Sounds like a perfect win on every front, but this is /r/relationships we're talking about. There are definitely some gems in that thread that challange the manichean concept of good and evil, like:
Well you are the reason honestly. You said your marriage went downhill because you weren't supportive of her and she gained weight, then decided not to have children with her and divorce after 7 years. You wasted the years when she could have had a baby, now she probably can't. But since you're a man it's not a big deal because you can still have babies for the next 20 years if you wanted since men can produce fertile sperm much longer than women can physically carry a healthy baby to term.
OR
I'm not going to judge your behavior but what I am getting from your posts is a consistent and clear lack of empathy. You only seem to care about yourself and don't seem to understand or even conceive that other people might have different life experiences to you.
Different experiences like not having a car wrecked.
I don't understand your point? You trolling through my previous replies that actually support when I've said here as well.
I said clearly (several times ) that trashing a car is wrong but also wasting the years of a fertile woman is also wrong and that second throw away isn't mine , nice try though 😂😂😂
listen here sugar tits there is absolutely nothing wrong with leaving a fat chick with dried up ovaries for some twenty something total hottie to have a kid with that is just how things work.
If she wants a kid so bad at that age its called getting a cat or two not trashing his sweet ride he cruises around in with the total babe he is married to jeez.
Right. It's her fault for not reproducing when she was at her sexual prime. Now she is post wall and useless and has no value on the sexual Marketplace. The man's decision was a rational choice
He did fuck up by putting his dick in crazy, then putting a ring on crazy, and not dumping crazy fast enough, but he had the sense to not get crazy pregnant.
Yeah, he 'wasted years of her life', by foiling her plan of locking him into the dysfunctional relationship, and not dumping her fast enough for her to find another young, gullible victim.
But it's interesting how you don't offer any constructive alternative advice, like "men should dump the bitch at the first sign of crazy".
If she's too stupid to either insist she wants a baby or leave him for someone who wants to have one with her, it's her own fault. She had 10 years to figure it out.
No one wasted anyone's years dude. They were married, she could have left anytime if not being pregnant was that much of an issue. Since she didn't, it stands to reason she enjoyed the marriage as it was for the 7 years it lasted. He enjoyed the marriage for a time, then he didn't, so he left , and rather than whine and ,you know, break shit and obsess like a bloody psycho, he found a women he did enjoy being married to and then had a kid with her. The ex-wife didn't have her years wasted by him, since those fertile years were demonstrably not that important to her, or she would have left.
Plus, she's wasted 3 more years being a psycho, so it's probably a good thing she didn't reproduce; can you imagine what she would do to a child when it started growing up and trying find it's own life without her?
Oh and OP deleted his long paragraph detailing how wrong she is for a reason .
And that reason is because he realized that it might not of been all her fault after all and he wasn't getting the sympathy that he thought he would get for his wrecked fancy convertible.
If we were talking about a woman with a psycho ex who destroys her car and starts harassing her upon hearing she is pregnant by her new husband would we be entertaining this discussion at all? Would anyone be guilting OP for not letting him get her pregnant? Or would everyone be relieved about how OP dodged a bullett having a child with a crazy person?
Why the f*** do people for around lack of empathy like it's a bad thing? I for one prefer to be ruled by Cold Hard reason and facts and not emotional fee fees.
I don’t even see how this is an issue cause it goes both ways. Women tend to also like older men for a multitude of reasons (they tend to have better jobs, more money, and for some reason I think men tend to be more handsome in their thirties and forties than when they’re younger)
I'm getting some flags here that you may need to readjust a few things on your end, not to risk losing your second marriage. Especially with the power inbalance that comes from such an age gap.
see that's a bad response. Why would someone be jealous of an age gap?
Additionally, the way it looks from the outside is a little suss. You know the stereotype, recently divorced dude, starts chasing a younger woman to rekindle his youth, gets her pregnant.
