EFFORTPOST The good, the bad and the ugly of r/Autism

After making my FrankBuns post yesterday, and being lightly introduced to /r/autism, I decided to go back and take a closer look at some of this sub's posts from the last month.

I looked at the most controversial, the top posts and the worst posts, so I could try to get an even slice of what this subreddit is like.

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The Good

These posts are characterized by generally harmless or even good intentions. These posts, however, tend to cause major Sneed in the comments.

As would be expected, nothing makes an aspie mad like being told to act like a functional member of society.

https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/s/yS7hV3shOu

The Glorification of Autism Needs to End! Autism is a horrible disability. I don't care if I'm labelled as a Neo-Nazi for saying so, cause I'm right. As a neurodivergent, autism has caused me nothing but pain. My stimming and biting of fingers has led to my fingers being in pain and yelling from my brother. Early on in my life, my autism was much worse then it is now, so I couldn't talk and wasn't potty trained until around the age of 5. Special Interests? I don't know if it's just me, but I have this strange issue where my Interests change every few months. I'll make my entire life revolve around something, and then one day my Interest will just die out, leaving me completely lost. Any form of change will leave me stressed, depressed, sometimes even suicidal. Does that sound like something to be glorified? And I'm one of the lucky ones! I'm fortunate enough to be high-functional (I don't think you can use that term anymore without being shot, but I don't care). Many others have had their lives stolen from them thanks to this horrific disorder. They can't talk, walk, eat, or do anything else everyone else, including everyone on this sub, take for granted.

This post by /u/TommyCola65 did cause a little sneeding in the comments:

But what I found interesting is that he made two of the most controversial posts in /r/austism this month.

Good for him, tbh.

Oh wait....

https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/s/qi3SLYdbsk

>why do the 0.01% get to keep their money?

I spoke too soon, I forgot the one immutable trait of /u/TommyCola65: he's a redditor.

We as Neurodivergents Need to Try to Be More Positive. This is something that me myself need to work on. Over the years I've been very negative. Even today it's about guaranteed that I'll cry about something out of my control....Neurodivergent people do live a harder life then people without it, that's goes for any disability, but blaming NT's or "Asperger's Supremacy" does nothing. Everyone on this sub seem to be under the belief that the world is out to get them. This is not the case. While autism does make life harder, that's just natural for a disability to do.

Honestly, more people could stand to be more positive but that's just meee.

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This presumably single mom jumped into the chat:

Cool, how many games will I need to play before I stop being angry about my children being denied an education do you think?

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Explain what you mean by "refused an education". This type of thing doesn't happen in the first world (or at least they shouldn't be) and I doubt people who live in Iraq use Reddit, let alone this sub on Reddit.

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Aw you're cute, testimonial injustice is a form of bigotry where reports of discrimination are not believed because privileged idiots don't believe the world can be like that because it isn't like that for them. Not only are my kids denied an education in a WEIRD country but I know of hundreds of parents in the same situation, know dozens that have court judgements that their child was denied education and know one who wrote a best selling book about how their child was denied an education. Maybe spend less time telling people they shouldn't be so angry and a bit more finding out why they are. Edit: also quotes generally contain the words people actually said.

Notice how mom of the year over here skillfully dodges the question regarding her own kid's education experience.

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The Bad

Ah yes, the second member of our trio. Bad posts...are, well, bad.

Funny enough, it was butt patting posts like "I LOVE YOUR AUTISM" and "I LOVE MY GF WITH AUTISM" that made up a lot of the controversial posts, but I won't count those.

It's giving "muh updoots" nonsense.

Ironically, we're looking at the top posts, like this:

https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/s/TJj4QLsG9D

This is why you don't enable Aspie behavior.

My fiance thinks my neurodivergent daughter is just being a lazy teen when she doesn't want to take a shower.

>Long Update:

Buckle up. It gets r-slurred.

My fiance apologized and admitted that his reaction(s) were over the top and out of proportion for the situation.

