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Amazon's "Wheel of Time" adaptation is the worst thing ever commit to film

UPDATE: Linking to this review in r/WoT gets you banned.

Good morning and thank you for clicking my longpost about a swordshit show allegedly based on a work I've been reading, rereading, analyzing and discussing since the late 90s! I'm not going to waste time with more than a quick preamble for the uninitiated, so buckle up. Things are about to get very soy very quickly.

In 1990, a decorated Vietnam veteran (Distinguished Flying Cross with oak leaf cluster, the Bronze Star with “V”, two Vietnamese Crosses of Gallantry with Palm) named James Oliver Rigney (pen name Robert Jordan) published the first book in what would turn out to be the longest narrative written in the English language of all time. This was The Eye of the World in the Wheel of Time saga. At 4,400,000 million words and 2,782 named characters over the course of 14 main books and one prequel, WoT is far and away the most intricate story ever told. The author died in 2007, and the final three books were ultimately finished (fairly poorly) in 2012 by Brandon Sanderson, with the consent of Jordan's wife and editor, Harriet. In 2018, Amazon bought the rights to the work for a television adaptation, intending to capitalize on Game of Thrones' success. Three years later, we now have the first season, with a staggering $10,000,000-per-episode budget. And it is far and away the worst thing ever commit to film, including actual snuff films.

The end result is not an adaptation in any sense of the word; the only similarities Rafe Judkins' Wheel of Time bears to the books on which it is based are some of the names. It tells an entirely different story, about entirely different people, doing entirely different things for entirely different reasons. A film about an immigrant named Jesus buying a motorcycle and joining the Hells Angels is closer to an adaptation of the Bible than this is to an adaptation of Wheel of Time, and this is in no way hyperbolic.

:star: Here's where the intro ends and I start prattling on about things specific to the work itself, that's all the context you get :star:

The (filmed) series opens with a voiceover inexplicably by Moiraine, and wastes absolutely no time in preemptively retconning some of the foundational principles of the series. Lews Therin might be reborn as a woman. Which can't happen, and Aes Sedai of all people should know this, and that isn't even touching on the saidin/saidar mess this would lead to. But showrunner Rafe Judkins and his crew spent the last few years on Twitter openly disparaging the source material and repeatedly expressing desires to dismantle it and tell an entirely unrelated story as a vehicle to push tired identity politics. And Moiraine has somehow heard rumors of four ta'veren in BFE Two Rivers. How does that work? Since when is Egwene ta'veren? Who is spreading these rumors? What do they entail? What indication is there that there are ta'veren in the Two Rivers? How did these rumors get out when the place is lucky to see a peddler or two pass through every year? There are no answers!

So that's what we start with. By the four minute mark, Liandrin & co have already summarily gentled a random male channeler - a massive no-no by Tar Valon standards, something which is repeatedly hammered home by Thom and Moiraine's seething about Owyn. Moiraine and Lan casually watch this literal, actual, significant crime, make a quip about it, and leave. But not before we're treated to Liandrin invalidating even more of the lore as she explains to the poor sap before gentling him that saidin was tainted by "filthy men" (this is a quote) touching it, even though everyone - Aes Sedai of all people - know that the taint was Shai'tan's counterstroke to the Hundred Companions. So from this scene alone, we're hit with a few possibilities:

  1. Liandrin lied, meaning she's Black Ajah. Which she is, of course, but the viewer doesn't know that. Neither does Moiraine. And Black Ajah cells are three people, and she has a much larger posse than three, so the possibility of all those Reds being Black is out. Moiraine also doesn't react to this lie, so it's presumably off the table.
  2. Saidin really was tainted by filthy m*n touching it in Rafe's bastardization of the work, which retcons absolutely everything about the world.
  3. Most likely, it's just garbage writing to illustrate that Liandrin (and Reds) hate men and male channelers, and the writers don't give a shit about the Three Oaths except when it's necessary to for the threadbare plot.

And then after this completely unnecessary scene and subsequent traveling montage, we arrive in the Two Rivers. Egwene (who is now Indian) gets to braid her hair! Which is now apparently just for members of the Women's Circle. Which is now some New Age hippie hyperfeminist ritualistic woo cult thing, because the viewer is treated to a bizarre ceremony on a rock overlooking a river, which Egwene is senselessly pushed into as part of...a test? initiation? hazing? it's not explained, but she's told to float down the river and then that's the sum of the explanation and the last time any of this is referenced or relevant.

