I think I speak for everyone when I say "no."

Is it autobiographical?

Cool, I'll give it a read. I unironically like your movie posts. I'm a pretty slow reader though for obvious reasons.

Due to his lack of interaction with the outside world, Alexander grows up very ignorant and lacking social etiquette

Totally

I'm gonna piggyback this comment to say if anyone wants to read my Bojack Horseman spec script, to PM me.

because apparently we're doing that here now.

premise: Bojack gets hired to voice act for a Dragon Age-esque video game. How will he fuck things up this time?

That's not a bad idea. You could have cute little animal/elves and animal/dwarves in it.

It's a good fucken script

no

Is it seriously tragic? How does it end?

Hit me up.

I used to review screenplays for Trigger Street... long ago...

Read it...

First impressions… somewhat claustrophobic in both dialog and action. Emily dynamic could use a bit longer gestation. Alexander and Mommy relationship requires more exposure to things that would really allow for maternal bond to develop. It was a bit of a twist but totally out of left field. Perhaps that’s a good thing. Honestly, I was hoping they would escape and we would see more of development in a real world. Too constrained with time and space.

Overall flow was fine but sorry, not my cup of tea.

More...

Emily dynamic could use a bit longer gestation.

Seems to me that the key to "mother" bond confirmation is for Alexander to overcome his infatuation/love/excitement over Emily. Her arc is muddled – it was never clear to me is she playing him or is she real. I think, she should stay within playing him to get herself out and make it somewhat "justified" she perished.

Alexander and Mommy relationship requires more exposure to things that would really allow for maternal bond to develop.

I would think the key to confirming the bond was that overused cliché of mother-son relationship and a triangle that develops when a son meets a woman. Seriously, I was expecting something of a Psycho dynamic.

It was a bit of a twist but totally out of left field.

At one point, it becomes clear why “mommy” did what she did. Yes, it was a twist in a sense that it was unexpected but then when it happened, I did not have enough material to justify it sort of. You know when something unexpected happens but when you think about it, it makes sense? So, yeah, twist was ok but left me wondering is all I’m saying.

I will read yours if you read my short story? I'll pm it?

Can I just pm it to you, or will it not fit? My emails are tied to my irl identity and i don't have a throw away?

Hold on I just made a proton mail account. I love feedback so it's worth having the throwaway i guess.

Only if you post the entire thing as a sticky

Multiple stickies for your screenplay would be groundbreaking shitposting

Every day a different act, it could be the most brilliant and innovative series of Reddit posts this century

the most brilliant and innovative series of Reddit posts this century

The bar is on the floor.

This is clearly a bullshit scam to harvest email addresses to send people ocitur3s of your bussy.

Just upload it somewhere chum. Not giving you my email nor am I gonna create a throwaway just for this.

I'm intrigued. Do I just pm you my email address?

K, I made a special throwaway just for you 😉

Just pastebin it fam.

Wasn't this the plot of Broken Age which was a rip off?

Needs bussy, then it's perfect.

Wtf is this wholesome bullshit in MY Drama! PM that screenplay so I can shit on on it. I will literally print it out, take a big steaming dump on your screen play and post the pics to this sub.

[email protected]

https://www.fbi.gov/tips

Wait that's MY email wtf

Good, but needs more bussy scenes.

No lie people, it was actually good and I enjoyed it immensely.

Seriouspost: Always make sure you can sell someone on a story in a sentence or two, that shows a cohesive idea that's the real meat of a story. And make sure the story is trying to explore an idea or theme. Doesn't even have to be a new or profound idea. Some of the best movies explore very old, well tread concepts, but do it good.

It was unironically pretty good. I enjoyed it.

,even having read this screenplay hated it Hated hated hated hated hated this screenplay. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.

I am 100% unironically interested. I'd love to read it.

It's an original, single-location science fiction story named "Project Alexander" about a man who was kidnapped as a small child and placed alone in a "house" to be raised by an omnipresent AI that communicates via speakers and constantly monitors him through security cameras. As part of the experiment, he is cut off from all human contact until he reaches adulthood when a woman is introduced into the environment. Alexander thinks of the AI as his mother (and refers to her as Mommy) as it effectively raised him. Due to his lack of interaction with the outside world, Alexander grows up very ignorant and lacking social etiquette and the AI becomes very controlling and possessive. Both of these things become more apparent when the woman enters the home.

