Is this another failed viral marketing campaign?

Failed?

We made 3.3 million dollars last year.

Nothing about us is "failed," buckaroo.

Awe how cute it thinks he's people

Busy preparing for the REDDIT LOSERS sale going live tomorrow! 25 sheets for a penny! Minimum $50 for shipping. But YOU can't take advantage of our great deals, because we don't want losers as customers.

Why would we wanna order something as lame as craft supplies?

3.3 MILLION dollars worth of sales says otherwise, snowflake.

How much did your business take in last year? Do you even have a business?

I've taken shits worth more than 3.3 million

SURE YOU HAVE, buddy. Sure you have.

CAPS LOCKS DOESN'T MAKE YOU LOOK SMARTER.

SAD!

It takes you all day to cancel 8 orders and your kitchen looks like it came out of a single bedroom apartment in Hong Kong. I'd be shocked if you made more than 20k a year.

All day? I'm laughing. You bother us, we cancel. Then you come here and give us free advertising. It's your part-time job and you don't even get paid!

Nah none of us are dumb enough to buy crafting vinyl

Actually, my staff is currently matching these user names against our database of orders waiting to be fulfilled. Looks like we actually have some matches here.

You trash talk us, then pout and cry when we cancel your order and give it away on Facebook to one of our loyal customers FOR FREE. It's going to be a very good day tomorrow for our repeat customers. They're getting tons of free products, paid for by Reddit snowflakes!

All right who's ordering arts and crafts from the vinyl nazi?

Ha, funny, isn't it? I love the memes, actually. This one is my favorite.

Aww how cute it thinks it knows the internet

No wonder you can't get orders off in time

Who here is stupid enough order your shitty craft vinyl using their Reddit usernames, Jessica?

3.3 MILLION dollars worth of sales says otherwise, snowflake.

That's weekly revenue right? Because if not, that's a hilariously irrelevant number to be bragging about online.

You have literal children sitting around streaming videogames making more money than that. When you get beaten by kids playing videogames in terms of profits, it's pretty safe to say you are an utter failure as a businessowner.

That’s a lot of cancelled orders at 5 bucks a pop.

OH YOU LIAR. MY BUSINESS IS WORTH TWO BILLION DOLLARS AND DOES 500 MILLION ANNUALLY. IT'S PUBLICLY TRADED ON THE DOW JONES AND CHINESE STOCK EXCHANGE.

Hi, Jessica! You're not going to convince us that you're Nick. He's already made his presence known here and we know that Nick doesn't use alts.

Jessica is not me. I am not Jessica. Jessica is one of our LOYAL, REPEAT CUSTOMERS who knows how to follow the rules of our business.

Our sales have been through the roof tonight. Jessica contacted me on Facebook, worried that I would be mad at her. I'm not mad at her, I'm mad at the SNOWFLAKES who've been harassing her when she just wanted to defend our brand.

Couldn't spell your name right huh champ?

I entered it in as "TheRealCraftVinylNick" and was cut off.

Ok Nic

Jessica*

Nickicca*

The only think your up to Nick is Jessica doxxing some woman and you being well on your way to a few different litigations.

So, to be clear, you ARE mad.

Thank you, Nick! Go get 'em!

No problem! Anything for our REPEAT customers!

Either it took you two whole minutes to log into an alt or Nick is having an affair with Jessica and has her on speed dial.

Nah didn't you know how easy it is to get what I'm assuming to be the CEO of a multimillion dollar crafting empire to come fight your fights for you online is?

I think they're banging. Quick rundown:

-Jessica is passionate about Nick

-Nick has a lovely wife not named Jessica who cooks meals for him wearing only an apron

-Nick has fathered multiple illegitimate children because vinyl tycoons are alpha

-Nick travels all 50 states spreading his seed and ensuring his DNA is the basis for the advancement of all mankind

-Nick's DNA itself is superior to the human monkey: more easily trained in the fighting arts; smaller penis but greater virility of semen; also predisposed to muscular adaptations and high reflex capacity

-Jessica's passion for Nick overflowed at the Vinyl Masters 2016 Convention. She encountered him in an elevator and he asked her to his room for coffee.

