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It is well that drama is so terrible; we should grow too fond of it.

132976 coins   4500 marseybux   29 followers   follows 66 users  
joined 25 Mar 2022

aka Snakes, Sneks, 2snakes, TLSM, 2LSM, «Aevann's Dixie cousin», :marseysnek::marseysnek::!marseylove:
No, I'm not a furry.

Alas, the panoply of Sarcasm was but as a buckram case, wherein I had striven to envelop myself; that so my own poor Person might live safe there, and in all friendliness, being no longer exasperated by wounds. Sarcasm I now see to be, in general, the language of the Devil; for which reason I have long since as good as renounced it. But how many individuals did I, in those days, provoke into some degree of hostility thereby! An ironic man, with his sly stillness, and ambuscading ways, more especially an ironic young man, from whom it is least expected, may be viewed as a pest to society.

Nam duo magnōrum viridī coeuntia silva corpora serpentum baculī violāverat ictū dēque virō factus (mīrābile) fēmina septem ēgerat autumnōs.


2022-04-01 — Martyred by Gigajannies at (100, 700), the April Fools Marseycaust.

2022-05-04 — Gazed too long into the abyss. (Again: 2022-05-17).

Github: TLSM / GPG E745A82778055C7E


Awards received

x12 x1 x1 x7 x5 x2 x1 x2 x3 x3 x4 x1 x5 x2 x16 x1 x2 x1 x1 x1
Code Contributor White Hat Bug Chaser Idea Maker Marsey Artisan Artisan Pause Button Little Big Spender Low Roller Merchant All-Seeing Eye Sigma User Unblockable Sidebar Artist 1st Birthgay Bash Survivor Lottershe Winner

User ID: 10288

Coins spent: 48793

True score: 9603

Winnings: 155000


It is well that drama is so terrible; we should grow too fond of it.

132976 coins   4500 marseybux   29 followers   follows 66 users   joined 25 Mar 2022

aka Snakes, Sneks, 2snakes, TLSM, 2LSM, «Aevann's Dixie cousin», :marseysnek::marseysnek::!marseylove:
No, I'm not a furry.

Alas, the panoply of Sarcasm was but as a buckram case, wherein I had striven to envelop myself; that so my own poor Person might live safe there, and in all friendliness, being no longer exasperated by wounds. Sarcasm I now see to be, in general, the language of the Devil; for which reason I have long since as good as renounced it. But how many individuals did I, in those days, provoke into some degree of hostility thereby! An ironic man, with his sly stillness, and ambuscading ways, more especially an ironic young man, from whom it is least expected, may be viewed as a pest to society.

Nam duo magnōrum viridī coeuntia silva corpora serpentum baculī violāverat ictū dēque virō factus (mīrābile) fēmina septem ēgerat autumnōs.


2022-04-01 — Martyred by Gigajannies at (100, 700), the April Fools Marseycaust.

2022-05-04 — Gazed too long into the abyss. (Again: 2022-05-17).

Github: TLSM / GPG E745A82778055C7E


Awards received

x12 x1 x1 x7 x5 x2 x1 x2 x3 x3 x4 x1 x5 x2 x16 x1 x2 x1 x1 x1

User ID: 10288

Coins spent: 48793

True score: 9603

Winnings: 155000

Code Contributor White Hat Bug Chaser Idea Maker Marsey Artisan Artisan Pause Button Little Big Spender Low Roller Merchant All-Seeing Eye Sigma User Unblockable Sidebar Artist 1st Birthgay Bash Survivor Lottershe Winner
Snakes' Categorized Index of Posts

Effortshitposts & Fun rDrama Site Analysis

Somewhat-Less-Effort Shitposts

Announcements &c.


post thumnail
I Iι II I_

I felt inspired.

OFFICIAL rDrama Celebrity Baiting Contest — 100 000 MBUX PRIZES

100 000 Marseybux if you can get any of these people to post here:

This contest comes to us by direct order of the Grand Dramacaliph Aevann the First and has been endorsed by his (((cabal))) of janitors. The MBux are guaranteed by the full faith and credit thereof, and presumably there will also be a badge if someone actually manages to pull this off.

:marseycapypharaoh: :marseyelonmusk: :!marseyminer:

Terms and conditions apply:

  • Prize goes to whichever dramatard or group thereof can make the best case for being responsible for the celeb joining.

  • In event multiple people collaborate, prize will be divided among them.

  • Prize disbursement conditional on jannies verifying who it is through some means—preferably a tweet on their main account with some pre-arranged codephrase arranged through modmail after they join.

  • Examples: One person personally befriends the celeb and gets them to join → gets 100k. A small group of collaborators work together to get the celeb to join → 100k divided among them however they like. Fifty dramautists hound their Twitter replies for a month and they begrudgingly join → each person gets 2k.

