Do you guys think that p-dophiles have superiority complex over other p-dophiles that like kids that are younger than the kids they like? Didn't make sense to me but it's also kind of funny you know. Like if you think about it like okay we'll go like well. You know it's fine that like 12-year-olds and then that's obviously bad you know. But then like give another p-dophile came up and went like well. I like 4-year-olds. Do you think like the other p-dophile goes like " you sick f*** they're only four " also, how do you? How do you think Asian people play into this plan of this? How do you think Asian people play into play and play into this? Like do you think a p-dophile looks at like an 18-year-old Asian guy and goes be like super creeped in over like an Asian kid because you know just

You don't, ideally they'd just be like well doing children is perfect, .*" And have their head blowing clean off by like the golf club. I mean like what you do is you put a golf club before you cut the head off a gut cub and you stick the the shaft of it down the barrel of the shotgun and then you shoot the shotgun so it's like a it's like a

If I if I knew Genie, I'd wish for all p-dophiles to get the mark of the beast on their forehead and then also like a 2% chance. Not even 2% like 0.2% chance of it happening to just random people but only only like really attractive. Random people. Ugly people, uogt people are going to have it disproportionately so

What would you guys wish for if there was a genie into you knew the genie and like you could wish it was that kind of arrangement but what what would you guys do? Discus f*** off discuss.

https://www.lowtechcartoon.com/?p=996

Norm Macdonald - On the origins of 4/20 & Origins of Adolf Hitler

Transcript below:

So 4/20 was the birthday of Austrian-born German politician and the leader of the National Socialist German Workers Party.

a fella went by the name of Adolf Hitler…

…but this guy there's a picture of him!

…Adolf Hitler very compelling kind of a figure, odd-looking duck…

but there's something about his eyes hypnotic his...eyes are almost entirely black...

he was a decorated veteran of World War one and he joined the work — HOLD THE FORT!!

……

…he hated Jews.

I'm sick of these kind of characters!

…I think we should kill Hitler. Mee and you go suicide kill him!

Adam: the guy like died 50 years ago…

NORM: I didn't even know he was sick!

Adam: …he wasn't...well...no...that's fine.

Norm: I wish I could find a Hitler today and go kill him.

Never forget this gem. There's a full 30m version of this with 10/10 Norm in sweatpants on a ROLL.

I'm 5'3" and a size 24 in bottoms and a 20 in tops generally speaking. I have always been naturally fat to varying degrees but I suffered from a restrictive eating disorder for a few years when I was in my twenties which took a massive toll on my health at the time. I now totally accept the fact that I'm naturally fat and am not meant to have a lean body type.

However, I still want to eat nutritious things and exercise on a regular basis like for my cholesterol, blood pressure, stress levels, etc. I always struggle internally with this because no one will "believe" I live a healthy lifestyle because I am visibly fat. Everyone will assume I'm lying lol.

Ultimately I know it's my life and I'm the one who has to approve of my choices, not anyone else! Does anyone else struggle with these types of thoughts?

Btw, I wish to clarify: I'm not saying I would necessarily be upset if I were to lose weight, I'm just saying it's unlikely to happen due to the chronic conditions I have which cause obesity

Here is an example of size 24 jeans that she is being forced to wear due to chronic conditions:

300s ( 24-26) I've felt very crappy - sicker when I get illnesses unrelated to weight, struggling to walk ( lungs hurt), more exacerbated stomach issues, issues with medical tests (MRI/CT) machines, have to fly first class or suffer the entire flight, struggle to fit broadway show or restaurant seats, and struggle to do things I want to do like travel to a place that requires a lot of walking. I know my comfortable weight and sizes but that's totally unique for everyone. I've seen women in the mid 300s similar or higher weight than me very happy doing regular fitness classes and traveling to high walking areas. I also agree with your comment of staying away from restricting nothing good comes from that focus on doing things that make you feel good and all the other stuff will do what it's meant to do.

