He's only been active in the past 24 hrs, but this guy made an account so that he can pretend to be an alien that is simultaneously confused and aroused by "earthling women". His comments are some of the worst attempts at complements that I've ever read. He uses the account to hit on Reddit porn foids, but the punchline of every one of his "smooth" lines is basically "I'm from Neptune". That's literally all it is. I honestly can't wait to see where this goes in the next couple of days.
Here are some highlights:
Such perfect little pokies!! I bet they’d like to feel that popsicle rubbing on them. My home planet is far too cold for such things. I’m very intrigued to learn about Earth women.
(In response to a picture of a disgustingly aged foid: )
On my home planet of Neptune we live much longer than high earthlings. You appear to be just reaching your prime.
Your body looks very good for undergoing such a strenuous process. On my planet the young are raised in tubes. Earthling mothers are the most beautiful creatures in the galaxy.
Edit: holy shit now I'm even more confused. He made a post
Is it a schizo or what
THIS HAD BETTER NOT BE ONE OF YOU
Many of you may already be aware of this website, but I thought I'd post it so our newfriends know what good drama bait looks like. Introducing sarahjessicaparkerlookslikeahorse.com! Some background: if you somehow aren't aware, Sarah Jessica Parker is hideously ugly and everyone rightfully hates her for it. In 1994 she acted in Ed Wood, and at one point her character actually asks "do I really have a face like a horse" (link to the clip), which is allegedly the first instance of the horse joke. Yes Sarah, yes you do.
Although it has remained relatively insignificant over the years, the site has attracted the attention of the Guardian, DListed, Perez Hilton (the webpages where these two mentioned the site no longer exist), and several radio shows, including a couple on XM. This is all due to the website simply existing; true dramaposting should be able to passively upset/entertain people like this.
The website's owner calls himself "The Stablemaster", and spent an incredible amount of time putting together everything from impressive photoshops, fake letters from organizations such as the "Greater California Bay Area Equine Anti-Defamation Society", articles on US domestic policy, and even making tasteful clips such as this one. The site is also embellished with several claims of awards they've received; adding easilly-disprovable lies like these to your posts is one of the easiest ways to upset people, especially if you double down after the lolcows point out your lie. Take note newfriends, this is how you write bait that's fun for the whole family.
This has to have been one of you.
TL;DR: diabetic woman's insulin pump can't handle exposure to radio waves (would take zero effort to add RF protection), so the genius goes and buys the exact same insulin pump. When the shitty engineering fails again, she blames the local ham radio operator (read: retired autist) and lobbies to have his autistic obsession taken away.
@TransPeopleAreValid is everything okay? What caused such a massive sneed sesh?
- King_of_the_Retards: I never got my badge either. Also give me his
Ex-cee-uuuuse me j-slurs but it do believe it was me who suggested making the report list collapsed by default, as well as the idea of a switch to toggle between links opening in new or old reddit.
So where is my "site contributor" profile badge or whatever? I need my tiny fix of dopamine for the day and I DEMAND that you give it to me because I have EARNED it.
TLDR: Nerds and hammers discover that connecting radio receivers to the internet is not always a good idea. Turns out every one of these popular $350 software-defined radios can be fully controlled and modified remotely with the right admin credentials. They are NOT happy that the creators coded a backdoor into their favorite radio. On top of that, these radios are capable of decoding GPS signals, so their locations are now compromised too.
The creator of KiwiSDR, after letting it slip that he had a backdoor, immediately went into damage control mode and erased any mention of it from his posts. He is now pretending on GitHub that he didn't know about this and is releasing a patch to cover it up.
You may have noticed that most social media users that are obsessed with politics are zoomers. It's important that we as draumanaughts do everything we can to upset them. The key is to remind them that because of their age, their opinion is worthless. This works even if you are a zoomer too, because they're convinced anyone against them is an evil boomer and revealing your age to them leads to some delicious cognitive dissonance.
For maximum seethe, try responding to zoomer agendaposts with some of these:
- Let me guess, you're still in high school?
- It's okay, I believed things just to spite my parents when I was your age too!
- I'm sorry your father isn't around.
- Child detected, opinion discarded.
- Omg my parents told me I should say the same thing!
- Why would I listen to someone with no real world experience?
- Wow that's crazy, I thought this too before I became an adult!
- Don't worry, you'll grow out of this opinion!
The last one in particular is VERY effectively at causing seethe/spergouts. No, I don't have a link, I have to go back to the lab soon and this post has already taken too much effort. I recommend following any of these with condescending emojis like 🤗, and 🥰. Go try this on Reddit or something and post your results here. This concludes my low-effort post.
This is cool but please go outside you lowlives
Here is a bar chart of our most fragile users. These users have blocked more people than anyone else on the site (one or more)!
Harassing these users and pinging them incessantly is highly encouraged so that they can learn to assimilate to our culture (I've already done it twice 🥰)! 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 Have a wonderful day! @deuxbag @ZchiggyDiggy9 @aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa @something @TurboFish_McSteroid @jannie @rdramathrowaway @SCOTCAWTHONNAZI @Eliza @cumlord @JIGINATOR @Jackboots @BigSeethe @coolcow117 @JohnnyAppleSneed @BEAR @fic8 @dafoe
Haven't seen an animalpost here in a bit, thought I'd contribute
I'm loving rdrama.net but we have a serious lack of pathetic losers to make fun of here. Look, bullying @Landlord_Messiah for his dwarfism is fun and all, but it's nothing compared to the crack-like dopamine rush I get from putting Pizza in his place. Life just isn't the same without making Pizza wish he was never born.
Maybe he's posting under a different handle, but if not then somebody had better hogtie that lanky, miserable, self-righteous FUCKING nerd and drag him over to this website before I switch to my Tedposting alt and write some SERIOUS longposts.
I'm full of sneed, rage, and Adderall, and I promise it will NOT be pretty if I don't find someone to unleash it all upon. Now where the FUCK is that commie nerd?