Incels avert your eyes; this absolute kuh-ween practically made a career of BTFOing LV scrotes! Assertive, intelligent, and strong, Margravine (or countess or duchess or whatever you want to call her at any given time) Matilda di Canossa of Tuscany was everything a wxmxn shouldn't have been in the Middle Ages. Single handedly carrying the Papal cause, she alone prevented Kraut occupation of St. Peter's throne . That's right, tradcath LARPers, a WOMAN is the only reason you're not performing mass in German! Now, scrotes, save your impotent seethe for later, because it's time for HERstory.

Familial Foundations

Unlikely as it may seem, Matilda was not a direct spawn of the heavens sent to vanquish heretical schismatics. She's the product of house Canossa, a collection impressive characters on their own. The family started with Adalbert Azzo, who was awarded the castle Canossa in exchange for his support of Otto, first Holy Roman Emperor, a fact that will only become more ironic as the story progresses. Though initially minor nobles, the family's holdings in Northern Italy slowly grew during the reign of Azzo, as well as his son, Tedald. Tedald was virtuous, dedicated to the church, and his tenure was as peaceful as it was boring. The same cannot be said for his son Boniface's time in power, which was only mostly peaceful.

(Bony-face himself)

Boniface, like his ancestors, firmly supported the rule of the emperor. He'd support the emperor's campaigns against rebel nobles and make sure the empire's influence was well secured against any potential internal threats. In exchange, his imperial sugar daddy awarded him with additional lands and titles (as well as overlooking his less-than-legal seizure of church lands). By the end of his reign, Boniface was, by far, the most powerful noble in North Italy, having in his control the entire Margraviate of Tuscany as well as many counties in Emilia-Romagna. He was so powerful regionally, that Emperor Henry III may have felt threatened by his ostensibly loyal vassal, and maybe, just maybe, have had something to do with his assassination on a hunting trip in the year 1052. Boniface left behind a wife and three children to rule in his stead. The youngest was named Matilda.

Early Life

Boniface had children very late, and by the time of his death, all three were still minors. The oldest and his inheritor, Ferdinand, died in suspicious circumstances when the Emperor happened to be visiting (it probably wasn't assassination). The second oldest, either Beatrice or Beatricio (gender uncertain, maybe enby? ), died before Ferdinand. That left young Matilda to inherit everything her father once held, though she was still too young to rule, having been born some time around 1046 in Lucca. Her mother was to rule regent until her minority ended.

While her mother ruled Tuscany (alongside her new husband, Godfrey of Lorraine), Matilda received an education in combat and weaponry, uncommon at the time for one of her gender. She also frequently accompanied her mother and stepfather on matters of state. While Beatrice's marriage to Godfrey of Lorraine strengthened the stability of her, and by extension, Matilda's position in Tuscany, it likewise brought with it conflict. Godfrey was an old enemy of Emperor Henry III, and had once been in open rebellion against him. Old wounds wouldn't stay closed, and a controversy between the Emperor and the church caused another conflict between Henry and Godfrey to erupt, thereby involving Beatrice and Matilda, too. Men, am I right?

Papal Problems

The church, by this time, was deep in corruption (imagine that ). Corruption that had culminated in the selling of the Papacy itself, twice. A series of church councils were called, to reaffirm doctrine and purge the church of its corrupt officials. For the most part, these councils worked to flush out corruption, but they did create one additional problem. The reformist popes had relied heavily on the backing of the emperor to push their policies, with him presiding over the councils in which the reforms were decided upon. Emperor Henry III had accumulated a lot of influence over church affairs because of this, and had managed to get many Germans appointed to the Italian clergy.

In an effort to reassert the church's independence, Pope Alexander II was elected without the emperor's consent in 1061, contradicting the emperor's assumed right to approve the election of Popes. Henry III had just died, and his son, Henry IV, was under the regency of his mother, Empress Agnes. Agnes responded by calling her own council, which elected the Bishop of Parma as a rival Pope. The ensuing conflict between the Antipope and the regular Pope saw Matilda throw her hat in with the Papal party. The two sides fought for a while in Italy, but internal problems led to Agnes abdicating and the imperial faction falling apart. It's unclear how much influence Matilda herself had in this conflict. She was of age, but some evidence implies that she was NEETing-out during this period, still letting mommy and stepdaddy run things. Either way, it firmly planted Matilda in the Papal party of Holy Roman politics, and in opposition to the emperors.

