Another 98% true story from the panhandle.
95 2018-07-16 by RetardDick
This is more mundane IRL drama from Mayotown, Florida, but I have a feeling one or two of you may appreciate how stupid this shit is.
My wife manages HR at a large small-business. I know that sounds like a contradiction, like jumbo shrimp, but it's really the best way to describe the place. They employ about 100 people, but they only have one location. It's large enough that shenanigans can go unnoticed by management, but small enough that the guy that owns it still makes some crazy fucking decisions that you'd never see at a corporate job.
I only mention this because it's necessary to understand why they hired "Jim". The guy has a rap sheet that's entirely befitting of his Florida-man status. He's done time for slinging meth, violent assault and robbery, he's dealing with several rape allegations, his wages are being garnished for missed child support, he's going through a divorce. And he's only like 23.
Meanwhile the guy that owns the business has a hard-on for ex-cons. He's a bible beater that thinks he's helping out the world by hiring these dudes. They usually fuck up in some way, usually doing drugs at a customers house (they do a trade job, think HVAC), but at least the business is large enough to absorb whatever damage is done.
So Jims's fuckup started when "Megan" came back from maternity leave. This is her second child with a guy she married right after high school. She answers the phone part time, and her husband is mostly propping up their whole family.
Well that's apparently not good enough for Megan, because she got on Jims's dick within a week of returning. And she just met him too, he was hired when she was out of work. And, don't forget, she did this just after 3 months of giving birth.
Of course, it took awhile for this to hit my wife's desk because the rumors trickled in - she found out about it months later. In that time Megan went from talking up her husband at the office, like "my husband is so wonderful and supportive" to completely shitting on the guy, "he can't get it up", "he's a shit dad", "he's a loser".
Now you know she was just talking this shit to alleviate her guilt from fucking around. Meanwhile Jim couldn't help but brag to his fellow helpers (he wasn't even a technician, he was a technician's helper), but by the time this hit management it also turns out he was fucking two other phone girls.
But here's what I find crazy about all this: everybody knew this guy's history. They knew about the rape, they knew he was violent, they knew he was married. They knew he was working a dead-end minimum wage job, and that he was practically trying to get his own dumb-ass fired. This guy is a human disaster, yet his dick was so appealing that this chick was willing to destroy herself to get a taste of it.
And she really did. My wife was planning to fire Megan and Jim on Friday but they both didn't show up to work. This was followed by a call from Jim's wife saying that he's missing, he drained her accounts and she couldn't find him at his apartment, she thought he was at work. Nope, no idea where he went, we'll probably never hear from him again.
Which brings us to today, just a few hours ago, we had cops at our door interviewing my wife about Megan. Apparently she disappeared too, left for work Friday morning and never came back according to her husband. The poor dude thought she might have gotten nabbed somewhere, but you and I know what really happened: she fucking abandoned her husband and their newborn child to run away with Jim, and couldn't even fucking tell the guy. Couldn't even leave a note or send a fucking text, he had to call the cops and find out this way.
I've seen men and women do some stupid shit to get laid but not to this extent. I mean god damn, I'm pretty depraved myself but this is something else. I guess they deserve each other, just sucks for those kids man. Hopefully she stays gone, I don't know about you guys but I'd rather believe my mother got fuckin nabbed than learn the truth of it. Crazy bitch.
64 comments
1 Redactor0 2018-07-16
Oklahoma? Florida? Idaho? Somehow, panhandles are all the same.
1 duckraul2 2018-07-16
How dare you leave out the Texas panhandle
1 SlavHomero 2018-07-16
If it I a panhandle, it is a problem. All of Tennessee is a panhandle.
1 Starship_Litterbox_C 2018-07-16
As if walking down the street, or being alone in an elevator with a man, or seeing Cosmo in the checkout line of the supermarket, or looking at the clothes marketed to women in stores wasn’t enough to remind me that I’m supposed to be a delicious little cookie waiting to be gobbled up by the Big Bad Wolf. No, I go to work (or read the newspaper) and get to read this shit over and over and over and over again.
