Imagine someone who is in some way more powerful than you (whether in physical strength, social status, etc.) hitting on you the way you intend to hit on someone else. If you can imagine yourself feeling threatened or uncomfortable in any way, modify your approach. Your goal should be to make her feel like she can safely reject you.

"Um, excuse me milady. I just thought you looked lovely tonight and um well I would very much like to take you out on a date, but please understand that I don't want you to feel uncomfortable so I have brought with me a small red flag, please hold it up if in any way I am bothering you...oh ok well can I have the flag back? No? Ok well I'm gonna go now have a nice nice"

Hurray! Now that toxic masculinity is gone we can all make sure we approach women in the most meek and off-putting fashion humanly possible.

I had the ping before I commented then I realized this was from 6 days ago. That's like ancient history at this point. /u/strugglebrunch is probably dead by now

Wow, my very first callout! How exciting.

Hi before we continue are you a female incel, male feminist, or "other". Pls tick the box so I know where your delusions are born from and in what way I should best be REEEing

Female incel: Male feminist: Other: ✓

Just gonna have to wing it, I'm afraid!

Imagine someone who is in some way more powerful than you (whether in physical strength, social status, etc.) hitting on you the way you intend to hit on someone else.

That's basically my daddy/twink fetish

I don't get that comment at all. No one is going to make me feel "unsafe" at all regardless of their power or size unless they're holding a gun to my head or something and I'm pretty sure that's not how most guys hit on women.

What if it was Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime and he was wearing nothing but an ill-fitting speedo

It's not about their being inherently making you feel unsafe, its about it being unsafe to say no. Like a boss or someone you are interviewing with for an important job (like its your dream career, or you're poor and jobless and just need any job just to survive). Now you're thinking: "I'm not attracted to them, but if I say no, maybe they'll fire me/not hire me/make my life at the workplace a living hell."

Heck, the example they gave of someone in the service industry is perfect. Say you're a waiter and someone flirts with you. Then there's the fear that if I say no they won't tip me.

That advice is painful.

Some was good.

Just follow the downvotes.

I've found straight women are, generally speaking, the worst people to ask about how to hit on women.

Lesbians are best. Followed closely by John Stamos

It's only harassment if you aren't Chad

checks username

༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

Congrats, you’ve stopped flirting, have a cookie. Now continue not flirting indefinitely. That’s step one of being a better person.

If I'm doomed to female inceldom, everyone else should be as well!

u/mantastray the key to not seeming creepy is to be good looking

/u/mantastray

Don't listen to those fat cat ladies. Look man, just ask out people you like and if they say no move on. Shit ain't rocket science, dude.

Dont stop flirting ffs. Flirt with people who are interested. Don't assume strangers (cashiers, women you just see) are just interested by default. Literally just start over from scratch and relearn how to be a person and read social interactions. Dont talk to strangers.

/u/--cunt by this logic how is literally any man ever supposed to meet or date anyone ever? Please enlighten me

wow, what a twist

My personal relationship is pretty traditional in terms of gender roles, but that doesnt necessarily extend to my views big picture.

LOL when you put it that way! No just I like to take a step back and wonder "Why DO I like cleaning and putting my fiance first so much?" Is it because on a biological level I'm just programed that way? Is it because society's set me up to feel that I should like those things? I like to read and contribute in communities that explore either point of view. I don't buy the liberal feminist answer of "It doesnt matter, you just like it, if anyone questions your valid feminist choice, theyre a misogynist." It feels like a cop- out to me, so I do feel like my views in general dont go over well in more mainstream feminist subreddits.

seriousposting

You don't belong on trollx

I thought I elaborated a bit but maybe not. Still feel like I shouldnt have to but Strangers: people you see walking down the street; servers, cashiers, anyone who you're talking with because they are being paid and you require a service; someone sitting next to you on the bus. Dont just go up to these people and be like "Hey I just wanted to let you know... You're so beautiful.. Lets hang out sometime." This is not "putting yourself out there" or "meeting people" or whatever its just creepy.