Some observations about Two Rivers characters in no particular order:

  • Everyone's favorite softboi Perrin is married now (and black!), to an imaginary character named Laila. She's a strong blacksmith. He proceeds to kill her with axe on Winternight.
  • Mat, the incredibly selfless and good-natured rogue, is now a shameless thief. He steals some girl's bracelet and sells it to Fain (who is now black - and British - as well).
  • Rand and Egwene are a thing now. And they're very openly banging. Two Rivers customs and culture and propriety no longer exists, because any society that normalizes sex within a marriage is problematic.
  • Nynaeve (now extremely black) scrubs a sacred rock. Why is it sacred? Why is she scrubbing it? Why is it in a cave? Stop asking questions, they don't have answers.
  • The extremely respectable and respected Abell Cauthon is now a domestic abusing drunkard who his wife and children are terrified of.
  • The Mountains of Mist are now in someone's back yard, and Rand goes to brood there after nailing Egwene again, and talk about his deep, CW-tier thoughts, which he says he does a lot. Gone is the innocent, naïve sheepherder and dedicated son.

During a series of unremarkable scenes in and around the Winespring Inn, we're treated to a huge number of absolutely shameless shots of people of every race and ethnicity under the sun - the Two Rivers is no longer an isolated, podunk village in the ass end of nowhere. Rand being visibly different than everyone else was a major narrative aspect of the books, but now everyone is different. There's a huge number of blacks, Indians, latinx, Asians, Pacific Islanders - you name it, the Two Rivers has it. No one even bats an eye at Moiraine and Lan's arrival aside from the rudeness of it. Fain showing up is ignored by everyone but a few kids, and Mat who needs to unload his stolen jewelry.

It's pretty hard to fuck up Winternight. Like that's one of the most memorable scenes in the entire series - it's powerful, it's tense, it's gripping, it's definitive, and it's very plainly laid out what happens. Instead, Rafe Judkins treats us to a Winternight that isn't about Rand's desperate, terrified flight back to the village with his mortally wounded father. There are no worldshaking maybe-revelations-maybe-fever-dreams about his ancestry. There hadn't even been a Myrddraal that anyone saw. Rand and Tam are just eating dinner when a Trolloc knocks the door down. Tam gets out his heron mark blade (also looking exactly nothing like it was painstakingly described) and proceeds to get his ass handed to him by a single Trolloc. Rand saves him by stabbing it in the back, and then we're back to town!

The attack on the village consists briefly of Mat running away, some randoms dying, Daise Congar and a heap of other farm women taunting Trollocs (who don't even bother to fight back) and then having no problem at all handling them, because they're strong women. Moiraine seems gimped as hell and relies on throwing rocks at the invaders. At one point she destroys the Winespring Inn for more rocks. Completely levels the building. Oh, Egwene and Nynaeve use little DIY melee weapons to take down some Trollocs too, but Nynaeve gets kidnapped.

And then it's done.

You've likely noticed that I forgot to mention Thom through all of this. I actually didn't! Thom isn't there! He doesn't appear until the third episode. And he doesn't have a flute and harp anymore, he has a guitar. And he's much younger. And his giant mustaches are gone. Did I mention he has a guitar? Because Thom has a guitar now. But we're still on episode 1, 3 comes later.

CONTINUED IN PINNED COMMENT


:!marseyprisma: Heterosexuality is a mental illness :marseyprisma:

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After the attack on Emond's Field, Moiraine spirits the three boys men and Egwene away. Why Egwene? Is it like the books? No, it's because Egwene might somehow be Lews Therin reborn. None of the stealth or dissent from the villagers from the book is in the show; everyone is pretty chill with Moiraine being an Aes Sedai and the "four ta'veren" accept it as a matter of course that they need to leave. Perrin's recently murdered wife (by him!) isn't really an issue, everyone mentions how sad it is briefly and that's the extent of it. And then we're off to start the second episode!

It opens with Eamon Valda (portrayed phenomenally by the incredibly talented Abdul Salis, the only good casting decision besides Lan) being cartoonishly evil. He has an Aes Sedai tied to a stake and he is cheerfully ranting to her about how he enjoys the brutality of some meat. And then he burns her to death. How was she taken? How was she shielded? What happened to the gibbets in Amador, and the show trials, and everything the Children of the Light are known for? Doesn't matter, Valda is evil, Hollywood's idea of Christians (witch burners) are bad, burn this broad and have him laugh while he watches and continues to eat.

