In a surprise to no one anti-centrist sub can only think in terms of Harry Potter

1  2018-12-20 by darth_stroyer

157 comments

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taking your usual bad shitposting and making it Harry Potter themed

The height of comedy

That wand looks like a sex toy.

Peak joke

I want to stick that up your bum, and I won’t take no for an answer.

The wands will not replace us

The wands will not replace us

What if I told you they vibrate?

I won't take no for an answer

ugh, that just makes it hotter

wand is one letter away from wang

wang is also a defunct brand of minicomputers

There was a kid at my highschool whose name was Max Wang.

<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book <JonJonB> Let's see the results...

<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry. <JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work." <JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

<JonJonB> Ok <JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof <JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all <JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he? <melusine > O_______O <JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

--Stolen from bash.org

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It’s over for mugglecels

I'd rather have a world without YA fantasy than a world without poverty.

At least it isn't as omnipresent as it was in 2014.

I feel like it's more common than 2014...

Is it because of Daddy?

Prolly

Is this the only genre where pretty much literally everything in it is bad?

Content aimed at kids and families can be good but stuff aimed specifically at teenagers is always terrible, I swear (at least when it’s fantasy).

Do Japtoons counts count as a genre?

No because some manga/etc is aimed at kids, some at teenagers, and some at adults. The stuff that's for obnoxious teenagers ends up being the most visible example of the medium.

weeaboos are not people

Ursula Le Guin nailed it with Earthsea.

Gene Wolfe's Book of the New Sun was pretty great too, but that's not so much YA as him shitting on every other nerd epic like Tolkein or King's Dark Tower.

Loved the Earthsea books when I was a kid.

I also like T.H. White's stuff.

Hey, I enjoyed the His Dark Materials trilogy.

It's more a children's book for non retarded children though. It just seems like young adult because people's brains have rotted from the Internet and they cant read any more so children's books have been simplified. There shouldn't be young adult fiction at all, there are children's books and adults books, when you stop reading the former you read the latter.

Sort of related: I thought I had read this and just didn't know it was a trilogy, but you mentioning it made me check my bookshelf to see that this book I was gifted as a kid is actually titled "*The Science of* Philip Pullman's 'His Dark Materials'", by not Philip Pullman. This explains 1. Why I was confused when someone else referred the series as fiction, and 2. Why I understood jack shit of it the first time I read it around age 12 because it delves in to graduate-level physics.

Now that I'm older I guess I should read the actual series, and then reread this knockoff.. thing

Just call it atheist narnia and everyone will know what you're talking about.

zoz

zle

zozzle

Skulduggery Pleasant by Derek Landy is pretty good.

Percy Jackson was decent but then the movies were so bad that they actually went back in time and retroactively turned every single copy of the books into VHS tapes of Pocahontas 2: Journey to a New World.

decent

you must live in a trash can, you taint herder

Six of Crows was pretty good

The most typical "magical teens with sob stories save the world without any proper adults because those are retarded and teenagers are the bestest everything". Try again.

Is this the only genre where pretty much literally everything in it is bad?

The bartimeus trilogy is pretty great, fite me.

Throw YA Dystopia in there too and you have a deal.

That works for me.

Literally same shit, different setting.

Harry Potter is a children's book, YA fantasy already doesn't exist

The Hummingbird:Feet on the Ground was kind of alright

a world without poverty

This world doesn't have humans in control.

Harry Potter is Star Wars for foids

You forgot Twilight

Didn't we all?

Star Wars in 2018 is Star Wars for foids 😹😹😹

I'm tearing between "based and redpilled" and "this but unironically"

This is unironically based and redpilled?

Snoked and Reypilled

I can't wait till the next movie comes out and the world descends into anarchy because people hate it so much

Me too, I'm hoping Luke Skywalker comes out as transgender and Rey becomes her dom. I mean this all unironically, I hate Skywalker more than any other science fiction character for being the most boring of all time

i thought he died on the last movie?

Rumor has it he'll be a transgender force ghost

muh all Slitherins are Death Eaters

Imagine not just being unable to base your political views on anything other than a child's book but also not actually reading the fucking book.

Imagine knowing enough about Harry Potter to correct somebody's dumb one-liner.

OMG how do you know all Slitherins aren't Death Eaters??!!

By 5 seconds watching the movies or reading the books.

Literally just the final battle in the magic-cape films has Slitherins fighting Voldermort. The main incel hero is even a Slitherin.

the main incel hero

Huh? I'm pretty sure Neville was a Gryffindor and can't remember any other incels. Snape?

cause he really wasn't a hero

He killed Dumbledore. He's a hero.

Snape did his part to stop the gay agenda and further the incel agenda, have you?

Slytherincel uprising

Why were you reading those shitty ass books in the first place?

