TED_SIMP

House Vampire Founder  

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joined 04 Jun 2021

if I reply to you with :marseynut: it means I am hopelessly in love with you and am literally begging you to let me hop on that dick. hmu

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TED_SIMP

House Vampire Founder

🍩☕️

531 coins   500 marseybux   59 followers   follows 23 users   joined 04 Jun 2021

if I reply to you with :marseynut: it means I am hopelessly in love with you and am literally begging you to let me hop on that dick. hmu

Awards received

x17 x1 x5 x5 x3 x3 x7 x2 x14 x1 x4 x3 x1 x1 x1 x10 x2 x1 x14 x2 x4 x2 x1 x2 x7 x1 x1

User ID: 1466

Coins spent: 17630

True score: 54773

Winnings: -1000

Alpha User Bug Chaser Unironically Retarded Little Big Spender Halloween 21 Alt-Seeing Eye Unblockable True Believer Christmas 21 BADASS OUTLAW Fart-Free 1 Year Old 🥰 1st Birthgay Bash Survivor
39
ted's easy guide to birding

I get a lot of questions related to going birdwatching, so I thought I'd put a little post together with the basics. Keep in mind that you may be in a different geographical region, and migrations/ regional species will be different for you if you are.


What you need: The good thing about birding is that you really don't need anything to do it; it's one of the few truly free hobbies left in today's world. But there are definitely some things that will be useful, such as:

1. Binoculars. If you're going to go out and buy anything for birding, get binoculars. They don't have to be fancy, and you can use pretty much any pair, but keep in mind that some binoculars are objectively better for birding. You'll want 7- or 8-power binoculars. They're bright, and have a wide field of view. The Audubon Society recommends 8x42 binoculars.

2. A camera. Cameras can be used similar to binoculars (and some can even zoom in better), but with the added advantage of getting a picture of what you see! Bird tracking apps like ebird (which I'll cover later) may require you to submit a photo if you see a rare bird, so it's good to take pictures. I recommend a DSLR with a telephoto lens, so you can photograph them from afar.

3. Field guides. Field guides are great for studying up on your regional species. You can get them for your country, region, or state (if you're in the US). I recommend Sibley guides the most, but Peterson and Audubon are just as good.

4. Proper clothes. This one isn't a huge deal to me, I just wear whatever, but be prepared like you would to go hiking. You should wear sneakers or hiking boots, longer sleeves and pants if ticks are an issue where you are, maybe a hat? Basically clothes that prevent you from getting exposed to cold or rain or heat or bugs or whatever the conditions are. You don't want to be uncomfortable while you're out. But I usually ignore this and go hiking and birding in flip flops without bug spray so who am I to talk?


Good apps for birding: One of the best things about being a naturalist in today's world is you don't need to carry around a lot of stuff. Back then, you'd need to carry at least a notebook and multiple field guides, and you'd have to scramble to flip through the pages to find your bird before it flies away. Fortunately for us, we have phones now, making things lighter, faster, and more convenient.

1. Ebird. allows you to track birding trips with your location, time, and species you see, which can be posted. you can search for birding hotspots within a 30 mile radius, search for certain species and see the probability of finding one in your location, see what species are the most common in your area, and get notifications for rare bird sightings. species tracking apps like these and inaturalist are super important to scientists. they can use the data to track migration trends, and identify rare species/ populations, or identify vagrants.

2. BirdNET. When you're birding, you aren't always going to see the bird. But you'll definitely hear it! And most often, you'll hear your bird before you see it. BirdNET lets you record bird sounds, and uses an algorithm to guess what bird you're listening to. Results are given with examples of their songs so you can check, and it also tells you how confident it is about the answer. However, if it's windy, or there are cars driving nearby, it may be hard to pick up the sound, and sometimes the app cannot guess. Obviously it isn't perfect, but it works pretty damn well.

3. Merlin Bird ID. The main function of this app is to identify mystery birds. You answer a short survey, and get a list of possible birds. It's not very accurate, but can help narrow things down. What I like about it is you can search through a list of birds by region. The list is very detailed, and you can use it like a field guide. You can see winter vs breeding plumages, male vs female coloration, and juveniles. You also get basic info, sounds, and range.