Yeah, figuring out that balance is hard. I was around 300, dropped to 190 during the pandemic due to an ED, and now in recovery am trying to find my sweet spot. Right now I'm 270 and it hurts. My knees hurt, even with low impact workouts. I get winded easily. My body feels like it's in its own way. Restriction is a no-go for me, so I'm trying to focus on consistent workouts and curbing some dietary things that don't feel triggering

>illnesses unrelated to weight

>struggling to walk due to weight

And if anyone gives you shame, tell them it's a disability because people like them don't normalize spaces for all bodies. Or tell yourself if that's what it takes. They are disabling you, you are taking your power back.

Health At Every Size.

Yes, absolutely. I'm 5'1” and I weigh 330 lbs. i don't want to “diet” and my goal is not weight loss, but I do want to physically feel better.

I've accepted that people will always assume I live an “unhealthy” lifestyle because of my appearance and I'm okay with it. I try to keep more food around that's healthier than fast food but requires little effort to prepare so that it's the easier choice than a trip through the drive thru (one of my personal challenges in life). When I need groceries, I try to fit a physical trip to the store in instead of relying on Instacart so that I get a good walk.

Gotta keep those delivery apps afloat somehow.

Looking into this particular commenter's history sheds some insight into a day in the life of being healthy at every size.

“Too fat for a urine test”

Walking around the grocery store makes them break out in sweat

They're also addicted to popping biggol' cysts.

I misrepresented Jesus as the beast in the book of revelations.

https://www.jesus8880.com/gematria/topic_essays/magic_square_sun.htm

I needed to provide a correction. The beast in revelations is סורת, the beast in the book of revelations. Also known as the Black Sun.

Lucifer helped me learn an important lesson, that I can fall victim to illusion. I'm not blaming my illusions and misconceptions on an external source, they came from me, they were brought to the surface from my own psyche.

Mark 7:15

There is nothing from outside of the man, that going into him can defile him; but the things which proceed out of the man are those that defile the man.

Lucifer is my teacher and my friend, my patron and my mentor and I still view him as a friend.

Rudolf Steiner, famous occultist and esotericist stated "Lucifer encourages the tendency in human beings towards expansiveness, inflation, egotism, sensuality, passion, and ungrounded spirituality; Lucifer is the being who tells us that we are like the gods, knowing both good and evil" and this is my experience working with him.

Here is the thing you need to understand about evil, it comes from you. Lucifer didn't lead me astray, he brought it to the surface so I could acknowledge it, so I could purify it, and I learned an important lesson and placed myself above him and placed my trust in God. I wasn't lead astray. I realized the evil within and I shined light on it, my heart is still pure.

I'm now going to be working with סורת, who is a demon that even S. Connolly who is all "demons are love and light" said that his energy needs to be tempered.

https://arsmagine.com/others/sorath/

Wish me luck!

!actualbiofoids

The way in which he's sneaking it a Swedish Passport he probably bought at a black market in Bogota on the "altar" he's supposed to be worshipping thinking it will make people believe he's white

Spectacular https://t.co/SzHv8ApyAX

— Italian 🚅🇮🇹🇻🇦 (@Italian347) April 19, 2024

Not even drama, just laugh at fricking fatties. Clearly can't share the photo but how the frick does a 10 y/o born of r*pe and put up for adoption prior to birth weigh more than an obese adult weighing 220 lbs call other people fatasses. Other fun story I was told was that during placement at his previous long term residential facility he called people BIPOCs because there was about a .1% chance his birth father was black therefore making him Afro-Mexican and got the shit kicked out of him from actual Afro people. Went into the wrong field for drama because that sounds way more hilarious.

You absolute sickos | #Helldivers2

🔗 Ace_Larrakin pic.twitter.com/ezKcONBsfZ

— HELLDIVERS 2 Updates (@Helldivers2HQ) April 19, 2024

It was here: https://youtube.com/@StreetsnapsNightlifeWalks4K

Content was basically a woman (with a real vagina and stuff) going around filming young women on nights out in the UK, they had hundreds of thousands of views and the comments were full of coomers. Previews still show up on Bing:

RIP to the Sexy Indian dudes jerking off to bong foids, I guess.