He has been overwhelmed and rather than deal with his stuff he's been hyper focused on this one thing he doesn't have control over and getting upset. He admitted that he needs therapy to work this out for himself, but also we do as a family have things to work on.

But I do make sure to tell her how much I love her and how proud I am of her. Even if she tries to take a shower but then ultimately can't, I'm still proud of her for trying.

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But she didn't even try?

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Yes him being so upset is absolutely a red flag. But it's a red flag that he needs help

I will absolutely always choose my child before anyone else. Married or not. Living with her or not.

I grew up with a lot of ableist talk and sometimes I find myself regurgitating it to my daughter because it was how I learned and grew up.

STINKY

Yes she did also choose him. I would not have continued the relationship and moved in together if she was not comfortable.

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So, /u/bonkersandtotallynutz completely bends the knee and starts addressing her fiance's actions as "red flags" and now they're looking for a marriage/family therapist.

Your child shouldn't have such a strong say in your relationship. Especially when this adult is seemingly the only person who cares about her hygiene.

So...how bad was the original offense? What did the finance do that was so evil? I'll let /u/totally bonkersandtotallynutz explain it

My (38F) fiance (39M) thinks my asd1 daughter (16F) is just being lazy and spoiled when she says she doesn't want to shower. The goal is for her to shower at least every other day. But sometimes she can't make herself do it. The idea of taking a shower and getting wet was sickening. I offered suggestions to help take the edge off, like taking a bath instead or I would just wash her hair for her or just do a whole body wipe down/sponge bath type thing but she said no because she would still have to get wet

She promised she would do it all tomorrow.

When I told my fiance he got very upset. He didn't say anything to her, just to me.

He didn't yell or go crazy or anything but he thinks she's manipulating me and I'm buying it. That I am just letting her get away with it.

He often says that not showering every other day is unacceptable.

It is of note that tonight she is watching her favorite streamer live, which leads my fiance to believe this behavior is manipulative.

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I can only imagine what this girl's room looks like. I bet it's cluttered, smells, and has all the trendy tiktok decorations.

She needs to take a shower.

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He is of the impression that "it's a ten minute thing, she could just bang it out and be done. You two spend more time talking about a shower and getting ready for a shower than she's actually in the shower."

He wants her to get therapy so she can shower regularly on her own. While I don't think therapy is bad at all, it won't "cure" this so to speak.

How do I not take it personal when it feels like he is attacking my kid and or my parenting??

How do humans life well?

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He can start by leaving your butt.

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I tell her she wasn't put on this earth to please other people, including me.

Your daughter will chronically stink and no one will ever "love her" like you do.

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The Ugly

Here's the ugly side of /r/autism; intersectionality.

"LilMarsey, this better not just be a train spotting post"

Oh, it's not. This is a basket case if I've ever seen one.

https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/s/PBw37BMuIy

For context, I'm neurodivergent and also trans (ftm) and have known I was trans since I was a teen. I came out at 14 and started hormones at 17, I'm now 22.

My fiancee on the otherhand has always kind of known they were queer and for a long time just identified as gay. Even when we first started dating they identified as a gay man.

But through our relationship they have discovered more of themselves and now identify as a trans woman but use they/them pronouns.

They want to be taken out on nice dates, "shown off," and to have my cuddle up on them as ways to help them feel girly.

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As for the dates, we don't have much money. In fact, we're in so much debt I had to take a loan from my 401k to be able to pay our bills.

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I don't know what else to do or how else to make them feel validated or girly. I try to compliment them but I guess I don't remember to enough.

Now, /u/thecircleisquiet is active in a few other subreddits. Most notably, /r/BPD.

This post especially caught my attention:

https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/s/nlCwKF2FCG

But here's some screenshots:

Also, /r/AMA. This is actually very sad. It seems like she pulled a reverse McCurdy.

This is pretty ugly as well, but pretty typical for an FTM.

https://www.reddit.com/r/trans/s/mrFE5U4Eoi

See? This wasn't just train spotting.

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I hope y'all enjoyed my effortpost.