Someone who believes that younger women tend to be more attractive than older women is susceptible to feelings of jealousy when presented with an example of a man who has won the affection of a young woman.
I get that you personally might believe (or even just claim to believe) that the preference is arbitrary and has no rational basis, but how can you pretend to not know it exists?? For you to act like this is a total mystery to you ("hey guys, I don't get it! Why would someone be jealous?? I just have no idea why that might be!") frankly sounds like projection (regardless of your own age).
It's like a guy saying, "why would anyone be jealous of a big dick" - he knows exactly why.
There is a power imbalance when there is a big age gap
Consider the possibility that you err by subscribing to a worldview which explains every thing as a product of hierarchies of power. Postmodernism is disease which has infected your mind and is robbing you of happiness - which is not to say that you're unhappy, it's only to say that you're less happy because you look around and you and see "power imbalances"
a little [suspicious]. You know the stereotype, recently divorced dude, starts chasing a younger woman to rekindle his youth, gets her pregnant.
What exactly is your suspicion though? You seem to have forgotten to list anything negative. You allude to something - something is "suspicious" but then you don't actually say it. Here, let me gender-flip it and see if you can spot the misogyny: "what this woman is doing here is really suspicious! She is letting her hair grow longer, she's hitting the gym, trying to recapture that youthful body - yep, that is mighty suspicious!"
I know reasons why people can be jealous, I wanted his opinion on it.
And that stereotype is a bad thing because the fear is the younger woman is an object of validation. Not loved. Saying younger is fine if you love the person and there is a lots in common. It's not if the younger person is targeted because they are younger and with the hope they are impressionable or because the person wants a trophy. The first one because no one likes to be manipulated. The second because a trophy loses its shine and then what are they both left with?
What do the words "targeted" and "manipulated" mean in this context? If you find someone attractive are you "targeting" them? If you treat them well and express your attraction is that "manipulation?"
I continue to believe that you have a skewed, unhealthy worldview. I think you're describing normal male sexuality as though it were a predatory pathology. I bet there are no examples in your post history of you describing women's sexuality this way.
What do the words "targeted" and "manipulated" mean in this context? If you find someone attractive are you "targeting" them? If you treat them well and express your attraction is that "manipulation?"
I continue to believe that you have a skewed, unhealthy worldview. I think you're describing normal male sexuality as though it were a predatory pathology. I bet there are no examples in your post history of you describing women's sexuality this way.
What do the words "targeted" and "manipulated" mean in this context? If you find someone attractive are you "targeting" them? If you treat them well and express your attraction is that "manipulation?"
I continue to believe that you have a skewed, unhealthy worldview. I think you're describing normal male sexuality as though it were a predatory pathology. I bet there are no examples in your post history of you describing women's sexuality this way.
I can use the female equivalency. If that helps. So I'm dating a man who is 5 years older than me. Succeasful. Muscular. All things that are seen as parts of women's sexuality. Not all women, not all the time. There have been times I have been more attracted to thinner waif creative types.
Now does he have qualities I find attractive, yes. Manipulation or targeting in this example would be seeking out a man with these qualities, locking him into a marriage because it would financially benefit me, regardless of if I love him and have an emotional connection with him. Then bragging to my mates how I'm not going to work anymore.
He isn't beings seen or treated as a human with feelings, needs or desire, he is a symbolic commodity. And then what happens when another more handsome or more successful man comes along? What security does the man have in his relationship? Has been duped all along, does she love him or his money? It's a shit place for a man to be.
No that would be misinterpreting my response. But cuddles.... Time will tell with that relationship. They have a pregnancy early in a relationship, a prior divorce, age gap and the drama around his prior marriage.
I honestly wish them the best. I hope it's a love match. I hope the love stays and that baby has a supportive home.
