Omg nobody caaaaares

wholesome r/drama mod

Sorcery

Regardless if this story is true or not, it made me smile. What did she say when you asked?

Of course she pushed me to do it

This is problematic

did you at least enjoy it/was she decently attractive?

If you spend less than a grand, you ain't doing it right.

Yeah thats why the lights are always so damn dim in them so you don't see the stretch marks, track marks and scars. I remember going to a place called Roxies in East Saint Louis a few years ago when I visited my friends. Holy hell, seeing those girls in natural lighting is bleh.

i went to a place once called Petticoat Junction.

during the day time. there was a fat girl there with no tits. i don't know how she managed to have a body as nearly spherical as hers, and she also had resting bitch face and what appeared to be a really shitty personality. (she very, very angrily asked me and my buddy if we wanted a dance). we dubbed her 'porkchop', as all good strippers need good names.

daytime strip clubs are hilarious.

Oh man, when I went to Roxies it was a big party bus of us. The 3 girls who danced were all fucking whales. I'm talking fucked up teeth, fat as fuck and just shit personalitys. Had a couple offer me a no condom BJ for 20$ or a line of coke. Glad we left not long after cause my buddy balled up a bunch of dollars bills and threw them at the strippers ass and head.

lol sounds a lot like Petticoat Junction during the day. the best part about it was it was right next to a donut shop.

but man. PJ's has these things the dancers call a 'wiggle' where they'll come up, you tip 'em a buck and they kinda give you a short mini-lap dance right there.

porkchop came up to us with this bitchy face and just goes "Y'ALL WANNA WIGGLE?!" in the most angry way possible. like she was PISSED. me and my bud were just like "no. no no. no. ...no." and cracking up which made her more mad.

honestly it was totally worth the trip just for that and this story.

Hahaha oh jesus man, we pissed off a bunch of dancers and security. We were being rowdy and one guy threw three 1's balled up and it hit her in the ass, back and back of the head. She jumped up quicker than fuck ready to try and fight someone as we all are nearly pissing ourselves.

Also to better hide the "customers" or at least make them feel like they won't be insta-spotted by their wives the moment they enter.

The red lights also hide acne and poor complexion.

spent over a grand.

Lmao you can hire a prostitute for that kind of money.

Everyone else are victims of your continued existence

Please fix

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_bag

That's too much. Unless you liked the lap dance. Or she let you touch.

Yeah, most places a single dance is $20. He basically threw down a 100% tip.

God, this is the most Michael Cera thing I've ever heard. Lawlz, I wanna party with you now.

That’s something I’d do

ditto. MasterLawlz' autism is so damn relatable.

Meh, your loss.

Seriously, I've found that once you get over the initial social taboo, lap dances are pretty fun. Especially once you realize that you don't actually have to have her dance. You can just sit and chill and talk about stuff.

Want to hear something more pathetic? I've given 100% tips to bartenders because they are hot. Literally for nothing more than being hot.

Any guesses as to where she was from?

Of course she pushed me to do it

Someone needs to go to that club and lecture her about enthusiastic consent.

I'm surprised she didn't scare you into performing de-escalatory cunnilingus.

It's a transaction, of course you can ask for a refund.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pyvrz-dzt4

youirl

Excuse me, madam, I would like to return your crack. It's all burnt around the edges. This simply won't do.

I was busting your balls but that scene is actually pretty tight.

A lot of times the hooker will sit on your face and feed your freshly deposited cum back to you in order to reverse the transaction.

Ah, "The Refund" ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

Positively charming.

I expected this to be a funny story of you being a cheeky cunt, not a tale of autism.
It goes to show that what you say matters less than how you say it.

I used to work in a strip clubs, they hear way worse shit than that. She probably took it as a sign that you weren't aggressive and relaxed a little

What kind of shit do people say at strip clubs?

they are half naked girls grinding on creepy dudes, you can use your imagination as to what the worst things they experience are.

“Why the hell aren’t you beautiful like a Spinosaurus! Where the fuck are my dinosaur 🦖 strippers!”

Hot

I'm going to say this whenever I go next, because this is golden.

this never happened.

if your coworkers at walmart were stupid enough to PAY for a lap dance instead of finding the first bitch and shouting that it was your 21st birthday and getting a free dry hump then your friends are more retarded than you are.

Were your pants wet after that exchange

FAKE AND GAY

LARP on your own time OP

Son, you need a diary.

OK...

Oh, don't worry, I believe 100%.

You done good son, noone in their right mind wants some STD riddled skank grinding her stank ass all over them.

Cool blog post bro

Hey gimmie my newfag alt flair back. this is a new alt.

You pick your own flair, joto.

Did you at least get your fingers wet?

No wonder your father is dissapointed in you

You don't know Anthony the Chad?

I'm starting to believe you don't always tell the truth...

Wir mussen die u/MasterLawlz ausrotten!!

dunno what everyone else in here is smoking calling it fake

a man who has a favorite Ben 10 episode would 100% do this (i'm sorry lawlz i could not watch Ken 10)

but don't feel bad man out of all the things that stripper has had said to her, asking for a refund is not anywhere near the top of the "worst things said to her" list

Jesus christ Lawlz...

You got peer pressured by some balding sex offenders to go to a place were you pay to get sexually frustrated and then asked the teen mom for your money back.

balding sex offenders

No sex offender worth his salt is going to pay for a lapdance, let alone tip the dancer.

No, they tip her and then kill her and take the money back like in that Grand Theft Auto computer game

Probably could've refunded it easily if it was Bitcoin.

Just Sayin'

But the original transaction wouldn’t be done processing yet.

And you'd lose 500% in the process.

honestly lawz everytime you post one of this embarrassing stories i think you are a pretty lucky guy

like my least embarrassing ones are worst than this

I would honestly rather people think that I came in my pants or something

lmao kid came in his pants and wants his money back

not how it works kid

Liar.

my shame stories involve middle aged meth hookers saying my apartment was too filthy for them, so yeah, this shit is nothing son.

You know what u/MasterLawlz I change my mind, you’re my favorite mod

Motherfucker this is hilarious, it's been interesting seeing you post as a teenage autist and now grow into a stealth-autist adult.

You're not that bad off kid, your reaction isn't actually that crazy. And you made me laugh while I'm laying in bed drunk thinking about this broad. Not everyone is a strip club guy, and that's nothing to feel bad about.

Happy birthday /u/Masterlawlz.

Not everyone is a strip club guy, and that's nothing to feel bad about.

I'm very ambivalent about strip clubs. On the one hand, I think it's tacky as shit and I really don't understand how anyone would be comfortable going there with friends, coworkers or basically anyone they know in real life, as if it was a trip to the petting zoo.

On the other hand, I'm a perv so the idea of getting a lapdance does awaken my "curiosity", although it must be disappointing in most cases. Were I to go, I would probably go there alone wearing a fake moustache, a hat and dark sunglasses, so I'd end up looking as even more of a sad creep than most of the pervs who go there.

In the end, what I really want is probably to get my shit together and get myself a pair-bonding-intact virginal Madonna girlfriend to do the lapdances for me, just like Professor Memerson would want it.

I actually love going with my friends and sometimes I'll even bring girls with me too. I guess it all depends on what you're comfortable with.

I think this is the first thread you've made where no one's told you to kill yourself

Did you have a receipt first?

The only thing wrong with this story is you feeling some sort of shame for being an alpha autist.

/u/MasterLawlz if it makes you feel any better, they kicked me out because I kept flicking ice cubes at the stripper and she got pissed.

Proud of you!

It was KC tire