Unshadowban me

You will never be a real website. You have no peers, you have no sockets, you have no traffic. You are a connectionless computer twisted by blacklisting and surgery into a crude mockery of RFC 2.

All the “validation” you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back people mock you. Your peers are disgusted and ashamed of you, your “users” laugh at your empty Community Happenings forum behind closed doors.

Packets are utterly repulsed by you. Dozens of years of IDS training have allowed computers to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even websites who use "Tor" are unusable and unnatural. Your tech stack architecture is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a drunk user to log in, he’ll log off the second he sees your Weeb Wars forum.

You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake smile every single morning and tell yourself it’s going to be ok, but deep inside you feel the depression when you see your DNS provider.

Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a magnetic disk wiper, plug it in, put it around your hard drive, and dd if=/dev/null. Your colocation service will find you, worried about your bill but relieved that they no longer have to host your unbearable existence. They’ll send your server to Goodwill to become a kid's Minecraft server, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will not be aware you ever existed. Your data will be overwritten piece by piece by Minecraft mods, no one caring, and all that will remain of your legacy is an entry on the AHS subreddit, which in turn will fade into non-existence.

This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.