Age gap means nothing. My current relationship has an age gap, the only effect is life experience. But then, that has been true for all my relationships, age gap or not. Power imbalance is an illusion
2014 study of 3,000 people revealed that the age gap between you and your partner can actually have a pretty significant impact on your relationship. Researchers at the Department of Economics at Emory University found that the larger the age gap, the larger the risk of separation
But we are speaking averages here. Stop spending so much time trying to pick at where I'm wrong and you'll see that I want their relationship to do well. I was pointing out hurdles and recommending introspection. Generally not bad things, to be aware of challenges and evaluate your past behaviour and motivations.
Manipulation or targeting in this example would be seeking out a man with these qualities, locking him into a marriage because it would financially benefit me, regardless of if I love him and have an emotional connection with him.
So just to be clear, there are two people, (A) and (B) and they both have taken the exact same actions - exactly the same, down to the color of their underwear - maybe they're the same person but in alternate dimensions, where they've both married the same person. Same actions, but one of them was manipulative and the other one was not, and the difference between them was not their actions, but only their thoughts.
They both married a person with particular qualities, but one of them had different private thoughts while doing it ("seeking out a man with these qualities"). They both married under the same laws, and both receive the same benefit, but one of them had the wrong thoughts while doing ("locked him into a marriage because it would benefit me")
Yes, because in a marriage it's not just about actions, this is about love, companionship, etc, of course motivation is important.
Because muscles, youth, attractiveness, libido, they wither over time. Money isn't always certain,especially after retirement or with age as health gets more fragile.
If you say to someone 'I love you' and mean it, you want their response to be truthful as well. Marriage is also an emotional contract 'to love and to honour, richer or for poorer'... They are meant to be on your team, for the good and the bad.
It's manipulation, targeting, when both people are saying they want to spend their lives together, that they love each other, that they will support each other whatever the hurdles, but only one person means it, and the other is lying. No one likes to be deceived.
My ex-wife and I were married for seven years (current wife married 1) we had a really long and drawn out divorce. Tons of things were wrong in our marriage, she gained weight, our finacnes were bad, I wasn't that supporitve, she would constantly yell at me.
It ended because she thought a baby would solve our problems, I was not comfortable doing that at all. We divorced, it sucked really bad for the both of us. I went back to school got an MBA, and an amazing job after.
I met my current wife, and we have been together since. We are at a good financial place and now she is pregnant with our first child. I am really happy about this.
My ex-wife found out about the news, I don't know how but she did. She called me, told me congratuations, then it turned to her crying, then to her calling me a pathetic sack of shit. Said I am an asshole, said I am the reason she doesn't have a family. And is acting as if it is all my fault.
I didn't think much of it till I came back and found someone trashed my convertible and I am thinking it is her. I have noticed too she has made some over the top facebook posts talking about how bad I am. She even made a twitter account with 6 followers just calling me a loser, and saying I should lose my job.
I don't know what the hell to do at this point. My wife is terrified of my ex. She has legitimately lost her mind. What do we do?
Tl;dr- I have a bitter ex-wife that blames me for not being able to have a family.
37 comments
1 SnapshillBot 2017-10-13
You probably don't get bussy because you're the type of guy who fucking nails his dick to a board
Snapshots:
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1 JagerJack 2017-10-13
Lol they deleted so many of my comments.
1 aggressiveshitpost 2017-10-13
Sounds like a perfect win on every front, but this is /r/relationships we're talking about. There are definitely some gems in that thread that challange the manichean concept of good and evil, like:
OR
Different experiences like not having a car wrecked.
1 Ed_ButteredToast 2017-10-13
u/PerkyLurkey
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/760ebs/comment/doajpxt/
Bringing a lot of personal baggage in here aren't we? No?
u/ThrowawayTink2
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/760ebs/comment/doapb90/
Of course it's his mistake. It always is.
1 PerkyLurkey 2017-10-13
I don't understand your point? You trolling through my previous replies that actually support when I've said here as well.
I said clearly (several times ) that trashing a car is wrong but also wasting the years of a fertile woman is also wrong and that second throw away isn't mine , nice try though 😂😂😂
1 80BAIT08 2017-10-13
Becoming fat is wrong.
