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If anyone wants to rant about Project Managers, come and do it here.

I really fricking hate them. I have never met a project manager who I have been impressed with.

I think a project manager should be forced to have some experience in actually doing the work of whatever it is they're managing.

Currently I'm understaffed at work with someone on the sick, someone just left and others on annual leave so it's basically just me and a junior trying to keep the lights on and deliver a few small fixes and features this week.

This situation has been escalated to a high level in the company any everyone should be aware of it.

And yet I'm getting THREE emails everyday from THREE different Project Managers asking for updates on things.

I appreciate your swamped this week AuntyAbortion, but if you could just give us an update on x, y, z that'd be great.

I understand Sean's off this week and you're handling things in his absence. Do you know when we'll have access to review <project Sean was working on and I don't give a frick about>?

It's as if they're so fricking locked into whatever shitty framework they're using they can't comprehend that pestering the only person doing any work this week for fricking UPDATES is not a productive or helpful thing. Just an endless chorus of

UPDATES?

UPDATES?

UPDATES?

WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE AN UPDATE MATE?

How do project managers think work actually gets done in between giving them updates and attending their meeting where they embarrass themselves with their lack of knowledge?

I had an email at 6pm last night saying:

If you could get that file over to me in the morning, that'd be great.

And then at 7.49am this morning, i.e. no work time had elapsed between emails.

Any luck with that file?

Honestly any project managers here, make yourself known so I can tell you to go and frick yourselves.

63
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Project managers are fun. They don't care about your butt, they just need to fill in the dates and events in their project software. They don't care if a date is unknowable, guess and then fail to meet your deadline. Do better next time idiot.

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We need to schedule a meeting to agree on a date for our project meeting.

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Project meetings are sweet provided you don't have any higher ups there. You all just get to bs then schedule more project meetings while the super old guy tells overly long stories.

Frick i miss projects.

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UPDATES? UPDATES? YOU GOT ANY UPDATES ABOUT THEM UPDATES? THE GO-LIVE DATE IS AT RISK IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME UPDATES?

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Literally just pull a date out of your butt so they can plug it in to Teams

It's so easy

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I always just say 2 weeks until I have a definitive date. Not my fault you told your boss an unrealistic expectation :marseyshrug:

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:#marseysal:

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For real, that’s all they want.

We are looking at possible delivery on 5/8, with a contingency that it may be pushed back to early next week contingent upon weather. Contingent.

Update done, took 12 seconds

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The update may have taken 12 seconds, but what was the true cost in time spent seething about being interrupted by someone who you hate about something you don't care about?

For me, it's simply unquantifiable.

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I have a good one right now and work has never been easier. Mine is also a dev though so that probably explains why every meeting is 5 minutes long max.

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I pray that my first PM has dev experience, everything I've heard from friends in the industry makes it sound like a night-and-day difference

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A project manager is someone who thinks nine women can make a baby in one month.

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Lol this is good I hope you made it up and it's not from some Boomer Book of Quotes

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It's old wisdom. Boomers sometimes have good soundbites.

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It's one of the oldest PM jokes on the books, definitely Boomer origin

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:#soyjakhipster:

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It's actually Silent Generation wisdom. The guy who coined it was born in the 30s. Boomers were, as a broad category, completely inept at software. There's a reason SV tech companies avoided hiring the IBM guys.

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Maybe if you engaged more with the project managers, taking part in an honest dialogue regarding your time usage, they could brainstorm some ways for you to make more efficient usage of your time and provide more informative updates.

This project is bigger than just you, and you should be a better team player. :abusivewife:

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Oh by the way, since you're not doing any programming during this meeting, we won't mark your hours and deduct this time out of your lunch break.

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Yeah this is true except in this case I've got priorities and things to deliver that are far more business critical than these projects of which we're just playing a small part.

Think the problem is they expect so much time and engagement and updates for something that is way down on the list of crucial stuff this week.

Go away PMs just go away you annoying talentless weasels.

