How to handle moving

Listen up dramaslurs the real test of your manhood is if you can pick up everything you own in boxes and get it to another burrow. (Your mammalian instincts run deep and we are burrowing creatures, not tree rats.)

The second you think you are moving, you will direct yourself to your nearest Communist Supply Distribution Center (don't buy the fricking lies that burgerland is a capitalist society, the communists own everything, Party Membership is defined by money ownership and they get poors to believe in the free market, satisfying them with enough cheap plastic crap and plentiful moo food to prevent them from rising up against Communism to put true capitalism back in charge) and you will purchase a hundred boxes.

You don't want workers coming into your house and handling your things. You want everything wrapped up and ready by the time the Hired Guns show up. They lift boxes, they carry boxes. If they have to handle delicate shit you've failed, these are people who get paid enormous amounts of money to work out, I repeat they get paid to work out so they're smarter and stronger than you, but not the kind of smart that necessarily handles improvisation or initiative.

It's best if their job is to lift and move heavy shit.

I repeat the second you think you might be moving you need to start putting stuff in boxes. Most of your stuff should be in boxes anyway, if you're not moving the best chadly thing to do is to go to the Communist Supply Distribution Center and get a bunch of plastic tubs. Is there something loose in your apartment? Put it in the tub. When you realize you've gotta move then 50% of the work is done if you've got most of your loose shit in tubs.

For the advanced class, you can even sort what goes in which tubs, and use labels, an ancient piece of technology involving the use of words to describe the contents of a container.

Every. Single. Day: Pack a box.

Are you a wimp? Are you a wuss? Are you prepared to drive a truck or have you been feminized by the communist indoctrination centers?

Renting a truck is dead simple if you've got a driver's license and a capable motor neuro system which you may not. If you struggle to parallel park pay a professional. Otherwise rent the truck, have movers fill it up with your prepackaged belongings, and have movers unload it at the destination.

If your move is a disaster there's really no one else to blame but you.