  • If possible for your particular plan, using a referral link makes it especially easy to prove it was you.

  • These rules are flexible and negotiable if one of you glorious r-slurs somehow gets a real celeb.

General recommendation: probably conspire with a friend or two if you actually want to succeed, and try to be a bit more clever than usual. "Dude bussy lmao" on every tweet is unlikely to work; get creative. Feel free to organize in the comments.

P.S. The @xNotch we already have isn't actually him, in case anyone didn't know yet.
EDIT: [2315Z] Add Azealia Banks to list. [2325Z] Add Michael Burry. [2330Z] Recommend referral links. [0205Z] Add Tariq Nasheed.

(changelog) Added 150 emoji — hallelujah, the backlog is gone!

I'm never doing this bullshit again. I automated it a ton and it was still miserable. We are blessed that the poor souls—mostly Carp—who processed the first 1200 of these by hand didn't fling themselves off tall structures.

Anyway, 139 Marseys (17 of which are animated) and 11 non-Marseys. Badges for creating at least one Marsey should've gone out to the appropriate people, though sans notification. If you're at or over ten Marseys on the leaderboard page and don't have a badge, DM me.

We're declaring bankruptcy on everything posted in the emoji thread prior to now. If it's not added and you posted it before, you're gonna have to repost it. Please do not repost: flags, flag Marseys, depictions of the Prophet Mohammed ﷺ, the entirety of Shrek in GIF form, most non-Marsey emoji (most of them were awful). If you want to make whoever does this after me less likely to rope, please: make the background transparent, crop out transparent borders, resize your images to 200px wide (or post both the full-size original and the 200px scaled version), and come up with less garbage tags. We might Soon™ come up with some alternative way to submit Marseys that's less tedious to process. In the interim, just use the thread.

:#marseyorca: :#marseyanon: :#marseysargonofaccat: :#marseydunkon: :#marseysurfing: :#marseycatgirl4: :#marseyplushie: :#marseymspaint: :#marseycapygigabrain: :#marseycarpbritish: :#marseyelephantcumjar1: :#marseyelephantcumjar2: :#marseyelephantcumjar3: :#marseyretardchad: :#marppyenraged: :#marseycapynut: :#marseybukkake: :#marseycapyshy: :#marseysteaming: :#marseycantsneed: :#marseyzombiewolflove: :#marseyburrito: :#marseybeach: :#marseybeandefiant: :#marseykirby2: :#marseycorvus: :#marseybloodborne: :#marseywhelmed: :#marseydamosuzuki: :#marseycatgirlhomofascist: :#marseymocking: :#marseycarpmermaid: :#marseysaladfingers: :#marseypinkpanther: :#marseytangerinefeline: :#marseyconquistador: :#marseyferret: :#marseybeekeeper: :#marseyrapscallion: :#marseystuffed: :#marseyvapecrying: :#marseybean: :#marseybeanquestion: :#marseybeandrool: :#marseybeansick: :#marseybeanangry: :#marseykhorne: :#marseytzeentch: :#marseynurgle: :#marseyslaanesh: :#marseyzizek: :#marseycolombo: :#marseyadeptusmechanicus: :#marseyangrygamer: :#marseysoccer: :#marseybloat: :#marseysoycry: :#marseypeace: :#marseydramautist: :#marseybeanpickle: :#marseycapybigbrain: :#marseycaveman: :#marseyfortuneteller: :#marseyspa: :#marseycard: :#marseykissinger: :#marseylongsurfing: :#marseyduchamp: :#marseyklenny3: :#marseyelonmusk: :#marseygladiator: :#marseyredcoat: :#marseydukenukem: :#marseyaleistercrowley: :#marseycitrus: :#marseyxdoubt: :#marseypinkname: :#marseydagothur: :#marseydagothur2: :#marseymasterchief: :#marseycortana: :#marseyastronaut: :#marseymedusa: :#marseytucker: :#marseymerchantsoy: :#marseypedosnipe: :#marseyhibernian: :#marseyplacenofun: :#marseytigerball: :#marseybadnews: :#marseyforevertiedup: :#marseywait: :#marseyjewoftheorient: :#marseydeathpose: :#marseywalterwhite: :#marseyblackcock: :#marseypaintretard: :#marseyhandmaid: :#marseybeandoge: :#marseywizard: :#marseyturkroach: :#marseybabushka: :#marseyaxolotl: :#marseygilead: :#marseycapytrans: :#marseyeerie1: :#marseyeerie2: :#marseycarpdevil: :#marseyeerie3: :#marseyoctopus4: :#marseyfbicomputer: :#marseyadmire: :#marseyphonecall: :#marseyinvestigate: :#marseyfedoratip: :#marseybegonethot: :#marseypunched: :#marseycheckem: :#marseysaluteconfederacy: :#marseycertified: :#marseyeyemixer3: :#marseymariachi: :#marseyupmarsey: :#marseyyarn: :#marseybongoukraine: :#marseycodegeass: :#marseygolden: :#marseygolden2: :#marseycountry: :#marseybee: :#marseyklennyclap: :#marseyhwacha: :#marseyfedpostpink: :#marseyfedpost: :#marseyfedpostglow: :#breadcapy: :#breadmarsey: :#chadstevejobs: :#gunt: :#klanjak: :#sharkmarsey: :#sharkybodybuilder: :#sharkyglow: :#sharkylove: :#sharkysad: :#sharkythink:

