r/drama: I have to say that getting my sticky powers removed last night was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. In the hours that followed, I lost 20 pounds, got a job offer, and went on a date with a human woman. In other words, my life as I knew it was falling apart.

I have to say that getting my sticky powers removed last night was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. In the hours that followed, I lost 20 pounds, got a job offer, and went on a date with a human woman. In other words, my life as I knew it was falling apart.

193 2019-09-24 by MasterLawlz

When my sticky powers got removed, I had no idea what to do with myself. It's hard to describe how it affected me psychologically. I started questioning everything in my life. Crazy thoughts started getting in my head, like that eating a diet consisting entirely of Totino's pizza rolls and the food that my mom brought home from the 7/11 near the street corner she works at night might not be conducive to a healthy lifestyle. Or that masturbating six times per day does not count as exercise. I started making changes immediately and I wound up horribly immaciated. My BMI got all the way down into the thirties. I'm surprised I lived through it.

Worse yet, I had to find other things to occupy my time. I applied for some soul-crushing job with a six figure salary and a corner office and the twisted fucks that worked there thought they could make it seem better with a $10,000 sign-on bonus and six weeks of vacation per year. Worse yet, for some reason this seemed to attract the attention of members of the opposite sex. Some chick on match.com thought she was deserving of my seed just because she's a professional contortionist and has written numerous books on the proper technique for fellatio.

But just when I thought my life couldn't get any worse, I checked the moderator page for /r/drama and lo and behold, I had full permissions again. I was back, baby! I stormed into my new boss' office and said "Larry, I'm done here. I found a better job".

With tears in his eyes, he said "No please, you're the future of this company. What are they paying you? I'll match it. Double it, even!"

What a small mind, thinking everything is about dollars and cents. Before I shut the door, I looked him in the eye and said: "But I do it for free".

Before heading home, my recent female companion called me saying "Mi amore, where are you? You said we would meet for dinner" to which I replied "Sorry babe, hit me up when you grow a penis. You might be satisfactory for a normal man, but I'm an /r/drama moderator".

I pulled up to my mom's house, glad to finally be out of that gaudy penthouse apartment I had gotten, and sat down in front of my computer, still crusty from rogue ejaculations over the years.

With a tear in my eye, I typed in a familiar URL: www.reddit.com/r/drama. I looked longingly at the top right of the screen, took a deep breath, and clicked "submit new post".

I was home.

75 comments

1 SnapshillBot 2019-09-24

To OP: NEVER, EVER THREATEN /r/DRAMA AGAIN OR YOU WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES THE LIKES OF WHICH FEW THROUGHOUT HISTORY HAVE EVER SUFFERED BEFORE. WE ARE NO LONGER A COUNTRY THAT WILL STAND FOR YOUR DEMENTED WORDS OF VIOLENCE & DEATH. BE CAUTIOUS!

Snapshots:

I have to say that getting my stick... - archive.org, archive.today, removeddit.com
/r/drama - archive.org, archive.today*

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1 211sAndMacallan 2019-09-24

Okay this faggot needs to be the first one impeached

Literally Hillary Pokémon go to the polls tier here

1 wwaalleess 2019-09-24

lost 20 pounds

How does it feel to go from "morbidly obese" to "severely overweight"