Smash cut to Moiraine's party at Taren Ferry. Remember the frantic flight through the woods in the dead of night from the books? Remember how they were all terrified and trying to come to grips with the magnitude of everything that's happened? Remember Rand's unknown channeling to allow Bela to keep up with the racehorses and warhorses? Remember how Lan's behavior with the ferryman was so excellently used to indicate his and Moiraine's worldliness, their resources, their versatility the greed of Taren Ferry folk, and just that whole fantastic chapter of rousing the crew and the distrust everywhere and the journey across the river, the sinking of the ferry and the rowers' flight into the fog afterwards? Rafe Judkins hopes you don't, because none of that is included here. The ferryman rows them across solo, and Moiraine proceeds to kill him. There's also a fist of Trollocs inexplicably right across the river, raging at them and just standing there watching and bellowing. I guess Trollocs don't have bows in Rafe's Wheel of Time, because there's no danger whatsoever from the massed forces within bowshot. So anyway, Trollocs are impotent, don't have ranged weapons, and Moiraine kills the ferryman. Neat.

They run into Valda and a company of Whitecloaks in the forest. Moiraine lies (remember, the Three Oaths only apply now when the writers want to make you aware of them) and then we're on our way again. She gets tired and passes out, and Lan unilaterally decides to take everyone to Shadar Logoth. Moiraine wakes up when they get there and tells him that he's killed them all before passing out again.

Mordeth isn't here. The boys explore a bit and then Mashadar happens and then they all run away. It's all very unremarkable and completely forgettable. The split-up happens like in the books, but no one has Moiraine's coins and it's a proper mess:

  • Domon doesn't exist - Rand and Mat just begin trekking with no real destination in mind.
  • Elyas doesn't exist - Egwene and Perrin go off on their own. A wolf had licked Perrin's leg wound at some point though, so I guess that's where the wolfbrother concept comes from here. But it's a mess too, because instead of protecting his dreams, the wolves terrorize him. One is eating his dead wife's intestines. I am fairly certain that the writers of the show just skimmed a plot summary and called it a day. "Perrin, wolves, dreams, got it."
  • Lan and Moiraine are on their own, because Nynaeve had been presumed dead after Winternight. But she comes back now! There was no Baerlon, but she did manage to track them to and through Shadar Logoth (in the night?) somehow. She disarms Lan - because she's a very strong woman - and holds him hostage for a bit.

Perrin and Egwene meet the Tinkers. They don't have a caravan, or wagons, or anything, they're just beatniks who walk around everywhere. A lot of fat ones, too, somehow. Aram is black now. Nothing of note happens, because like every other scene in the series, this is purely Rafe Judkins and isn't based on anything in the books at all.

The third and final episode that we have so far is even more forgettable than the first two. Moiraine is poisoned and they need to somehow find and meet up with Liandrin and her party to get her Healed. We're introduced to Thom (he has a guitar, is very young, and has no mustaches - in case you missed it the first time) playing his guitar (he has a guitar) in Four Kings. You definitely remember Four Kings from the book - Rand and Mat had been on the road for weeks after Whitebridge, desperately making their way to Caemlyn after seeing Thom presumably killed in Whitebridge? They'd been performing with his flute and juggling (which he'd taught them aboard Domon's Spray) to get food and shelter from the winter? And the innkeeper Saml Hake was super sketchy, and had his two brutish bouncers basically trap them in after they'd agreed to perform, presumably so he could rob them after the crowd dispersed? And Darkfriend Howal Gode came? And when they were just about fucked, Rand accidentally channeled lightning and fried Gode and blew the fucking basement up and they fled into the storm? That huge, defining moment?

Yeah, that doesn't happen here. Four Kings (in the heart of Andor) has an innkeeper named Dana. She is a (strong) woman, and she is very much not Andoran (black), and she is an innkeeper despite it being Andor and nowhere near Ebou Dar. She's definitely very fat, though. She flirts with Rand. She asks him if he and Mat are gay and stresses that it's totally cool if they are, no one has a problem with same-sex couples. He says they're not and he can do better than Mat. They make out. Then he stops because Egwene. Then she reveals that she's a Darkfriend and chases him with his own sword. Then she chases him and Mat with his sword. Then Thom (he has a guitar now) - who they've never met before - casually knifes her in the throat. End scene.