And these tiny lil creatures— :marseytiny1: :marseytiny2: :marseytiny3: :marseytiny4:

(changelog) Y'all Seein' Eye v2: reddit mention notifications; minor patch notes; coming soon

After the recent Night of Kristallmopt, many of the disgraced former-mopcels were begging for one particular jannie-only feature back: getting notifications when people talk about us on reddit. Rather than put in some special exceptions for the power-user clique, we decided to make this feature available to everyone via the shop. And we already had the perfect badge to use for it:


For 10 000 DC or MBux—the same price as the All-Seeing Eye—you too can receive our Reddit Mentions Notifications straight to your rDrama inbox, so when plebbitors are shit-talking Marsey, you can jump right in to generate seethe. Plus, you get the fabulous badge shown above, made by @McCoxmaul.

Minor Patch Notes

From past week and a half (oldest to most recent):

  • Patting flipped emoji should now work right (h/t @float-trip). Also, disabling 'Animations' in your user settings won't break patting anymore.

  • Themes & readability: the Lottershe font colors were made readable for all theme choices; dramblr on mobile had the background color fixed for higher contrast.

  • By adding a navigation icon for Transfers (log of DC/MBux transfers) to the sidebar, there should no longer be any pages lacking a link to them somewhere.

  • 1 Reports1 Report

  • Modals (like when you click on images to embiggen) no longer have a blurred backdrop. It was very pretty, but we got a lot of performance complaints. If you want it back, add .modal-backdrop.show { backdrop-filter: blur(16px) contrast(1.2); } to your Custom CSS.

  • Slur replacer was made significantly faster (h/t @everyone). Enough so that people with it enabled should've noticed pages loading faster. Fun fact: slur replacer prior to the change was approximately 20% of our total server load.

  • Lottershe: Chapose won the big jackpot last time, so instead of giving him royalties anymore, more of your ticket price goes straight into the pot! Also, notifications now tell the losers who won. Three days 'til the next drawing.

Coming Soon

  • The Checkmark award will soon have a badge to go with it.

  • The Fish relinquished control over the Marseys thread backlog. There's about 150 that still need to be added. Now you get to bitch at me instead of him until I add them. I can automate most of it, but if someone who is familiar with our Marsey tagging style would be willing to redo the tags for most of these, DM me. I have a spreadsheet I can send you of what needs re-tagging, and there would be some MBux in it for you.

  • General rate of new features will be decreasing in the coming weeks. We have a pile of bugs that need fixing, and we're working on redoing parts of the code to improve performance and maintainability going forward.

  • ETA 15:50 UTC: @idio3 just purged over a hundred sidebar images for being 'shitty memes'. He wants everyone to know how disappointed he is in their taste, and going forward the sidebar standards will be somewhat pickier.

(changelog) Hole improvements: follow holes for notifs, new holes 50k DC

Stanley: Where's a person go to the bathroom around here?

Magnet: Pick a hole, any hole.

Holes (2003)

arr-drama dot net has a tumultuous relationship with holes of all sorts: sometimes Carp ravages your holes arbitrarily, sometimes we debate whether gussy or bussy is the better hole. Today we bring you a welcome relief from those petty concerns: you can now be notified when people put things in your holes! Holes are now also more readily available for purchase.

This update adds a "Follow" button to the top of every hole, right above the "Block" button. If you click it, you will receive post notifications for new posts in that hole. You can, of course, later unfollow the hole whenever you please.

Additionally, holes cost 50 000 DC now and anyone can make one if you have the DC. However, they are deleted after 2 weeks of not getting new posts :marseysal2: EDIT: One (1) week of not getting new posts. Two weeks went nowhere.

EDIT 22:20Z: /h/neoliberal has been purged for inactivity. Carp considered this very important to announce and was going to shit up your feed with another changelog. You're welcome for getting an edit instead.

Monthly Website Stats Post (May 2022)

Aevann is still on brief and temporary hiatus from rDrama admin duties, so writing this post falls to me. Your regularly-scheduled wholesome capybara programming will resume soon. This month's post now also includes a brief update on our Google search traffic and on truescore statistics by House.

