EFFORTPOST Trying to be normal diaries 3 - going to the club again and David Goggins

I don't want to do it anymore

The zest I once felt to interact with others and find love has disappeared. I'd rather stay home where it is safe and you can craft a relatively stable life. I wanted to go hiking, but I had communication problems and it never happened.

I think Sarah is the one and I can't accept her saying no. I want to marry her. I know things she doesn't know, masculine things, and she needs me. I'll write her a love letter and persevere until she says yes. How come in every situation they say try your hardest but in love you're supposed to hear no once and quit? Frick it, I'm asking her on a date.

But before that, I'm going to the club again tonight. A different club. Online I see no events, but I'll take some benzos and pay entrance. My card is frozen (fraud) so I can only get a new debit card on Monday. So I have to use credit card ha ha.

It's either this or self-harm tonight so I'll take the slightly more adventurous option lol. I remember back in high school, during a post-exam event, we were at a club and the dude just turned around and kissed a girl. No Rizz, nothing, just action.

This time around my intention is to stunt. I will wear a button-up shirt and be the classist-looking guy there. I'll buy take two benzos and call an Uber. When I'm there I'll only buy one run and coke. Should let me get drunk without blacking out instantly.

From images online, I see there's hookah rooms. I still have plenty of physical money so I might buy a room and some to entice women there. I'll offer alcohol, vodka, and benzoes. I'll leave at 10 PM and this is my last night out at clubs. If nothing happens, I'll quit.

Hey man, why are you a SWERF?

I know the answer like the back of my hand. Yes, I'm anti s*x work. Why? Because the overall industry is an exploitative and I don't believe this can be policed away because of the escalatory nature of the drug.

I can find countless cases of women being harmed by the porn industry. I'll discuss the most important that changed the industry:

1. Dennis

The Bunny Ranch, is located in Nevada and is owned by Dennis Hof, writer of the autobiography titled “The Art of the Pimp”. This is what prostituted women who have legally worked for Dennis Hof has said:

• Jennifer O'Kane says that during her first week “he asked me to undress and sit next to him,” O'Kane said. “At that point he put his hands around my neck and explained to me that I was his.” In a police report filed in 2016, she also claimed that he r*ped and battered her daily.

• Diana Grandmaison claims that in 2009 Hof summoned her to the brothel's bar, reached under her skirt and assaulted her in public. She also claims that he assaulted women regularly. She adds “he did this to girls at the brothel all the time. He would make young girls sit on his lap. I had no choice — you couldn't say no. If you said no, you were going to pay a price and get kicked out of the brothel.”

• Krissy Summers claims “I walked in and he said, ‘Hi, I'm Dennis Hof.' And I remember thinking, ‘I know who you are.' And then he said, ‘Take off your pants.' That was it. ‘Take off your pants.' I was absolutely terrified. Dennis was only the second man I'd ever been with.”

• Another woman, Cami Parker, states “You want Daddy to like you. You won't have a very good time if he doesn't, so if he wants you to [have s*x with him], you definitely should.” Parker also states that Hof pressured her to constantly lose weight, resulting in her developing a serious eating disorder that almost killed her.

• A woman who refused to be named stated “Dennis pulls me close to him, opens my legs, and I pulled my legs together, said ‘no,' and made excuses to try to leave or make him leave.” When Dennis didn't allow her to leave, she eventually “Gave in”.

>That's just one place!

Okay, find me a place, a single legal porn company, with no such allegations. I'll wait.

2. Asian massage parlour

This may be shocking, but it is not unexpected. A similar working model is found in other forms of legal or grey—area prostitution such as Asian massage parlours where many of the women working often have no immigration papers and are brought into the united states with the promise of employment only to find that they will be expected to do s*x work. With no immigration papers, many are afraid that they will be arrested should they complain to authorities. Although the joked about ‘happy ending' in Asian massage parlours is often spoken about in comical terms, the reality of it simply isn't funny. For more information on this, I would recommend the documentary Hidden S*x Slaves of Massage Parlours which follows an investigator in San Francisco who inspects Asian Massage Parlours and finds many women desperate to leave.

3 Linda Lovelace

One of the most famous examples of this is Susan Boreman who in 1972, starred in the pornographic film Deep Throat under the pseudonym Linda Lovelace. The film became one of the highest grossing x-rated films at the time. However, years later Susan Boreman came forward with allegations that the director, Chuck Traynor, has abused her during filming. Furthermore, she claimed that she was forced to do several scenes against her will, with Chuck (not Sneed) standing with an M16 rifle pointed at her just off camera.

Furthermore, she claims that in the film, bruises from her abuse could be seen. Such cases have caused MacKinnon to state that pornography differs from other sources of media in that what is depicted may be fantasy, but it requires actual women to be subjected to the acts being seen. In other words, porn is done to women.

MacKinnon writes that “it is for pornography, and not by the ideas in it, that women are hurt and penetrated, tied and gagged, undressed and genitally spread and sprayed with lacquer and water so s*x pictures can be made.” MacKinnon also makes that claim, without providing a source, that “all pornography is made under conditions of inequality based on s*x, overwhelmingly by poor, desperate, homeless, pimped women who were sexually abused as children”.

For every GirlsDoPorn, an Ava Addams is speaking positively about the porn industry. In my opinion, all streams lead to the same river. Support one and you fuel the others.

