Unable to load image
Reported by:
  • J : Unironically based and fun to look at

Watching @carpathianflorist While He Sleeps Using #bigdata

On a website full of terminally online autists, people post pretty much whenever they're awake. So, if you scrape their most recent 750 comments, you can plot when they comment and figure out when they sleep. Then, using this IDF-tier intel, you can safely steal their car while they are blissfully dreaming of bussy.

https://i.rdrama.net/images/16841353584445653.webp

Since we know @carpathianflorist is a darn Yank, he's in UTC-5 EST for most of the data, more recently UTC-4 EDT. We see a small blip in posting at 6 AM when he wakes up, which continues up through 11 PM local time, until he always goes AFD (Away From Drama) from 2–6 AM or so. We also see a prominent noontime spike for lunch. Unfortunately, the rest of the data lacks sufficient statistical power to determine if he has a favored time for an on-the-clock afternoon shit.

https://i.rdrama.net/images/16841353587770267.webp

Compare that to @bye who is shifted almost perfectly three hours behind :marseycarp3:, putting him in UTC-8 PST / UTC-7 PDT on the West Coast. Looks like a 9 PM dinnertime and typically staying up poasting until 2 AM. Imagine: to get info this good a few decades ago, you'd have to follow someone around all day in a suspiciously well-maintained Crown Vic while wearing dark sunglasses. Now they give it away for free!

https://i.rdrama.net/images/1684135359194726.webp

@Aevann is in UTC+2 EET :marseycapypharaoh:. Unlike our other examples, he's obviously a codecel because he doesn't sleep, and he's most reliably active from 4PM to 3AM local time.

https://i.rdrama.net/images/1684135359519844.webp

Finally, we can use @zozbot to judge general site commenting activity. Ze replies to one in a thousand comments, giving us a truly random sample. It's fairly similar to Carp's chart, so either the site is being carried by East Coast Ameroids, or everyone here except me is actually Carp.

If you want a chart for your own account, ask and you'll get it for free :marseycomrade:. If you want to find out when your rDrama crush is active so you can harass them most efficiently, 100 DC :marseycapitalistmanlet: gets you whomever you want, either publicly if requested in this thread or privately in DMs with the utmost confidentiality. (Terms and conditions apply: if the account of interest is private, I can't get the comments, and I will keep your dramacoin as an r-slur surcharge and probably post about it to shame you.)

115
Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

I actually sleep from about 1-9am lol


https://i.rdrama.net/images/1707881499271494.webp https://i.rdrama.net/images/17101210991135056.webp

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

This is also supported by the data! I just assumed you had to shower and commute in the morning. I now understand that you actually start posting in earnest the moment you wake up rather than bathing. Thank you for your valuable contribution to the study of dramatardology.

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Bathing?

:#marseystinky:


![](https://files.catbox.moe/y2zrro.png)

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

:#marseynotes:

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

:marseycarplazy:

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

you cant learn anything about marseyismywaifu though. https://rdrama.net/post/53360/what-the-frick

(btw i can do private profiles for 250 dc :marseymerchant:)

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

I tried to look for prior art but you didn't mention BIG DATA enough so you didn't show up in the search. Also using unixtime on your x-axis is slurred. But you clearly know what you're doing, and all Enterprise-Level Private Account customers are likely in good hands with you.

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

i woke up at night and saw @Schizo speculating about alts so i began doing this maniacally, i uploaded the first thing i saw because it was urgent and i wanted to look schizo.

i have since learned about gnuplot settings https://i.rdrama.net/images/16841297026628256.webp

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Jesus christ, 24/7 unhinged posting for hours at a time

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

lmao incredible

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Try to guess where I live :marseyglow:

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

On my mind :marseyhomofascist:

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

:#marseyhearts:

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

You look one hour earlier than Carp and the other (L)east Coasties just in general. And you don't seem far enough west to make it to Europe. So probably EST/EDT or maybe the maritime provinces. So that leaves CA/US/BR/AR/UY. We know what BR does to gays (ladyboy supremacy). Your English is too good for AR/UY. So Atlantic North America.

But why do I get the sense this is a trick question.

![](/images/16500381683594897.webp)

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

It's bongland (not a bong, just here), i'm just surprised there's a pattern, I've been sleeping at weird times lately due to uni shit.

