MRW

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My favourite Sanders conspiracy theory is still the one where Barney and Jane embezzle millions of campaign dollars through Old Towne Media.

"conspiracy" "theory"

B

I always knew that dinosaur was up to no good. He claimed to love children, but didn't eat one on his show

Even if this was 100% true they just admitted an aging Russian agent knew the electorate better than Hillary "actually campaigning is for losers" Clinton.

I mean to be honest a aging Russian agent would probably know more than Hillary since they are supposed to spy and gather information

Pretty sure by "Hillary" he meant her and all her staff, collectively.

The same staff that thought "Pokémon go to the polls" would win over young people?

Ez mode

Just chilling in cedar rapids

Moar like Chillary Clinton amirite? 😂😂😂😝😝😄😄😛👋👳🏾✈️

No joke, they apparently had such a hard time getting their candidate to articulate exactly why she was running for president that "Because it's Her Turn" was seriously floated as a campaign slogan in 2015.

DNC 2018: "Because have you seen the other guys?!!?"

7 more years, lookin like

"Have you seen the other guys?" They want to continue to act like them and the American people are still having a giggle together over a man who beat the strongest political apparatus since the society of St. Tammany, and think they're going to win back the statistically older, whiter, and richer midterm voters with what amounts to internet snark? None of the people who didn't think you were cute, hip, or funny in 2016 is going to like you now.

You deserve seven more years.

And now because this is getting way too close to a seriouspost, so I'm going to drink alone and consider necking myself.

Don't do that, just make life itself a shitpost.

"7 more years" has been repeating in my head the entire time I read Shattered.

Wow, was 'come on, it's 2017!' too obvious?

May as well say 'yeah, we suck and we know it, but the other guys are worse!'.

"Because it's Her Turn" was seriously floated as a campaign slogan in 2015. "Because it's Her Turn" was seriously floated as a campaign slogan in 2015.

It was actually invented by Bannon etc, and it packs quite a punch, since viewing presidency not as something of most use for the country in these troubled times, but as a reward for the president, is some corrupt bullshit you'd expect from an African failed state. Plus further tones of corruption as in "it's her turn in the Clinton's family", plus a note of virtue signaling "it's about time we elected a female president", etc.

But no matter how poignant the slogan was, the most credit goes to hilldawg and her campaign which was dysfunctional and high on its own farts enough that I've seen quite a few confused dems using this slogan unironically.

She literally could have done better by doing nothing I think... I'm always more and more convinced the purpose of conspiracy theories is to help people assure themselves that the people running the show actually have some idea what they're doing...

hillary was a know-nothing incompetent shitrag that rode her husbands coat tails to get anywhere, and lost the most shoe-in race the democrats have had in my lifetime

its fitting that shes a feminist symbol

I told everyone I know that I believe Clinton is a great Feminist. She has shown that women really can be anything if she puts her thought into it. She can be just as corrupt, controversial, out of touch, arrogant, etc., as any men on this planet. To the point she only won 3 million popular votes (which doesn't mean anything important) against the allegedly most hated candidate in the U.S. history.

Men and women really are equal. Equally shit, that is.

I dunno, I think it is important that illegal immigrants can vote.

I mean, Trump did know the electorate better, in a way. White identity politics is going to beat minority identity politics every time because there are more white people.

Pretty sure Graham said something about "not generating enough angry white guys."

The demographics race we’re losing badly. We’re not generating enough angry white guys to stay in business for the long term.

Well, Trump came along and fixed that.

Lindsay Graham thought the problem was the electorate, but it turned out the problem was him.

Still fighting ghosts of the past I see. Good luck with that strategy.

I honestly do not understand why Trump supporters are downvoting this, unless it's because a mention of Lindsay Graham sends them into a hysterical fit like the Victorian-era girls that they are.

You don't need to campaign when you (and by extension your supporters) believe the Presidency is a turn based position.

and Obama is coming back in 2020 to impose KENYAN MARTIAL LAW

Thank fucking goodness. We could do with some boko haram type shit over here. Spice things up a bit.

Fuck yeah. I've been waiting to buy a sex slave

🐐*

does that include the jizz tax only Christians have to pay?

>implying they'd be left alive

NONCONSECUTIVE MOTHERFUCKERS

Barack "Grover Cleveland" Obama

hey look its an oreo

Is this even controversial? He was completely open about working for the Russians in the 1980s. Why would you assume that he's stopped since then?

Gave up on communism?

well he admitted to honeymooning there

that being said, you don't think russia's swing to the far right would dissuade a tankie?