Post: https://rdrama.net/h/toomanyxchromosomes/post/262594/10inbongland-foids-dont-like-their-skimpy

1. What is fueling this bull market

As far as for influence in the S&P 500, the stock markets and risky assets in the US there's no international factors that exist but for war. If war kicks in, as we've seen with Ukraine in terms of its impact on oil, oil price and various other things, if China gets scary in terms of Taiwan, yeah, it might have an impact (negligible).

But that's more of a function of the fiscal changes that the US has to put on its books in response to the national defense. But as far as any sort of monetary change, they just don't exist. You could actually say that if you identify that there's such a thing as a global liquidity, that's a spurious correlation.

If you search hard enough, you can find indexes after the fact, even after the fact might be five minutes. But after the fact, you can get all sorts of neat indexes, like what's the coffee price influence on steelmaking in the United States? Everything comes in and out.

But the thing is, is what's the Federal Reserve up to in terms of its actual cash flow? There's no such a thing as a fed induced liquidity (no matter what wingcucks on either end of the political spectrum neolibs vs AnCaps tell you). The Fed and if you just deal with just the United States, the Fed, not since World War II (and they didn't even do it during this COVID period), has actually put money into the country.”

Regarding what they have put in, they're mostly a very small trim tab, which because of the law that divides mandatory discretionary spend from Congress does have influence. They can tighten, they can ease, but it's a small fraction of what the actual innate US economy is doing

Now, if Congress, like the Soviet Politburo, is tied up in a five-year forward plan of what they can spend and not spend, you can have some forward look in terms of what that's going to be, then yeah, the Fed matters.”

They can have an influence. Volcker proved it with what he did, but by the way, that's the only time the Fed's ever proven that they can handle inflation More on that below). They thereafter acted like a trim tab, where they just did a very small amount of tightening or easing, which influenced the market that gave the forward expectations thesis, that's the New Keynesian thesis, which has actually just gotten out of hand totally, which is that the forward expectations of what the Fed's going to do is all that counts.

It's the federal government's bank is what the Fed is. It was never a policy maker. What's happened is that given what happened with the GFC and the Fed moved to a completely, radically new way of operating, which is called Neo-Wixel-Woodford, or whatever you might want to call it, and there's a lot of material that started with Woodford's 2012 presentation at Jackson Hole, where the Fed just shifted to forward markets. (Attached - Michael Woodford's paper on Forward Guidance, presented at the Kansas City Fed Meet, 2012 in Jackson Hole. Read it if you want; I glossed over and rolled my eyes so many times within the first 10 pages I have no interest in going through the whole thing: https://www.kansascityfed.org/Jackson%20Hole/documents/6930/Woodford_JH2012.pdf ).

They can just set down the framing of what they can do. And that's supposed to be monetary policy. Well, that, from any rational point of view, means that the Fed has just given up and left the play field.

That, especially when there's an exogenous shock like COVID looming over and the Fed's not evolved, signals what their power truly is. They're always just a small trip tap, so if they actually expect that forward expectation management is all they have to do, well, sooner or later, people start to poke at it. And then more and more poke at it, and they say, okay, things are great two years from now or a year from now.

Yet sentiment matters, and the Fed is the principal definer of sentiment right now. And last week (after the markets held steady even after rates were not cut and there was an indication that it might even go up) was the start of the end of that grip on the market. It was almost like a near panic among Fixed Income hustle and bustle cels.

Yet everything the Fed did was clearly orchestrated. Everyone had like six talking points in front of them before they go out. There is no independence with all the FOMC and the regional Fed governors.

Unless there's like a two to three trillion dollar tightening that comes from, and at this point, only Congress can deliver that, the stock market has only one way to go. Now, it might be that the nominal growth might be inflationary, it might not, but the stock market is going to continue to go up.

2. But what is the Fed then?

What happened in the 70s, this is the fundamental object lesson of monetary policy is every time there was the slightest hint that the economy could be turning down, the Fed lowered rates and then inflation came back up and then they increased rates. And the issue is when the Fed doesn't look like it's resolute on inflation, inflation doesn't come back to where it was before, it comes to higher than it was before, which means that every time to fight it, you've got to take rates even higher, which means that the damage you do to the economy is even more. And so letting it, expectations spiral out of control, I think is just a very risky thing for the economy.