Throughout all of this, it hasn't been winter at all. The unnaturally prolonged winter was a major narrative item, a significant motivator for a lot of things, and a constant source of conflict in the actual story. Everything here is comfortable and green and fine. And it's all so very clean, even when people have been trekking through the woods for days.

CONCLUSION

Amazon and Rafe Judkins' Wheel of Time is not an adaptation of Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time. It is not based on it. Aside from some proper nouns and some vaguely-almost-sort-of-kind-of-similar narrative beats, this bears absolutely no resemblance to Wheel of Time. It is a different story, about different people, doing different things for different reasons. There is not a single filmed scene that is at all similar its alleged source material. Not one. And this is a fucking shame, because this travesty of CW show pretending to be WoT is going to be an enormous number of people's only exposure to the property. And it bears no resemblance to that property whatsoever. And beyond that, it's bad. Even for an original story, what we have here is just terrible all around. The pacing is an incoherent mess, the acting is all over the place, the worldbuilding and character development is utterly nonexistent, the CG is somehow both too much while also being not nearly enough, the practical effects are hilariously bad, and everything is just so, so, so, so very badly done in every sense of the word.

This is a work without a single redeeming attribute. As a Wheel of Time adaptation it goes out of its way to aggressively fail at every turn, willfully bearing no resemblance to - and actively preemptively retconning - what it claims is its source material. As a standalone work, it's just bad. Badly written, badly shot, badly scored, badly acted, badly paced, everything is just objectively bad by every conceivable metric.

Rafe Judkins is a talentless hack with an explicit and well-documented contempt for the work he was mystifyingly tapped to adapt into a Game of Thrones contender. This has been evident ever since he was hired, and is immediately evident from what is very literally the first minute of his show. This is neither for fans of the books, nor for people wholly unfamiliar with The Wheel of Time. It is an abomination, too wildly disparate from its source material to even be called a parody. It is a work entirely his own, and entirely devoid of merit.

@Wizdumb337 @Sex @FearOfBees @mellokind


:!marseyprisma: Heterosexuality is a mental illness :marseyprisma:

I've known more coherent downies.

Absolutely nae naed

Between this and the Cowboy Bebop adaptation, it really is a great time to be a “lEt PeOpLe EnJoY tHiNgS” brand of Soyjack, isn’t it?

Every time someone ruins a beloved property like this, you always get a bunch of dumbasses coming out of the woodwork saying shit like “Did you expect a 1:1 interpretation? They’re making their own thing!” Like, shut the fuck up. I didn’t expect a 1:1 interpretation, but I HOPED for an interpretation that wasn’t completely rarted and brainwormed.

Edit: Also, that cope is the exact same one that was used by people to try to defend the shitty Dark Tower movie. It’s also the same thing going on in the Final Fantasy VII Remake, But I am actually enjoying it there, because it outright says that’s what’s going on, and FF is camp as fuck and can pull it off IMO.

The leading cope right now (among the minority of fans not banned from the subreddit for criticizing the show) is "it's another turning of the Wheel! Anything could happen!" which requires more metaphysical explanation of the most basic fundamentals of WoT than I'm willing to put into a reply here, but it's identical to saying that the new Ghostbusters is a Wheel of Time movie because it's just another turning of the Wheel.

The show has literally not a single thing in common with the books. I made a thread asking for a single item - just one - that was as it was in the books and was met with a flood of downvotes, rage, and an adamant refusal to provide a single example.


:!marseyprisma: Heterosexuality is a mental illness :marseyprisma:

I need to dive back into that series. I think I got as far as “The Fires of Heaven” before kind of petering out.

And I knew this adaptation was going to suck the minute they tried to adapt something that contains a central element of male/female dichotomy. That shit is just not going to slot into the current progressive worldview AT ALL.

Cast the perfect actor to play Thom as Tam Al Thor. Lul I'm so happy I bailed after 15 minutes.

Did I mention that Thom has a guitar now

Thom has a guitar now.


:!marseyprisma: Heterosexuality is a mental illness :marseyprisma:

"we don't know if the dragon is a boy or girl now"

Imagine writing that with a straight face and thinking it doesn't come off as something a 12 year old would write.

It actually would be pretty sweet if the dragon was a girl then both saidin and saidar could be tainted and no one could gentle anyone cause all the gentlers would be insane. At the end the pattern could come crashing down and the world could be destroyed all so a few foids could feel special. That would make a great show.