Keeping a life list: a life list is a list of all the species you want to see. it's your goal as a birdwatcher. some people keep a list of their own species, while others will seek to see as many species as possible in their region, country, or even the world! It's always a good day finding a new species, especially if it's on your life list. The day I saw my first Brown Thrasher, I was ELATED. Seeing a new species gives you a rush of dopamine, because you have achieved a goal. When we went for birdwatching walks in my ornithology class, our two lab sections would compete to find the most species. My section always won, of course :)


Going birding: Okay, so now that we've gone over all the background stuff, we are ready to go birding! Here's some tips on how to successfully go birdwatching:

  1. Go in the spring/ summer. This is mating season, and a prime time to see birds! The males will be in their bright breeding plumage, and will be singing their characteristic songs. Migrants will be back from wintering, and you will see many species! Plus, you don't have to worry about being freezing cold. Early spring is good to start out, because birds will be returning, but the trees will still be bare, so you can easily spot them.

  2. Pick a good location. You can find different species in different habitats. Try them all! Here, we have meadows, forests, and marshes primarily. Use Ebird to find spots where people have been seeing lots of species.

  3. Pick a good time. Birds are most active in the morning. If you can go before 11 AM, do that! Some species are more active at dusk as well, but afternoons are typically not peak bird activity times.

  4. Be quiet, slow, and patient. Birds will hear you coming, and may fly away when they know you're there. Try not to be too loud when you walk, and don't approach a bird too fast. If you want to approach an animal without scaring it, walk slowly, and avoid looking at it. Look away from it. The animal will think you cannot see them, and you can get pretty close, from my experience. If you see lots of bird activity, sit down and chill out for a bit. Sometimes, when you approach an area, birds may quiet down to see if you are a threat. If you remain still, they will soon start to pick up their behavior again.

  5. If you are in the US, remember that it is illegal to collect any migratory bird parts, including feathers or bones. This is due to the Migratory Bird Act. No one really will check the average person and penalize them if they've found a feather, but you should usually just leave that stuff be.

  6. Read, read, read! Look up facts about your local species. Read as many bird books as possible. I may make a future post with my recommended bird books. Learn their behaviors, and what to look for. The way a bird behaves can tell you a lot about its species!


Okay, that's about it. I may be forgetting stuff, but these are the basics. Hope some of you like it!

45
[birdpost] how long do birds live?

As today is my BIRTHDAY, I have decided to make a post about bird birthdays- how long do birds live?

It varies based on species. Some birds may only live 2 to 3 years, while other birds can live up to 100 years!

Aging a wild bird can be difficult. For pet birds, many are raised from hatchlings, so their age can be documented. However, in wild birds, we don't get that chance. Typically, you can determine an approximate age of a wild bird. You can approximate the age by looking at colors, patterns, and wear on the feathers. There are 3 age ranges:

1. Hatch Year: the bird was born this year

2. Second Year: it has been a year since the bird was born

3. After Second Year: any age afterwards

However, just recently, a new aging system called the Wolfe-Ryder-Pyle system was introduced to bird banders, and I HATE it. While it is much more accurate and descriptive, it is SUPER difficult, and has like 27 different combinations to age the bird. It's stupid, but it works.

Here are some stats on bird lifespans:

-American Goldfinch: 2 years

-American Robin: 2 years

-Elf Owl: 5 years

-Ruby-throated Hummingbird: 9 years

-Yellow Warbler: 9 years

-Common Loon: 12 years

-Great Blue Heron: 24 years

-Mallard: 27 years

-Great Horned Owl: 28 years

-Atlantic Puffin: 33 years

-Bald Eagle: 38 years

-American Flamingo: 49 years

-Laysan Albatross: 49 years

And what bird lives the longest? It is estimated that Kakapos, a large, flightless parrot, can live up to 100 years! In 2014, Fred the Cockatoo celebrated his 100th birthday at the Bonogrong Wildlife Sanctuary in Tasmania, receiving a birthday cake from the queen of England! The oldest recorded bird of all time was Cocky Bennett, a Cockatoo that reportedly lived for 120 years, from 1796-1916! When he died, his owner had an obituary printed for his beloved pet.

So there you have it! What bird are you closest in age to? I'm closest to the Great Blue Heron

31
last post was a trainwreck disaster. this is what i meant to post
9
i said what i said

:marseyfocault:

42
more, MORE!!!!!

cant stop grinigng my teeth…no vyvanse either

65
gibve the man some. zoups

hi guys i have covid and am going throguh stim withdrawla so im. alittle fucked up 😵‍💫😵‍💫

anywys did uou know that elephants recently evolved to stop growing tusks to avoid being killed by humans? its very sad but a very interesting fact imo

9
[jams] ,AND YOUR SISTER, I THINK HER NAME IS DEBRA

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![](/images/16547299293795512.webp)

![](/images/16547299295825524.webp)

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96
is he having a meltdown again?