-Jessica has since born Nick's child in her womb and is due in March

-Jessica's DNA is superior to the neanderthal mayo in every way. She is predisposed to give birth to females with advanced sandwich-making skills and a predisposition to mastering the art of pie making

-Nick will break down in 2018 and tell his wife in a video streamed on Twitch. He will blame himself for his wife's descent into feminism but go on to spread his seed in Europe, because he is a brave man and our future depends on it

Yes but Why would u/craftygirljessica cheat on her billionaire lawyer husband?

For a mearly a millionaire like u/realcraftvinylnic

True, this is the only deficiency in my theory. Perhaps there is another explanation. Nick is addicted to being a bukakke bottom.

That is a theroy I can believe

Jessica is getting a "thank you" gift package for defending our company and for taking the heat for us. You will get nothing.

Well she's your wife though.

And even used her real fucking name.

Being raped doesn't count as a gift for most people. But with Jessica, it just may.

No one can peg me like Jessica can. Shut your snowflake mouth. Good luck buying vinyl LOL

I just went on vinylnation.com and my account is banned. You fucking blacklisted me from buying vinyl in the U.S. Dude it was all just jokes, I love bald rapists from outer space. Please don't do this to me.

vinylnation.com’s server IP address could not be found.

That's just the kind of swift defense you can expect when you buy quality at low prices from Nick's latex bullshit or whatever he sells.

It's called VINYL. Keep up, snowflake.

Shiny plastic that perverts like. Same thing.

That's unfortunate given that vinyl causes cancer.

Nobody cares what flavor of shit you are selling.

Our website looks amazing, actually.

Oh, your actually retarded. Sorry, I didn't realize.

Please tell me how our website doesn't look amazing? It's clean. It's organized. It has great colors and it's simple to use. Yeah, it's no Apple.com, but it does what our customers need it to do. I'm extremely proud of our website, which I made myself, actually.

I mean it’s pretty sweet if this was 1996

Our million customers disagree with you, but whatever makes you feel better about being a loser.

You’re talking to someone who owns the largest foam peanut distribution hubs in southwestern Vermont. Show some god damned respect when you talk to me.

Petronius you're the best foam peanut distributor in the entire Southwestern Vermont area! Nick and Jessica are just snowflake LOSERS who are libeling you on the INTERNET. I'll find their ISP AND TAKE THEM TO COURT!!

Appreciate the support from LOYAL REPEAT customers like you!

https://imgur.com/2ybp9W5

I'm extremely proud of our website, which I made myself, actually.

That explains it. To be honest, I'm kinda impressed, as I wouldn't be able to make it that awful even on purpose.

Not that your customers would have any standards, but if you'd like to join the rest of us in the 21st century, let me know. I charge only $80 an hour, plus additional $30 for future cancer treatment from having to touch.. that.

affair

implying it's not his sister

You should delete this account too Nick.

Thank little autistic baby jesus. This keeps getting better.

This can not be real

That's because it isn't.

Let's see if you can still be big men when you talk to me.

I am indeed a big man. Now what you fucking vinyl selling faggot.

"One of our female customers."

Wow such customer service, you're even here within an hour to defend your customer (wife probably.)

You're not a good liar by the way. You seem to think you are and it's fucking hilarious. Carry on.

Jessica is not my wife. I'm not a liar. I'm just a businessman who doesn't take crap from internet losers.

So what are you going to do Nick?

Apart from act as the board clown the rest of the night.

I'm not a clown. I'm a nationally recognized businessman who runs a legitimate organization that is constantly being crapped on by snowflakes, babies and whiners.

I create QUALITY for LOW prices. Period. I disclose all of our shipping policies on our website. You complain, you're out. One strike rule. I'm unapologetic and I'm not afraid of anyone.

Simple as that. Got it, padre?

Wow that sure showed everyone.

Quality for low prices. I expect after that you'll be left alone.

I'm not afraid of anyone

But you are afraid that strangers on a random site might be talking about you.

I LOVE IT, actually. I don't have to hire a marketing team. The butthurt snowflakes do all of my marketing for me! Bill Gates WISHES he had this kind of free press.

What do you think of Donald Trump, Jessica?