Didn't most people growing up with the movies try at least a couple of the books? People who will never enjoy sitting down and reading will talk about devouring the series.

  • Hard to avoid for the last few decades

  • Movies were good with popcorn

A retard like me with basic knowledge knows more about your the books you base your political views on.

huh?

huh?

A retard like me with basic knowledge knows more about your the books you base your political views on.

Snally just mods SRD

He is too autistic to even be allowed into there cope clique

She

FTFY

Gotta be born with a willy to be a she hun xxx

More proof that men are better at being women than women.

ok but what a great username

The books bring up the point pretty often. It's not exactly a bit of knowledge that only the turbonerds know.

OMG WHO GIVES A SHIT??? 🙄😒

A sub makes one post referencing a shitty book = they can only think in terms of that book

Wow. I guess this is why r/subredditDrama got founded and is far more popular, isn't it?

But at least here I can call you a faggot.

Yup! I'm afraid it still won't make you any better of a person or any more successful, though. But then again, insulting anyone who criticizes you is so much easier then self-improvement, isn't it?

Yup! I'm afraid it still won't make you any better of a person or any more successful, though.

No one uses Reddit to become a better person nimrod.

If I cared whether you thought I was a good or successful person I wouldn't have called you a faggot in the first place, would I?

Also fuck off with your self-improvement bullshit; you're no better than the rest of the NEETs posting here, you just think you are.

Also fuck off with your self-improvement bullshit; you're no better than the rest of the NEETs posting here, you just think you are.

Literally the definition of projection, but ok. Clearly, you've nullified all of my life and its accomplishments in one fell stroke. I feel awful now, because your opinion of me just matters that much.

You sound disgustingly white.

Mayocide wen

First accurate thing anyone in this thread has said, congratulations. I am indeed disgustingly white.

and its accomplishments

List them.

  1. Totally owned that shitlord on /r/Drama.

Trying to sound intelligent when arguing in r/drama

You clearly care about his opinion. Why else would you needlessly bring up real life accomplishments in a reddit thread you insecure mayo lmao

all of my life and it's accomplishment s

Acting like this post was meaningful probably ranks pretty highly for you

Clearly, you've nullified all of my life and its accomplishments in one fell stroke.

Yea, because you've not done the same two comments earlier, lol. And not for a single person who you've actually talked to, but an entire community.

This is either peak trolling or you're a bigger retard than anyone in either thread, here.

and its accomplishments

imagine going to subs like SRD, IncelTears, and Enlightendcentrism, and then boast about your accomplishments. Surviving two abortion attempts was your biggest accomplishment, and it's all been downhill ever since.

masturbating is not an accomplishment

SEETHING

Yup! I'm afraid it still won't make you any better of a person

Well, by virtue of not being a faggot Sardine everyone else is automatically a better person.

SRD overdose

You're a rapist.

I'm afraid it still won't make you any better of a person or any more successful, though.

If you spend your life measuring who is and isn't a "better person", you aren't one, you repugnant, shit-headed fucking child.

Yes

Identifying and shaming SRdines IS self-improvement

self-improvement

imagine going to SRD and unironically thinking you're anything but subhuman waste.

shoo P*tterfag.

found the newfag

CAN THE SRDINES!

shut up mudblood

Kiss my balls, Gaylord.

Don’t downvote the lolcows retards

Dark Tower sucks and is gay

Why can't we all just meet in the middle and let Death Eaters kill half of the mudbloods?

Poe's Law.

😒

sameee!!

Well that 4chan post certainly got me thinking...

harry didnt hit even a single slytherin on the head with a bike lock wtf

Brb killing myself

That's honestly one of the worst subreddits out there. Jfc

Imagine having the least aggressive political views compared to echo chambers of Reddit, but still people will shit on you for your views. Reddit politics never cease to amaze me.

Wether it's left or right (but mostly left in my experience) it will always be "IF YOU'RE NOT WITH US YOU'RE AGAINST US"

Exactly my experience. Right doesn't like you because of your views, simple as that. They oppose.

Left doesn't like because you're not one of them or you don't shit on right wing. Suddenly you're coward for not taking strong stance too.

Reddit is the peak point at this. Or maybe I forget how many 15 years olds are on Reddit.

Don't you know, fighting Voldemort is as bad as joining him!

She joined voldemort after being violently gang raped thanks to Hermione.

Commies are literally cheering on the rapists camp here, lmao.

Literally got fucked by horse cock IIRC 🐴

See, that raises two interesting question:

Where are centaur dicks? Where the horse dick would be or where the human dick would be? Or do they have both?

Is (Are) the dick(s) human or horse sized?

Why would you think about this?

Why wouldn't you think about hot centaur sex, tbh?

Is (Are) the dick(s) human or horse sized?

Well, if they were on the front, somebody would have said something. So that's a vote on the horsecock for me dang.