@carpathianflorist we are here for you in these dark times…you are not alone

22
[birdpost] how the FUCK is this a real bird?

i thought this was some sort of movie prop at first. NOPE. this is fucking REAL!!!

i always knew that condors, especially andean condors, were big, but had no idea how ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE they actually were. my mind is fucking blown rn

WHAT THE FUCK

![](/images/16543690958549044.webp)

STOP TALKING ABOUT ME I DO NOT LIKE YOU I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU I DO NOT CARE ABOUT THE GAY SHIT YOU WANT ME TO SEE, YOU ARE ANNOYING, PLEASE LET ME SLIT MY WRISTS IN PEACE PLEASE!!!

(i’ll upload the livestream whenever i do it for max dramacoin)

29
FUCK YOU CARP! FUCK YOU CARP! FUCK YOU CARP!

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS. A HEINOUS CRIME. TO UNPIN A POST ABOUT GAY BIRDS IN LOVE, ON THE FIRST DAY OF PRIDE MONTH? LOVINGLY COMPILED BY AN LGBTQIA+ CONTENT CREATOR? THIS IS AN EMBARRASSING MOMENT FOR THE DRAMA COMMUNITY, AND YOU SHOULD TAKE A MOMENT TO THINK ABOUT YOUR ACTIONS AND CONTEMPLATE HOW YOU CAN BE A BETTER ALLY TO LGBTQIA+ FOLX, ESPECIALLY THOSE OF OTHER SPECIES, WHO ARE MORE OPPRESSED THAN HUMANS BECAUSE THEY CANNOT TALK. WE MUST BE THE VOICE FOR THESE ANIMALS! IT IS TIME TO UNITE TO UPLIFT AND EMPOWER LGBTQIA+ BIRDS!! DOWN WITH HOMOPHOBE CARP!! DOWN WITH HIM!!

pic related

Reported by:


HAPPY PRIDE MONTH! THE FOLLOWING IS A LIST OF BIRDS WITH CONFIRMED HOMOSEXUAL BEHAVIORS:

