The shame of Jerry Pournelle, the Internet's first lolcow.

141  2017-06-24 by snallygaster

For those of you who don't know, ARPAnet was a predecessor to and foundation of the internet we all know and love/hate today. In America, research on ARPAnet was conducted in a joint effort between the Department of Defense and a few select elite universities, and access to it was heavily restricted. Due to the sensitive nature of this research, those with access to the system weren't allowed to so much as mention its name outside of DoD contexts, let alone discuss its inner workings. This was particularly true for the few users who had guest accounts.

Jerry Pournelle is now a famous science fiction author (if you look up the name of like anyone online before about 1990 there's a good chance they have a wiki page and/or a very prominent career), but back in the early days of Usenet, during his burgeoning success as an author, Pournelle had become a legend for different reasons.

As a graduate student at MIT, Pournelle was one of around a dozen people who had been blessed with guest access to ARPAnet. He was also working as a columnist in Byte Magazine, an early publication for computer enthusiasts. Against all common sense, Jerry decided to run a column where he not only mentioned ARPAnet but broadcasted highly sensitive access information for a few individual machines.

Jerry was swiftly booted off of ARPAnet, while MIT received a spanking from the DoD for allowing him access in the first place. Unable to take responsibility for his actions, Jerry claimed that his forced departure was the result of his support of Reagan's policies rather than his decision to provide the public with classified information.

As you can see from the comments in the previous two links, Jerry was not the most popular person online, even before the ARPAnet incident. Like all lolcows, he had a high level of hubris, delusion, and an unwillingness to admit when he had done wrong. His controversial Byte column and ARAPnet stunt caused him to become a reviled and scandalous figure within the online community, with one man going so far as to create an annual mockery of the author.

Eventually Pournelle left Byte Magazine to work full-time as a science fiction author, and as the World Wide Web rose to prominence, the dark stain on his distinguished career was entombed in Usenet. However, this lolcow will always have the distinction of being one of the only (and possibly the first) people kicked off of the Internet.

84 comments

n/a  SnapshillBot 2017-06-24

Error in fetchQuote() line 4 character 0: 400 AUTHENTICATION_ERROR - could not connect to server

Snapshots:

  1. This Post - archive.org, megalodon.jp*, snew.github.io, archive.is

  2. ARPAnet - archive.org, megalodon.jp*, archive.is

  3. Jerry Pournelle - archive.org, megalodon.jp*, archive.is

  4. run a column - archive.org, megalodon.jp*, archive.is

  5. booted off of ARPAnet - archive.org, megalodon.jp*, archive.is

  6. his support of Reagan's policies - archive.org, megalodon.jp*, archive.is

  7. reviled - archive.org, megalodon.jp*, archive.is

  8. and - archive.org, megalodon.jp*, archive.is

  9. scandalous - archive.org, megalodon.jp*, archive.is

  10. figure - archive.org, megalodon.jp*, archive.is

  11. annual mockery - archive.org, megalodon.jp*, archive.is

  12. the only person kicked off of ARPAn... - archive.org, megalodon.jp*, archive.is

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n/a  Sevenvolts 2017-06-24

Are you okay, Snapshill?

n/a  Sir_Panache 2017-06-24

Shhhhhh just let him sit there in peace he just needs some rest

n/a  snallygaster 2017-06-24

user reports:
1: get a fucking job

it took an hour to put this together and it's a saturday. why is someone so mad?

n/a  mehforeverybody 2017-06-24

Too much quality for r/drama.

n/a  giroth 2017-06-24

Seriously.

