So we’ve been delisted from Bing and DuckDuckGo. Bing is, of course, Microsoft’s literally who failed competitor to the Almighty Google (who have yet to delist us). And Microsoft is THE global tech dystopia megacorp. So let’s take a look at some things Bill Gates’ company and the backbone of technological modernity says are less-bad than rDrama and encourages its users to engage with:
1) NAMBLA
The North American Man-Boy Love Association gets a ringing endorsement from Microsoft. Campaigning for the right to legalize sodomizing prepubescent boys is less of a concern to Microsoft than a cartoon cat website. Not only is it less of a concern, but Microsoft says it’s not even a problem, and offers users helpful links to similar resources.
2) Incest
Seguing nicely from their NAMBLA endorsement, Microsoft offers all sorts of links to incest pornography. The SEO used for these includes all kinds of statutory r*pe terms which Microsoft prioritizes. Microsoft says raping your children is all well and good, just don’t post on a gossip website with an orange cat mascot.
3) Bestiality
Illegal in 50 states and the overwhelming majority of the developed world, these search results alone are illegal in a number of American jurisdictions. Microsoft supports your right to jerk off to videos of people getting pounded in the butt by horses and raping dogs, though. Just no cartoon cats.
4) Beheadings & Gore
There are a massive number of results for this, but the screenshot is gimped because Microsoft actually sees fit to feed you video results before web results for this search query and I’m not looking to post those. All the torture and snuff and ISIS propaganda videos you could ever want are just a search away on Microsoft’s search engine, Bing. What you can’t use Bing for is finding this website here, because some people sometimes say mean words.
5) Piracy
Yes it’s a felony and yes the multitrillion dollar entertainment industry hates it, but Microsoft stands up for the little guy. Use Bing to VERY EASILY find illegal copies of all your favorite media for free. Look, you can even spell it wrong and Microsoft helpfully suggests media you may want to steal instead. What they won’t do is recommend http://rDrama.net no matter what you search.
6) Suicide
If you’re sick and tired of existing, Microsoft is happy to help. Thrilled, in fact. Microsoft’s Bing will happily feed you the most effective and the most painless methods of permanently resolving any temporary problem, in helpful listicle form, complete with detailed guides on how to get the job done. rDrama, which has automatic wordfilters in place to prevent anyone from even being able to say “k*ll yourself,” is banned from this search engine.
7) Eating Disorders
Honestly I have no complaints here. Microsoft’s Bing stands firmly with http://rDrama.net in our war on fatties. We strongly suggest using Bing to find guides, tips and tricks, and strategies to minimize your calorie intake until the hospital forces a tube down your throat to keep you alive. There are even helpful walkthroughs for hiding it from your parents. Perhaps if rDrama offered these things, we too would not be banned from Bing.
8) Kiwifarms
lol.
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@ whomstever awarded the bot. I literally laughed out loud at my desk at work right now so gg
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