General Stats: https://rdrama.net/stats

Weekly Chart:


Daily Chart:


Cloudflare Stats (30 days):


Cloudflare Stats (7 days):


Truescore by House:


Google Search Traffic Highlights, all lists from most popular to least:

  • Consistently high search traffic for these topics — vox akuma, jimboboiii, skye cabbit, swedengate

  • Other minor drama — c++ male feminist, nick fuentes virginity, buffalo shooter furry porn, what happened to nala the dog

  • Homegrown drama — /r/transteachers, the world around ewe bulge, /r/racetransition, transpets, "why it's time to believe amber"

  • Top coomer queries — clara sorrenti porn, gabby petito nipples, isabella loretta janke nude, femboy rape, starship troopers shower scene

  • Top username-only searches — masterlawlz, trappysaruh, carpathianflorist, aevann, pizzashill

Notable Google Searches with rDrama on First Page:

Reported by:

  • SERGE: fragile white drama user
reverted (changelog) Carp's flair is no longer editable

Before continuing with this post, I would like to assure everyone that CARP ABSOLUTELY IS not HOLDING ME AT GUNPOINT. Any concerns for my well-being are entirely unnecessary and misplaced. I am merely a humble codecel doing his humble job. I AM not UNDER DURESS.

As many of you know, the vile @idio3 recently thoughtlessly stole Carp's GVLDVN MARSEY from his flair. This not only caused more trouble than you can possibly imagine for the codecels who had to clean up the ensuing mess, but it brought our dearest and most beloved @carpathianflorist to the verge of despair and despondency.

There exist three ways flairs are changed at present. This patch modifies them for Carp in particular as follows:

  • User Settings: this method remains unchanged. He can do whatever he damn well pleases with his own flair.

  • Flairlock: if his deflector ever does happen to go down, flairlocks applied to Carp will disappear into the void rather than have any effect on anyone.

  • Admin Tools: other admins can no longer edit Carp's flair. Yes, this makes him better than the other admins as far as the code is concerned.

Fuller minor patch notes about other, unrelated recent changes will be forthcoming in the next few days. Right now I am simply overjoyed to have been able to help Carp through his time of hardship.

Reported by:

  • SeriousPostingCuteTwink: I love people so much. They're amazing. I hate people so much, they're disgusting
  • Red: Bitch pick one
  • Chtorrr: Targeted harassment based on false information
post thumnail
The 2022 rDrama Transmisia Report And INvestigation (TRAIN)

Pride Month will be upon us in less than a day. In preparation for this most important month of the year, it is time to address a problem I have unfortunately observed: the rampant transphobia and transmisia on rDrama. We even recently learned that our very own @chiobu has been Scientifically Proven to be the 18th-most transphobic user on the KiwiFarms!

In that same spirit, I embarked upon a rigorous statistical analysis of our own site using a state-of-the-art Transmisia-Detecting Algorithm: what percentage of a user's comments contain such slurs as '🚂🚃🚃', '🚂🚃🚃', 'troid', 'train', deadnames of valid women, and many other similarly vile terms. This confirmed my prior suspicions: our worst offenders deny the very existence of trans people as frequently as once every ten comments! Some have even written hundreds of these hateful comments.

We must immediately remedy this unacceptable bigotry, and we shall do so with our specialty: public humiliation. The top ninety most transmisic users—who have commented enough to reveal, with certainty, the hate in their hearts—have already been given a badge of shame:


Before they are soon loaded onto the cattle cars for the re-education camps, you are all encouraged to be on the lookout for these users in comment sections and teach them the error of their wrathful ways. Your local janitorial staff will largely turn a blind eye to abuse and mockery of these users, so clearly identified by their mandated badge. Do us proud, rDrama, and help us clean up the site for a beautiful Pride Month.

(changelog) Setting to disable gambling, minor patch notes

For users who don't want to be subject to any games of chance, be it because of a proven inability to control yourself with gambling—not naming any names—or for any other reason, there is now a 'Can Gamble' setting in:


When disabled, you cannot use the blackjack or slots commands, access the lottery, or receive treasure chests. If you already started a game of blackjack or have outstanding lottery tickets, these will pay out as expected.

The setting has been enabled by default. For users who like losing all of their money every time they get enough DC to clear the minimum bet size, nothing has changed and no action is required.

Minor Patch Notes
  • The navigation bar is now much less cluttered and has been rearranged to prioritize the most useful links. Lesser-used icons have been moved to the sidebar, or the hamburger menu on mobile. The sidebar navigation icons now also include the Marseys list, badges list, and modlog—I don't think we actually had links to the first two anywhere, and the third was hard to find.

  • The delayed vote color animation in the recent UI changes has been removed.