And that's not some theoretical model. People actually lived through in the 70s. Volcker buck broke the economy under Carter and Ford but neither of the trio get the recognition they deserve. 😞

The overall story that inflation is moderating is still the right story. But the not dumb people have long been of the view that inflation has been, and will be more stubborn to come back to 2% than everyone would like. And in particular, in the last half of last year, part of the reason the numbers came back so nicely was that goods turned deflationary and that offset still higher than normal levels of inflation on services and shelter.

Now, in the 2000s, there was healthcare inflation that was quite significant and much more than it was in the 90s. But goods price deflation came down. So the basket does shift and it's fine if it shifts, it just needs to get to 2% overall. Frick it, we ballin on averages, cuz.

And so that makes policy pretty straightforward with today's world, which is, you have restrictive rates and you want to be restrictive and bring inflation down.

Thus there would also seem to be a disconnect between a certain number of Fed officials who will say policy is restrictive versus looking at something like that financial conditions index, or even the amount of refinancing being undertaken by like the corporate bond market or the loan market recently. So there are many financial conditions indices. Some of them show looser than others. As it should. It's miscalculation and hand waving from them, it's almost a schizophrenia inducing cognitive dissonance among ABS/MBS and bond traders. They have no clue wtf is going on and how to interpret yield curves anymore.

3. WTF is a housing market bubble (Section only for zoomers and below 60 IQ) !r-slurs

But how much a restrictive policy today restrain the housing supply of tomorrow; whether it's like a multifamily house, where there has been recent data that new multifamily development has really fallen off quite a bit. And in theory, that means housing becoming more scarce in 2026

And when fed started raising rates, the country was in the middle of as frothy a period in the housing market as it could have gotten. On an average, 12 bids per house. Houses going for $40,000 over listed price.

As of late, single family starts are quite strong and much stronger than normal in this cycle, in part because I think availability of existing homes has been so low. And multifamily starts have come down a bunch, but that was from a very, very high peak.

And so they're not that far off today where they were before the pandemic.

If the economy continues to be as robust it is with rates where they are, that'll tell you something. (Spoiler - Housing will not come down)

A. Productivity would be a very simple way to explain the change. A higher productivity economy is a higher trend growth economy, which would do it. Something something solow model or sumthn.

But coming back to inflation. Why is it set around 2% by the Fed?

First: IDK.

Second: It has worked for 30 years

Third: It's a good number to measure deflation

A good example would be encyclopedias. I used to buy encyclopedias, so did you. (Pre 2000s born). No one buys an encyclopedia today. It's on your phone. And so it's out of the index. And so it's gone from being whatever it's price was, say $399 to zero. That's deflation, but it's out of the index. And so speaking more about tech, actually, you're not buying a camera anymore or film. It's taken a set of things out of the index, deflationary.”

If you set a target at zero and you don't hit it exactly, you're in deflationary territory. And deflation is where everything tomorrow costs less than it does today. So the incentive to buy today goes down, which means an economy tends to stagnate.

Really the major tool the Fed has is credibility.

Tl;dr - DUMBFRICKS STOP LOOKING AT THE FED NEWS AND RATES TO REBALANCE YOUR PORTFOLIO

!metashit !math

The IRS played in everybody’s face this year. You either owed or got a small amount back. Either way, most of us were all cheated.

— BLH (@_RareDefined) April 15, 2024

I've climbed mount warning, in female company, more times than I could count. The only dangers are those inherent in physical activity of that sort. The idea that nativist mumbo jumbo dictates public policy and access to public spaces in the 21st century is ridiculous.

