"Socially cis"

In short, I "used to" be a trans guy. I still feel that I'm male but detransitioned. I'm much happier now that I'm, in a sense, re-closeted.

Edit for idiots: Would you rather wear a hot costume that nobody knows is a costume, or have everyone interpret your real self as a weird costume?

I'm really feminine (I have the facial proportions of a snapchat filter minus the bloated lips) & I didn't want to be a hypermasculine guy since male fashion kind of sucks (especially because I'm poor) so that made it really difficult to feel happy with myself because I either was dressed in a way I disliked (trying my best at passing without regard for my own style) or was getting misgendered because I was dressing in the way I liked. No matter how hard I tried to pass I was still misgendered anyway, usually being mistaken as a thief (baggy clothes.) I was even referred to correctly as "sir" once by an old southern man, but then he saw that I was wearing an earring & said "oh, sorry; MISS."

I was mid-teens then & my mother was supportive up until the topic of getting hormone blockers/HRT. I realized it would take years for me to begin any sort of gender reaffirming practices, & even longer for those gender reaffirming practices to actually garner results in the way I was percieved by others. Then I figured... what does it matter what other people think my gender is? You don't know the genitals of anyone you talk to unless you've seen them naked, cis or otherwise. If people want to percieve me as female, that's on them for not being close enough with me to know what my true identity is. I like feeling good about myself, not struggling emotionally, mentally, & physically for the validation of others.

Also my tits are great & it'd be a shame to get rid of em

Is anyone else in the same boat or am I just an overcomplicated freakazoid? I just thought it'd be interesting to see other people's reaction to my logic. Sorry I'm a "yapper."