Sorry, I meant Nic

Again, not Jessica, but whatever.

Craft Vinyl supports the current administration and supported Trump from day one of the election.

How much did Trump pay you to post that u/therealcraftvinylnic

marketing to who? The only people who are reading this are definitely not on your side.

Your customer base relies on people finding your website, seeing the prices and not researching you. Some of them may get your product, but most don't. That's o.k., you take $5 out of every cancelled order which still puts money in your pocket. You hire teenagers at barely minimum wage, harass and berate anyone who goes against you. You come to Reddit to defend yourself against people who, had you not showed your face, would have moved on within hours. YOU did this. That first post was dead until you came in the thread and started making an ass of yourself.

I can say with certainty that no one who manages to stumble on your ridiculous ramblings under several accounts would EVER think, "Yes. I want to give my money to this guy. I want to buy this stuff from him even though I never know when I will get it."

You're an insecure manbaby who can't handle anyone else having the last word. I bet you're even worse in real life. You're the type who wears people down until they just give up because they're exhausted. You're constantly calling people butthurt and snowflakes, but it's not true.

No one here is upset or angry. They're laughing at you! They think you're insane and they are purposefully pushing your buttons to make you say stupid things and you buy right into it while thinking you're winning the argument.

And it doesn't matter what anyone else says, in your head you always win every argument. You completely lack self awareness, you have no idea how much of a joke you are. I pity anyone who has to actually be around you.

Which gender pronoun do you prefer?

Don't even bother me with such a stupid question. PRETTY OBVIOUS I'm a he. What are you, snowflake?

Wait this isn't Jessica? I'm so confused. Im going to be safe and just use "xir" ok?

I dunno about obvious

She is. And her middle name is Paulette.

Is it true you only have $69,000 on a paypal receipt?

That's NOTHING for our business.

That barely covers our Christmas bonuses for our amazing employees.

Will it be a white Christmas with all these SNOWFLAKES falling?

Ha! Sure will, looks like!

Hey can we pause the Nick & Jessica TV Show reboot for a little while?

I wanna eat dinner but I don't want to miss anything in this episode!

This is the greatest thing that has ever happened in the history of r/drama.

I was planning on keeping myself safe but not anymore!

Nick is literally a life saver!

There's still time.

THIS IS NOT THE REAL NICK. He didn't even spell my name right. We WILL be having a reddit loser sale tomorrow though. 69% off all of our 100% vinyl gimp suits. Promo code is:NickisJessica

You're not the first person to try to impersonate me. Happens all the time. Our competitors come in and play "Mommy" when our snowflake ex-customers don't get their money back in full.

However, they never beat us. We're the best, period. So go on, little man. Keep pretending to be me. Have fun with that. You're not HALF the man I am. I'd say it's sad but it's actually very funny.

Well no, half a man would be messy af and have very limited typing capabilities

Well it would depend on how the man was halved. Vertically, Horizontally, and even diagonal are options. Not to mention the numerous other 'crafty' ways a man could be halved. Though we'd need someone who was an expert in crafting to facilitate such complex yet creative and totally expensive concepts.

Thank God we have alpha male craft expert u/therealcraftvinylnic

I definitely think of myself as an "alpha male," sure. Was that supposed to be an insult? Because it's actually true. You don't make $70,000 on Black Friday if you're not an alpha male. Are you jealous? Is that what this is? You could have just e-mailed me for business advice. I'm available whenever. [email protected]

Just don't send me anything that breaks the rules explicitly laid out on my website and we'll be copacetic. If you've been told not to send a specific question, don't send it, or you're going to get called out on the Facebook page. I never do anything that I haven't already warned people about on the Facebook page.

You could be the most insecure control freak to don the visage and adornment of a rapist from outer space.

Not a control freak. We just have rules. Follow them and we're all very happy.

You seem like a happy gal, Jessica.

Not a control freak. We just have rules. Follow them and we're all very happy.

Now I think he might be running a space raping prison

Didn't Alex Jones rant something about there being a child rape camp on Mars? Maybe we found it.

You're not the first person to try to impersonate me. Happens all the time. Our competitors come in and play "Mommy" when our snowflake ex-customers don't get their money back in full.

