Menslibbers lament their white privilege

If you hang out in feminist circles, you’ll probably find the concept of the ‘mediocre white men’ - the incompetent man who finds himself getting promotions and rewards that others deserve simply due to the privilege of being born under a white supremacist patriarchy. He’s arrogant, self-righteous, and completely incapable of realizing his privilege. Some might this concept offensive, but I can’t find any offense with it; it describes me perfectly.

Forgive me if I get woman’s issues wrong here, I’m only describing my personal experiences: It seems to me that under patriarchy women are forced to become extremely competent people denied their appropriate status. All of the women in my life are super hardworking, juggling paid and unpaid, blue/white collar and emotional labor while still fulfilling their life goals to the best of their ability. If it weren’t for a patriarchal culture inhibiting them, they would go even farther then they are now.

I am the complete opposite. I was raised in a household where men were expected to do no work, since that was a “woman’s duty”. My and Dad were not to clean up after ourselves. My low B and C grades were “good enough”. I was pretty much coddled and spoiled like a child. Ironically as I have graduated college and am now failing to launch afterwards, the values that were supposed to reflect my elevated position in society have completely left me completely unprepared for an increasingly egalitarian society. I pretty much failed upwards the entirety of my academic career and will probably continue on the life of the failson. I believe I have always had adhd and depressive symptoms, but my socialization has made them grow to monstrous proportions. I can’t really take care of myself, my environment, I have no work ethic, too addicted to play to dedicate to work, etc. I’m also extremely timid, struggle to express myself, and have anger issues.

It’s only recently that I fully realized the extent that there was engrained sexism in my family. I’ve mostly spent this period paralyzed with guilt for the way I and my dad have treated my poor 60yo mom who pretty much do all the unpaid labor around the house without much past appreciation, who accepted it unconditionally as part of her traditionalist Christianity. Recently she got in an accident that left her with a broken leg and wrist, meaning that now we have to pick up the slack. My sister and aunt moved in to help as well.

There’s been a big difference in how we’ve coped with this, I suppose. My dad has refused to do anything and still depends on the women, while getting triggered whenever someone calls him out on it. It’s really made me lose my respect for him. For me it’s been… trying and failing to overcompensate, I guess. Trying to do housework I don’t really know how to do alone because I don’t want to burden them, resulting in me taking six hours to clean the bathroom at a B- grade. Even my sister who has similar mental struggles is able to be so much more competent than me, simply because of the expectations of her gender.

I wish I could be happy with what I’m doing now, but I feel like I will always be fighting a futile uphill battle against my socialization. I don’t know how to feel. Guilt is not a productive emotion. But I know that if I weren’t a white guy born in a rich family I would probably be completely screwed, and I struggle to process that. I feel years behind and tbh, destined for superfluity. Call it imposter syndrome but there’s definite systemic factors at play.