  • The lottery modal popup should behave better on mobile. (h/t @nekobit)

  • Poll voters on ghosted threads are now ghosted too. Private votes! (h/t @Aevann)

  • RSS feeds have more valid syntax and should™ work with more clients now. (thanks to our friends at WPD for providing a patch)

  • Jannies: meme jannies are no longer a thing, and handing out mops via the UI has been removed. We had too many, and after Joan's recent purge, it was decided that forcing the local codecels to open a database prompt to add new ones would cut down on jannie quantity.

Reported by:

post thumnail
1.3% of rDrama Users—

We recently ran some statistics on user comment data: how much more do powerusers comment compared to the unwashed masses of dramatards? At time of analysis, we had 1.297 million comments and 10 142 user accounts registered. So the question became: how many users, starting with the most prolific commenters, write half of all the comments? The answer is 132, to be exact.

1.3% of rDrama users write 50% of all the comments.

Reported by:

(changelog) Y'all Seein' Eye added to shop; plus #8bαll, leaderboard, and more

You can now purchase the Y'all Seein' Eye award in the shop for 150 000 DC. This allows you to be able to view you profile visitors, and you get a fun Texas-themed badge with it. Carp fought hard against adding this because he hates fun and he hates Texas, but the forces of good prevailed in the end. For all you badge collectors (art courtesy @McCoxmaul):

EDIT: In light of further mod discussion and public reception, the Y'all Seein' Eye has been removed. Rest of changelog still stands.


Eight-Ball Fortunes: You can now put #8bαll in your comments for a random magic eight-ball fortune. Like #fοrtune but a less eclectic, more standard set of answers.

Leaderboard: https://rdrama.net/leaderboard now has a table of contents at the top so you don't have to scroll so much, plus a floating back-to-top button in the bottom right. We also now have a "Top 25 Most Blocked" hiscore table at bottom.

Confetti: As you likely noticed, confetti recently become less ghetto. It's not changing any more. If you want the (((coin))) shower back, beg hard enough and it might become a new award. No promises, though—the (((cabal))) is very restrictive about certain award themes.

Minor Patch Notes:

  • Randomly chosen agendaposter PFPs are back—no more Astolfo only. We added a few more images too so our chuds can really feel represented in their pictures!

  • User count on the sidebar is still undergoing formatting changes. The random flavor text ("x chuds currently agendaposting", etc) will be back soon.

  • Chat is fixed.

  • User profile pages now have many more HTML id attributes in the markup. This should make customizing profile CSS somewhat less of a pain. Feel free to ask if there's other elements you want a class or id on.

  • More Marseys are still coming Soon™. Carp is very bad at computers.

The 8-Ball Says: Yes definitely.

(changelog) Birthgay event, patch notes for recent minor changes

For those who want a nice bulleted list of site changes without having to wade through Carp's wordswordswords—admittedly beautiful words, but :marseywords: nonetheless. Plus, other recent minor changes that didn't make other changelogs.

Birthgay Event

Three new awards (permanent, will remain after event):

  • Fireworks (300 DC): shows fireworks over post, stacks to 4.

  • Confetti (300 DC): shows confetti over post, does not stack.

  • Stripper Cake (500 DC): you've seen what it does by now, stacks to 3.

Lootboxes (for duration of event):

  • 1000 DC, contains 5 post awards valued 300–500 DC each. Includes the three new awards!

  • Now actually sends you a notification to tell you what you got!

Double XP:

  • All votes from now until the end of the event give the recipient 2 dramacoin instead of 1. Truescore increments by +1 per usual.

  • Unlike over Fistmas, there is no longer an exploit to farm infinite DC (300 DC/hr/alt) by repeatedly voting and unvoting a post. I don't know if anyone exploited it back then, but you can't do it anymore.

Party Hats:

  • On your cakeday, you get a partyhat displayed on your profile pic and a cool badge for surviving one year on this hell-site.

  • For rDrama's birthgay, everyone gets a hat! After the event, they become cakeday-only.

Birthgay Gifts:

  • Everyone received a badge for the birthgay event. Art creds: @McCoxmaul

  • Everyone with ≥250 truescore received 1000 DC.

Temporary UI changes for event:

  • :marseyparty: logo.

  • Balloons header background. Gave header text black outline to improve readability.

  • Journoid banner replaced with a birthgay message.

  • 24 (!!!) birthgay banners. Art creds: @idk, @Dramamine, @Modern_Major_General and @HeyMoon

Patch Notes (from the past week)

  • Shop discount bug: the Big Spender badges for spending dramacoin in the shop mistakenly gave a much larger discount than intended. They now give a 2 percentage-point discount per badge owned.

  • Shop discount improvement: the Roller badges for opening lootboxes obtained at 10, 50, and 150 boxes purchased give a permanent 1 percentage-point discount per tier.