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

If you're sitting at a table with a group of non-Bongs and one is a Bong, you're sitting at a table full of Bongs

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

uni? what do you study?

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

law, graduating this year :marseyhearts:

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

:marseyfbi: do me pls

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Wow, you actually sleep! Impressive.

![](/images/16500315129278975.webp)

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

My bedtime snack

![](https://media.giphy.com/media/4Hq29KXEzQfsqiqYOO/giphy.webp)

Thanks :blowkiss:

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

nice project buddy (ps do me)

:#marseyawardretard:

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

All the eurocels are out in full force today. Thank you for being a useful calibration data point since you are known to be D*tch (UTC+1 CET / UTC+2 CEST).

Also your signature makes me smile every time I see it, and I hope you never change it. It is a radiant beacon of joy in the grimdark present of drama.

![](/images/16500340169090607.webp)

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

neat, pretty much what i would expect

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Because it is the morning US time and the NEETs that use this site sleep in until noon.

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

or everyone here except me is actually Carp.

Check again

:#marseydisconcerting:

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

After further investigation, I have determined that I am also Carp. We are all Carp. I are all Carp?

![](/images/16500436245322287.webp)

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

The overwhelming majority of rDrama is Pentagon office drones unknowingly trying to bait one another into fedposting so they can meet quotas


https://i.rdrama.net/images/1707881499271494.webp https://i.rdrama.net/images/17101210991135056.webp

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Do me pls :marseyexcited:

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Consider yourself done. I don't know what's wrong with you, but interpreting this sounds like a job for someone spergier than I.

![](/images/16500323575427504.webp)

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

:marseylove:

I don't know what's wrong with you

Being an active user of this website is a serious medical condition

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

I'd like a graph please. I hope to see that I have more healthy sleep patterns than what we've seen so far.

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Healthy enough if you're in Western or Central Europe

![](/images/1650031934114267.webp)

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Do me

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Wow, you are remarkably good at setting a bedtime for yourself.

![](/images/16500348994155405.webp)

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

:#marseysleep:

Unfortunately I'm not a neet, I have things to do during the day

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

how do you get the data? i was just curling https://rdrama.net/@aevann/comments?page=123&sort=new&t=all / https://rdrama.net/search/comments/?sort=new&q=author%3Aaevann&t=all&page=123 (with the authorization token header so got json)

it was slow and the pages were rate limited and you seem to do this faster

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

GET https://rdrama.net/@user/comments?page=1&sort=new&t=all → regex submatch timestamp\('timestamp-[0-9]+','([0-9]+)'\)

No auth token, so I'm just regexing the HTML. It's so non-compliant you can't actually query the DOM, so thankfully timestamps are fairly unique in the markup. Best I can tell, the HTTP 429 rate-limiting isn't a problem if you sleep 2sec between requests and 30-60sec after 30 requests (hence 30*25 = 750 being the sample size so I don't have to deal with that). I strung a hundred sloppy lines of golang together to do the whole username ↦ chart pipeline, though my zozbot post a bit back was just babysitting CURL around the rate limit. Probably not fundamentally different than your approach.

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

so I'm just regexing the HTML

So what you're saying is that with a bit of scripting I can draw a peepee on your chart?

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

There are 24 free parameters in the graphing, all purely the y-heights for the bars. Most of the bits of info are lost during histogram binning. You could maybe make a pair of low-res twin peak boobae (proper nominative plural of booba btw since it's obviously in the first declension) if you try really hard. Though @grizzly's scatterplot setup would be much more peepeeable.

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

im interested in seeing mine, my sleeping schedule is all over the place lol

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

You should look at some of the other people in this thread. You look like a straight-laced alarm clock salaryman compared to these degenerates.

![](/images/165004217911199.webp)

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Big data is what midwits say to justify how massively overpaid they are

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Yes.

![](/images/16500384726317246.webp)

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Do me pls

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

This is perhaps one of the most healthy yet. You limit your posting predominantly to the evening, like a well-adjusted person. Also, Magyarország really ought to be +2/+3 from solar time, and your chart does look an hour off from the more western +1/+2 users. Though you could also just go to bed an hour earlier, but I'll pretend there's enough statistical power to made broad claims like that.