Tankies will support anyone as long as it's edgy.

tsar boris wasn't edgy, he was pretty popular internationally. got blitzed with all the 1st world leaders

Imagine giving a shit about Hillary Clinton.

Mental illness

Imagine giving a shit about politicians

FTFY

cunt should stick to what she is good At, being the Wal-Mart brand Amy Schumer.

She's 10 times funnier when wine drunk than Amy, but that goes for most white women.

Man, me and you have been around some different drunk white women. The ones I'm around form large herds and scream over each other until you want to break them up with a fire hose.

you gotta add just a little antifreeze

Antifreeze would just make the wine sweeter. The alcohol destroys your bodies ability to process the toxin, and you piss it out. Jfc retards abound.

yah but how u even know this

Because I'm educated?

Also because it used to be how homeless would get their Crunk on. Drink antifreeze, go to the hospital for a free buzz

I just wouldn't be so sure that alcohol would take up all the receptors or whatever in the liver that the antifreeze toxins go to like I don't really know what degree of poisoning you would get for particular ratios of alcy and antifreeze, since I don't really know how much your liver loves the alc vs the anti or how much anti needs to be processed for u to fuckin die. But this is not really a topic I've explored

The affinity is some thousands to one. Really you just need a few shots to be safe but a whole bottle is a whole lot safer....

more than that frien

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/1985_diethylene_glycol_wine_scandal

Boy it sure must be embarrassing to be you

The affected wines were immediately withdrawn from the market. A number of people involved in the scandal were sentenced to prison or heavy fines in Austria and Germany.

The short-term effect of the scandal was a complete collapse of Austrian wine exports and a total loss of reputation of the entire Austrian wine industry, with significant adverse effects on the reputation of German wines as well. The long-term effect was that the Austrian wine industry focused their production on other wine types than previously, primarily dry white wines instead of sweet wines, and increasingly targeted a higher market segment, but it took the Austrian wine industry over a decade to recover. Much stricter wine laws were also enacted by Austria.

yep no adverse effects at all, huh

don't you know that antifreeze in the wine is a very serious crime? it's also the only way to party

Yeah but it didn't kill no body

you're not tryin to kill em, just brain damage them into antics

So is Amy Schumer the flea market Jen Kirkman?

Amy Schumer is a series of discarded and throwaway jokes from Dave Attell, Patrice O neal, and a few others that manages to gain sentience.

I think this chick got raped by louis ck. Must have really done a number on her

She got propositioned by "someone", made a big deal about it Elevatorgate 4.0), people blamed Louis CK.

Who even is this?

Chelsea Handler farm team

But Chelsea Handler is the Sam Bee farm team.

what the hell is a farm team

195 likes

44 retweets

This is just another irrelevant white chick doing what white chicks do. Let's get back to talking about Google and the SJW conspiracy.

this is pretty obviously a joke tho

Of all the candidates, Bernie is the type that would naturally align with Russians.

It's really not that far out.

Jen Kirkman

Comedian

Well, if you want to be called a "pilot" you should know how to fly a plane, right? Same thing with "comedian" and actually being funny.

Bernie is a ladder

What kind?

"Chaos agent" is such a cool descriptor. I wish people called me a "Chaos agent"

Wish on, neet.

Excuse me? With all the Russian meddling with the election, I don't think it's crazy for me to say Bernie still has a chance.

sounds like a Splinter Cell knockoff

Chaos Theory was a good game. Double Agent, not so much.

The long war rages on.

Calm down, Coldsteel.

Who?

She's a comedian and podcaster. She has some specials on Netflix. I've heard her on some podcasts and she's a really unpleasant person when she's not doing her act.

this basically counts as admission right

""""""""""comedian""""""""""

I still don't get why people say Bernie hurt Clinton when there is proof that Clinton used every dirty trick in the book to fuck over Bernie

this is your brain on liberalism

This but with a dick down my throat

Chaos agent is a cool title though.

Does chaos really need an agent tho 🤔

My theory is that Hillary is a long-term plant by Trump, he had her get married to Bill back in the day just so she would run for Pres and lose to him, the only person lame enough to lose to Trump.

Did it seriously take Hillary supporters this long to realize this? It was plain from the very start that Bernie Sanders was a servant of Tzeentch.

An agent of chaos?

You know what this means

God Is Not Dead.

All Is Not Permitted.

In b4 the new bunker meme.

Why is she trying to out-conspiracy the Berniebros? That's retarded.