Thanks whitey

/u/Actual_Ebb3881 is barely trying and generating so much seeth

So they're trying to justify closing Mt Warning because imaginary spirits will make people sick? Yet continue to sink piss and abuse their kids and partners at a much higher rate than the general population.. can't be too concerned with health. Cultural or religious considerations shouldn't have any weight at all in decisions that impact everyone

Inter generational trauma is a terrible thing. Your comment is unkind, small minded and demonstrates your lack of knowledge around these issues. Shame on you!!! SMH 🤦‍♂️

eagerly awaiting an angry reply to this one

[removed] They want all the benefits of western culture while maintaining their "heritage". To lazy to create written language or defend their Home but more than happy to stand around with their hand out, "Sovereignty was never ceded" is "We lost and don't want to blame ourselves" you don't get to cede what was taken you stupid fricks.

Just want a fair crack bro, like the one you were born into

removed guy's username is /u/DeepAnalRape

/u/Actual_Ebb3881 with another banger

It makes perfect sense with the deleted comment above 👆🏾 what happened? Cause you've gone from king/queen fighters to convict/slave no choice something something. What will be the plight of whitey next comment?

What are you on about blackey?, there is no deleted comment or are you still learning english?

you wanted to talk about centuries ago so i talked about a slice of White history, Europeans have been fighting kings and queens since before the Romans, the Roman empire was more more advanced than the Aboriginals were at any point in there 40 thousand year history.

Bit rich coming from the guy playing the violin for the plight of some Hut dwellers running around without shoes.

these dudes would make the most racist american hicks blush

!strayans please educate us as to what these idiots are arguing about. i gather the rock is important to the abos and the chuds want to keep clambering on it? is there more to this?

So Civil War came out and it's.... leh bad????? Let's discuss

So basically the story is set in some alternate universe where there's a civil war in America. One thing that's missing all throughout the movie is any grounding in reality that would make the movie make sense. They essentially play it straight with as close to realism as possible so it makes everything else around the movie all that much less possible to take seriously.

Here's the map that supposedly the current geopolitical situation in the movie.

Blue = Loyalist States

Green = Western Forces

Red = Florida Alliance

Yellow = New Peoples Army (you never see these guys in the movie)

So already we're off to a bad start. How's the WF going to supply each other? Expensive butt planes? Also what's to keep these state borders to begin with? Why haven't people just drawn borders of their own? You'll notice that as you ask more question the stupider the movie gets.

Also of note is the curious absence of any... cause? There's no indication of WHAT the states are fighting over? There's a sniper (males) later on in the film that has painted nails in the trans colors so I'm just going to go ahead and assume the civil war is being fought over trans right Which side would you be on in the battle for trans right dramatards? I would be fighting with my inverted peepee xrothers and xisters in the trenches to defend my fellow tranners, I'll have you know.

TRANS LIVE MATTER!!!!

This movie is essentially a shitlib suburban wine mom's version of what they think Drumphler would inact upon the united states of the brave pink vagina hat mommies and dommies didn't boot his butt out of office.

PLOT

Anyway the movie starts with Ron Swanson doing his best Donald Trump impression - Nick Offerman is a frequent and heavy consumer of Trump Derangement Syndrome and I'm sure relished in the idea of taking on a Trump-esque roll to lampoon him, even though you see him for about 2 mins at the beginning of the movie and 30 seconds at the end and that's it. A24 must have been running the budget tight.

Some kid goes up to Gwenyth Paltrow at some protest where a bomb goes and goes uwu you're my hero you have the same name as (something something plot contrivance to get the two to meet). Gwenyth is using a FILM CAMERA which for some reason they think in the 21st century film cameras and not just any dope with a working phone are relevant to the "journ*listic profession" (I vomited typing that)

Cut to the hotel they're staying it and fatso old man (Stephen McKinley Henderson) is there along with Gwenyth and Joe (who's real name is Joel but his horrible accent and basically unintelligible dialogue made me believe until just now looking up the IMDB page right now that his name is Joe). Their big master plan is that they want to drive from NY to DC (where they allegedly "shoot journ*lists on sight," god I wish) and interview the president because he hasn't given an interview in over 18 months. The young chick is there and introduces herself as Jessie (which I misheard as Dussie so that's what we're gonna go ahead and call her for the rest of this review, you know I'm starting to think that I have a problem hearing things...). Gwenyth the following morning - expressing zero emotion throughout the entire movie except monotone line delivery - states verbally her annoyance at having a rookie come to the trip. Fatso is there too and even though he's established as their journ*listic competition (lol, lmao even) they agree to give him a ride to DC. Sure why not.