“The victim… The victims… The young woman… Two thirteen year old girls… The respondent’s wife… The defendant’s daughter… Jane Doe…”
“…was held down and forcibly penetrated with several foreign objects, beaten, whipped, and electrocuted…was raped at gunpoint by six men…was attacked with acid and later placed into the local jail, where she was repeatedly raped by guards…was found strangled to death, the defendant’s semen in her vagina and on other locations on her body…was repeatedly raped in the back of the van by the other gang members while the defendant drove them to a remote location…”
“…she later testified…she later died…she was later diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder…she required multiple surgeries…she miscarried…she later committed suicide….”
Dear men:
Die.
No, seriously. This is a rant, and it’s about you, personally. You, personally, are a shit, because statistics indicate there is an almost 100% certainty that you have either committed a rape, or wanted to commit a rape, or knowingly assisted or defended someone who committed a rape, or mocked a woman who was raped. And no, I’m not dropping links to tell you what you should damn well already know.
Here is what you know: that you are a vile and depraved chunk of flesh that doesn’t matter to the world. You exist in a reality you perpetuate in which value is all relative, in which everything is placed into a hierarchy, which in the end means that nothing has inherent value. You are literally worthless.
And you are willing to do it so long as someone is worth less. So part of the way you deal with that is to try to make women worth less. You whine and whinge and cry about the Big Brother Corporations or Big Brother Government or Big Brother China-taking-all-our-jobs or Big Brother asshole-who-beat-you-up-in-seventh-grade or Big Brother who-raped-you, but in the end you lap it up and pass the buck so that you can have someone underneath your own thumb. You only care about your rank in the pecking order, so spare me the crocodile tears.
I used to pity you. I used to feel sorry for you. I used to think most of you got a bad rap and were probably misunderstood.
But women are raped every day and we don’t go on murdering sprees. We don’t hunt men down and torture them to death. Little girls aren’t known for picking the wings off flies or frying ants to death on the sidewalk. Women in war zones are raped en masse and then cry for peace, and I’m expected to swallow your sob story about having a troubled childhood because you never knew your father and that’s why you and your friends drugged and gang-raped a sixteen year old girl.
On a daily basis you, individually and in concert with other men, actively attempt to destroy the lives of a class of people who have, for the most part, never done anything to you. Who have been enslaved and raped and brutalized and forced to raise children you claim or starve or beat or sell, and have for the most part still managed to find it in their hearts to love. Who rarely hurt you back. Who almost never rape or murder you. Who usually only harm you or their children when suffering from deep trauma-related psychoses. We suffer, daily, and you laugh at us, and tell us it’s our fault.
Then you tell us you can’t help it. It’s your nature. It’s how you love. It’s how you desire. It’s how you prove yourselves.
All of which leads me to believe that either you’re deluding yourselves about the reality of your choices OR that you really and truly are fundamentally flawed beings. It’s amazing how many of your academic fields and governance – from evolutionary biology, to psychology, to criminal law – are constantly trying to convince me of the latter. Females are human beings, but I’m not sure what you are.
If the world was the tiniest bit just, or fair, or merciful, or righteous, I would be out there with a knife or a gun hunting you down. I would offer you blowjobs for forty dollars behind the building and then dispatch you quickly in quiet solitude. I would be kinder than you, because I would only go after adults. I would be kinder than you, because I would do it quickly and not torture you first. I would be kinder than you, because I wouldn’t call you names or demean you or psychologically terrorize you while I was doing it. You would be released from the psychotic prison of your mind, and there would be one less man out there threatening my mother, my sisters, my daughters, and my self.
You wouldn’t know who I was. I smile at you in that elevator. I dress inconspicuously. I call you “sir” if you’re older. I’m the one who serves you coffee at the drive-thru window, and you crack jokes to try to get me to smile. I’m the one who cleans your office, who you greet by first name and a smile with that little half-wave. I’m the one who tells you to turn your head to the side and cough. I could poison you, I could go through your desk drawer and destroy your finances, I could kill you on the operating table. I could do things to you. You don’t know. I’m your next door neighbor, your secretary, your sister, your wife. I’m the “loud” “fat” woman in your office you dismiss out of hand. I’m the young Asiann girl from downstairs you eroticize because of my presumed submissiveness.