So those are my two options: delve into the realm of VR and coomer to the max, defying my principes. Or continue down this path to find a real girl, but there's 0 certainty I'll succeed.

Trophies

So here's my trophies

Bronze - attend nightclub

Bronze - buy a drunk

Bronze - have an interaction with a woman

Bronze - speak to man

Silver - speak to a woman

Silver - speak to a woman without being told to frick off

Gold - kiss girl

Platinum - have s*x

Hidden trophy - find drugs

If I don't get silver, I'm buying s*x I don't care about morality. I will explain what happens if I do frick a high-end prostitute. This is pure exploitation of another human being and I consider it deeply immoral but I' do it.

I just want to experience a female. Why is this the hardest thing I've done in my life?

Completing one of Goggins' task

I've done everything in the coward one. At first, hiking was the fear, but personal training has taken over. I no longer consider myself a coward. The following story is based on the concept of the governer by Goggins.

Within all of us is a king. If you are a woman, imagine a queen.

That king tells us what to do. The king decides this through his consultants who span many departments e.g. department of sight, memory, pain etc. Most of the time, the king is wise and listens to his consultants.

For example, if your consultants see a situation resemble a past one, the consultants will tell the king, and he'll tell you not to do it. Most of the time, the consultants get things right - it's their job and if they were wrong you would die. Sometimes, they get things terribly wrong:

• This will turn out like the past

• This is as far your body can go

• You can't do this

With this information, the consultants race to the king and tell him this. His usual response is to stop the activity. “You failed at the club last time, nothing will change this time. Don't waste your time.” The king may be right, or he may be wrong, so the only way to know is to go to the club.

The more you defy, the more you stop being a puppet and you become a real boy. The king relents and lets you make your own choices given what the king knows. So that's why I'm headed to another nightclub even though every fiber of my being is saying not to.

Goggins overall

Reading Goggins was good.He completed Heck week for for the Navy three times. Those are ran by the hardest BIPOCs out there who have to pick out the best of the best. They say all men are created equal but that clearly isn't the case.

I think can hear my neighbors I think I can hear my neigbors having s*x which is my cue to get ready to frick off. I write this at about 08:37. According to my research, peak club time is 11ish, so get there by 10ish is my estimate.

I got braces but I”m taking the elastics off. Like someone had told me, no opiates, no pain pills

Return

Timmy Turner! I have returnered! It actually wasn't that bad. If you factor in a general bad mood with social anxiety, I think I did well. I think I scored my first silver.

Entered the establishment and realised it wasn't like the prior one.

So this is what we're working with: clean apartment, smart clothing, money, club with hookah rooms, 2 benzos, and I'm limiting myself to one rum and coke. In the end, I didn't buy hookey nor did I dress smart. Just a black t-shirt and a red jacket. With my braces and glasses I look like Steve Urkel kek

I liked the vibe, it was a lot more chilled. People were seated smoking hookah in several rooms. There were some hot women. Like 9/10 women. Went to the bar and got a rum and coke, two benzos in me already. I also bought a cigarette and let her keep the change.

Next, I chilled in the lounge. There was a guy there with a girl drinking. They weren't fricking. It's crazy how you tell this obviously within 5 seconds yet if you're in the situation you're essentially blind. I know this mirrors mine and Sarah's situation, but that's different. We're meant to be, she doesn't know it yet.

I moved to the next lounge, and spoke to the staff a bit, and got an ashtray. Silver unlocked. I don't care if she's paid to be nice to me. Baby steps.

Afterwards, I went to some dudes and got a lighter. I spoke to the lady later and tipped her generously. Following this exchange of money of gratitude I returned to the first lounge. A new guy had arrived. This guy? Getting fricked. It's obvious the girl liked her. There was a third couple. This guy was not getting fricked and the girl took the first excuse to leave when she saw her friends.

A guy saw me and spoke to me. He was very nice and wanted to know my name. Here's what I learned:

• it works! Buying a bucket of alcohol works! The guys who did this had girls around him. I don't think this would have worked at the prior club where girls genuinely came to dance around a culture

• When girls like you, they get really close to you and smile a lot. The girl who was fricking off the one guy, she was looking my way. I think she liked me

• It's not over - this club/lounge was impossible, you need friends me to make anything of it, but I'd have a different outcome if I had a friend. I'm going to ask my barber (loctitian for you mayos) to show me around. He's the only one I know

• Take a fricking uber and enjoy the night. Two benzoes + alchohol is based but it is immoral to drive in this state. Glad I ubered

Once I was a good was into my drink, I had naughty thoughts. I wanted to just sit with a random group or harass a group of women. I think it's just being 28 that gave me the mental capacity to say “no, that's fricked up. Don't do that”. I can totally imagine 22 year old me doing exactly what my thoughts demanded

Conclusion

OH LET'S DO IT

One one hand, I've lost hope in myself. Nobody will ever love me romantically so I'll buy a facsimile of it. If I do, no worthwhile women will ever come near me, but they weren't approaching prior either so nothing was lost.

On the other hand, I feel like these were experiments that were showing me how humans work. I want to visit a high-end club next. The ones with cocaine. Plus I think I scored a silver trophy. Do you agree? Lastly, I still smell like cigs, my entire apartment does.My parents 100% knew I was smoking cigs back in school that smell cannot be avoided.

I want to do a review of every controller this gen next. We'll see how it goes. I wonder what the club is like when you're depressed and suicidal because that's what's next.