This is the basic structure they use to string together a rollercoaster of events essentially.

Weeeee!!!!

The gas station

They stop at a gas station even though they're not empty (and they have an extra container on the back which the director forgot about) because you "have to get gas at any opportunity you can." Uh okay. The gas station is ran by a bunch of good ol' proud boys with their modded AR-15s and big beards and body armor and they're sitting close enough to each other that one spray from an automatic rifle would kill all of them pretty quickly but nevertheless they ask Maggie Gylenhaal for her "fueling license" . She says she can pay them in cash, and offers 300 dollars. And they're like 300 ain't buy you much, that'll get you like a sandwich (okay but like a sandwich's worth of gas is a pretty decent amount of gas tho....) and then Gwenyth goes - no no CANADIAN.

We have entered into a bizarro land where Canadian dollars are worth more than the USD. How would the Canucks not get immediately captured the moment that war broke out. What are they gonna call on the powerful and mighty 21st century English navy to help them out? Oh hey fellow Americans I know we're all having a civil war and whatnot but the english are here, you guys just stand far enough away from each other so we can't shoot ourselves and we can easily take care of this problem.

Good ol' boy agrees and they get fuel. Young chick sees some looters strung up and gets too scared to take photos because it's the first time she's seen gore (she should go to WPD some more, causal )

war is le hecko

The movie then does these long cinematic shots of - what I can only assume should be - war torn neighborhoods. But it doesn't look.... that bad?

Here's some examples I was able to pull from the trailer.

Like the bright color pallates, most of the skyscrapers are still standing, the bridges are in working order. In the movie the asphalt is in good shape, the paint on the road is nice and crisp. This is supposed to be horrible scenery and yet it looks... fine? Except for the smoke and the preepmtively blown up car in the second and fourth images respectively. Is American really embroiled in the aesthetics of a horrific civil war or is it just Cincinnati?

By comparison, here's an actual war torn country, Ukraine

Western Forces

So lemme make sure I understand this properly. You're telling me DC decided to pick a fight with the state that produces like 70% of all the food IN THE NATION and also still has EXTRA to export to other countries and the state that has a shit load of manufacturing and a huge gun culture? Again... why? They never say the cause but I'm morbidly curious to know what would cause DC to do this.

shoot shoot, bleed bleed

The next day they follow around some florida militia boys as they smoke some camo boys - not sure who's on who's side but I just guessed cause the florida boys are wearing very visible red hawaiian shirts. They witness a guy get shot and get dragged to safety after which they see a medic packing medical gauze into the wound to prevent further bleeding (I'm making a point of this because it will become important later).

They SEE and WITNESS this happening and even PHOTOGRAPH this happening in front of them so there's no excuse NOT TO KNOW WHAT TO DO WHEN SOMEONE GETS SHOT OKAY????

They also do that tacticool thing where they have all the soldiers go like "STACK UP, ON ME!! " which is really dumb and adds nothing to the movie. I discovered a cool thing which is that the US military will let you use their toys if the script gets approved by the DoD - which it definitely looks like it did here.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Military%E2%80%93entertainment_complex

So I'm guessing that's what's happening here, they got a bunch of good ol' boys from the Army to reenact a bunch of CQB for the camera because there's a lot of that (and more towards the end too) which adds nothing to the plot and isn't even that cool to look at. They work their way up some stairs a smoke a guy who was groaning in pain and not even armed, lmao. Then they execute a bunch of people wearing those Abu Dhabi black hoods. Fun and wholesome for the whole family if the movie didn't try to moralize it like it's le bad. Everyone knows war is heck, the more compelling thing is what it does to the human psyche which this movie explores with the subtlety of a howitzer cannon.