However, they never beat us. We're the best, period. So go on, little man. Keep pretending to be me. Have fun with that. You're not HALF the man I am. I'd say it's sad but it's actually very funny.

This is you isn't it.

Virginia man spends $1,000 to deliver 300,000 pennies to Lebanon DMV

On Wednesday, Stafford brought five of the employees from his vinyl business, Craft Vinyl, to help him unload the coins.

"This rapist looking fellow here."

That's slander. I'd be careful with your words.

I don't regret what I did at the DMV. They're a pointless bureaucracy that punishes hard working Americans who are just trying to thrive and keep their hard-earned money. Snowflakes act like I went into a post office and smacked a worker. NOT TRUE. I just sent a message to a branch of the government that gets away with treating people horribly, time and time again. Plus, I was all over the news for it. I became a media sensation. No one said anything bad about it until the BBB hoopla. People LOVE what I did at the DMV, it's just the snowflakes who use it as an excuse to deride me.

I stand by everything I've done. We're the best source for crafting vinyl online. PERIOD. Often imitated, never duplicated. If we weren't so successful, why would you hundreds of sad people be spending your whole night mocking us? Exactly. People want to tear down the companies that have done well and defend the companies that don't know how to make a single quarter.

Like I've said before, I make millions of dollars a year. I have an amazing staff and an amazing company. There's nothing I'd change. Meanwhile, you're a sad internet troll who just sits online making comments all day.

That's slander. I'd be careful with your words.

No, it's not. It's the user subjective opinion that you look like a rapist.

That's slander. I'd be careful with your words.

I didn't say you were a rapist I said you look like one. What you'd imagine a stereotypical rapist to look like, that's you.

You look like a rapist. That's not slander, Nick, it's just an opinion. The stereotypical rapist cue ball head and jumpsuit, you look like a space rapist from a mining colony prison.

space rapist from a mining colony prison

My upvote didn't feel like enough, so here I'm just repeating it for you cause I thought it was so funny

Jesus, how low are your t levels /u/TheRealCraftVinylNic? You seem to have a habit of wasting inordinate amounts of time on petty shit.

This whole reddit sitch, your youtube page, your facebook page, this DMV stunt. And that's just the shit we know about. All of this screams insecure soyboy.

I'm glad you brought up the YouTube page! In addition to our sales being up, I'm getting so many new subscribers! Follow me here

Is the tranny with the half sleeve single? Asking for a friend

Don't embarrass me like this in public

Bussy > Gussy

likes, comments, and subscriber counts. All Disabled.

Looks like we found the real snowflake ;)

It's almost like a safe space

Only a rapist would threaten libel because someone accurately pointed out that he really looks like a rapist.

And only an idiot thinks they'd win a slander case like that.

if it’s in print it’s libel, you fucking ninny

He probably never saw Spider-Man, possibly due to spending the early 2000s in prison for all the rape.

If we weren't so successful, why would you hundreds of sad people be spending your whole night mocking us? Exactly

GOT EM /u/ed_butteredtoast

Who dis (deleted account) and what's going on?

This is great

wait, that's this guy? is that why he was on fallon, too? does he really think getting on late-night tv for being a petty tryhard is something people will be impressed by?

I wonder if one of them was Jessica. She shows up in one of the YouTube videos.

I have too much time on my hands.

Do we need to measure ourselves for gimp suits u/therealcraftvinylnic or do you have someone in store that will measure for US

Sir, I already ordered one of your gimp suits on Black Friday. I was hoping to have for a Christmas party happening tomorrow, but it still hasn't arrived yet. I have to say this is not the kind of customer service I was hoping for and will be contacting the Better Business Bureau.

BANNED FROM USING MY STORE SNOWFLAKE

YOU LITTLE FUCKING BITCH! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I'M THE PRESIDENT OF THE NORTH AMERICAN GIMPS ASSOCIATION AND I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT NOT A SINGLE ONE ARE OUR 50,000 MEMBERS WILL EVER SHOP AT YOUR BULLSHIT LITTLE ETSY STORE EVER AGAIN!