ANY UPDATES ON THAT POST? ANY NEWS ON THE MERARI LEAKS? ANY CLOSER WITH THE BARDFINN EROTIC FICTION PART 2?

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Tfw you have more managers than devs

:#marseysmug2:

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once had a team at a company I worked at that was 2 managers and one programmer.

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Emailing me at 6pm and chasing at 7:49am is a good way to get me to not give you the file.

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While I was producing the files this morning (quick enough job, but still need to manually transfer them due to data protection while they're in development so have to be careful), he was emailing me then trying to call on Teams, and I was literally 30 seconds from finishing so ignored him and then he calls the head of the fricking department because he couldn't get hold of me.

Literally preventing me from doing the work he's waiting for because of his relentless thirst for updates.

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and then he calls the head of the fricking department because he couldn't get hold of me.

Darn you must work somewhere shitty.

If someone pulled this on me I'd just not do whatever they were asking. Complain to my boss all you want, he cares more about me not leaving than he does about whatever dumb bullshit you're complaining about.

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I think I'm technically senior to him so it's not something I'm going to be in trouble about, just extremely annoying like a fly that won't leave the room.

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Answering the call and gently chiding his lack of professionalism

:#marseyno:

getting your direct superior involved

:#marseyyes:

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Benefits of working at a smaller company - I have no project manager and and no one else knows anything about what I am doing

whatever shit i'm working on is ready when its ready and you will be grateful :#gigachad2:

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"this startup will LITERALLY fail if this project doesnt stay on track"

:#marseyohno:

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I literally don't care :#gigachad2: you can't find anyone else to do this so deal with it. Codecels in the right non tech companies are kings

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"and? I'll move to the next one"

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I have the place for you:

/r/antiwork

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Nice. Shame Reddit won't let me back so I can participate

:#seethejak:

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/r/overemployed instead for codecels. combine antiwork with grindmaxxing

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Everyone on my team writes production code. The seethe I get from project managers in the wild when I tell them I'm a dev who does the scrum master role is incredible. They've really convinced themselves that facilitating stand up, 3 meetings a spring and doing a handful of escalations is a full time job. It's probably on average 45 minutes a day of work including meetings.


:#marseytwerking:

:marseycoin::marseycoin::marseycoin:
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When in a meeting, wall up behind your laptop.

Once the PM asks why you don't participate, answer "I'm doing my job" and continue.

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If meetings go long enough that this makes sense your pm has failed. Although I will admit there are idiot devs who think they should be exempt from all meetings and then spend 2 weeks coding a feature that already exists.


:#marseytwerking:

:marseycoin::marseycoin::marseycoin:
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Dont get me started on scrum masters :marseyrage:

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More like scum masters amirite?


:#marseytwerking:

:marseycoin::marseycoin::marseycoin:
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Our last PM left the company, and then our productivity skyrocketed. I also think the product improved a lot too.

Turns out having constant meetings where the techs explain their jobs to some idiot wasn't good for business.

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Fricking yes, this is the stuff.

Their fricking rigidity and robotic nature just kills productivity. There needs to be more time in between meetings in order for stuff to get done, but then if they allow that they feel like they're not doing enough to justify their jobs.

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Hello friend. I think you were the one hiring the c# dev so tech related stuff?

I've always found PMs in that area are hit or miss and personality trumps skills because they need to be able to talk to devs and stakeholders.

I work with PMs here and there and now that I am out on my own, I can handle them better. My biggest challenge is people thinking I'm an employee and tryina treat me like one and I have to set boundaries. My god Arabs really don't like a straight forward b-word who says "no" to their 9am Swiss timezone call lol. I avoid sexy Indian dudes entirely unless they are in the US.


https://i.rdrama.net/images/16947238656178334.webp

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Yeah that was me discriminating against women, olds and sexy Indian dudes in the recruitment process. I guess you could argue that this is karma.