I wouldn't argue with a child, but for some reason I catch myself arguing with redditors who actually think like this.

That's because you can slap a child, but can't slap someone over IP.

Slap over IP is supported in Linux 3.6+

lmao

This last election has been freeing for me. I always figured that I had to argue with people because they are obviously rational and would realize a logical error or something when presented evidence. Ever since Trump has been in office, there's been so much batshit insane rhetoric, lies, and just ridiculous levels of aggression. It opened my eyes to just how many people out there on both sides of the political spectrum are completely happy with acting irrationally when it pertains to politics.

People don't argue on Reddit to learn anything, they argue on Reddit for confirmation

Harry Potter, Star Wars and video games*

Unironically read another book.

can't imagine being so fucking dumb that you think centrism is trying to find the middle ground in literally everything

King Soloman was the OG centrist.

sO YoU waNT tO kilL HAlf tHe peOplE

As a start yes

The other day somebody posted a LE EVIL CENTIST MEME saying that centrism is not that and they did exactly what the meme said they would.

Clearly we are all devout followers of boogie

What is centrism though?

/r/ENLIGHTENEDCENTRISM has detailed opinions on anal toys

It's literally the top comment

Yeah sounds about right.

Remember that /r/politics poster in bestof who compared Mueller to the Avengers? Just as sad.

Why didn't the "wizards" just cast themselves out of the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises? Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series’ only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody?just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it’s certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

a-at least the books were good though

"No!" The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

Seriously though, what is it with SJWs and Harry Potter?

Harry Potter has black and white characters. Pretty much all the characters except Snape can easily be classified into good or evil. It fits their world view where everyone is either an evil alt right nazi or a good social justice warrior and everyone who says people are more complicated than that are basically nazi apologists.

Ya but they hate the lord of the rings because every character can easily be classified into good or evil... https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/orcs-show-tolkien-was-racist-w3t95nqtp

OrcLivesMatter

Harry Potter hits a bunch of notes that appeal to SJW types. It's not JUST that every character is a caricature of good and evil or they'd end up liking all sorts of children's shit, some of which is actually good. Lord of the Rings is a story about an evil force corrupting the minds of virtuous people, people going on different journeys to do what they think is right, persevering through all the hardships in a world that can effortlessly kill you, the importance of a random person with no special qualities.

I'm sure even SJWs will pretend they like those lessons, but if they've fully drunk the kool aid, all of that goes against their dogma of righteous (((progressives))) vs literal Nazis only worse. SJWs claim that having Nazi propaganda will make normal people start agreeing with Nazis, but in practice they don't believe anyone to the right of Leon Trotsky is irredeemable. They claim they care about normal people's journeys, but in practice they all think they're special and deserve special attention, etc.

The fuck are you saying you nordic nigger

Pretty much all the characters except Snape can easily be classified into good or evil.

Hermione and "I am gonna stun my teacher and let her get gang raped" sure sound like a good person.

So do Harry potter and Ron "lmao helping the slave race get free is ridiculous hermione".

Or maybe it's dumbledore "what if I set a children only valuable into fire for the lulz" the good person ?

Oh, wait it must be hagrid "l m a o raising hungry man eaters has never been so fun".

Or is it the twins "l m a o selling rape drugs", that are the good people of the books ?

There are no good or bad people in harry potter. Most evil people are just incredibly damaged by being raised by the klu klux klan equivalent (for the death eaters), or being bullied by everyone until they snapped and started killing a shitton of people (Voldemort).

I now fully understand the "autism" tag you have.

Rood, but probably deserved.

Hermione and "I am gonna stun my teacher and let her get gang raped" sure sound like a good person.

I don't remember that scene what the fuck.

That scene where the centaurs of the forest come in and carry her off...with eerily little explanation given.

He's talking about the end of Order of the Phoenix, where Umbridge insults the centaurs and they get mad and drag her off. It's never stated that she's raped, but the book showe her afterwards lying catatonic in a hospital bed and freaking out when she thinks she hears hooves.

Imagine thinking hogwartz isn't neofuedalist. Surely they realize that voldybum is the revolutionist of the book and harryboy is pro-status quo.

voldybum is the revolutionist of the book

Unfortunately voldy is not one of the approved races for supremacist movements.

Slate grey?

It's always funny when lefties use Harry Potter to make political points.
If you didn't know, there's a race in there that's literally made to be slaves. Not being slaves is torture for them. Then the news is entirely political propaganda, and obviously every wizard is a huge racist, no exceptions. And the goblin (((bankers))) have pretty big noses.
Seriously, it could be plausibly interpreted as a right wing manifesto.

read 👏 another👏 book 👏

Oh shit, looks like they shadowbanned me after my comment in that thread. I posted it before the drama post saying I'd trade a border wall for healthcare. Lol.