this is who I am now
After making my FrankBuns post yesterday, and being lightly introduced to /r/autism, I decided to go back and take a closer look at some of this sub's posts from the last month.
I looked at the most controversial, the top posts and the worst posts, so I could try to get an even slice of what this subreddit is like.
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The Good
These posts are characterized by generally harmless or even good intentions. These posts, however, tend to cause major Sneed in the comments.
As would be expected, nothing makes an aspie mad like being told to act like a functional member of society.
https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/s/yS7hV3shOu
The Glorification of Autism Needs to End! Autism is a horrible disability. I don't care if I'm labelled as a Neo-Nazi for saying so, cause I'm right. As a neurodivergent, autism has caused me nothing but pain. My stimming and biting of fingers has led to my fingers being in pain and yelling from my brother. Early on in my life, my autism was much worse then it is now, so I couldn't talk and wasn't potty trained until around the age of 5. Special Interests? I don't know if it's just me, but I have this strange issue where my Interests change every few months. I'll make my entire life revolve around something, and then one day my Interest will just die out, leaving me completely lost. Any form of change will leave me stressed, depressed, sometimes even suicidal. Does that sound like something to be glorified? And I'm one of the lucky ones! I'm fortunate enough to be high-functional (I don't think you can use that term anymore without being shot, but I don't care). Many others have had their lives stolen from them thanks to this horrific disorder. They can't talk, walk, eat, or do anything else everyone else, including everyone on this sub, take for granted.
This post by /u/TommyCola65 did cause a little sneeding in the comments:
But what I found interesting is that he made two of the most controversial posts in /r/austism this month.
Good for him, tbh.
Oh wait....
https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/s/qi3SLYdbsk
I spoke too soon, I forgot the one immutable trait of /u/TommyCola65: he's a redditor.
We as Neurodivergents Need to Try to Be More Positive. This is something that me myself need to work on. Over the years I've been very negative. Even today it's about guaranteed that I'll cry about something out of my control....Neurodivergent people do live a harder life then people without it, that's goes for any disability, but blaming NT's or "Asperger's Supremacy" does nothing. Everyone on this sub seem to be under the belief that the world is out to get them. This is not the case. While autism does make life harder, that's just natural for a disability to do.
Honestly, more people could stand to be more positive but that's just meee.
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This presumably single mom jumped into the chat:
Cool, how many games will I need to play before I stop being angry about my children being denied an education do you think?
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Explain what you mean by "refused an education". This type of thing doesn't happen in the first world (or at least they shouldn't be) and I doubt people who live in Iraq use Reddit, let alone this sub on Reddit.
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Aw you're cute, testimonial injustice is a form of bigotry where reports of discrimination are not believed because privileged idiots don't believe the world can be like that because it isn't like that for them. Not only are my kids denied an education in a WEIRD country but I know of hundreds of parents in the same situation, know dozens that have court judgements that their child was denied education and know one who wrote a best selling book about how their child was denied an education. Maybe spend less time telling people they shouldn't be so angry and a bit more finding out why they are. Edit: also quotes generally contain the words people actually said.
Notice how mom of the year over here skillfully dodges the question regarding her own kid's education experience.
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The Bad
Ah yes, the second member of our trio. Bad posts...are, well, bad.
Funny enough, it was butt patting posts like "I LOVE YOUR AUTISM" and "I LOVE MY GF WITH AUTISM" that made up a lot of the controversial posts, but I won't count those.
It's giving "muh updoots" nonsense.
Ironically, we're looking at the top posts, like this:
https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/s/TJj4QLsG9D
This is why you don't enable Aspie behavior.
My fiance thinks my neurodivergent daughter is just being a lazy teen when she doesn't want to take a shower.
Buckle up. It gets r-slurred.
My fiance apologized and admitted that his reaction(s) were over the top and out of proportion for the situation.
He has been overwhelmed and rather than deal with his stuff he's been hyper focused on this one thing he doesn't have control over and getting upset. He admitted that he needs therapy to work this out for himself, but also we do as a family have things to work on.
But I do make sure to tell her how much I love her and how proud I am of her. Even if she tries to take a shower but then ultimately can't, I'm still proud of her for trying.
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But she didn't even try?
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Yes him being so upset is absolutely a red flag. But it's a red flag that he needs help
I will absolutely always choose my child before anyone else. Married or not. Living with her or not.
I grew up with a lot of ableist talk and sometimes I find myself regurgitating it to my daughter because it was how I learned and grew up.
STINKY
Yes she did also choose him. I would not have continued the relationship and moved in together if she was not comfortable.
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So, /u/bonkersandtotallynutz completely bends the knee and starts addressing her fiance's actions as "red flags" and now they're looking for a marriage/family therapist.
Your child shouldn't have such a strong say in your relationship. Especially when this adult is seemingly the only person who cares about her hygiene.
So...how bad was the original offense? What did the finance do that was so evil? I'll let /u/totally bonkersandtotallynutz explain it
My (38F) fiance (39M) thinks my asd1 daughter (16F) is just being lazy and spoiled when she says she doesn't want to shower. The goal is for her to shower at least every other day. But sometimes she can't make herself do it. The idea of taking a shower and getting wet was sickening. I offered suggestions to help take the edge off, like taking a bath instead or I would just wash her hair for her or just do a whole body wipe down/sponge bath type thing but she said no because she would still have to get wet
She promised she would do it all tomorrow.
When I told my fiance he got very upset. He didn't say anything to her, just to me.
He didn't yell or go crazy or anything but he thinks she's manipulating me and I'm buying it. That I am just letting her get away with it.
He often says that not showering every other day is unacceptable.
It is of note that tonight she is watching her favorite streamer live, which leads my fiance to believe this behavior is manipulative.
