You will never be a real millionaire. You have no luck, you have no IQ, you have no talent. You are a poor man twisted by social media and delusion into a crude mockery of nature’s perfection.

All the “validation” you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back people mock you. Your parents are disgusted and ashamed of you, your “friends” laugh at your financial debt behind closed doors.

Rich people are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of economy have allowed men to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even fake millionaires who “pass” look uncanny and unnatural to a real millionaire. Your reddit account is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to buy a stock that pumps, it will turn tail and drop the second it gets a whiff of your diseased, infected bank account.

You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake smile every single morning and tell yourself it’s going to be ok, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight.

Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a rope, tie a noose, put it around your neck, and plunge into the cold abyss. Your parents will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They’ll bury you with a headstone marked with your portfolio, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a broke man is buried there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a skeleton that is unmistakably poor.

This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.

I'd tax fatties then use that money for increased military spending and aid to Israel. I'd throw a bunch of money at public education and require all males under 5'9 to undergo forcible transition and integrated into the harems of the other men.

Oh yeah, and I would sign executive orders to can the SRDines and force spez to restore pinging and linking to our ancestral homeland with a 10,000 word handwritten personal apology.

sneed

Make the minimum age to use the internet 25

Raise voting age to 35

Oh and everyone has to be nice to me from now on

I'd create some government system of shitty factory jobs. Actual productive work, but super unskilled that anyone could do. Then if you're unemployed, you get say 2 months to find your own job. After that you get a choice to work in the factory or have your unemployment money removed.

Advertising fits neither in a meritocracy nor in some leftist system so I'd immediately ban all forms of advertising and marketing. In communism it wouldn't be needed at all. In a meritocracy there could be some kind of central database of products that you look through which doesn't promote any over another, and you can select which product does the best job.

I remember reading some dictator banned women wearing makeup on TV once because 'our women are too beautiful for makeup' or some such thing. If I was in that position of power I'd pass a few of those kinds of laws too just for lolz

Plus a Federal Law for Climate Change, protecting the rainforests, Great Barrier Reef, Algea, tackling that island of garbage in the Ocean.

Nuclear plants everywhere, plus mass transit.

Federal Funds for rdrama.net, use this as a shitpost form for politicians, bureaucrats, judges and the public. And increased protections.

Also federal protections for freedom of speech in the workplace, universities and elsewhere.

Saying BIPOC should be a constitutional right, along with triggering wokies.

Also use RICO and the Patriot Act on Spez, the Reddit Admins, Conda Naste, execute them int Guantanamo Bay on international television.

Throw SRDines into prison, along with all the insufferable Reddit Mods.

Also repeal all "Right to work" laws, plus increased federal labour protections such as paid vacation of 2.5 months, plus at least a month of paid sick leave.

Increased tenant protections, including federal funded counsel for tenants, mass built public housing, taxes on house flipping and owning more than two homes.

And a ban on all foreign home ownership, and real estate speculation, and a ban on company stock buyback, and greatly increased anti trust federal laws, including breaking up all tech, finance corporations. Also no corporate subsidies, especially for Boeing. Let them die.

Unironically? Here we go, a rare serious words words words post from me incoming.

Fat tax. Dependent on some calculation of bodyfat percentage and BMI. Scales. Goes up to 10% income, and all revenue goes to healthcare. All necessary information recorded every 5 years. If you don't submit information, default 10% extra income tax until you do. Exemptions for those with rare medical issues that cause serious risk if they lose weight, or that makes it extremely hard to lose weight. Maybe a skinny tax if anorexia becomes a problem.

Give amazing trade deals to Asian countries, in order to box out China.

Fund terrorist groups in Africa to destabilize the continent (probably already done).

Force states to legalize abortions. Discreetly use social media propaganda to encourage black women to get abortions (probably already done)

Enforce a federal ban on marijuana.

Partner with African countries to allow African Americans to "move home" of their own volition, funded by the government.

Trans people must be 21 years old to start hormones. They must live as a woman for 1 year before starting hormones. They must be on hormones for 1 year before getting surgery. They can only use non-biological bathrooms after getting surgery. They must live in an isolated medical facility 1 month prior to surgery, where they have no access to the internet, and will be thoroughly examined by psychologists and doctors during this time. All of this will be state funded. Prisons are determined by genitals. A trans only federal prison will exist solely for trans people who have undergone surgery.

A amendment to the constitution that can't be repealed or amended over, voiding all weapon laws on the state, local, and federal level.

Mandatory gun ownership classes for 1 semester in highschool

Legal drinking age lowered to 17

Gun ownership not legally restricted by age, but an adult must be present with anyone who has yet to pass the standardized highschool gun safety course.