This isn't the drama we deserve, but it is the drama we need

n/a  SxsyLeaf 2017-06-24

Some angry NEET doesn't realize that most adults don't work weekends

n/a  snallygaster 2017-06-24

little bitch should say it to my face irl instead of making an anonymous report

n/a  imguralbumbot 2017-06-24

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n/a  NGC_6960 2017-06-24

dang ur a cutie

n/a  OniTan 2017-06-24

Aren't you like 110 lbs?

n/a  Sarge_Ward 2017-06-24

110 pounds of pure fury and rage

n/a  snallygaster 2017-06-24

nah, that'd be way underweight for my height and i still have ~20 lbs to go until i'm really thin again

n/a  wootfatigue 2017-06-24

What's your Adderall dose?

n/a  OniTan 2017-06-24

Gotcha. 140 trying for 120.

n/a  Joan_Wayne_Gacy 2017-06-24

They're garbage.

n/a  GDPssb 2017-06-24

They hate you because you're beautiful, snally. Keep being the only good poster on /r/drama

n/a  Gothmog26 2017-06-24

She is the one, if you want to have some fun...

n/a  BussySundae 2017-06-24

That ED article janitorial itch gotta go somewhere, that it?

n/a  RogueDinosaur 2017-06-24

Jerry doxxed you.

n/a  Mort_DeRire 2017-06-24

Firstly, you should be remunerated for the drama you provide us. Set up a gofundme. I will, of course, not contribute.

Secondly, that second report made me laugh my ass off.

n/a  SamWhite 2017-06-24

Wait, this is the guy that co-authored Lucifer's Hammer? Holy fucking shit, that is one of the worst novels I've ever read, and I have read extensively and sometimes indiscriminately. It has the distinction of being one of two books I've made a conscious decision to not continue reading all the way to the end (I got about 80% of the way in). I have no fucking idea how it keeps making sci-fi classic lists, because it is actual flaming garbage. Based on that novel alone, this guy is a massive cockguzzling twatamaran.

n/a  snallygaster 2017-06-24

Why was it so bad? He was the prez of some big sci fi institution for a while, so I guess some people have found value in his work. Then again, there are plenty of shit writers who rise to fame.

n/a  SamWhite 2017-06-24

You really have to read it to get the full effect, but a few bullet points. First, it's racist and sexist to a near unbelievable degree. I'm not talking like by SJW standards, or not taking into account the time it was written. Even for the seventies this shit is just incredibly regressive. The women are fluff waiting to be saved, unironically referred to as quim, or ball-snipping feminists, as well as reveling in the idea that at least the apocalypse has put paid to the women's lib movement. I'm not reading into their writing there, they literally wrote that sentence in the book.

The racism is on another level though. The black people in the novel prior to the comet hitting are pimping, white-raping, corner -store robbing pieces of shit that are also 'community leaders' that cash cheques from the government for representing black people. Everything I said there is without hyperbole, that is exactly how they wrote it. Post-apocalypse the black people almost instantly become a gang of roving cannibals that are basically described as animals.

And finally, the writing is just bad. It's kind of an ensemble cast, but there's one clear protagonist. I loathed him. If you can't even make your clear favourite cast member even vaguely likable in a world you've created from the bottom up, something has gone badly wrong.

Oh, one more thing. There's a scene where a crazed women's libber has an argument with the protagonist. He puts her in her place by informing her that nuclear power is 100% safe, that nuclear plants are necessary to fuel all the electric cars she wants(???), and that aerosols aren't damaging the ozone. Fuck me sideways that book was bad.

n/a  ironicshitpostr 2017-06-24

You'd probably prefer his Fallen Angels book then, which features an America fighting the oncoming Ice Age because the Greens won't allow sci fi fans to burn enough carbon to save everyone.

n/a  SamWhite 2017-06-24

Sweet jesus.

n/a  snallygaster 2017-06-24

wow, he sounds like a primordial neckbeard. Now I kind of want to read it.

n/a  MooseHeckler 2017-06-24

They are a fascinating people.

n/a  SamWhite 2017-06-24

I mean, it's kind of worth it just to confirm that it's exactly as bad as I'm saying. There are just multiple moments in the book where you will find yourself going 'what the fuck am I reading?' If you reckon you can get enjoyment out of that aspect of it, give it a go.

n/a  bareballzthebitch 2017-06-24

black people almost instantly become a gang of roving cannibals that are basically described as animals.