It’s ironic, really – you try to subvert, and corrupt, and infect, and distort, and mangle, and destroy our lives because you aren’t even sure you have one. It’s obvious that you don’t deserve one.
You aren’t scared of me, but maybe you should be. Because I know what you are. And I know how this will end.
You think this sounds violent? Don’t even start; I know what you look at when you masturbate.
1 Child_downloader 2018-07-16
Lol source
1 BigPriceToupee 2018-07-16
Source'd
1 mcslibbin 2018-07-16
she's the Ur-Florida woman
1 old_grumpy_grandpa 2018-07-16
I expected a goatse, you managed to disappoint
1 shallowm 2018-07-16
/r/GenderCritical: absolutely based /ourgal/
1 Starship_Litterbox_C 2018-07-16
I think GC but I don't remember, this one is saved on my PC 😂😂😇
1 shallowm 2018-07-16
Here's the /r/drama thread about when it was posted in /r/GenderCritical. It's from some crazy's blog though.
1 Child_downloader 2018-07-16
Thanks dewd
1 OneEyedMansSky 2018-07-16
You need help, you are just as bad mentally as the men you hate so much.
To the sane people that read this, replace men with Jews or Mexicans etc in what this person said and you will get my point.
1 old_grumpy_grandpa 2018-07-16
It's pasta
1 OneEyedMansSky 2018-07-16
r/woosh for myself then.
1 Agenda_Poster 2018-07-16
Imagine eating the pasta in CURRENT YEAR
1 Starship_Litterbox_C 2018-07-16
But on the bright side, I do have a new short pasta to use 😂😘
1 nyekks 2018-07-16
imagine how powerful jims dick game mustve been
1 Sojir 2018-07-16
Jim is the new chad
1 RetardDick 2018-07-16
The guy was objectively good looking, he had that tattooed greasy thing going on that redneck chicks are super hot for. And the dude apparently could throw down anywhere, anytime. All he'd have to do is rub his hand through his hair and he'd have enough lube to comfortably blast even the tightest bussy in the back of the warehouse.
1 snallygaster 2018-07-16
How do you stand to live in an area where people like this are in high frequency? I'd genuinely go nuts in your situation.
1 BonoboZilla 2018-07-16
The mistake you are making is assuming that OP is much different from Jim
1 ObsessedAussie 2018-07-16
Plot twist: OP IS Jim
1 RetardDick 2018-07-16
You just have to lean into it, like everything down here. It's like the weather, the heat and humidity can eat your brain if you try to fight it. So fuck it, drive around without your shirt, go commando with those baggy shorts. In the fall we basically tailgate hurricane season, having a drink on the porch in gale force winds has become a bit of a tradition. We were without power for a few days but it was a good excuse to spend all week drunk, y'know?
And with the locals you just have to have a humor about it. Of course you also have to have a good sense of when to get out of dodge when shit gets crazy, but most people aren't as awful as the ones in the OP. Though, it does help that my wife and I live in a bit of a bubble so to speak, we're pretty isolated and like it that way. We can retreat from it all if we need to. Our co-workers think we're a bit alien - we can relate but we're definitely not "like" everybody around here. There's a mutual respect though, you just have to show some respect to get it back.
Like on the surface a lot of these people seem retarded, but they're really not if you drill down into it. They're just motivated by different things. They have a different level of education, so they lack knowledge but they're not unintelligent. Don't get me wrong, we have more than our fair share of stupid motherfuckers, but I think it's easy for a lot of people that don't live in it to think of it as being all the same.
Biggest thing in my opinion is how these people feel rejected by just about the entire rest of society, and the left in particular is really sucking a lot of ass at getting through to them. Naturally they see it as the left working against them, not with them, and for good reason because the left can be real dicks about the whole "vote for us retard, this is in your best interest" shit they pull.
And I should know, I'm in charge of the town's infrastructure and engineering (if you could call it that). The people here want better roads and schools and shit, you just have to speak the right language.
1 whenweriiide 2018-07-16
Great posts man
1 snallygaster 2018-07-16
What kinds of motivations and values do they have? What is the general outlook on life there?