A lock on college tuition that scales with inflation.

Abolition of the minimum wage.

Increase taxes on corporations and the wealthy.

Nationalize the space industry, but dissolve most of NASA's administration and command. Increase funding to these.

Subsidize Starlink.

All Communist, Nazis, and Socialists have to register on a national database, similar to p-dophiles.

Break up as many monopolies as possible. Most notably Apple, Disney, and Google.

Heavily encourage immigration, but enforce quotas to discourage large communities from forming their own separate identities.

Establish English as an official language.

Criminalize veganism.

Put the military to work hunting down and killing invasive species.

And a bunch of other stuff.

Both in this life or any previous incarnations I have been able to check out, I never wanted to be President. This innate decision was confirmed when I became literate and saw the President pawing babies and spouting bullshit. I attended Los Alamos Ranch School, where they later made the atom bomb, and bombs bursting in air over Hiroshima gave proof through the night that our flag was already there. Then came the Teapot Dome scandal under President Harding, and I remember the unspeakable Gaston Means, infamous private eye and go-between in that miasma of graft, walking into a hotel room full of bourbon-drinking, cigar-smoking lobbyists and fixers, with a laundry hamper.

“Fill it up boys, and we talk business.”

I do not mean to imply that my youthful. Idealism was repelled by this spectacle. I had by then learned to take a broad general view of things. My political ambitions were simply of a humbler and less conspicuous caliber. I hoped at one time to become commissioner of sewers for St. Louis County—$300 a month, with the possibility of getting one’s shitty paws deep into a slush fund—and to this end I attended a softball game where such sinecures were assigned to the deserving and the fortunate. Everybody I met said, “Now I’m old So-and-so, running for such and such, and anything you do for me I’ll appreciate.” My boyish dreams fanned by this heady atmosphere and three mint juleps, I saw myself already in possession of the coveted post, which called for a token appearance twice a week to sign a few letters at the Old Court House; while I’m there might as well put it on the sheriff for some marijuana he has confiscated, and he’d better play ball or I will route a sewer through his front yard. And then across the street to the Court House Café for a coffee with some other lazy bastards in the same line of business, and we wallow in corruption like contented alligators.

Legalized euthanasia for anyone with IQ too low to even wipe their own butt. Once a dog is smarter than you there is no helping you, only making other people's lives more difficult.

Id go play golf every day and never make any official press statement or other shit. Maybe create a law that forbids journos to come close to me when I'm golfing (24/7).

Implying I’d be elected to the office of president

True dramachads take that what is rightfully theirs by FORCE.

Honestly I'd probably try to get one or maybe two things from my agenda through while constantly compromising and trading favours with the other party and, above all, keeping my special interest donors happy.

Alternatively I could go full LBJ, work 20 hours a day and flatter, cajole, bully, blackmail, threaten literally every single person I ever meet in my life to enact sweeping changes just to get my legacy cucked by a dumb war and decades of boomer politics eroding all my achievements.

Regarding the Egyptian Gods, specifically Anubis and Thoth.

I'm trying to get my time of day of birth records from the hospital I was born.

Once I get that, then I can get my accurate rising sign and complete my zodiac natal chart.

I have Venus in Aries, Mercury in Pisces, Mars in Cancer, Jupiter in Libra, Saturn in Aquarius, Uranus and Neptune in Capricorn, and Pluto in Scorpio.

And Chiron in Leo.

I'm a long time r/drama user, as you can tell.

I was there when Prince Kropotkin was popular.

I helped get banned a few anarchist subreddits.

If I could achieve all of those laws, i'd dress up like Vincent Van Ghoul.

Or at least, wear rings that my Scottish astrologer recommended to me, like pink quartz.

I'm be a boon to rdrama.net. I'd also make a national holiday for Gore Vidal, Christopher Hitchens, John A MacDonald, Slavoj Zizek, Chomsky and Nassim Taleb and the creator of Yugioh, Bleach and Pokemon.

I would request the creator of Bleach to draw me as an arrancar and also as a bount, with my personal weapons.

And as for the creator of Yugioh, my personal deck. And as for pokemon, i'd like to be a main character in a future game, also married to Cyrus.

Finally create a Federal "Wealth Trust Fund" similar to Norway, a "Data Dividend" that's paid to all citizens every 3 months, and helicopter money.

And the wealthiest should pay at least 30-40% in tax, including capital gains.

Also cut off all useless military spending. Make useless degrees allowed to go bankrupt, with the person not getting accreditation until they pay off their student load.

Federal jobs program starting at $35/hour, train people with actual skills, plus throw in no taxes for at least 5 years of working under such a program.