Not strangers: You go to the same gas station all the time and you and the cashier exchange pleasantries, you think they are cute. Then you see each other at the dog park and say "Oh I know you from store, nice dog." You small talk beyond "Big cup of coffee, long day ahead huh?" And talk about dogs and school and you ask for her number. Not creepy. You are at the bar with a group of friends, and another group of friends you don't know is sitting near you. You overhear them discussing thing that you and your friends like. You all start talking, you pair off with one attractive person naturally because you really like other thing, and then ask them to come home with you because the two of you cant stop giggling and staring at each other. Not creepy. You hang out with mentioned group of friend, and sometimes theres someone there who isnt in your friend group. Its a friend of a friend. They are attractive. You ask their name and ask about their life, and when they seem similarly interested, you ask them to hang out one on one. Not creepy.

Theres so many ways to meet people... And if you are like me and don't have a huge social circle, or do lots of social activities, theres always online dating. But same with real life, people can be creepy online as well. Obviously with online dating there is the outright implication that you are there to find a romantic partner. But its creepy when you just see attractive people in your "suggested friends" on Facebook and message them trying to sleep with them. I guess what I'm saying is like its super creepy, and DOES NOT WORK when you just open with asking a girl to fuck (or implying it). Maybe I came off a bit harsh in my comments but its really strange to me that I would have to explain that.

ahh this was actually a pretty reasonable comment

screw you for not being dramatic, I expected more considering your username

Sorry to disappoint lol

It’s okay.

People being surprisingly reasonable and friendly serves as a nice accent to all the screeching and smug ignorance.

Go fuck yourself

Also, come back again some time. Our little shit hole could do with more big talkers like yourself.

The majority of people I know know met their SO randomly in public or at their respective jobs. This advice is garbage. Your entire ITS okay premise is entirely dependant on a person having a group of friends to integrate with other strangers who also want to interact with strangers or happenstance of the highest degree.

Its totally OK to hit on someone at their job if they are interested. If not they will tell you they are busy or just no, it's not hard. Sorry. People ask people out all the time at their work. Humans being humans.

Humans meet other humans on the bus. Totally fine unless it is creepy middle of the night stuff. That goes without saying lol

Your determination that asking out a waitress you always talk to or someone you see on the bus all the time as "creepy" is just straight retarded. People have been doing this for a long time before this new age bs came along and determined to that normal interactions are sick in some way. Please don't give advice.

Yeah it was more of a "general rule of thumb" thing with just a few examples. I work customer service and there are plenty of "regulars" who I see on a weekly basis, talk about things (not suuuper personal but you know, their kids my fiance etc.) and we're on a first name basis. If they asked me on a date I wouldnt be like "Ew creep." I would politely decline. So no I dont think most of the situations you described are inappropriate at all. I'm more talking about when a dude comes in I've never seen before, asks me for help with something, I am polite and friendly and helpful as its my job, and he asks my number. In my experience men like that are never very polite about it, don't accept that I have a fiance, very show-offy and just unpleasant to help as a customer, and the way they approach it is very off-putting.

You are conflating bad experiences you have had with the act of seeing someone and wanting to get to know them.

when a dude comes in I’ve never seen before, asks me for help with something, I am polite and friendly and helpful as its my job, and he asks my number.

Tons of people meet this way. In fact most people meet their partners through their job or at their job. I don't see how your personal bad experiences make this a gross way for humans to connect. Another thing. Why do you people always refer to everything you personally don't like as gross or creepy?

Because whenever men approach you this way, they seem like they watched a video called "How to be a slick-talking ladies man" and theyre like "heyyyyyy ma you so cuuute SoOOOoo you helped me real good lemme get yo number." Tone is really hard to get across in text. Like you ever seen Johnny Bravo and how he gets slapped by every woman because hes so unaware? But an actual confident, well spoken man will be treated normally. They stand too close, they bounce around when they're talking like they've had too much caffeine or are on drugs, they glance back and forth from your eyes to your boobs very obviously, and yes thats all creepy. They are gross to me because these same men usually look unkempt and like they need a good shower and hair cut. Like some people are gross and creepy. Lots of female customers are gross and/or creepy for the same reasons (socially inappropriate / dirty & smelly) but they arent trying to have sex with me and we arent discussing that.