  1. Acorn Woodpecker

  2. Adelie Penguin

  3. American Flamingo

  4. American Herring Gull

  5. Anna's Hummingbird

  6. Australian Shelduck

  7. Aztec Parakeet

  8. Bengalese Finch

  9. Bank Swallow

  10. Barn Owl

  11. Bearded Vulture

  12. Bicolored Antbird

  13. Black-billed Magpie

  14. Black-capped Chickadee

  15. Black-crowned Night Heron

  16. Black-headed Gull

  17. Black-rumped Flameback

  18. Black Stilt

  19. Black Swan (NOT the movie)

  20. Black-winged Stilt

  21. Blue-backed Manakin

  22. Blue-bellied Roller

  23. Blue Crowned Conure

  24. Blue Tit

  25. Blue-winged Teal

  26. Brown-headed Cowbird

  27. Budgerigar

  28. Buff-breasted Sandpiper

  29. Calfbird (VERY ugly!!)

  30. commiefornia Gull

  31. Canada Goose

  32. Canary-winged Parakeet

  33. Caspian Tern

  34. Cattle Egret

  35. Cockatiel

  36. Common Chaffinch

  37. Chicken

  38. Chilean Flamingo

  39. Chiloe Wigeon

  40. Chinstrap Penguin

  41. Cliff Swallow

  42. Common Gull

  43. Common Murre

  44. Common Redshank

  45. Common Shelduck

  46. Crane sp.

  47. Dusky Moorhen

  48. Domesticated Turkey

  49. Eastern Bluebird

  50. Egyptian Goose

  51. Elegant Parrot

  52. Emu

  53. Eurasian Oystercatcher

  54. European Jay

  55. European Shag

  56. Galah

  57. Gentoo Penguin

  58. Golden Bishop Bird

  59. Golden Plover

  60. Gray-breasted Jay

  61. Gray-capped Social Weaver

  62. Grey Heron

  63. Great Cormorant

  64. Greater Bird of Paradise (this one is INTERESTING!!)

  65. Greater Flamingo

  66. Greater Rhea

  67. Green Cheek Conure

  68. Green Sandpiper

  69. Greenshank

  70. Greylag Goose

  71. Guianan Cock-of-the-rock

  72. Guillemot

  73. Hamerkop

  74. Herring Gull

  75. Hoary-headed Grebe

  76. Hooded Warbler (a warbler!!!!)

  77. House Sparrow

  78. Humboldt Penguin

  79. Ivory Gull

  80. Jackdaw

  81. Kestrel

  82. King Penguin

  83. Kittiwake

  84. Laughing Gull

  85. Laysan Albatross

  86. Lesser Flamingo

  87. Lesser Scaup Duck

  88. Little Blue Heron

  89. Little Egret

  90. Long-tailed Hermit Hummingbird

  91. Lory sp.

  92. Mallard

  93. Masked Lovebird

  94. Mealy Amazon Parrot

  95. Mexican Jay

  96. Musk Duck

  97. Mute Swan

  98. Ocellated Antbird

  99. Ocher-bellied Flycatcher

  100. Orange Bishop Bird

  101. Orange-fronted Parakeet

  102. Ornate Lorikeet

  103. Ostrich

  104. Peach-faced Lovebird

  105. Pied Flycatcher

  106. Pied Kingfisher

  107. Domestic Pigeon

  108. Powerful Owl (love this name)

  109. Purple Swamphen

  110. Raggiana's Bird of Paradise

  111. Raven (not sure if applicable to all species or if they mean just the Common Raven...)

  112. Razorbill

  113. Red-backed Shrike

  114. Red Bishop Bird

  115. Red-faced Lovebird

  116. Red-shouldered Widowbird

  117. Regent Bowerbird (HELL YEAH!!)

  118. Ring-billed Gull (why so many seagulls, I wonder...)

  119. Ring Dove

  120. Rock Dove

  121. Roseate Tern

  122. Rose-ringed Parakeet

  123. Ruff

  124. Ruffed Grouse

  125. Sage Grouse

  126. San Blas Jay

  127. Sand Martin

  128. Satin Bowerbird (HELL YEAH!!!)

  129. Scarlet Ibis

  130. Scottish Crossbill

  131. Senegal Parrot

  132. Sharp-tailed Sparrow

  133. Silver Gull (STILL more gulls!)

  134. Silvery Grebe

  135. Snow Goose

  136. Stitchbird

  137. Superb Lyrebird (FUCK YES!!!)

  138. Swallow-tailed Manakin

  139. Tasmanian Native Hen

  140. Tree Swallow

  141. Trumpeter Swan

  142. Victoria's Riflebird

  143. Western Gull

  144. White-fronted Amazon Parrot

  145. White Stork

  146. Wood Duck

  147. Yellow-backed Lorikeet

  148. Yellow-rumped Cacique

  149. Zebra Finch

THERE YOU HAVE IT! NEARLY 150 GAY BIRD SPECIES! OUT OF 18,000 BIRD SPECIES, GAY BIRDS MAKE UP 0.83% OF ALL SPECIES. DO BETTER!!!! AND YES, I TYPED THIS ALL OUT BY HAND, THANK YOU

28
[birdpost] introducing...the GREAT CRESTED FLYCATCHER!!!

Today's episode of "Who's That Bird" features a rather...unique looking fellow, the Great Crested Flycatcher!

FAST FACTS:

  • Common Name: Great Crested Flycatcher

  • Scientific Name: Myiarchus crinitus

  • Range: Breeds across the eastern half of the United States and into southern Canada. Winters in Central America, Cuba, and a portion of Colombia and Venezuela

  • Preferred Habitat: Deciduous forests, edges of clearings, and mixed woodlands. Appears to prefer open canopies, and avoids coniferous habitats. From my own personal observations, they tend to live near bodies of water such as lakes, marshes, and creeks/kills.

  • Diet: Insectivore: despite its name, it actually prefers butterflies, moths, beetles, grasshoppers, crickets, and bees/wasps. Maybe it should be called the Great Crested Butterflycatcher instead, but it doesn't have as good of a ring to it. Also will eat small amounts of fruits or berries.

  • Conservation Status: Least Concern (IUCN 3.1)

I never used to be super into flycatchers, but as of recently, I have fallen in love with the Great Crested Flycatcher. They're large, bold, goofy looking birds, and have quite the personality! Here is what they sound like. Their calls are described as a "weeep!" sound. They also make a sort of laughing noise too. I saw my first Great Crested Flycatcher two weekends ago while birding with the National Audubon Society at a conference. He had been following us for about a half hour, getting increasingly close to us, and "laughing" when we couldn't spot him in the dense foliage. I was REALLY getting pissed off at the nerve of this guy! But FINALLY, I outsmarted him (or maybe he decided he was done messing with us, and showed himself), and I got to check him off my list!

We also have one that just moved in to the gardens on campus. He's become a bit of a celebrity within my bird club (and also my beekeepers in training LOVE him). He likes to sit at the tops of trees and say WEEEP! I love him so much.