They start driving and come upon an idillyc neighborhood where all the signs of war are absent. "Are we in some type of time machine" remarks Joe. They walk into one of the stores and say to the shopkeeper - "Hey you know there's a pretty big civil war going around " and the shopkeeper is like "yeah we like to stay out of it " to which Joe scoffs as if to say yeah right chud, don't you understand that centrism is nazis!??!?!?!?!?!?!

drumphler wants to kill women and minorities and turn Amerikkka into a fascist state!! Silence is violence!!! TWO SCOOPS!!!!!

They decide to take some time to relax. Angelina Jolie tries on a dress and Dussie photographs her. Joe puts on a silly hat

Ummm excuse me chud, why are you wasting your time trying on hats, don't you know there's like a pretty big civil war going around AND PUTLER IS KILLING RGB AND TURNING AMERICA INTO THE HANDMADE TABLE!!!

winter winter wonderland

Anyway the crew continue driving north until they come upon a winter wonderland outdoors display (it's summer). In the middle of the road is the dead body of a soldier with still fresh blood on them. Joe decides - despite the evidence in front of him that he's going to get shot - to move the car slowly forward, at which point he gets shot Don't worry though he's fine and they panic accelerate running over the body which is a cheap shitty prosthetic and it doesn't look convincingly like a body at all. Honestly this made me laugh very hard. There's a sniper in the neighboring building that's shooting at them and as they're taking cover they find the counter snipers - one spotter another sniper. Joe's all like "who are you fighting for" and the spotter sniper calls him r-slurred and says there's a guy in the tower, he's trying to kill us, we're trying to kill him. Honestly I love these guys were it not for the fact that they were wearing ghillie suits, bleached blond hair (that would be very easy to spot from a distance) and painted nails (they're both dudes) that are painted in the trans pink blue colors. This is never explained why they look so bizarre. They shoot the other guy and then the gang moves on its way.

As they're driving another car comes up and it turns out it's one of Joes WaAaAcKy friends who's like totally crazy and he jumps out of his car into theirs and Dussie does the same in reverse. The driver of the other car speeds off and then they get worried when they see the car abandoned later on down the road. Turns out some redneck hick (Jesse Plemmons) took them hostage and he's dumping out a truckload of bodies into a mass grave. How did he kill these people? Why? Is he just a checkpoint? What's his motivation? No one knows. They come up and try to reason with him and and he starts asking where are you from and they all say some state and then one of Joes friends goes "Hong Kong" LMAAAOOOOO what. Dude just lie what's wrong with you. It's never explained but Jesse's character is supposed to be xenophobic but like... you never see a line that's like

>"them darn filthy for'ners ruined this country that's why we're at each others neck, hey yew brownskin where yew from"

He just very calmly asks each person where they're from and shoots them if they don't give a satisfactory answer? So weird. Where his xenophobia comes from is never explained and the old fatso fatty fat fat rams the car into him (despite them being in an open field and having guns and also you can very much hear a car that's about to run you over even if your back was turned to it, but okay go off queen) killing Jesse and stunning his friend but knocking the gun out of his hand. They all climb in and drive off while his friend is shooting at the car. They're shooting from behind the car and despite this the person in the back seat DIDN'T get hit, but fatso fatty fat (driver) DID get hit (in one of his many engorged arteries I persume) and starts to bleed out slowly.

OH GOD OH SHIT OH FRICK WHAT DO WE DO!!!!

Okay journo tards. There's three of you in the car so I presume you have a minimum of three brain cells to work together here. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN SOMEONE IS BLEEDING????

...

C'MON I KNOW YOU HAVE SEEN PEOPLE GET SHOT BEFORE. CAN YOU THINK OF WHAT TO DO WHEN THERE'S BLOOD GUSHING OUT OF A WOUND???

YOU HAVE SEEN THIS EXACT SITUATION HAPPEN BEFORE. IN THIS VERY MOVIE. YOU EVEN PHOTOGRAPHED IT!!! FOR GOD'S SAKE WHAT THE FRICK DO YOU DO?!?!?!?!?!?