Orbiter 9, now on Netflix!

Orbiter 9

Orbiter 9 (Spanish: Órbita 9) is a 2017 science fiction romantic drama directed by Hatem Khraiche in his directorial debut. It stars Clara Lago and Alex Gonzalez. The film premiered in Spain on April 7, 2017.

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Plus it doesn't have any kind of AI in it.

Yes it does. There's a AI that is the only human voice the Helena has ever heard, and the technician, Alex, literally goes into her pod for the purpose of performing maintenance on the AI.

So it's Orbiter 9 plus a bit of the Truman Show, but instead of Ed Harris you have HAL? Lmao.

Not really. Just a polite way of saying "Orbiter 9 but with an AI observing rather than scientists".

TBH it's hilarious that you're calling this "original" when it's almost identical to Orbiter 9 (2017) and is literally just a role-reversal from Ex Machina (2015).

I hadn’t heard of Orbiter 9.

That's because it's Spanish and isn't capeshit.

the themes are pretty different than what I was going for

You want to make a film about an autistic guy but where his autism is actually the sentient house's fault. Lmao.

he is cut off from all human contact until he reaches adulthood when a woman is introduced into the environment. Alexander thinks of the AI as his mother (and refers to her as Mommy) as it effectively raised him. Due to his lack of interaction with the outside world, Alexander grows up very ignorant and lacking social etiquette and the AI becomes very controlling and possessive. Both of these things become more apparent when the woman enters the home

A shut-in social retard with mommy issues who freaks out around a feeeeeeeemale?

'TISM

Don't worry about it. There are very few narratives left that can be called original. My sister's first novel was a direct take-off of Jane Austen's Emma, which was very deliberate. It's more what you do with the narrative that counts. That said, this is your first proper screenplay, and last I checked you were a teenager. I'm by no means trying to discourage you, but just be aware that almost certainly no-one is ever going to produce this, and there's probably a lot wrong with it. Writing is something you have to practice over and over and over again to get good at, or as one person put it "you've got to keep writing until you've got all the bad words out before you can write anything worth a damn."

So by all means write and revise your screenplay, but be prepared for a lot of criticism, take it on board, and don't get married to any one part of it. Write for the sake of writing.

"I call it Billy and the Cloneasaurus."

Sounds a lot like an episode of the 1990s Outer Limits based on a much older Harlan Ellison story. Nobody has had any original ideas in scifi since Scheherazade.

The Human Operators

"The Human Operators" is the seventh episode of season five of the revived American science fiction television series The Outer Limits. It is based on a science fiction short story by Harlan Ellison and A. E. van Vogt, first published in the January 1971 issue of The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction. It first aired on 12 March 1999.

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I thought In Time was a novel premise, but they clearly got halfway through the narrative and decided the only way forward was to kill everyone. Not unlike Minority Report in that way. Great setup beforehand though.

I've never seen this, but it sounds a hell of a lot like Logan's Run and other 1960s-1970s stuff that was grappling with the generational conflicts going on back then. And I'm just gonna cover my eyes now so I don't see too many spoilers because I might want to watch this someday.

It's not bad.

Sounds a bit like Paul Auster's "City of Glass," the first novella in his New York Trilogy. Auster's story is more literary, less science-fictiony. It's about a young man who was isolated from all human linguistic interactions due to his father's mad attempt to produce the "natural language" of human beings. Wiki synopsis:

The first story, City of Glass, features a detective-fiction writer become private investigator who descends into madness as he becomes embroiled in a case. It explores layers of identity and reality, from Paul Auster the writer of the novel to the unnamed "author" who reports the events as reality to "Paul Auster the writer", a character in the story, to "Paul Auster the detective", who may or may not exist in the novel, to Peter Stillman the younger, to Peter Stillman the elder and, finally, to Daniel Quinn, protagonist.

