get worse. Having a nonsense "gender identity" is the cool thing right bow, whether it makes any sense or not.
s are rare, if every other kid is "trans" something is up.
2. In a heartbeat. Why wouldn't I?
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