And finally, for your entertainment, here is a video of some baby Great Crested Flycatchers leaving the nest for the first time (called fledging). Enjoy!!

![](/images/16541069367965708.webp)

62
important!
30
[birdpost] Attracting Birds to Your Yard!

NOTE: while this advice can be applicable to pretty much anywhere in some sense, I am mainly focusing on North American birds because that's where I'm from lol

Birds are a very important addition to your yard. Not only are they fun to watch, but having a robust bird population in your yard can indicate the health of local species, and is directly correlated to the quality of your land. Many people think all you need to do is put out a feeder full of seeds and the birds will come, but there are different methods to attracting different birds. Also I was gonna include pictures but I'm having trouble with formatting links for whatever reason :(

1. YOUR BASIC BIRD FEEDER The easiest and most common way is getting birdseed and putting it in a feeder. There are a few types of seed feeders though, and the kind you use can attract different species.

  • Tray/ Platform Feeder: PROS: attracts the largest amount of species, cheap and easy to diy. CONS: no protection against rain/ snow (seeds can get moldy), can't keep out squirrels (more on this later).

  • Hopper/ House Feeder: PROS: more protection against weather, lasts multiple days. CONS: squirrels LOVE them, harder to clean.

  • Window Feeder: PROS: easiest to fill and clean, allows close-up bird viewing. decreases the chance of window collisions; the safest for birds. CONS: needs to be changed daily, can attract squirrels sometimes.

  • Hummingbird Feeder: PROS: you get hummingbirds. CONS: can attract bees

2. ATTRACTING SPECIFIC SPECIES:

  • Finches: American Goldfinches, Pine Siskins, and Common Redpolls can be attracted using a thistle feeder

  • Woodpeckers: Woodpeckers are attracted to suet feeders. It's a little cage that you put a block of suet inside. There are many different flavors. Suet/ feeders are very cheap and typically last longer, but are more prone to attracting other animals. I just caught a pair of raccoons demolishing my suet feeder on my trail cam, smh.

  • Orioles: Pretty orange birds that people enjoy during the summer. They love oranges and jam. You can simply set a halved orange in a tree, or use a platform feeder. You can put the jam on top of the orange, or serve it separately. However, if you want to be fancy, I just learned that they sell feeders specifically for this purpose.

3. KEEPING AWAY SQUIRRELS AND OTHER PESTS:

this is actually pretty simple. make your bird food SPICY! birds are unable to taste spice in any form, but mammals can. you can be fancy and buy bird seed or suet that is already spicy, OR you can sprinkle some cayenne pepper on the food/ mix it into the seeds.

4. OTHER WAYS TO ATTRACT BIRDS:

  • Provide water year-round, whether it be a bird bath, or even a pond. Change the water every few days.

  • Plant native plants. Not only will this attract more birds, but it does absolute WONDERS for the local ecosystem. We've established a few native spaces around campus, and they are gorgeous. Most people are hesitant at first to let their yards get a little more wild, but if done successfully, they seem to be well-loved by everybody.

  • Keep your cats inside. No, I am not going to start this argument, and no, I am not going to shame you if you have outdoor cats. BUT, keeping predators out of your yard will definitely bring back birds. That's just how it works.

  • Put out nest boxes. Birdhouses suck. Nest boxes are the way. Also relatively easy to build.

  • Make your yard more eco-friendly. Cut back on pesticides and herbicides. Let the dandelions grow back in. Learn what species are invasive and remove them.

  • Keep an eye out for bird disease epidemics. Birds are very vulnerable to disease (in fact, there's a big case of bird flu going on now). If you hear that an avian disease is spreading, you should empty your bird bath/ feeder(s), and clean them out.

25
here is my collection of bunyip animatronics!

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30
who’s naming these woodpeckers?

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43
uh oh!
12
absinthe appreciation post 🍵
Reported by:

  • TheOverSeether: Droolcord is leaking again. Death to all jannies and powercute twinks!
12
GEESE_SUCK IS STUPID AND GAY

@geese_suck YOU ARE STUPID AND GAY AND SMELL BAD

ALSO

@carpathianflorist YOU LOOK, SOUND, AND ACT LIKE A WOMAN AND I COULD PULL THAT RED DRESS OFF WAY BETTER THAN YOU

ok that’s all

FUCK YES, REJOICE, EVERYBODY!!!! IT’S TIME TO FUCKING CELEBRATE

21
:sciencejak::sciencejak::sciencejak:
89
AND YOU MAY TELL YOURSELF: “THIS IS NOT MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE!”
TED_SIMP