I'd like to point out in the endless "reeeeeing" over GoT ending nobody gave showrunners credit for teasing that "girl power" shit right before Daenerys incinerated a million people lol. Well played, boys!


They can cope and try to deny it all they want but the 3 out of 5 star rating it has right now shows just how unhappy the long time fans are.

@carpathianflorist

Mfw there is gypsy white washing in episode 3

:fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu:

Was there any adaptation recently where source material wasn't butchered? From recent ones The Witcher or even Sopranos prequel were a steamy piles of shit too.

As apparently the only person here who actually saw it and also read the book, Dune was fantastic, do watch.


My cliched POV as a super Dune fan is that any Dune movie will just be okay because it really needs a series to do it justice. The movie wasn't bad, and it was Dune, it was just Dune Lite, which is meh to me.

Then again, I always liked the "problematic" themes of the series, wherein people are genocidal dicks because it's for the greater good, and the ends justify the means. I don't think redditors and twittertards would like that very much though: imagine taking microaggression bullying seriously and then being cool with the God Emperor crushing humanity for 3,500 years just to toughen them up.

That and it always just seems to be yet another version of the Paul Atreides story.

I read up to about where the movie ended and watched the movie. I thought it was overall pretty good, just the movie didn't really explain a lot of wtf was going on and it left normies confused as hell. Which to be fair the first book is so ridiculously dense idk how they would have done it without exposition dumps

I loved that the movie barely explained jack shit it was great


It was a masterclass is "show don't tell". My one complaint was making Jessica so visibly emotional, but it's a small complaint


Yup apparently dune was super confusing for those who haven't read the books.

I could follow it but it did feel like being dropped in the middle of a universe you didn't know anything about.

I read em like 25 years ago. The new movie was alright. If they cut out the long scenery shots and the epic spaceship landings and take offs they could have actually fit the entire 1st book into the movie.

The epic spaceships were great though


Agreed, ive never read a Dune book but the movie was pretty enough to make me order the first book

Klen you finally have some good opinions


This website resides on internet space stolen from indigenous AOL and Geocities communities.

If they cut those scenes it would feel rushed and the viewer would have a worse understanding of the setting, scale of the events, and nature of the events. E.g. the bene gesserit landing hints at what's going on without a word of dialogue or exposition, which is the highest level of filmmaking

It pretty much removed every bit of internal dialog, which is where most of the good shit takes place. Felt more like an action movie than anything. Pretty much nothing on the "whoever can destroy a thing controls it" means it will just kind of spring forth, or go completely unexplained. It leaves out all the political drama essentially. Also, combining Feyd Rautha and Rabban cuts out most of the baron's political scheming.

I liked that it removed the internal dialogue; it meant more was left to inference, which works better for a movie vs trying to exposition dump. I thought it did a good job with the political intrigue and had more of an subtle way of doing it instead of the baron laying out his whole plot kind of early on like in the book.


The political intrigue felt like you'd only really understand it if you read the book. He didn't do anything to fill in any of what was lost, so the average viewer is going to miss a lot of it. They didn't need to exposition dump, but they needed more than nothing.

but they needed more than nothing.

Piter and the baron almost directly explains what's going on to Rabban. I remember these two exact lines because they do a lot of work: Don't be so certain it was an act of love. When is a gift not a gift?

The Duke also hints at it when he suggests that the equipment left behind was sabotaged.

And finally, the military force described as belonging to the emperor fights for the Harkonnen.

That's the why, the what, and the what of the premise. If someone in the audience can't connect the dots after all of this they might be differently abled.

Imagine if they spoonfed viewers with teeny bopper netflix dialogue like "The vehicle malfunctioned! That means the Emperor set us up to eliminate us!". Thank fuck someone's still capable of not making pure drivel.

I liked it because you SHOULD have to read a book to understand a movie based on it.

I saw it with two people who hadn't read the book and they both thought is was great too so I think enough got through. They made it pretty clear with the bit of exposition they had how the barons trap was meant to work. I thought they actually made it clearer than the book that it was a sort of double trap, where the duke was meant to think he had a slim chance of succeeding before they roll in and completely wipe him out.


I liked it because you SHOULD have to read a book to understand a movie based on it.

I don't disagree, but I'm thinking from the perspective of making a movie that works for the general market.

I thought they actually made it clearer than the book that it was a sort of double trap, where the duke was meant to think he had a slim chance of succeeding before they roll in and completely wipe him out.