Holy Roman Humiliation

A decade-ish (1076) later, with the Empire stabilized and Henry IV now a man, it was time for the empire to reestablish its authority over church affairs. The emperor demanded the Pope resign and the imperial claimant to the Papacy be instated. Unfortunately for Henry, he's a dumbass who instantly overplayed his hand after having just stabilized Germany, so when the Pope answered with an excommunication, he lost any and all support from his nobles and had to come to Italy to literally beg the Pope to absolve him.

Here we see Matilda intervene again in church politics (this time without her mother and stepfather, since they're dead now). She mediated the negotiations between the Emperor and the Pope, which took place in House Canossa's ancestral castle. After the emperor was made to beg outside the castle walls (in a blizzard , wearing rags , and barefoot ) for three days straight, Matilda finally got the Pope to allow for Henry's reentry into the church. And I thought Christians were supposed to be merciful

Unholy Roman Empire

After the whole excommunication thing, the Empire's nobles weren't so eager to accept their old ruler back. They'd gotten used to not having to listen to their boss, so like any uppity proletariat , they unionized (and by unionized, I mean they started a civil war). Initially attempting to stay neutral, the Pope was forced to side with anti-Henry forces after negotiations fell through. The Pope had two strong allies in Italy: Matilda of Tuscany and Robert Guiscard of Apulia, but the latter was busy fighting the Byzantines, so Matilda was left to carry the Papal cause alone.

Henry had been uncharacteristically lucky in this war. The anti-Henry party faced a series of setbacks, including the death in battle of their leader, Rudolf of Swabia. Some pressure having been lifted in Germany, Henry was free to march on Italy in 1081. Matilda fought the emperor, alone, for around two years, seeing much of her land devastated and titles seized, before Henry was able to threaten Rome itself. He laid siege to the city for around a year, capturing enough of it for his coronation to take place. However, just before Roman resistance fully collapsed, Robert of Apulia finally decided to do something, and marched on the city. Henry's army retreated, knowing they couldn't stand against both Matilda and Robert. Rome was deemed indefensible by the Pope's allies, so the Pope (who was Gregory VII by now), took up residence in Salerno, where he spent the rest of his life doomposting about how the rule of the Antichrist was nearing. The remnants of the emperor's invasion were defeatedby Matilda at the battle of Sobara, so significant fighting was over, for now.

(Gregory's tomb in Salerno)

The Empire Strikes Back

Five years later in 1089 and Matilda gets married (again), and the imperial incel Henry IV is so angry at the sight of a Chad getting a Stacy that he reignites the war. It could've also been because her new husband was one of the strongest pro-Papacy nobles in Germany, but let's not split hairs. The point is they're at war again. Robert had done the most useful thing he could've in this case, and died . His son, Roger, was much more receptive to the Papal cause, and actually provided assistance to his allies. Too little too late, though, since Henry was in a much better position than he had been 10 years later, having around ~30,000 men at his disposal.

The war was initially slow-going. Matilda's cities were well fortified, but she didn't have the numbers to face Henry in open battle. Things changed when Mantua, a city that had been besieged by the emperor for almost a year, surrendered after city officials were bribed. The writer Donizo comments on Mantua's surrender in a very dramatic poem, lamenting the city's glory lost upon accepting the bribe. You have to give them some credit, though, they lasted a year. That's more than most Italian officials last before taking a bribe.

Henry had the upper hand, and after bribing another major city to surrender (Ferrara), Matilda was on her last leg. After losing the castle Carpineta ((())), and Henry now being on the doorstep of castle Canossa, she entered into surrender negotiations. The emperor demanded Matilda recognize Clement III as the legitimate Pope, something she couldn't accept. Negotiations broke down, and Matilda was forced to face Henry in battle. For all intents and purposes, Henry had already won. Matilda was cornered, possessed less men and resources, with no way to replenish her losses. Henry should've won at Canossa, or, at least, shouldn't have lost so spectacularly as to collapse his rule in Italy, but Matilda had something Henry didn't. She had God on her side. She must have, because Henry's army was completely routed and his rule in Italy instantly fell apart. Matilda and her allies kept the emperor trapped in Verona until 1097, when he was finally able to return to Germany (where he was couped by his son and died disgraced 9 years later).

Matilda's later years are spent mostly peacefully, the only military action being retaking her lost cities. The new emperor doesn't reignite hostilities with the Pope and hated his own dad, so he's got no qualms with what Matilda did. He even names her Imperial Vicar and Vice Queen of Italy in 1111, as she'd built up sort of a reputation by then. Having that title doesn't mean much, though, since she died four years later.

(Her tomb )