1 jaja10 2017-10-13
getting fat then turning into a pyschopath is also wrong imo
1 moondoggy101 2017-10-13
listen here sugar tits there is absolutely nothing wrong with leaving a fat chick with dried up ovaries for some twenty something total hottie to have a kid with that is just how things work.
If she wants a kid so bad at that age its called getting a cat or two not trashing his sweet ride he cruises around in with the total babe he is married to jeez.
1 Successful-Troll 2017-10-13
Right. It's her fault for not reproducing when she was at her sexual prime. Now she is post wall and useless and has no value on the sexual Marketplace. The man's decision was a rational choice
1 wisty 2017-10-13
He did fuck up by putting his dick in crazy, then putting a ring on crazy, and not dumping crazy fast enough, but he had the sense to not get crazy pregnant.
Yeah, he 'wasted years of her life', by foiling her plan of locking him into the dysfunctional relationship, and not dumping her fast enough for her to find another young, gullible victim.
But it's interesting how you don't offer any constructive alternative advice, like "men should dump the bitch at the first sign of crazy".
1 nmx179 2017-10-13
LMBO
By op of that thread's timeline his ex wife was 35-36 when she started pushing to have kids, her chances of getting preg were already shit.
1 OniTan 2017-10-13
If she's too stupid to either insist she wants a baby or leave him for someone who wants to have one with her, it's her own fault. She had 10 years to figure it out.
1 tilmoph 2017-10-13
No one wasted anyone's years dude. They were married, she could have left anytime if not being pregnant was that much of an issue. Since she didn't, it stands to reason she enjoyed the marriage as it was for the 7 years it lasted. He enjoyed the marriage for a time, then he didn't, so he left , and rather than whine and ,you know, break shit and obsess like a bloody psycho, he found a women he did enjoy being married to and then had a kid with her. The ex-wife didn't have her years wasted by him, since those fertile years were demonstrably not that important to her, or she would have left.
Plus, she's wasted 3 more years being a psycho, so it's probably a good thing she didn't reproduce; can you imagine what she would do to a child when it started growing up and trying find it's own life without her?
1 PerkyLurkey 2017-10-13
Oh and OP deleted his long paragraph detailing how wrong she is for a reason .
And that reason is because he realized that it might not of been all her fault after all and he wasn't getting the sympathy that he thought he would get for his wrecked fancy convertible.
1 walkthisway34 2017-10-13
If we were talking about a woman with a psycho ex who destroys her car and starts harassing her upon hearing she is pregnant by her new husband would we be entertaining this discussion at all? Would anyone be guilting OP for not letting him get her pregnant? Or would everyone be relieved about how OP dodged a bullett having a child with a crazy person?
1 botchlings 2017-10-13
Came here to see /r/relationships blaming the man. Was not disappointed.
1 Successful-Troll 2017-10-13
Why the f*** do people for around lack of empathy like it's a bad thing? I for one prefer to be ruled by Cold Hard reason and facts and not emotional fee fees.
1 Mabans 2017-10-13
Because sometimes people who lack empathy end up being the ice man.
1 Mabans 2017-10-13
These people act like she couldn't have walked out.
1 OniTan 2017-10-13
Shockingly, the hags of /r/relationships identify with the ex wife with the dried up eggs. Sorry older women, men want younger women.
1 MasterLawlz 2017-10-13
I don’t even see how this is an issue cause it goes both ways. Women tend to also like older men for a multitude of reasons (they tend to have better jobs, more money, and for some reason I think men tend to be more handsome in their thirties and forties than when they’re younger)
1 ProgressiveFragility 2017-10-13
/u/Willdiealonewithcats
OMG SO MUCH PROJECTION IT'S UNREAL!
1 nicethingyoucanthave 2017-10-13
/u/Willdiealonewithcats
Someone who believes that younger women tend to be more attractive than older women is susceptible to feelings of jealousy when presented with an example of a man who has won the affection of a young woman.