![](/images/16500360253992927.webp)

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Not bad, this is you

![](/images/16500372349539056.webp)

Not gonna guessing the timezone. Post it yourself

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

As you can see from the sparse band gap in your scatterplot, I am clearly in the Pitcairn Islands :marseypedo:

![](/images/1650038624978847.webp)

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

ohh, do me next. i'll send you 400 dc for the effort

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

All tips are accepted, though it is no cost necessary to you, comrade :marseycomrade:

![](/images/16500326002944782.webp)

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

you earned those coins

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

:#marseymarseylove:

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Do @Snappy next

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

so glad I dont post enough for you to know when I eat, sleep etc

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Bad news.

![](/images/16500353907283099.webp)

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

NOOOOOOO

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

oooh i'd love to see mine! I don't think I'm much of an active commenter so it'd be neat to see

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Guessing West Coast? Lunch bump at 20Z and typical bedtime. 204 data points is, alas, enough to let the Algorithm know you completely.

![](/images/16500352095979667.webp)

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

East coast, but my fricking dorm roomate stays up late, which keeps me up, so I have a terrible sleep schedule

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Do me :marseyantiwork:

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Due to needing to ration my pageloads due to high demand, you only got your 450 most recent comments included. As you can see, though, you're still unmistakably in North America. Or a European NEET.

![](/images/16500346096280074.webp)

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Euroneet living from passive income and stocks :marseyantiwork: :marseyantiwork:

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Everyone, please sign this petition: Remove MasterLawlz from the Mod Team of Drama

Even if he means the apology, does it really matter at this point? Would you forgive Hitler if he repented? Even if maanu123 fixes things and brings real, juicy cringe to the sub for us to feast, let me ask you this again. How many lives would Hitler have to save for you to forgive his transgressions?

Above all else, he doesn't seem to have learned his lesson. Do you really want the full force of Cringetopia coming at you again Lawlz? I didn't think so. I think you should outline your failures and send INDIVIDUAL apologies to those you harmed, a general apology to ALL of Reddit, and an acknowledgment of how your unearned karma that you know you STOLE from the average redditor is illegitimate and should be forfeited if possible.

I actually started to tear up at the end. I understand the position you're in Lawlz, I really do, but some things can't be forgiven. You can "forgive" your partner for sleeping with another woman. You can also "forgive" your partner for drunkenly groping your daughter while you were at work. These things have a very, very small scale of victims and don't really bring the world down a lot. You have chosen to commit a much greater sin. Reddit is one of the PREMIER social media platforms with many users being doctors, lawyers, and journ*lists. You have sabotaged a group of highly educated individuals that see right through your manipulation and gaslighting tactics.

In conclusion, I tend to lead to the sensitive side with a penchant for forgiveness, but today? I... WE are pushing back against my tendencies.

Mod team of Drama, you have 24 hours to remove /u/MasterLawlz as a mod. Any longer than that and... things might get dicey.

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Thanks to @Tickle for reminding me about our dearest Snappy.

Looks pretty much like the zozbot one for understandable reasons. Though zozbot suggests a disproportionate comment to post ratio in the afternoon UTC compared to other times.

![](/images/16500408820817494.webp)

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Me please if you're still doing them, I need to be shamed :marseyhearts:

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

I think I'm rate-limited hardcore from my home IP, but by bouncing my connection through SEVEN PROXIES, I am still doing the needful.

Unfortunately, this reveals that you are among the least shameful in this thread. Better luck next time with breaking your addiction. :marseyshrug:

![](/images/1650047992882412.webp)

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Huh, thanks, guess I need to start setting my alarm for the middle of the night to write random comments :marseythinkorino:

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Me next! :marseynerd:


Transform your Marseys! :marseywave:
/e/marseybooba.webp
www.pastebin.com/Jj9URfVi

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

You're a proud member of club 'wtf when do you sleep'! Alternatively, club amphetamines.

![](/images/165004620527.webp)

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Hahaha, my schedule's all over the place.


Transform your Marseys! :marseywave:
/e/marseybooba.webp
www.pastebin.com/Jj9URfVi

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Actually cool post lmao

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

I am the very model of a Drama Chart Enthusiast

![](/images/16500405832178955.webp)

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.


Link copied to clipboard
Action successful!
Error, please refresh the page and try again.