This was the part I had the most issue with. They had pretty much no reference to imperial conditioning. The double trap came in the form of Yueh, someone believe to be an absolute known quantity. The film glosses over that completely. It wasn't just trust, but the subversion of essentially a physical change in Yueh's brain. The movie doesn't hammer that in, and it just seems like a run of the mill betrayal.

Dune was pretty well-received, But I really can’t say anything, because I have not seen it yet.

Denis V seems to be mentally outside the brain dead world of American Hollywood. The only people who can make real shit are outside the US/Canada, also probably outside Bongland.

Denis V is a quebecois Canadian my friend. I think he has yet to be turned by the :marseymerchant:


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Which is why the enlightened position to hold is that Quebecois French is a disgusting dialect spoken by a stunted people but nonetheless Quebec must be preserved as a bulwark against Anglo degeneration.

Most French actually like the Quebec accent to them it sounds quaint and olde tymie. The African dialects are really rough.


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Dune was very well done. I enjoyed it a lot, provided there is a second part.

I get that I'm super in the minority here, but I thought the Hobbit trilogy was phenomenally well done for something that takes so many liberties with the source material. It didn't disrespect it, and it actively built upon it in canonical ways.


:!marseyprisma: Heterosexuality is a mental illness :marseyprisma:

The hobbit trilogy was bad for different reasons related to self-indulgent filmmaking. Almost too much respect for canon, stuffing as much of it in as possible...

You should make posts this long more often, I am able to read and agree with you for once

Well considering most (but not all) of the extra stuff they jammed into the Hobbit did come from Tolkien’s work via appendices or unfinished tales it makes sense. Chris Tolkien fucking hated Jackson though big time.


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Wasn’t one of the reasons why Chris hated the trilogy was because Boromir was changed the most and that was the character his father identified himself with the most?

Not sure on that. I did read that Chris was butthurt that it was made into such an action movie particularly the scenes where legolas surfs or skateboards in shields or down oliphant trunks.


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But the Legolas surfs are my favorite part :marseysad:

I know fuck Chris Tolkien. Those movies couldn’t be more perfect adaptations of the books. Fuck Tom Bombadil and fuck Scouring if the Shire as well I’m glad Jackson took it out the whole Saraumon as “Sharkey” was lame as fuck.


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I like Bombadil though :marseysadcat:

Also, the Scouring is actually in the trilogy, though it’s not directly shown.

How many of the characters are non-canonical mayoids?

If they left out the fuck awful romance sub plot and shitty slapstick bits, and really every appearance of the elves before the battle of five armies, they could have been decent. Those aspects were so bad that they're the only things I remember about the movies. They could have condensed it to two movies and been better for it.

Dune, while not exactly 1:1, was good.

As long as they had source material that didn't suck, Game of Thrones was good for 4 seasons. People say Dune movie good but I missed it in theaters.


Twin Peaks: The Return and Dark Crystal Age of Resistance (the latter of which was cancelled by new Netflix management.) Neo The World Ends with you for games.

I expected streamlining and a ton of stuff cut out. I wasn't expecting a complete and utter restructuring of an easily adaptable story.

zoz

zle

zozzle

The Expanse is decent at least. I gave one episode of Bebop a try and cringed out 5 minutes in.

I watched the whole season of Bebop going in with no expectations and it was entertaining enough. Pretty cool visuals. The music was obviously great.

Jet was really good. Cho as Spike was better than expected. Faye was alright, but had some pretty bad lines. They fleshed out Julia and Viscous way too much. Gren is just a gay dude in a dress?

The plot change they went with at the end of the season is really really hard to understand and ruins it, imo.

I'd probably give it a 6/10. I'd watch a second season just to see where the fuck they're going with that plot change, honestly.

:marseyconfused:

The ff7 remake is without question the most padded game I've ever played.The entire 30-40 hours of slow sloggy bullshit fit easily into the first 4 hours of the original game, where it's fun and exciting. And this isn't nostalgia goggles, I played the remake first. Blasting through this part of the story at its natural pace was cathartic, the pace suddenly made sense, tense races to the rescue or escapes actually felt tense, etc.

Remake is a good game in many ways, but I'm blown away that people are complaining about Nomura nonsense instead of the fact that they stretched this tightly paced opening experience into a whole bloated game.