I get that you personally might believe (or even just claim to believe) that the preference is arbitrary and has no rational basis, but how can you pretend to not know it exists?? For you to act like this is a total mystery to you ("hey guys, I don't get it! Why would someone be jealous?? I just have no idea why that might be!") frankly sounds like projection (regardless of your own age).
It's like a guy saying, "why would anyone be jealous of a big dick" - he knows exactly why.
Consider the possibility that you err by subscribing to a worldview which explains every thing as a product of hierarchies of power. Postmodernism is disease which has infected your mind and is robbing you of happiness - which is not to say that you're unhappy, it's only to say that you're less happy because you look around and you and see "power imbalances"
What exactly is your suspicion though? You seem to have forgotten to list anything negative. You allude to something - something is "suspicious" but then you don't actually say it. Here, let me gender-flip it and see if you can spot the misogyny: "what this woman is doing here is really suspicious! She is letting her hair grow longer, she's hitting the gym, trying to recapture that youthful body - yep, that is mighty suspicious!"
1 Willdiealonewithcats 2017-10-13
I know reasons why people can be jealous, I wanted his opinion on it.
And that stereotype is a bad thing because the fear is the younger woman is an object of validation. Not loved. Saying younger is fine if you love the person and there is a lots in common. It's not if the younger person is targeted because they are younger and with the hope they are impressionable or because the person wants a trophy. The first one because no one likes to be manipulated. The second because a trophy loses its shine and then what are they both left with?
1 nicethingyoucanthave 2017-10-13
What do the words "targeted" and "manipulated" mean in this context? If you find someone attractive are you "targeting" them? If you treat them well and express your attraction is that "manipulation?"
I continue to believe that you have a skewed, unhealthy worldview. I think you're describing normal male sexuality as though it were a predatory pathology. I bet there are no examples in your post history of you describing women's sexuality this way.
1 nicethingyoucanthave 2017-10-13
What do the words "targeted" and "manipulated" mean in this context? If you find someone attractive are you "targeting" them? If you treat them well and express your attraction is that "manipulation?"
I continue to believe that you have a skewed, unhealthy worldview. I think you're describing normal male sexuality as though it were a predatory pathology. I bet there are no examples in your post history of you describing women's sexuality this way.
1 nicethingyoucanthave 2017-10-13
What do the words "targeted" and "manipulated" mean in this context? If you find someone attractive are you "targeting" them? If you treat them well and express your attraction is that "manipulation?"
I continue to believe that you have a skewed, unhealthy worldview. I think you're describing normal male sexuality as though it were a predatory pathology. I bet there are no examples in your post history of you describing women's sexuality this way.
1 Willdiealonewithcats 2017-10-13
I can use the female equivalency. If that helps. So I'm dating a man who is 5 years older than me. Succeasful. Muscular. All things that are seen as parts of women's sexuality. Not all women, not all the time. There have been times I have been more attracted to thinner waif creative types.
Now does he have qualities I find attractive, yes. Manipulation or targeting in this example would be seeking out a man with these qualities, locking him into a marriage because it would financially benefit me, regardless of if I love him and have an emotional connection with him. Then bragging to my mates how I'm not going to work anymore.
He isn't beings seen or treated as a human with feelings, needs or desire, he is a symbolic commodity. And then what happens when another more handsome or more successful man comes along? What security does the man have in his relationship? Has been duped all along, does she love him or his money? It's a shit place for a man to be.
1 jewdanksdad 2017-10-13
So your base response is that this guy picked a new woman for her age, and not because he cared about her? Wew, lad
1 Willdiealonewithcats 2017-10-13
No that would be misinterpreting my response. But cuddles.... Time will tell with that relationship. They have a pregnancy early in a relationship, a prior divorce, age gap and the drama around his prior marriage.
I honestly wish them the best. I hope it's a love match. I hope the love stays and that baby has a supportive home.