1 RetardDick 2018-07-16
Day by day is the general outlook. A lot of people can't really afford to look past tomorrow, both practically and intellectually. It's why they're not saving for retirement, and why they see taxes and shit as such a burden. They don't have the bigger perspective, so they can't see how these things benefit them until they see the benefits made tangible.
I know that sounds frustrating, it's the effect of poverty, but here's what I like about many of these people: they know that they don't know shit. They will listen and they won't assert that they personally have all the answers like many people do on the internet (myself included). This doesn't sound like a huge difference, but this almost gives them an entirely different culture than the rest of the country.
Also keep in mind that many of these people aren't the suburban republicans you'd deal with on T_D or Peterson's sub, or the dudes you see out fighting in the street. They're mostly tuned off from all of that shit and unplugged from the internet, even politics. They value stability and making ends meet for their family above all else, so they just bounce between work and home day after day, and maybe on the weekend if they have the means they find something fun to do.
It's hard to talk about this without talking about it in terms of politics, because that's how most people view this divide. But these people really don't have the time and energy to be as engaged with politics as you might think they are. They see politics as this nebulous unknowable thing filled with lies and weasels, and they really can't deal with it. So they "outsource" their political opinions, they listen to people they respect in the community or in media because they need these issues presented in straight talk.
Sometimes this leads to them being had, but here's the thing: they see the blue guy telling them that the blues have been working for them the whole time and they should just fucking deal with that. If they can't they're told they're retarded and redneck, racist and sexist. And they definitely are, in a way. But it's not in the sort of conscious malevolent way you'd associate with rednecks. And meanwhile, all this talk about "we've been working for you the whole time" means shit because they're not seeing change in their day-to-day lives.
This leaves room for the red guy to come in and say, yeah you're not retarded, blues are pretentious dicks, let's get these taxes off your paycheck - that's what will help ya. Then after that they're fed a bunch of bullshit, because they actually respect the red guy.
I see the problem two-fold. For one, blues are too privileged to relate to the country, they frankly don't understand what they're dealing with at all. They talk at country folk like they talk to suburban folk, they underestimate the diversity in their rival here. And on top of that they have a seemingly endless amount of sympathy and excuses for inner-city folk, so their words especially fall flat.
Which leads to the second problem, swaying these people is about gaining their respect, and the blues are working against themselves with that one. They see the blues stomping and crying, demanding respect and slinging insults but not doing anything to really try and be respectable. It's exactly how the left sees Donald, and I don't think anybody is wrong here. What it comes down to is the blues and reds have different ways of lying, different ideas of respect, but the reds are seen as the lesser of the two evils because they're "straight" about their bullshit.
The fact that donald will bold-face lie is seen as a positive thing, because the assumption has always been that every word every politician says is bullshit, at least he doesn't hide it. You can trust him to be a dickhead, but at least there's trust. And meanwhile the pastor says that he's the best option, Mom and Dad have always voted the red ticket, so that seems like the surest choice. If they're going to get fucked they'd like it to be from a dick they know.
Ultimately, these people are just surviving and they have limited tools to make sense of it all, so they make the best of it. They're very conscious of other people taking advantage of them, the government especially. But really, for the most part, I honestly believe these people are doing their best in their own way.
1 Deagspert 2018-07-16
I really don't like seriousposting but props to you, really great insight, thanks for this.
1 cat--facts 2018-07-16
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1 aef823 2018-07-16
Oh my fucking god, I'd give up everything to live with that again.
Except not getting eaten by crocodiles and being near a hotspot of porn studious that rivals czechoslovakia
1 adjason 2018-07-16
Why is porn studios a bad thing?
1 adjason 2018-07-16
Do they vote?
1 GeauxHouston22 2018-07-16
this is something that I really, REALLY wish the lefties could get past. they actually are, in many cases, working to create a better world for Jerry from Hicktown, Hickstate. but they're so goddamn smug about it, that you want them to get elected but also punched in the face
1 UmmahSultan 2018-07-16
Wow I wonder why. Maybe it's because they're meth-addled degenerates whose worthless lives make everyone else worse off.