Ever been to Chiraq?

n/a  TehAlpacalypse 2017-06-24

Sounds more like white people at an all you can eat pizza buffet

n/a  StezzerLolz 2017-06-24

Y'know, I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that Pournelle is a piece of shit.

n/a  Hellkyte 2017-06-24

So like Heinlein without the talent?

n/a  SamWhite 2017-06-24

No. Heinlein's books are debatably fascistic/nationalistic, but he was strongly anti-racism, especially given the time he was writing in. This book came significantly later and is literally the most racist published novel I've read. Imagine an over the top parody of the 70's blaxploitation pimp, then make every single black character in the book like that, then make them cannibals. But that's a yes on the lack of talent.

n/a  botchlings 2017-06-24

Lucifer's Hammer? Holy fucking shit, that is one of the worst novels I've ever read

Never read it, but Mote in God's Eye, by the same two authors is one of the best "first contact" sci fi books ever written.

I hear the sequel is garbage though.

n/a  mohkohnsepicgun 2017-06-24

Yeah, Mote is good when you get past all that shit about the planet full of Scotsmen who play bagpipes and wear kilts. When they actually go meet the aliens, yeah: then it's great cos the aliens are really fucking... alien. I heard they were mostly thought up by Larry Niven and Pournelle's contribution was the reems of "och aye, tha' noo" dialogue.

n/a  Gothmog26 2017-06-24

The Space Empire made me want to kill every last human just to make sure it wouldn't come to past. I was an angry child.

n/a  botchlings 2017-06-24

I think a lot of the "Scotchmen" type stuff was just indicative of Sci Fi at the time. A lot of it was a little silly back then. Even classics like "Stranger in a Strange Land," etc... are a bit on the comedic side when compared to today's sci-fi

n/a  mohkohnsepicgun 2017-06-24

I thought they were just ripping off Scotty from Star Trek.

n/a  Kysbu 2017-06-24

>tfw still haven't shitposted hard enough to get kicked off the internet

n/a  bareballzthebitch 2017-06-24

Kick-off Your Self

n/a  PM_ME_HAIRLESS_CATS 2017-06-24

Oath of Fealty is choice reading.

n/a  giroth 2017-06-24

Well you need to have it out with /u/SamWhite, because he fucking hated some other book by those two.

I wonder if Niven and Pournelle had some kind of weird sci-fi author sex situation going on behind the novels.

Can't they write something by themselves for once?

n/a  PM_ME_HAIRLESS_CATS 2017-06-24

Can't they write something by themselves for once?

Those two chucklefucks have been taking about doing a followup to Lucifers Hammer for a decade now

n/a  neutralvoter 2017-06-24

eventually you are going to dig so deep for drama you discover an early version of the internet dating back to the 1800's and rewrite history.

n/a  ironicshitpostr 2017-06-24

Telegram drama pls

n/a  Notthehalf 2017-06-24

noe! hieroglyph drama by mayos now.

n/a  neutralvoter 2017-06-24

grafitti in pompei:

"I.2.20 (Bar/Brothel of Innulus and Papilio); 3932: Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!"

n/a  Works_of_memercy 2017-06-24

I'm personally a fan of https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catullus_16

n/a  WikiTextBot 2017-06-24

Catullus 16

Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo ("I will sodomize you and face-fuck you") is the first line, sometimes used as a title, of Carmen 16 in the collected poems of Gaius Valerius Catullus (c. 84 BC – c. 54 BC). The poem, written in a hendecasyllabic (11-syllable) meter, was considered so explicit that a full English translation was not published until the late twentieth century.