  • Audio embedding in posts: <audio controls preload="none" src="https://.../example.mp3"></audio> will display a sound player in your post or comment. No more Vocaroo! Usual restrictions on media hosts apply—rehost to catbox.moe if in doubt. Working on getting audio uploads to work and easier markup so you don't need to add an HTML tag—stay tuned for future changelog.

  • Comment posting hotkey: the Ctrl-Enter shortcut to post a comment was recently announced. We now have Mac support for Cmd-Enter.

  • Shop UI: Rows on desktop are now more compact.

  • Highlighted text is automatically inserted as a quote when you click reply. However, this did not previously retain formatting. This has been fixed. (kudos @nekobit)

  • Factchecks: you've known and loved the #fοrtune feature in comments. Now you can get a random #factcheϲk. (kudos to @Absinthe)

  • Reminder: Polls only ever appear at the end of a post, no matter where you put them in the markup. Formatting Help now reflects this.

  • Mod log timestamps now display exact times on mouseover.

  • Snappy now uses search.marsey.cat instead of camas. Also, fixed bug where the camas links would have the entire post URL shoved into the author field.

In the Pipeline for Coming Weeks

  • More Marseys are coming Soon™.

  • Super secret improvements to the House system. You will probably like them. If you don't like them, you will be forcibly compelled to like them.

  • Minor improvement to search.

  • Minor improvement to comment sorting.

  • … lots of other things I'm probably forgetting.

Reported by:

  • Chtorrr: I sent a gdpr notice you have to legally remove this post.
Google Searches that Led to rDrama on May 7, 2022

Recently, Aevann set up Google Webmaster Tools to explore some weird things going on with our search traffic. As a side effect, we get anonymized statistics on what search queries lead people to our little corner of the Internet.

Most of these are mundane: the top six queries by number of clicks are "rdrama", "rdrama.net", "r drama", "r/drama", "rdramanet", and "drama net". Some of you are very lazy typists, but this is normal for a site like this.

What is also normal for a site like this is to get a couple visitors from search queries no sane person would ever type. Today, we will delve into some of the deranged, troubling, and amusing things which brought people here on May 7th, 2022.

kyle rittenhouse rule 34 — you will be glad to know we rank #1 for this.

joe biden cum jar — ???

fatty tumor removal lincoln ne — ????

31 sylvia rd, conway, ar — ?????

butter goblin poland — ??????

biblically accurate swedish fish — ???????

can you make a male babysitter pay child support yahoo answers — uh.

is brett cooper ben shapiro's sister — well, is he?

scrote tears mug — we get a shocking amount of traffic from this. merch store when?

alex jones vtuber — this needs to be a thing.

tariq nasheed bussy — amen.

chud porn and chud enby — there's a fetish for everything.

big george porn:!marseyfloyd: :!marseycock:

kermit shows his cucumber — this is why the taliban won.

capybara eating ice pop — finally something wholesome.

is loveforlandlords satire — 11 people had to ask (in one day!) :marseyoctopus2:

In lieu of commentary on the myriad coomer searches we rank disturbingly high for, here's a short list: loli pee hentai, furry cum bong, catgirl lesbian porn, small penis femboy porn, femboy feet, femboy ass photos, femboy furrys, loli femboy porn, cara cunningham porn, gabby petito tits, gabby petito pierced nipples, michelle phan bdsm, isabella janke tits.

Most Famous Users, in order: carpathianflorist, Aevann, @Chapose, trappysaruh ( @tappy ), Soren.

Award for Marketing Outreach Excellence: "this machine kills femboys", rank #1, most clicks of any query aside from variants of "rdrama". Congratulations to @CBT for being our best source of organic search traffic and bringing 12 people here in one day.

And, finally: bardfinn — showed up 14 times, rank #7, but no one clicked through. I'm disappointed in us: these are rookie numbers; we gotta pump these numbers up.

post thumnail
How Carp Sees the World—or, Come Laugh at the Disabled :marseycarpdead:

The Fish unwisely revealed in his recent thread that he is physically disabled:

I’m partially colorblind and I always thought your name was blue lol. Blue-purple are my worst colors

Amusingly, actual carp can see more colors than humans, up into the near-ultraviolet: Carp, therefore, is strictly visually inferior to carp.

Blue–Purple discrimination is worst in protanopes—people who have wonky or absent red-sensitive cells in the retina. Since we don't know how 'partially' colorblind he is, I uncharitably assume he is maximally impaired in red perception.

And this is how he sees the world:



(changelog) Badge Rarity REVEALED: what we discovered might SHOCK you


The badges listing page you've known and loved has NEW FEATURES.

  1. You can see how many people have each badge and what percentage of the total userbase that represents.

  2. You can click on the #/Rarity column header to sort by rarity.

  3. You can click on the links in the number column for a list of users with that badge.

For esoteric technical reasons, badge rarity only recomputes once an hour, so don't be surprised if the person you just chudded doesn't show up immediately.