I don't like bright sunny days, my coworker who talks too much, screaming babies, red meat, I dislike a lot of things.. None of those are gross and creepy, but gross and creepy people are.

And again, I'm not saying you will never meet someone at your/their place of work. But your chances of being rejected are a lot lower if you know theres already some sort of rapport there, even if its just saying "hi" and making the smallest of talk to each other.

Because whenever men approach you this way, they seem like they watched a video called “How to be a slick-talking ladies man” and theyre like “heyyyyyy ma you so cuuute SoOOOoo you helped me real good lemme get yo number.” Tone is really hard to get across in text. Like you ever seen Johnny Bravo and how he gets slapped by every woman because hes so unaware? But an actual confident, well spoken man will be treated normally. They stand too close, they bounce around when they’re talking like they’ve had too much caffeine or are on drugs, they glance back and forth from your eyes to your boobs very obviously, and yes thats all creepy.

Wow. Project much?

I know plenty of people including myself that politely asked out waitresses and people in service industries. I find it highly unlikely that every man or even a significant amount of men who ask out waitresses are cartoons like you are describing here. Lol

Also lmao. Being fidgety is creepy, men aren't allowed to be nervous or they are a creep. Lmao k Looking at your boobs, that's creepy. K. If we do it secretly it's not creepy. Got it. This is making total sense. Standing too close? Lol Jesus fucking Christ. Quit giving advice!

You aren't even describing what is creepy and what isn't, or what people should do. You are describing your ludicrous preferences and insecurities.

They are gross to me because these same men usually look unkempt and like they need a good shower and hair cut.

I mean, it is reasonable to say someone needs to take better care of themselves but you are making a full strawman right now to back up shitty advice you are giving every man. Lol

None of those are gross and creepy, but gross and creepy people are.

But you are explaining perfectly normal human behavior as creepy and gross. Lol

And again, I'm not saying you will never meet someone at your/their place of work. But your chances of being rejected are a lot lower if you know theres already some sort of rapport there, even if its just saying "hi" and making the smallest of talk to each other.

Are you fucking retarded? This directly contradicts your original shitty advice about what people to contact. Lmao

Get off the internet.

Again, politely asking someone out is not the situation I described. I'm not saying that politely asking out an acquaintance is inappropriate. However if you behave as agressively in person to strangers, I imagine that your interactions are a lot less polite than you think.

People politely ask out strangers all the time. Lol your points are horrible. That's the point you retard.

Also, I highly doubt you are the correct person to consult about what is too aggressive and too passive considering you think people who fidget or are nervous are creepy and gross.

Just stop your horrible advice. Nothing about your original post or this one is even remotely correct. I have more luck when I am more aggressive and I am sure the majority of women prefer aggressive men over passive men. People prefer all sorts.

Also please quit telling people to never approach female strangers. You are creating incels you dip shit.

Jim/Pam is the gold standard. Attempt to emulate that.

So you think I should flirt with an engaged woman I work with and probably get my ass handed to me by her Chad fiance?

If you think warehouse Roy is a chad you need some reeducation.

He was a tall, handsome guy who ended up starting his own concrete company and made a lot of money, he was 100% a Chad.

So don't date outside your class?

Another thing that helps is just going peoplwatching sometimes. Take an hour to sit in a starbucks and watch people come and go for a bit. It sounds really weird, but for someone who once had crippling social anxiety, eavesdropping on strangers helped a lot.

lmfao

If you want to learn how not to be weird and creepy, spy on people!

Flirt with men instead. Bussy is better

Just ignore all women, especially if they are hot.

Probably won’t get you laid, but it is hilarious.

Grab em by the bussy

Social context is EVERYTHING

Unless you're both naked and in bed. Then it's explicit consent ONLY.

Women give horrible dating advice, doubly so if they're fat lonely cat ladies.

Just flirt as you see fit i highly doubt that every guy flirts by standing on a corner whistling lol if youve crossed the line youll realise yourself or they'll let you know same as when women flirt, right?