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Women PMs are either giant pushovers or giant bitches

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Find out who they hate and shit talk with them. You're set

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Have you tried telling them to keep themselves safe?

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I actually just got hired on as an engineering project manager, can you yell at me for all of the mistakes of your colleagues so I know what not to do?

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Basically just give the doers enough time to do.

Recognise that catchup meetings are really detrimental to delivery when you've got all your doers in the meeting listening to problems they don't need to worry about.

Search for Manager vs Maker time as I think that's the root of all the issues.

They're waiting for tasks to be completed that need scoping, designing, developing and testing and have no idea how long it takes because their days are neatly divided into 30/60 segments flipping between meetings getting updates on different things, etc.

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I’m a project manager

Except in my case it’s an informal assignment since I’m actually an engineer and I’ve assigned myself the management of a project of fricking with project managers at any opportunity

:marseysipping: :marseysipping: :marseysipping:

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How about you learn to suck it the frick up and be a team player?

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It's literally just me for a week, there is no team.

UPDATES? CAN WE SCHDULE IN SOME TIME TO DISCUSS THE UPDATES? CAN WE LINK YOU IN WITH CHRIS TO DISCUSS THE PROGRESS OF THE UPDATES WE'RE WAITING FOR? ARE YOU FREE THIS AFTERNOON TO GIVE SOME UPDATES TO NICK SO WE CAN REVIEW PROGRESS? APPRECIATE IT'S JUST YOU BUT IF YOU COULD FIT IT ALL IN AROUND THESE MEETINGS WE'RE ARRANGING THAT'D REALLY HELP

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We both know how little you codecels actually work so do your job and provide them the updates they need. Also, no one respects you smelly nerds.

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:#soycry:

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Overpaid and will hopefully be replaced by AI in a decade or two

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This sounds like manuallabourcel cope.

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No I just think poorly of codecels. The only office employees I've known who died were tech dorks. One literally ate himself into a coma and the other guy killed himself. Every other office employee group tends to eat healthier and not kill themselves. Why do codecels have such high rates of depression and shitty eating habits? It can't be the workload lol.

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You probably know this already but it's because of transmisia.

Many codecels are trans but forced to live as their assigned gender at birth due to transmisia.

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Who do you think codes and trains the AI model? Codecels will always have a job, at least some of them.

!blackjack105

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And they will code themselves out of a job

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Nah, they’re going to train it on stack overflow answers so the produced code will either not work or be incredibly inefficient. Then the model will be declared a failure and scrapped.

!blackjack103

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Most of my interaction with Project managers is telling them the thing their project needs are impossible/too expensive/too unsecure to implement. The joys of DBAhood.

:purerage: Y-you're a blocker!

:chadnordic: Yes.

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Counterpoint: a good project manager manages upward to deal with the politics, pestering leadership, and other organizational bullshit. They need material to keep all the other A-type personalities at bay, though, which means you may need to work with them to provide "communication" as a placebo. However, it sounds like your management situation is a crapshoot (which is usually the case ofc).

The key here is that somehow you are now responsible for reporting on the shit you are helping with across two other projects, in addition to your own. This is shit organization on their part. You should never be reporting to three managers. Your single manager should be wrangling the other managers and upper management for you while you get shit done.

Whenever someone is bothering you for an update, there's a good chance someone is bothering them for an update, and someone bothering them, etc. Now, where this chain of pestering originates? Who knows.

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This is nice to read are you a therapist?

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I'm a software dev lead working for a fricking nightmare of a client project right now, rofl.

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I hated them, then I worked at a place where you run your own projects and there are no PMs. I still hate them but doing that shit also sucks

They suck because they can basically tell you what to do but they’re not your boss

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I worked at a place where you run your own projects and there are no PMs.

you must have some horror stories to spill :marseyworried:

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They grew super fast, things were frequently insane. But they paid a lot and everyone I worked with was smart and good at their jobs and nice. There is a lot I miss about it

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Last job I had my PM was shit. My current job's is actually good at what he does. Was a pleasant surprise.

