In short, I "used to" be a trans guy. I still feel that I'm male but detransitioned. I'm much happier now that I'm, in a sense, re-closeted.
Edit for idiots: Would you rather wear a hot costume that nobody knows is a costume, or have everyone interpret your real self as a weird costume?
I'm really feminine (I have the facial proportions of a snapchat filter minus the bloated lips) & I didn't want to be a hypermasculine guy since male fashion kind of sucks (especially because I'm poor) so that made it really difficult to feel happy with myself because I either was dressed in a way I disliked (trying my best at passing without regard for my own style) or was getting misgendered because I was dressing in the way I liked. No matter how hard I tried to pass I was still misgendered anyway, usually being mistaken as a thief (baggy clothes.) I was even referred to correctly as "sir" once by an old southern man, but then he saw that I was wearing an earring & said "oh, sorry; MISS."
I was mid-teens then & my mother was supportive up until the topic of getting hormone blockers/HRT. I realized it would take years for me to begin any sort of gender reaffirming practices, & even longer for those gender reaffirming practices to actually garner results in the way I was percieved by others. Then I figured... what does it matter what other people think my gender is? You don't know the genitals of anyone you talk to unless you've seen them naked, cis or otherwise. If people want to percieve me as female, that's on them for not being close enough with me to know what my true identity is. I like feeling good about myself, not struggling emotionally, mentally, & physically for the validation of others.
Also my tits are great & it'd be a shame to get rid of em 
Is anyone else in the same boat or am I just an overcomplicated freakazoid? I just thought it'd be interesting to see other people's reaction to my logic. Sorry I'm a "yapper."
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interesng
in what aspect do you feel/want to be male?
also
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I just feel male. Presenting as a girl feels like I'm in really convincing drag; I don't identify with being a female except for the things I've had to experience due to being in a female body, I like the aesthetics of a female body (not for me personally but in general) and that's the extent of it.
Key point you're leaving out is "especially because I'm poor" on the male fashion topic lol (also good male fashion leans feminine/borrows from female fashion a lot of the time, again not helping me pass.)
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do you experience phantom peepee sensations like some people do? my friend had a dog that was spayed too early and would often lift her leg to pee (like a boy dog, while girl dogs squat) and I wondered if phantom peepee sensations were the cause.
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Yes but very rarely. I didn't actually know this was a thing/there was a name for this, just thought I was losing it.
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what does it even mean to feel male
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I don't know, you just do, hence why I didn't bother trying to go into detail. It's less that you "feel like a gender" and more that you just know the one you've been assigned doesn't quite fit, I guess.
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I mean samsies, doood.
@WhiteWomanShill, feeling male is soo complex, I can't even. Like my vibe is not feminine - Even though I'm afab?? And a lot of people around me say I exude male energy. I can't really elaborate but I just do. I hope this helps you, bro. 
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I never said anything about "vibe," "energy," or that "feeling male is complex," you're putting words in my mouth. Also you mention being afab as if that contradicts being a trans male/it dictates your "vibe..."
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it's normal to feel weird or not quite right
it's normal to not fit into gender stereotypes or w/e
i'm a dude but have have always had long hair
plenty of times in my young teens i had other people at first mistake me as a girl
at the time i thought it was embarrassing, but now i look back on it and it's nbd
or better than that, its funny
Anyways, your moms right. Puberty blocker carry immense risks that are irreversible and will damage your health permanently (brittle bones, increased cancer risk, etc).
Dress however you want, like whatever music you want, do whatever you want. You don't need medical intervention to do that.
It's okay to just be kind of a weirdo or whatever, it's not a medical condition.
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So in absence of feeling like a woman that makes you feel like a man? I feel like pooners and non-binaries feel that they have to/are pressured to perform femininity.
Also men's fashion is way cheaper. Pink tax is r-slurred on clothing for women.
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