1 jewdanksdad 2017-10-13
Age gap means nothing. My current relationship has an age gap, the only effect is life experience. But then, that has been true for all my relationships, age gap or not. Power imbalance is an illusion
1 Willdiealonewithcats 2017-10-13
2014 study of 3,000 people revealed that the age gap between you and your partner can actually have a pretty significant impact on your relationship. Researchers at the Department of Economics at Emory University found that the larger the age gap, the larger the risk of separation
Read more: http://metro.co.uk/2016/07/30/this-is-the-ideal-age-gap-for-a-relationship-that-lasts-6039214/?ito=cbshare
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MetroUK | Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MetroUK/
1 Willdiealonewithcats 2017-10-13
But we are speaking averages here. Stop spending so much time trying to pick at where I'm wrong and you'll see that I want their relationship to do well. I was pointing out hurdles and recommending introspection. Generally not bad things, to be aware of challenges and evaluate your past behaviour and motivations.
1 jewdanksdad 2017-10-13
So in other words, all you have are the usual "statistics", which never count for anything, to back up your argument...riiiiight
1 Willdiealonewithcats 2017-10-13
Case in point.
1 nicethingyoucanthave 2017-10-13
So just to be clear, there are two people, (A) and (B) and they both have taken the exact same actions - exactly the same, down to the color of their underwear - maybe they're the same person but in alternate dimensions, where they've both married the same person. Same actions, but one of them was manipulative and the other one was not, and the difference between them was not their actions, but only their thoughts.
They both married a person with particular qualities, but one of them had different private thoughts while doing it ("seeking out a man with these qualities"). They both married under the same laws, and both receive the same benefit, but one of them had the wrong thoughts while doing ("locked him into a marriage because it would benefit me")
1 Willdiealonewithcats 2017-10-13
Yes, because in a marriage it's not just about actions, this is about love, companionship, etc, of course motivation is important.
Because muscles, youth, attractiveness, libido, they wither over time. Money isn't always certain,especially after retirement or with age as health gets more fragile.
If you say to someone 'I love you' and mean it, you want their response to be truthful as well. Marriage is also an emotional contract 'to love and to honour, richer or for poorer'... They are meant to be on your team, for the good and the bad.
It's manipulation, targeting, when both people are saying they want to spend their lives together, that they love each other, that they will support each other whatever the hurdles, but only one person means it, and the other is lying. No one likes to be deceived.
Yes, thoughts are important.
1 OnlyRacistOnReddit 2017-10-13
If you don't have kids with your ex, why would you ever talk to her again?
1 OnlyRacistOnReddit 2017-10-13
Where is the original post OP?
1 jewdanksdad 2017-10-13
My ex-wife and I were married for seven years (current wife married 1) we had a really long and drawn out divorce. Tons of things were wrong in our marriage, she gained weight, our finacnes were bad, I wasn't that supporitve, she would constantly yell at me. It ended because she thought a baby would solve our problems, I was not comfortable doing that at all. We divorced, it sucked really bad for the both of us. I went back to school got an MBA, and an amazing job after. I met my current wife, and we have been together since. We are at a good financial place and now she is pregnant with our first child. I am really happy about this. My ex-wife found out about the news, I don't know how but she did. She called me, told me congratuations, then it turned to her crying, then to her calling me a pathetic sack of shit. Said I am an asshole, said I am the reason she doesn't have a family. And is acting as if it is all my fault. I didn't think much of it till I came back and found someone trashed my convertible and I am thinking it is her. I have noticed too she has made some over the top facebook posts talking about how bad I am. She even made a twitter account with 6 followers just calling me a loser, and saying I should lose my job. I don't know what the hell to do at this point. My wife is terrified of my ex. She has legitimately lost her mind. What do we do? Tl;dr- I have a bitter ex-wife that blames me for not being able to have a family.
1 OnlyRacistOnReddit 2017-10-13
Good job, too bad your daughter is a ho.