The journotards - realistically depicting the lack of analytical thinking and sub-chimpanzee problem solveing skills that they have in the actual real world - do nothing except sneed and cope about how their friend is gonna die and there's nothing they can do EVEN THOUGH THERE'S DEFINITELY MANY MANY DIFFERENT THINGS THEY COULD HAVE DONE TO PROLONG HIS LIFE UNTIL THEY REACH A HOSPITAL but alas there's nothing they can do. The next 15 mins is just wallowing around about how sad it is that my friend died a very preventable death that I did nothing to stop because I'm a fricking useless idiot. Then they get word that the Western Forces are gonna storm DC and take the white house (while wearing the pink kitty hats I'm guessing)

DID THEY HAVE NOTHING IN THE CAR, NO FIRST AID KIT???? THEY'RE WAR REPORTERS!!!!!!!!!! I'M STILL MAD ABOUT THIS

RRRAAHHHHH!!! WAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!

They enter the last third of the movie which is.... ooh boy. Bad. It's bad. Lot of shit is happening so I won't be able to do a play by play but I'll list my favorite and silliest scenarios that took place.

• They have two humvees driving around a corner trying to take down a pill box. The journos are so close that they're touching one of the humvees and also the soldiers in front of them. From the perspective of a commanding officer it looks absolutely ridiculous. One of the humvees allows a missle to take it down, which is weird since it should have been laying down covering fire?

• A helicopter hovers super low (like 20 ft off the ground) and fires from its miniguns into... nothing? Very few enemy combatants are shown. Fun fact about helicopters if you stuck a piece of tape on top of one of its propellers, it would decentralize it's gyroscopic mechanisms so much that it would fail to take off! Also another fun fact about helicopters, they can be taken down with small arms fire, WHICH IS WHY THEY NEVER GET TO ANYWHERE NEAR 20 FEET OFF THE GROUND UNLESS THEY'RE PICKING SOMETHING UP, ESPECIALLY NOT IN DANGER CLOSE HOT ZONES LIKE THIS ONE. A LITERAL PISTOL COULD HAVE TAKEN IT DOWN A HUNDRED MILLION DOLLAR HELICOPTER.

• They have scene of a tank smashing through a barricade that - while all the other tanks look like modern day abrams - looks like it's from the 1960s. Movie director must not have been very popular with the DoD guy he was assigned lol.

A presidential van tries to make a run for it and stupidly smashes itself into a bunch of humvees and shit. The people inside (not president) try to come out with their hands up and are shot on sight. Maggie Gylenhaal has a hunch that the president isn't in there and heads into the white house. The troops show up and despite not knowing they were in there, DO NOT SHOOT THE JOURN*LISTS ON SIGHT even though they are pretty trigger happy but okay. They're following the fighting inside the white house and taking pictures and are extremely danger close. I honestly doubt they would have let war reporters literally breathe down their necks while they're reloading. Anyway due to some plot contrivance Dussie is in the middle of a hallway and is about to get shot but Maggie pushes her out of the way and gets shot herself. Then they go up to the white house press secretary which is like "please let us negotiate safe release and passage to some other state" and one of the grunts is like "I will never agree to that deal" and shoots her which is weird because why would some expendable grunt have ANY negotiating power? And also wouldn't key cabinet members as well as the president themselves be good to keep alive so you can execute them publicly as a show of force? I tell you these guys do NOT get coups man. They find Ron Swanson, give him some last words and then shoot him in the head. Then the movie ends with everyone next to the body like they're photographic a fish (I kinda like this shot tho, lol)

ANNOYANCES

They have a strange amount of jumpscares where they'll be like periods of quite and all of the sudden there'll be loud gunfire? And it won't really coincide with the plot - which is to say it's not relevant at that moment more so than at any other point in the movie. It's just bad and it scared me

tropes tropes and more tropes

• stack up on me!

• ah I'm shot but it's okay it's only a little bleeding

how stupid everything is

Anyway this movie was dumb and luckily you don't have to watch it because you read my review! Yayyyyyyyy :)

i'm the based illiterate juror #4