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What is a project manager

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a female given power over productive males by a j-slur

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I have one who schedules a huge group meeting for all the projects she manages. When she wants you to work, she will schedule you to present at this big (100+ people) meeting on shit they do not give a shit about. "Hey, can you present the RACI at this meeting?" B-word, you made the RACI, you present it. My team is working on shit, frick off.

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Yikes I was involved in something similar. A "Workstream Leads" meeting at 9am on a Monday. Two hours of everyone sleepily going through boring slides that meant nothing to everyone else just to get a pat on the back or a telling off from the programme director.

Worst way possible to start the week.

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The best part for me is I "outrank" her or whatever it is called when we don't have the same reporting structure but I have a higher job title. Every time she tries to get me or my team in trouble, it always catastrophically backfires for her. It's really weird because there have been cases where we legitimately did not deliver in time but she ends up having to eat shit.

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Seems like a sweet gig to me, I hope to become a Project Manager one day so I can score some of that sweet update cash

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Stop bitching and update your JIRA tickets. Your teammates depend on you and you can't just be a non-communicative neckbeard who spends all week refactoring their code for optimal beauty.

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Learn to read mongoloid. I have no teammates. They're all ill or on holiday or have left this week.

These are external projects which we have small deliverables in.

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You know who these project managers are.

Set up an email filter and ignore them

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@AuntyAbortion

Not only a project manager, sit on the certification board

(Avoiding using personal pronouns to make doxing via searches harder)

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You have 'Josh' in your username.

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Agile is r-slurred

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Those powerpoint presentations aren't going to write themselves ya know

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did you create a ticket?

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Behold the only good project manager, for I was also the only employee on the project.

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Opposite. I'm a quasi project manager and I'd rather just do the shit myself because the people I work with are lazy incompetent c*nts and it takes more time for me to explain the scope of the job to them (only for them to get it wrong anyway) than it would take for me to just do it myself.


![](https://files.catbox.moe/y2zrro.png)

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They keep making more recurring meetings. A full fifth of my day is now spent in meetings and I just got another invite.

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Is this some kind of techie nerd strag shit? Lol get a real job where you work with tools like a real man. Trans lives matter

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I've got tools at home. Would you like to talk about the Dewalt 60v FlexVolt range?

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Is this codecel nonsense? :marseysmug3:

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What kind of job do you have? I'll translate it into terms you'll understand so you'll know how annoying it is.

For example, say you are a mechanic and I've just dropped my car off with you at 5.59pm. I've got an intermittent engine fault, the brakes are spongy and the sunroof keeps opening by itself.

I pop back the next day at 6.59am. You're having a coffee and scratching your butt as you chase the rats away from the night. I barge in and squawk:

ANY UPDATE ON MY CAR? HAVE YOU SOLVED THE ENGINE FAULT YET? HOW ABOUT THE SUNROOF? WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE BRAKES? DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU'LL BE DONE? WILL IT BE DONE BY LUNCH? I NEED IT BACK BY TOMORROW FOR A VERY IMPORTANT TRIP. THE TRIP WILL BE AT RISK IF YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU'LL BE UNABLE TO FIX IT IN TIME. DO YOU NEED EXTRA MECHANICS? I CAN GET EXTRA MECHANICS TO HELP. I'LL ESCALATE THIS AND SEE IF WE CAN YOU'RE OTHER TASKS REPRIORITISED.

Does that make sense? You didn't give a frick about this duck's care at 5.59pm last night and you don't care about it now either and you've got decent customers who've been waiting for new tyres and oil changes while pricks like this barge in steal all of your time.

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tyres

bong detected

:#marseybong:

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Wtf is that another tell? I thought I'd covered it up by using coffee instead of tea.

What do Burgers call them? Wheeltubes or something descriptively r-slurred like that? Roadgrippers? Ridedampeners?

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tires

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Lmao Burgers are so weird.

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:#marseymarseylove:

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