First I would like to introduce /u/salaamswt, who I must reluctantly admit is the real protagonist of this entire story. This man is a Yemeni from the mean streets of Lackawanna in upstate NY.
Whenever he isn't drinking, puffing on his hookah, posting way too much personal info to Reddit on /r/Islam or /r/boypusssy or cruising for gay s*x in public parks, he is likely searching for poon, which he started to do at the age of 15.
Some fun facts about him:
In case you couldn't tell by his pfp, he is a big fan of Mia Khalifa.
This hamplanet is his girlfriend:
(No longer his actual gf, updated with a different similar fat woman at his request.)
https://old.reddit.com/r/BBWaddict/comments/1ggbw4e/in_the_dunes/
https://old.reddit.com/r/BBWaddict/comments/1ggcjr9/some_more_poses/
A funny thread about Jordanians concerned for the poor camel he plans to take her for a ride on.
He is an absolute Chad that smokes pot while driving.
Some of his other best hits:
Quantum physics is Haram because of all the Jews in it.
He makes beggars recite the Shahada.
Suggesting payday loans to other Muslims.
Literally pooping on his grandma. 
He possibly convinced that same grandma to vote for Trump. 
Now let's introduce /r/neoconnwo. Basically, it's a sub for rightoids exiled by the /r/neoliberal 
jannies. It is quite rdrama-adjacent and used to be even more. We have quite a few users here from it such as @BushWasRight,
@CitroAbsinthe,
@johannesalthusius and myself.
For some it is just a mildly rightoid shitposting sub. The jannies actively encourage racism, as long as it's under the gigajannie radar. Unfortunately, in greater and greater amounts it is filling up with overly serious third worlders who think that the discussion thread is a place for them to discuss high school admissions, chronicle their dating lives (except you /u/Thadlust, you're funny when you do it), post their treatises on world politics or discuss how to fix the Republican party to a semi-public audience of about 20 people on a good day. This latter group also has an incredibly distorted idea of baiting, which they call "bullying". This consists of unironically arguing with lib tourists on the sub to the applause and backpatting of their 15 internet friends.
You might think that such an erudite and intelligent group of bullies would have no problem dealing with a Yemeni that has pot-fried his brain so hard that about a third of his words are neighbor but you would be surprised.
It begins with him absolutely dominating bants with the victories of the glorious warriors of Islam. but quickly escalates as he lifts the veil of the sub and peers into the very SOVL of its users.
who r U? u really think this subreddit some kinda secret club? u all losers jerkin each other off pretendin you got a VIP pass to the club when all u doin is sittin on ur fat asses
My brother in Yakob you are arguing with a thirteen year old troll
I know. I like bullying, literally meaning
"i like making catty comments on a random subreddit that barely gets any traffic and pretending I'm a kewl mean girl" go show these screenshots to your grandma u corny butt neighbor itll be the only time she'll ever be proud of u
Which is such an own that it gets more upmarseyd than the local who pretends not to see it to spare himself the shame of having to attempt to respond.
lol ur comment history is just words n more words n huffing ur own farts. U ain't as smart as u think u r
ching chong ding dong long wang flung dung eggs won ton chicken fried rice. n give me a fortune cookie too
LaserAlpaca desperately tries to recover from his humiliation:
Please never ban salaamswf (other guy)
from my understanding of experimenting with him. You can trigger him by saying bad things to Arabs. Mom attack works ok not too sure how efficient it is.
Sadly here is Reddit, many things I cannot say or I can show you true insulting techniques from China.
u "troll" like a 13 year old who saw a rage face on knowyourmeme for the first time
I mean I have to go to your level to fight you right?
fight me? neighbor u postin comments on reddit
I don't think you can say that word
neighbor neighbor neighbor neighbor neighbor
Anyways, his entire comment history, especially on /r/neoconNWO is just gold.
Enjoy a bonus thread of him, featuring trains.
Btw in case you were wondering where the material for all these truthnukes comes from, Yemeni scientists are hard at work enriching copper.
Anyways, /u/salaamswt is a fun guy, hope we can entice him to come here.
If you're seeing this from crosstalk pm bot salaamswt, I'm KamalaFanBoy. 
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Tell your GF that I said she's a heckin chonker
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shes been trying to lose weight for years. she doesnt like it when i upload pics of her n she asks me to blur her face n everything n now u r posting these everywhere. do u know how hard it is to lose weight???? I bet u don't bc u dont care abt losing weight n u gonna die of a heartattack
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clearly not trying hard enough lol has she tried not eating 10,000 calories per day?
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stfu she has an eating disorder, shes on her feet all day, she works in a hospital. if u think "just eat less" is the key to solving weight loss u are the dumbest neighbor i ever met.
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You're right. She is a food addict and eating less won't get her to a normal weight fast enough. She needs to go cold turkey for at least a few months
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she eats plenty of cold turkey, shes been on a diet for months. she cut out all beef n pork n carbs n bread n pasta n sugar. losing weight is HARD. how many times do i have to explain this to u???
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What's so funny?
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https://www.dictionary.com/browse/cold-turkey
1. go cold turkey, Informal.
to stop using an addictive substance abruptly and completely.
to undergo sudden and complete withdrawal from a habitual activity or behavior pattern.
to begin or do something without planning, preparation, or practice.
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It's really not that hard to lose weight tho. I've lost 20lbs in a little over 2 months
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how?
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literally
stop eating 
so much. there 
is no secret.
vaccines work by the way, but not for weight
loss. for that, only eating 
less works.
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i aint askin u. stop stalking me u cute twink
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Comrade
please 
understand, I empathize with the plight of your dear loved one. You asked, you received the truest answer
vaccines work
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Trenbolone and clenbuterol π
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Stop eating, my mate dropped 66 pounds just by avoiding nonfoods
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probably bait and if so
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has she tried eating less? that's what usually works for me.
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