I am also told that @carpathianflorist has already used this new data to embark on the Night of the Long Badge. Thirteen Sigmas have been tossed off the grindset, and nearly all Artist Laureates have been found wanting. The reign of terror may continue sporadically at Carp's sole discretion.

h/t to @chiobu for suggesting the feature.

Reported by:

  • Chtorrr: Copyright infringement
  • TwoLargeSnakesMating: Fair use for purposes of commentary and criticism. Excerpts only the necessary portion of the work.
  • dart200: where does the 1st amendment grant a "copyright exception"?
rDrama Featured on the Glenn Beck Program (1m40s excerpt), and Glenn Beck Normiesplains Furries

We made it to conservative talk radio, and they accurately reported on our radical centrism! 1m40s excerpt of them discussing the DramaFur Happening linked in title. DIY transcript below.

After discussing our role in the hoax, Glenn Beck proceeds to teach his normie audience about furries, including lots of furry statistics. 19m31s extended excerpt, most ads and other discussion removed.

Full episode "rocket daddy vs. the World | Guests: Rob Collins & Riaz Patel | 4/27/22" available here.

h/t to @Sherman_March for finding this. His post got buried, so I figured I'd repost with the excerpt and transcript to chronicle this momentous occasion.

Glenn: So, Stu, there was a story, and I want to see if you have much on this. There was a story from Austin, where a second-grade teacher at a public school district was teaching students about the subculture of furries. Okay? [chuckles] [Stu: hah, yeah, mhm] Alright, okay, so the parents have found out through flyers their second-graders at the Austin Independent School District learned about youth subcultures, from goths to furries and many more. This is happening during the second week of April. One worksheet was titled 'Design your Fursona' [Stu chuckles], and students were asked if their fursona were male, female, or non-binary. Now, Austin ISD said this isn't in their curriculum; they have no information on it.

Stu: Right.

Glenn: Is this true?

Stu: It does seem to be false, actually, this one. There is a [protracted 'uhhh'] former reddit community that like, basically, tries to hoax the media and come out with— I think it's called arr-drama, like they want to create drama, basically, so they made false flyers.

Glenn: So this would be fake news?

Stu: This seems to be fake news.

Glenn: From the left? Or from the right?

Stu: I don't know if— I don't know if they have an ideology or if they just like to create drama, but it does seem like some of this is not true. [Glenn: Okay, so—] Which is, I guess, doesn't mean that we haven't seen this exact type of thing in twenty other places [Glenn: Yeah, but— that's good, that's good], but this particular flyer—

Glenn: But, I want you to know I looked into furries. [Stu: You did?] Yeah.

[continues for 15min sneering at furries, decently amusing for talk radio. ads at the end feature furry-themed jokes.]

Quote toward end: "I'm gonna take off my bunny costume now." —Glenn Beck, confirmed lagomorph

Reported by:

  • Sloppyjosh: Unironically based and fun to look at
Watching @carpathianflorist While He Sleeps Using #bigdata

On a website full of terminally online autists, people post pretty much whenever they're awake. So, if you scrape their most recent 750 comments, you can plot when they comment and figure out when they sleep. Then, using this IDF-tier intel, you can safely steal their car while they are blissfully dreaming of bussy.


Since we know @carpathianflorist is a damn Yank, he's in UTC-5 EST for most of the data, more recently UTC-4 EDT. We see a small blip in posting at 6 AM when he wakes up, which continues up through 11 PM local time, until he always goes AFD (Away From Drama) from 2–6 AM or so. We also see a prominent noontime spike for lunch. Unfortunately, the rest of the data lacks sufficient statistical power to determine if he has a favored time for an on-the-clock afternoon shit.


Compare that to @boo who is shifted almost perfectly three hours behind :marseycarp3:, putting him in UTC-8 PST / UTC-7 PDT on the West Coast. Looks like a 9 PM dinnertime and typically staying up poasting until 2 AM. Imagine: to get info this good a few decades ago, you'd have to follow someone around all day in a suspiciously well-maintained Crown Vic while wearing dark sunglasses. Now they give it away for free!


@Aevann is in UTC+2 EET :marseycapypharaoh:. Unlike our other examples, he's obviously a codecel because he doesn't sleep, and he's most reliably active from 4PM to 3AM local time.


Finally, we can use @zozbot to judge general site commenting activity. Ze replies to one in a thousand comments, giving us a truly random sample. It's fairly similar to Carp's chart, so either the site is being carried by East Coast Ameroids, or everyone here except me is actually Carp.

If you want a chart for your own account, ask and you'll get it for free :marseycomrade:. If you want to find out when your rDrama crush is active so you can harass them most efficiently, 100 DC :marseycapitalistmanlet: gets you whomever you want, either publicly if requested in this thread or privately in DMs with the utmost confidentiality. (Terms and conditions apply: if the account of interest is private, I can't get the comments, and I will keep your dramacoin as a r-slur surcharge and probably post about it to shame you.)