"City of Glass" has an intertextual relationship with Cervantes' Don Quixote. Not only does the protagonist Daniel Quinn share his initials with the knight, but when Quinn finds "Paul Auster the writer," Auster is in the midst of writing an article about the authorship of Don Quixote. Auster calls his article an "imaginative reading," and in it he examines possible identities of Cide Hamete Benengeli, the narrator of the Quixote.

a young man who was isolated from all human linguistic interactions due to his father's mad attempt to produce the "natural language" of human beings

This goes back to Herodotus. One of the pharaohs of Egypt wanted to find out what was the original language of humanity, so he had a boy raised in a hut in total isolation from other people. One day he said "bekos", which means "bread" in Phrygian, proving that they were the first people.

As I said somewhere above this, there haven't been any new scifi ideas in a long, long time. This one goes back at least 24 centuries.

Totally, and "natural Adamic language" was huge of obsession of the 17th century folks. This may be seriousposting, but I love when children are isolated, or perhaps raised by wild animals, so we can get to the truth.

Send a googleshit linky.

Sure

Sure

u/MasterLawlz isn't even funny anymore. His shitposts are as stale as u/ComedicSans who is himself basically the equivalent of three year old mayo. Gas the mods now and start over

Who even r u?

The one who keeps buffering your biscuits while you're asleep, duh

Can't be stale if they're freshly buffered. You lied!

You can always buffer a biscuit no matter how stale it is. Congrats, you just played yourself

I see nothing on Snopes to suggest you're correct. Fake news!

Snopes

Fake news

Insists that his maymays aren't stale

You fool, you've activated my trap card ^{^(which is totes not gay)}

I'm channeling my inner Kanye. Hoppity-de-poopity.

Are you trying to challenge me to a rap battle? I should warn you that I am known as "Teh Niggest" of the mayos

According Kanye's new single, rapping is now entirely optional as long as everything rhymes with "poop".

Keep yourself safe💀

Poop💩

👉😎👉

Zoop-de-poop.

👈 😎 👈

Alexander thinks of the AI as his mother (and refers to her as Mommy) as it effectively raised him.

Lawlz has mommy issues confirmed!

Seriously, I'd read it, but I have no idea whether your words on a page would work in a movie, so I don't think I'd be helpful. Best of luck to you, and thanks for never fucking stickying any of my high-quality posts.

It was good enough that I actually read it all the way through. Here are my notes:

• He acts like a child, not a manchild. If I didn't know better, I would be wondering if he's supposed to be retarded. For that character to be believable, you need to show that he has changed a little in the 25 years he's imprisoned. Give him some more sophisticated banter with Mommy. Upgrade his toys to something like Warhammer figurines that are somewhat more adult but still clearly in the same vein. If you need any inspiration on how a manchild talks, I'd suggest watching ChrisChan videos. On the other hand, you could hint at how he's never grown up by having him eat everything with his hands like Julian Assange.

• Mommy is much too eager to reveal information to Emily. You need to either give her a reason or at least lampshade it by having her say "I might as well tell you because you'll never escape anyway".

• I would flip the "nigger" scene on its head. Make that a moment for Emily to realize the enormity of their situation. They're never going to meet any black people to offend.

• A stuttering robot voice? Isn't that a bit too 1960s Star Trek?

• "Scanning hardware for errors" should go before software.

• He has a brief moment where he doesn't want to escape with her. She says three sentences and it changes his mind. Either develop this internal conflict in him a lot more over the course of the movie or cut it out entirely.

• When he's reading the letter at the end, I'd have her do a voiceover of it unless you've got a really good reason to have him read it out loud. Reading anything longer than one sentence or so out loud is too awkward and laborious.

• Saying "bullshit" and "delusional" is out of character for him.

• This is just a matter of personal preference, but I don't like the ending. You let the guy finally escape his torment through death, and then you gotta ruin that feel-good moment by throwing another kid in there? What does that accomplish besides making me feel bad?

/u/snallygaster can you do some effort posts of /r/gangstalking ? we could just ping them without even saying anything and they would probably freak the fuck out, as for why im posting this here? its a masterlawlz shitpost it cant get any worse

I don't wanna fuck with targeted individuals. They live in complete misery.

But does the Mommy AI could Alex tendies?

Send me PM lmoa ill read it

this sounds great as does Orbiter 9. good luck.

Tldr fuck off

no

Will there be any gay sex?

then, pass

no thanks

u r gay

lol

‮screenplays are gay

We removed the joan bussy sticky for this shit?