There was a lot of bloat, but for some reason, I didn’t really hate that fact. It gave me more time in a setting I liked with some goofy-ass characters I enjoyed and combat that was fun as hell. If I hadn’t loved the combat and overall tone, I probably would have been a lot less forgiving of the pacing.

I can respect that, if you loved the original I could see wanting to expand on it. Stuff like spending more time with Aerith before you go rescue her makes a lot of sense and helps sell the relationship. However, I still would either have preferred either a full-game remake or else a shorter, more focused Midgar remake. Stuff like the ghost railroad really fucks with the pacing imo, and the final dungeon kind of dragged on instead of feeling like a daring rescue.

Yeah, the train graveyard was a weirdly long insertion. The pacing is DEFINITELY a narrative issue, especially when you have urgent events constantly being held up for other stuff. In an ideal world, at least some of that would have been snipped in favor of getting the story somewhat out of Midgar.

Half the filler was interesting and fun, half made me want to gouge my eyes out. So much slow fucking walking.

The FF7remake is based when you realize the ghosts are the audience of the old games who wanted everything to stay the same and we kille those fucking nerds and once you learn that the writer wanted to kill everyone except your most used 3 party members so now Sephiroth can kill everyone if the writer is that insane. (Its not Nomura btw give my 50 year old goth nigga a break)

Oh yeah, Rand pukes up a rat at one point lol


:!marseyprisma: Heterosexuality is a mental illness :marseyprisma:

Here's to the inevitable nonbinary/FtM Min.

A leak says she’s a Shienaran soldier :marseytrollolol:


:!marseyprisma: Heterosexuality is a mental illness :marseyprisma:

It was a bat in this show, right?

:marseynerd:


JFC, I had heard some things about this and the trailers certainly did not convey it was this level of tragedy. Massively change the characters and story and it's almost all for identity politics. Fuck almighty it never ends.

Oh God, that review physically pained me to read. I was so looking forward to watching this series too. Man that sucks balls...

In 1990 I had a gf named Erin. We were 14 and had been dating for a few months and Erin knowing I liked to read went to our local bookstore and asked them for a good book to give me as a random act of foid kindness. This was 1990. They told her Eye of the world was the big popular new book so she got it for me and gave it along with a few other foid specific things they like to give as gifts. Erin and I broke up like 4 months later. I was over Erin. However I wasn't over with my new found love for the wheel of time series. I eagerly awaited each book. I read and reread them through college and well into my adult life. In 1997 they announced the wheel of time fanclub. It was advertised on MTV all the time. I immediately joined it and received the encyclopedias and mugs and other shit they used to send out along with the newest released books in the series. This was my starshit and my capeshit. When Robert Jordan died I was very upset. I saw it coming because the updates he would give on dragonmount.net had become fewer and fewer. I didn't cry I was just worried that the story would go unfinished. Then they announced who would be finishing it for him and Brandon Sanderson was extremely respectful of the source material. I still didn't finish the series for years after it was done. Matter of fact I sat down and read the whole series from start to finish just last year during the lockdowns. I had put it off long enough. To say I'm seething about this show is an understatement.

I'm fucking RAGING. the opening shitty narration destroys everything the 1st book is about. It explains everything in terrible dialogue. There is no mystery or world building it's just boom info dump. They could have easily adapted the 1st book almost chapter by chapter and still have been extremely faithful and eased the audience into the setting and world just like Jordan did. They however decided to not do that and did something completely different and wrong. They made drastic and dark and gritty changes to characters for no reason. This isn't game of thrones. This is an adult story told with class that didn't need all the modern dark shit they added to the characters. This isn't an adaption even. It's like someone told the writers a vague outline of the whole series and they went from there. It's barely the same story. The stunt casting could be overlooked. The absolute butchering of the source material can't. I turned it off after 15 minutes and I won't ever watch a second more. This show has ruined the book series because so many people that hadn't read it won't now because of how terrible this show is. Everyone involved in this has tainted the legacy of WoT just like Shaitan tainted the source of the one power. Shame on Amazon. End of fucking raging seething spergout.

Play me out longpost bot.

Some people are able to display their intelligence by going on at length on a subject and never actually saying anything. This ability is most common in trades such as politics, public relations, and law. You have impressed me by being able to best them all, while still coming off as an absolute idiot.

I had a gf named Erin.

...

We were 14

Normiecels OUT OUT OUT

Also keep seething about your boomer capeshit lmao.

Don't you unironically love all starshit?

Also it's swordshit not capeshit. At least get your soy terms right.