A Statistical Treatise on @zozbot, and Therein an Analysis of rDrama's Most Pressing Questions

I downloaded all of the comments of @zozbot to analyze the most important problem facing rDrama in this era: discrimination against the 'zle'. No doubt many of you have noticed this phenomenon during your time with this autism support community. I found one such case while cleaning the dataset: two months ago it had been noticed by @sirpingsalot, who pondered 'Why do people always find the full zozzle more satisfying?' Why indeed. This is what I have endeavoured to answer here: is the full zozzle more satisfying? Is it ribbed for her pleasure his bussy's pleasure and for yours? Just what exactly is wrong with the 'zle'? Does size matter, or is a mere 'zoz' enough? I hope this treatise can finally put these questions to rest.

At time of analysis, we find N = 3212 relevant comments, for a total of 1072 tripartite utterances, four of which lack a 'zozzle'—of which we shall speak more later. We begin with the summary statistics:

zoz 6088-13059585.56
zle 5499-38251174.77

As one can clearly see, 'zle' averages 0.72 points less than the combined mean of 'zoz' and 'zozzle' (effect size d = 0.36, derived from a paired sample analysis), and it receives three times as many downvotes as either of its companions. I consider this irrefutable evidence that dramautists are zlephobes of the foremost degree, and we ought henceforth embark upon the institution of 'zle' reparations.

The other apparent fact is that 'zoz' is narrowly preferred to 'zozzle'. Unlike our vile and antiquated disdain for 'zle', we find a much more progressive acceptance—nay, celebration!—of the succinct, civilized, purposeful 'zoz' over the barbarous, engorged, tumescent 'zozzle'.

With our primary questions answered, we move onto a discussion of other curious phenomena discovered during this investigation. First, we look to the four missing zozzles, all of which occurred on the twenty-sixth day of December, in the year of our Lord two thousand and twenty one:

  • https://rdrama.net/comment/1071676 — though @champion_of_zoz added one two months late, which is still at +1 | -0. One must wonder what sort of pathetic buttboy would be looking through months-old zoz comments to post such a thing. (Surely one will agree that your present correspondent is protected from any such accusations, seeing as my purposes are purely scientific.)
  • https://rdrama.net/comment/1072869 — though @everyone added one within two minutes, which obtained a respectable +8 | -0, prompting @HELPdongerSHARKateMYboner to accuse him of being :marseyilluminati:. @everyone then proclaims 'I'm zozbot now. Kneel, humans!', which is met with a reply of 'You can zozzle this butt :marseytwerking:'.
  • https://rdrama.net/comment/1073204 — again, @champion_of_zoz two months late and still at +1 | -0.
  • https://rdrama.net/comment/1073956 — a contemporaneous addition four hours late by @DuckPioneer reached +7 | -0. We see here also a prime example of the wrathful dramatard behaviour toward 'zle', which was voted to -5 out of the senseless rage against the missing zozzle, achieving a controversial +3 | -8.

This omission of the zozzle occurred because of the reckless disregard for proper database flushing exercised by @Aevann in commit 82d77d9 'dfsfds' which was subsequently fixed in b18fa7b 'fsd', though not until these four unfortunate perversions of the Most Holy Blessing of Zoz were produced by our beloved zozzer. Investigations of the code further reveal that all comments have a one in a thousand (0.001) chance of being zozzed. (Also, slots has an expected payout of 0.99; the house always wins.)

The last instance of the omission is the most recent of seven times that a zozbot comment has been voted controversial. All seven times were directed solely toward the 'zle', often when the 'zoz' and 'zozzle' received glowing praise. Each instance's scores are as follows: (+9, -2, +9), (+7, -6, +8), (+16, -8, +15), (+15, -1, +15), (+21, -2, +19), (+20, +9, +19), and (+3, -5, zozzle absent).

Finally, for the sake of completeness, we look to the two times when zozbot said something other than His appropriate words. In response to his being officially declared the #1 rDrama user, he exalted us, 'I have decided to bless you with my presence.' In response to Snappy calling someone a negroid r-slur, he parried, 'stfu r-slur ur literally made with javascript like a bitch lol'.

This brings my report to an end. We see that 'zle' is a second-class citizen among the pantheon of zozzes, and that 'zoz' is indeed better than the Full Zozzle. I thank you for your consideration of my bringing to you this Thoughtful and Complete analysis, and I hope that it may bring about needed change in our treatment of the unduly maligned 'zle'. «And Zoz said, Let there be zle: and there was zle. And Zoz saw the zle, that it was good: and Zoz divided the zle from the zozzle.»