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I can only imagine what this girl's room looks like. I bet it's cluttered, smells, and has all the trendy tiktok decorations.
She needs to take a shower.
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He is of the impression that "it's a ten minute thing, she could just bang it out and be done. You two spend more time talking about a shower and getting ready for a shower than she's actually in the shower."
He wants her to get therapy so she can shower regularly on her own. While I don't think therapy is bad at all, it won't "cure" this so to speak.
How do I not take it personal when it feels like he is attacking my kid and or my parenting??
How do humans life well?
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He can start by leaving your butt.
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I tell her she wasn't put on this earth to please other people, including me.
Your daughter will chronically stink and no one will ever "love her" like you do.
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The Ugly
Here's the ugly side of /r/autism; intersectionality.
"LilMarsey, this better not just be a train spotting post"
Oh, it's not. This is a basket case if I've ever seen one.
https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/s/PBw37BMuIy
For context, I'm neurodivergent and also trans (ftm) and have known I was trans since I was a teen. I came out at 14 and started hormones at 17, I'm now 22.
My fiancee on the otherhand has always kind of known they were queer and for a long time just identified as gay. Even when we first started dating they identified as a gay man.
But through our relationship they have discovered more of themselves and now identify as a trans woman but use they/them pronouns.
They want to be taken out on nice dates, "shown off," and to have my cuddle up on them as ways to help them feel girly.
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As for the dates, we don't have much money. In fact, we're in so much debt I had to take a loan from my 401k to be able to pay our bills.
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I don't know what else to do or how else to make them feel validated or girly. I try to compliment them but I guess I don't remember to enough.
Now, /u/thecircleisquiet is active in a few other subreddits. Most notably, /r/BPD.
This post especially caught my attention:
https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/s/nlCwKF2FCG
But here's some screenshots:
Also, /r/AMA. This is actually very sad. It seems like she pulled a reverse McCurdy.
This is pretty ugly as well, but pretty typical for an FTM.
See? This wasn't just train spotting.
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I hope y'all enjoyed my effortpost.
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Lmao, how is she neurodivergent if she had her at 22?
It's a red flag expend any effort to parent or even acknowledge the almost-adult children of your fiancee. It's also a red flag to get engaged to a woman with said kids. Even bigger red flag to agree to therapy
From what I understand about autism it doesn't hinder you from bathing, although I'm not up to date on the science
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People with classical autism/ low functioning could have issues with bathing. But those are the same people who'd be put in care facilities or given 24/hr care from a handler.
This is just a smelly teenager with "autism" and her awful parent
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I have autism. I literally just post on rdrama.net and frick people in their bussy.
It's not that hard you guys.
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I really think bad parenting is what stops atypical people from developing in to healthier, happier adults.
Neglected kids=at least half of the neurodivergents on reddit.
If you force habits and help them form them, its a very small percentage who CANT function normally on the outside.
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I was lucky as a kid to have friends who ripped on me for doing weird offputting shit, but still kept hanging around with me so I learned to become easier to interact with
spergs can learn social skills, it just takes a bit of effort
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Not only that but a majority of the neurodivergents who grew up without that sort of love become abusive caregivers themselves. That's why you see the cycle of abuse always comes back around into a cycle of neglect and abuse.
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Im having to break that chain in my family, only when I got mentors who wanted to see me improve did i move on from being a neet. Fricking clouds opened up at age 25 does not feel great but now i make more money than all of my family members
and im much better with kids than anyone else in my family
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The neurodivergents who got into good schools or moved away from their parents and didn't want to deal with them anymore, are doing much better. No wonder why every family in every society has their black sheep, it's the neurodivergents who never grew out of their adolescence and became a burden on everyone around them.
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Agreed but its a failure from the parents 99% of the time, unless they are really fricked up in the brain.
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There are two kinds of neurodiverse parent failures:
1. The ones who are OK with their kid being a layabout
2. The ones who are too r-slurred to admit there's a problem and attempt treatment that works. They often become Type 1 by the time the kid is 30 and still at home, but they did not start out OK with things.
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And they're the ones who have to deal with the consequences. The frickin parents need to be held accountable. They're the ones who brought in this monster into the world. Not the neurodivergents themselves, who are too r-slurred to know better. 100% of my parents faults.
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Truth
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You said truth, that isn't a no. Truth!
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Correct
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You said correct, that isn't a no. Correct!
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lol you've been spending too much time on the internet. You can give birth to any disorder at any age, the chance just increases from like 0.2% to 2% when approaching menopause.
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I'm convinced that 90% of people born after 2010 have autism
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The vast majority of people who actually have autism are born to people in their twenties not because it is common but because being born from a person over the age of 30 is rare.
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The average age of a moid at their first child in the US is 32
Foids are 28, so it's not that uncommon
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Is that the stat for the average age that a person who does have a child has their first child or the average age of whom people are born to? The distinction needs to be made because some people have like five kids before they're even 25 very few people have more than five kids if they're first as after 30. End result is still a majority of births happen by people in their 20s even if the average age for women for their first child has creeped up.
It should also be mentioned that the people who were talking about who are now neurodivergent and in their twenties we must look back to the average age of birth for the time period specified which would be the early 2000s.
It is becoming more common though.
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Average age of firs chile, looks like hispanix are probably counted with the general anglix population which I would imagine drags it down a bit. But everyone is getting older
The second child ages are well into the 30s
Honestly I think the autism dxs are somewhat independent of the ages because they advanced way faster than you would expect. Might just be over diagnosis
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/health/2024/05/18/graphics-show-changing-trend-average-age-parents/73707908007/
https://biox.stanford.edu/highlight/fathers-american-newborns-keep-getting-older
I was wrong about men, the age was 31 but the age for college educated (i.e. non-poors) was 33.3
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