1 adjason 2018-07-16
The hillbilly whisperer
1 LSU_Coonass 2018-07-16
How do you live in Portland or Seattle or wherever the hell you live where you are regular in contact with furries and unironic tankies.
1 ObsessedAussie 2018-07-16
Crazy good. Powerful enough to override a woman's maternal instinct for her newborn. Feels bad for the kid but probably for the best.
1 Draxxic 2018-07-16
So strong it gave her down syndrome
1 Denniosmoore 2018-07-16
Especially powerful, considering how sore she must have been after 3 months in labor.
1 calciu 2018-07-16
I'd bet he fucked some HR women too.
Can't tell if this is true or not but interesting read.
1 RetardDick 2018-07-16
Unfortunately most if it is true. I changed the names, we never really knew what drug he was busted for, and his assault charges were actually domestic violence charges from the woman he was with before he got married. Other than that I didn't really change much in my telling of it, this is definitely one of the more absurd things I've witnessed in awhile.
1 ncnotebook 2018-07-16
Sometimes, it gets hard to tell when people are bs-ing or just like adding a whole ton of flair to their real stories. Especially for a subreddit that encourages "flair."
1 carthoris26 2018-07-16
Anyone who's spent more than 15 minutes in Florida outside of an airport or cruise terminal would tell you there's no BS.
1 wisty 2018-07-16
Being a human disaster makes him more tempting. They know he's a forbidden fruit, and they think it won't go on for very long so there won't be the messy clinger-on to have to hide from the hubby.
But then the one night stand goes OK and he calls again. They start "developing chemistry" (lol). And oops she wouldn't have run off like a guy like this, but she since he's the only kind of guy he fucks (she obviously isn't too keen on the husband) then that's who she gets stuck with. Stupid roasties.
1 BigPriceToupee 2018-07-16
"Consensual"
1 wisty 2018-07-16
Haha I can't even spell the word.
1 mcslibbin 2018-07-16
says it all really
1 cleverseneca 2018-07-16
More like conSINsual. Can I get an AMEN?
1 ObsessedAussie 2018-07-16
Amen. Can I get a hallelujah
1 Tagesausbruch 2018-07-16
Megan's personality sensors must have malfunctioned.
1 BigPriceToupee 2018-07-16
tl/dr: "jim" has the biggest dick of all the technician helpers.
1 DoubleDickGirl 2018-07-16
god i love my home state
1 BoneThroner 2018-07-16
Megan is smoking Meth - I guarantee it.
1 kris_1313 2018-07-16
which part of Florida, meth or xanax?
1 BonoboZilla 2018-07-16
Mayo land!
1 mcslibbin 2018-07-16
Ay yo Big Jim got dat gorilla dick
1 old_grumpy_grandpa 2018-07-16
Apparently gorillas have really tiny dicks
1 GeauxHouston22 2018-07-16
ask melania and see if she can confirm
1 chimpanzee13 2018-07-16
Hmm, allow me to share the truth, which is hiding in the 2%: 'Megan' is RetardDick, aka OP's wife. OP is the owner of some sort of small business (5-10 employees), that requires physical labor, for which OP hires a rotating cast of young men, some with minor records. Megan, OP's hot wife, handled the phones and payroll, etc. for said small business. Megan fell for one of the employees, and took off with him, along with a week's or month's worth of payroll.
End.
1 Pepperglue 2018-07-16
So if that company has so many screwed up individuals, is it really a good idea to have your wife work there?
Good drama, though.
1 GeauxHouston22 2018-07-16
this was a great read. I don't even know these people yet I'm somehow invested
OP you better update us on this situation. I know you can't post them for obvious reasons, but I would kill to find out what these people look like
is megan hot?
1 ncnotebook 2018-07-16
I bet megan is as hot as a frying pan.
1 ObsessedAussie 2018-07-16
Is that when the stove is turned on or off
1 redfield021767 2018-07-16
This sounds like a vignette from Unsolved Mysteries. Robert Stack will find Megan, with help from viewers like you.
1 aef823 2018-07-16
5/95 chance Jim kidnapped Megan tbh.