[ PM | Exclude me | Exclude from subreddit | FAQ / Information ] Downvote to remove | v0.23

n/a  bareballzthebitch 2017-06-24

Emoticons are the modern equivalent of hieroglyphs and will one day replace language, and then in the far future, an archaeologist will decipher the meaning of grapefruit splash smiley face.

n/a  PolishPugLady 2017-06-24

https://youtu.be/JgV6F7YP448

This is what it means if you look for it on Youtube.

n/a  Ardvarkeating101 2017-06-24

I honestly thought that was metaphorical until she fucking took one out.

n/a  snallygaster 2017-06-24

The classic historical figure stuff that's been posted here is p entertaining.

n/a  giroth 2017-06-24

Start with Lovelace, that's all I can say

n/a  mohkohnsepicgun 2017-06-24

Mary Shelly was the on the original Troll2x, don'cha know?

n/a  Miguk_Saram 2017-06-24

Perhaps this is the first time anyone claimed to be a victim of political persecution after losing an internet slapfight.

n/a  snallygaster 2017-06-24

Shit, you might be right. There was also an early Usenet figure called Mark Ethan Smith who might qualify; Mark was born female but hated women with a passion and so took on a male name and insisted that everyone call them Mark. There was a ton of drama around that and Mark cried persecution/sexism whenever it happened, but in that case it probably was. Come to think of it, that was probably the first big online social justice drama.

n/a  SWIMsfriend 2017-06-24

you know what's the worst part. I legitimately wouldn't mind hearing more about pre-eternal september internet.

n/a  snallygaster 2017-06-24

Good to know, I've been digging through it a lot lately. It was a small world because there were only a few newsgroups that people could chat on before The Great Renaming, only a small, privileged, usually very intelligent few had online access, and everything someone wrote was attached to their full name and location. But people are people, so there was still a lot of petty infighting. It's pretty interesting to read through the dramatic happenings because almost every one was the first of its kind, and things that are just considered a feature of the internet today were treated like big, community-shaking events. It's also neat to look up the posters and see what they've done with their lives, since most of them were students while they were on usenet. olduse.net is a cool website where it replicates Usenet from 30 years ago if you're interested in scrolling through.

n/a  GregariousWolf 2017-06-24

TINC!

n/a  SpotNL 2017-06-24

Said it before, but I'll say ot again: I really enjoy these internet drama history lessons.

n/a  ironicshitpostr 2017-06-24

How about some early cyberspace clown rape?

n/a  snallygaster 2017-06-24

This is pretty much a seminal text in online history. Also,

That he turned his attentions now to Moondreamer, a rather pointedly nondescript female character, tall, stout, and brown-haired, forcing her into unwanted liaisons with other individuals present in the room, among them exu, Kropotkin (the well-known radical)

Looks like P_K's been up to no good! 😧

n/a  TotesMessenger 2017-06-24

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n/a  John_Ketch 2017-06-24

RIP Mr.Bungle and Dr.Jest, you truly were a pioneer of virtual rape

Fuck exu by the way, what a whiny anarchist bitch. Toad the whore

n/a  NukeBushwick 2017-06-24

As someone old enough to remember reading his column in Byte, this was pretty entertaining.

n/a  snallygaster 2017-06-24

Oh shit, do you remember when all of this went down?

n/a  Senator_Chickpea 2017-06-24

"I sent Professor Falken a question about what his life is like as a recluse genius. This is what I got back, and while he didn't seem to fully understand my question, I have to admire his response."

n/a  GregariousWolf 2017-06-24

Speaking of paleo-lolcows, how about John Grubor, aka Dr. God, Dr. G, manus, etc, etc...

n/a  snallygaster 2017-06-24

never heard of him- you should make a post!

n/a  GregariousWolf 2017-06-24

For those interested in ancient internet drama, search for "John Grubor FAQ"

Who is "Law Doctor", "Doctor God", "Law Professor", "Manus", Grubor, DrGodF*ck, etc.? That's a good question. His name is John Martin Grubor, a disbarred attorney from Pennsylvania. He has claimed, at one time or another, to be:

-a lawyer

-a disbarred lawyer

-a retired lawyer (as opposed to a disbarred one)

-a Confucian priest

-a Tae Kwan Do master

-a Ninjitsu master

-a systems administrator for a law firm

-the inventor of LAN systems (among other things)

-a Vietnam veteran (in a communications MOS)

-a Doctor of Law (see below for more info on his claimed degrees)

-a Professor of Law

-a private detective

-an undercover agent for the ACLU

-a police informant

-an undercover investigator for the police (in prison)

-candidate for Sheriff of Allegheny County, PA.

-a cannabis legalization activist and head of a legalization foundation, medpot(c) (which appears to exist only in Grubor's brain)

-Among other things.

He also frequently refers to himself as God (DrGod, God, DrGodFuck being the most common references).

n/a  afclu13 2017-06-24

I present Westfield's Law:         "Strongly opinionated people are much more fun to talk or  >        listen to.  Especially if you dont disagree with them."

BillW

I'm woke now.

n/a  RoboHooker 2017-06-24

how the fuck do you find this shit. I'm not complaining or anything just wondering

n/a  snallygaster 2017-06-24

This was completely buried and virtually unavailable on the WWW aside from one of the links I posted. I found the archive of a page with a summary of what happened during The Great Renaming on Usenet, which is what lead to the creation of 'alt' newsgroups, and the author mentioned that he'd filled in a lot of info gaps with comp.society.folklore. So I went to that group and searched "The Great Renaming" and found this thread full of people talking about internet history (in '94 so there wasn't much at that point). I found a brief mention of Pournelle getting kicked off on Usenet and dug through Usenet for more info and discovered more details along with the fact that there was a ton of vitriol towards him. A pretty crazy amount for the early internet given that communication used to be a lot more civil back then.

n/a  RoboHooker 2017-06-24

Hemy props to you, don't ever change. I just tried myself and failed, and you have to sift through the weirdest shit all the time. I admire you

n/a  snallygaster 2017-06-24

I'm sure you could do it, you just need to know how and follow leads. I should make a guide or something.

n/a  tyuijvhvhcfcjf 2017-06-24

Snally, write a fucking book. We'll all help you in what small, unhelpful ways we can.

Seriously, though, make a guide or something. Snallyposting is why we're all here.

n/a  SamWhite 2017-06-24

Seriously, what you do is exceptional, especially for the benefit of a bunch of degenerates like us.

n/a  kanadskiy 2017-06-24

Damn, is this how the first mayos who saw King Tut's tomb felt

n/a  bobbybonnadouchey 2017-06-24

Tell me granpappy, what type of sick shit you used to fap to in ye old interwebs?

n/a  snallygaster 2017-06-24

ascii tiddies

n/a  ironicshitpostr 2017-06-24

Lena.jpg

n/a  GregariousWolf 2017-06-24

The same sick shit we fap to today, except without the instant gratification. At 56K, it took a few moments to get a jpeg, and movies were broken into 10 or 20 parts that had to be re-assembled by your reader.

n/a  thirdegree 2017-06-24

Your historical posts are literally the only redeeming feature of r/drama.

n/a  GunOfSod 2017-06-24

First thing I did on my 1200 baud modem, was shitpost Fidonet.

n/a  snallygaster 2017-06-24

jeez, that's old school.

n/a  TipTupKek 2017-06-24

i'm late, but snally, as someone who also spends an inordinate amount of their life chasing down every single piece of information i can find on random drama between schizophrenics for some reason or another on the internet, you are something to aspire to

keep posting the good shit

n/a  lunchza 2017-06-24

Where's the drama?

n/a  wolfdreams01 2017-06-24

I love historical drama. I know that we're mostly just here for the shitposting, but you kids need to know that trolling has a long and storied history so that you fully understand the true weight of the responsibility that rests on your shoulders.