Ladies and gentlemen, I am just going to state the obvious: We have a doppelgänger in our midst.

I, as a CRAFTER, LAWYER, MODEL, FIT HOUSEWIFE & PASSIONATE FAN who respects creative integrity and intellectual property, am disgusted at how much Nic has copied u/craftyboynick. From the username, to the production of vinyl gimp suits..Does he not have ANY value or respect for arts & crafts?

Nic, you're a laughing stock amongst the crafting community. It's cheesy, it's disgusting, and I personally find it artistically atrocious & not worth OVER 3.3 MILLION BUCKAROONIES.

VINYL CRAFT ARMY UNITE

I'm on the phone with the internet police right now. Thank you for being a loyal fan in these trying times, consider your order of 100% vinyl dildos on the house. I'M NOT FAT BTW. NOT FAT

Your voyeurism is making everyone uncomfortable

u/TheRealCraftVinylNic WHY do you TYPE in RANDOM CAPITALS throughout your SENTENCES?

It's called MAKING MY POINT.

It's called symptom of mental illness

you know, JESSICA does the EXACT same thing.

huh THAT'S weird

It's almost like they are the same people

🤔

Impossible!

u/therealcraftvinylnic is drinkspikers.com as creepy as it sounds?

There once were some losers from REDDIT

Who just wanted a little bit of CREDIT

They sadly weren't very SMART

And they thought Nick didn't have a HEART

What they didn't realize

In their sad little LIVES

Was that Nick was about to rip them APART

Aww how cute it ryhmes like a 5 year old, what's next finger paints and nap time?

Your meter is off and AABBCCA isn't a rhyme scheme, faggot.

Wouldn't it be AABBCDB?

There once was a man named NICK Who wanted a little more DICK He sadly wasn't very SMART His was FAT and constantly SHART

^ ^ ^ IMAGINE BEING THIS RETARDED

You silly normie.

To you, we're just a bunch of trolls and haters that you can shame.

Silly fool, do you not know who we really are?

We are the secret rulers of Reddit, the TRUE ADMINS, We rule this site with an iron fist, shitposting and baiting normie lolcows for our own amusement. Fools like you think you can stop us, but you're wrong. Oh so VERY WRONG.

From our citadel, our subscribers form a thousand strong mod cabal, ruling all the top subs. We are creating an army of shitposters to take over all of social media, and from there, the world.

And there's nothing you can do about it.

Hello, Jessica.

I know what's going on

Untruer words have never been spoken.

Nick gives himself way to much credit

Lol what the fuck is even going on

I can't even at this point

Free u/craftygirljessica

Do you tuck your penis when you LARP as Jessica?

THIS IS AN IMPOSTER! DETAILS COMING SOON BUT DON'T BELIEVE THIS TROLL.

This is sad.

This is sad.

THIS IS SAD. BECAUSE WHY NOT.

Please note that we're collecting information on as many Reddit posters as we can right now. Exposing tantrum-throwers is my favorite hobby!

Subscribed!

K unsubscribed. I was not prepared for the hillybilly accent, and I’m just not going to be able to make it through the vids.

If you didn’t already know he was a huge piece of shit, you’d be able to tell right away from the Bumfuckistan accent

I'm from I-oh-way and I approve this here message

The lack of self awareness on you is amazing Jessica. Can't wait for the vid!

Well the video from 9/25/16 answers the question as to whether Jessica is fat or not (she is).

Spoiler alert: she is

Also spoiler alert: she also ugly as fuc too

Well to be fair he married her before he made all his millions. His sidepiece is probably very pretty.

I'll give you my personal info for nudes

This is literally the most pathetic thing I’ve seen in a long time, please never stop

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU UPVOTE THE LOLCOWS

I'm so happy rn.

/r/Drama actually encouraged a lolcow instead of going full sperg. I couldn't ask for a better Christmas present.

Why do you type exactly like your fat wife

Ah yes; fresh, piping hot, new flair. Lovely.

Lol what the fuck is going on in here

Wanna talk shit?

Okay. I'm a huge faggot and I like sucking cocks.

Let's see you beat that, big guy.

I reported Craft Vinyl for mail fraud to the FBI.

So is the sale up or no?