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[๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”˜๐Ÿ”˜๐Ÿ”˜๐Ÿ”˜] AITA for telling my kids they can be pissed at their dad but if they want me to choose between them over their sister, they're going to be very disappointed?

https://old.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1fr3krm/aita_for_telling_my_kids_they_can_be_pissed_at/

Most Based Comments

Basedness: ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”˜๐Ÿ”˜

You sunk low on this one. 1. You forgave your cheating husband 2. Took in the child of his affair. 3. Instead of getting therapy for them you threatened and Invalidated their feelings after springing on them what sounded like your a pathetic loser. 4. You showed them that she is more important than they are. The child is not to blame and their behaviour is misdirected but YTA (167)

I told them they're allowed to feel whatever. Being upset is no excuse to treat me and their sister like shit. (-132)

Basedness: ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”˜๐Ÿ”˜

You should have been sharing this information as age appropriate years ago. You stole those years of processing from your kids and made this so much harder on them.Some family therapy, stat.EDIT: YTA as per your replies. You lied to your children, and you're acting like you didn't do anything wrong. You are the victim of your husband's affair, but that doesn't mean you can't ever do any wrong. You are wrong for lying to your children and then not giving them the room to process and be hurt and angry over this. You didn't give them any time or help processing this, and then you very suddenly sprang it on them after years of lying to them. That comes with consequences, and while they don't have a right to treat your daughter with disrespect, they absolutely have a right to be confused and angry at your own choices/behavior here. (339)

We never planned on telling them about my husband's affair because it wasn't something they needed to know. (-93)

Basedness: ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”˜๐Ÿ”˜

YTA You are going scorched earth with your three boys. Why are you allowing the AP to have acting to do with your daughter in a closed adoption? I can't wait to see the "we've moved in the AP and her kids...and are a blended family. My boys won't speak to any of us and moved in with my parents who also think I'm an butthole. But I get my daughter! Who I share with her other mother. Who I share with my husband" I really hope this is fake bc you're boys will need so much therapy to deal with your little house of cards (162)

My daughter deserves to know where she comes from. We are allowing bio mom 1 hour at the park supervised by both me and my husband. Then we will determine if she will be involved in our daughter's life and how much. (-85)

Angriest Comments

Angriness: ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก

YTAWow, you are a real piece of shit, aren't you?The girl has no fault in all of this, that much is clear. But instead of talking it out with your sons and getting them therapy and counselling, you threaten to abandon them and choose, what they see as an affair baby, over them.You are the adult here. You should have been the cooler mind, and getting them all the help they need so that they could understand that being angry at the sister is futile. Only their dad and you deserve their anger. Not the sister.They are teenagers. Teenagers are goddarn reactionary, hormonal idiots. They are NOT supposed to know better, especially in a fricked up situation like this.Instead, you idiot, you threatened to abandon them.They have every right to be upset. At your piece of shit husband who is a fricking cheater, and at you, a liar. Who is also a piece of shit.You are going to lose your sons at this rate, and you are going to deserve it. (5)

Angriness: ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก

YTA. I don't know how they are actually treating the girl child, so maybe they are aholes too. But you and your husband need to realise that your decisions are not just "marital." They affect your children way more. Not in a single decision have you included them. For you, your husband cheated 6 years ago and you got a daughter. For them, their father destroyed their family unit a few weeks ago and they see the poor kid as a living embodiment of their father's deceit and your acceptance. They are human and will lash out. Yes, it does not give them any right to bully their sister. But if they want to keep a distance from her, let them. If they can't "adore" her, it's natural. It's human. Get off your high horse though. You went to therapy - put them in therapy. Stop invalidating their feelings. Stop punishing them for being emotional human beings. Their feelings towards cheating and their anger towards your husband AND YOU are valid. Cheating destroys families, not just marriages. Yo... (5)

Angriness: ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก

YTAI have never commented on anything before, I normally just read and move on, but I have to put my two cents in here.You absolutely shattered your sons' worlds and are mad at/punishing them? You and your husband lied to them for years and expected everything to be copasetic when you pulled the rug out from under them? Of course they're angry! Of course they're mad at not only the adults but also their sister! They just found out that their father cheated on their mother, produced a child, and that their mother was so okay with it that she adopted the product of his affair. Unless you as a child have witnessed/been made aware of your parent's infidelity, you will never understand the level of hurt and anger your sons are going through at the moment. How dare you try to make them out to be the bad guys. Is the little girl innocent in all of this? Of course! However, expecting your own biological children (who are still actually children) to behave with a rational and calmness that n... (1)

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Score: ๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿ”˜๐Ÿ”˜

Number of comments: 23

Average angriness: ๐Ÿ”˜๐Ÿ”˜๐Ÿ”˜๐Ÿ”˜๐Ÿ”˜

Maximum angriness: ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก

Minimum angriness: ๐Ÿ”˜๐Ÿ”˜๐Ÿ”˜๐Ÿ”˜๐Ÿ”˜

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52
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Weird thread. Even if it's bait, aren't the sons obviously in the wrong here? Mom is saying that they need to get over it or they'll be punished. What are the alternatives? Turning all sibling disputes into "you're picking child X over child Y" instead of looking at who's actually out of line seems typical of Reddit thinking, I guess.

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Yeah, bait or not, Reddit's vitriol on this one surprised me. Mom isn't even saying the sons need to "get over it", she's saying they aren't allowed to be peepees while they come to terms with it all, and giving consequences for their actions if they do.

Normally Reddit is very much on the side of "no victim blaming", but they're being pretty ruthless dumping on her for being a manipulative doormat or whatever after being cheated on. Most of them are teens with no life experience though, so I guess it makes sense they would side with the sons acting like self-righteous little shits and blame everything on mom :tayshrug:

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Redditoids all have unresolved family drama which is probably why.

Husband is a shithead, kids are shitheads for hating their biological sister for daddy's (kinda huge) frickup, mom is probably a bit too nice, but at least she tried to keep the family together and not let the woman abort the child or abandon it even if it wasn't hers. !catholics

The other kids need to deal with it. Honor thy father and thy mother. Or just don't a shithead to people who didn't choose the circumstances of their birth.

Not that any of this is real except for redditoids being shitty people larping as whatever today's definition of a "good", right side of history person is.

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Yeah, dramatic backstory aside, the sons taking it out on the bastard girl is wrong and the Mom is right to tell them to shape up.

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tbh the best thing would be to for the 18 year to snuff the 5yr, dump her in a river and blame it on a BIPOC. Then things can go back to normal.

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