your no-nonsense, 101 guide to masturbation for vagina owners

1  2020-12-22 by johannesalthusius

43 comments

Why is the vagina in the headline picture diseased?

It's what happens after a botched surgery in Thailand.

gussy is inherently uncleanly

You're confused it's a cross section of a papaya

The black dots are little spiders. Homegirl fucked a spider.

Daily reminder that Becky would rather fuck a spider than you, everytime.

I used to love opening wolf spider egg sacs and watching the little spiders scurry out, but now I can't even look at dirty spider webs without getting the creepy crawlies. Is this a symptom of ageing?

I just had my annual viewing of Home Alone and now you're reminding me of how much worse that scene with the tarantula could be

[deleted]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Did you know that in the Muslim invasion of aggression, the Muslims literally killed everyone that wasn't a Muslim? Literally that just constantly attacked and, upon encountering a new person, would ask them "You Muslim?" and if they answered anything besides "Yes" the Muslims would immediately execute them. Like it didn't matter if the answer was "Pardon what is that good sir?", because like obviously everyone knows that Koran commands you to kill everyone that isn't Muslim ("Kill everyone that isn't Muslim" - the Koran), so if they answer anything besides yes they are not a Muslim and have to be killed per the Koran. This is how Islam expanded so fast obviously, like as soon as Muhammad came up with the idea that was that, he pretty much had to kill everyone he met, he did no preaching because that could only be done to non Muslims and if he was preaching to non Muslims and trying to convert and explain his religious concepts to them, he wasn't killing them in that time period and was violating the clear word of the Koran and Allah.

Muhammad therefore was the only Muslim, like pretty much he'd just walk around killing everyone by logic, everyone knows that's what the Koran commands and he would've been the only Muslim so pretty much Allah had commanded him to personally murder the entire world which was by definition not Muslim besides him. This was how Islam spread so fast. The biggest atrocity in history was when Muhammad personally killed all the Hindus in the greatest holocaust the world has ever seen, which is the only reason Pakistan exists. Thank God to Modi for protecting India and giving us permission to genocide this evil ideology as us necessary, because the Koran clearly says "And Allah said, literally just kill all the non Muslims" - Allah. What an evil ideology. ;_;

Did you know that once Judea spoke entirely Aramaic before the evil foreign Arab language was introduced by murder and conquest utterly replacing all native inhabitants through koranic islamomurder? Incidentally, the parent language of Arabic is Aramaic. You know where this evil Arab language from the deep dark imposed depths of the Arab penuinsala first emerged to curse the world? Here is a map of that location, the Roman province of Arabia, ie the former Nabataean Kingdom. You may be shocked at how distant this is from Judea and Samaria, how utterly distant into the infinite foreign Arab wastes this location is. Truly disgusting that some who infect the Jewish state with this violent alien tongue pretend that they could possibly belong there. Like clearly, with the Arab language evolving here from Aramaic, the only conceivable method of spread could hand been endless fanatical Islamomurder. Muhammad personally killed everyone in the Jewish state, and this is how the Palestinian infestation came to what had once been the eternal homeland of the Judeans for like 4 billion years or something.

And then of course the Palestinians spent the next few hundred years just murdering non believers as Muslims are commanded to do, telling in their foreign tongue so utterly different from native Hebrew (also a descendant is Aramaic) while screaming the evil syllables of their dark lord Mohammed. Notice as well their intentional use of this artificial word, "Palestine", a meaningless collection of syllables Hadrian personally invented as an insult to the Jewish people out of thin air. Some may say, dude that was the Greek word for the holy land going back century, we have Greek texts from Rabbis in the area from before Roman rule referring to the area as Palestine. These are of course evil lies.

Also the term Syria, which was what the Roman's called a neighboring province, it was artificially appended as a further insult by Mohammedrian, simply because of preexisting Greek usage going back centuries to refer to essentially the entire Levant by the alien combination is sounds, "Syria". For a long time in fact, the murderous occupiers of Judea simply called themselves Syrian, so much of their history and contributions will be listed under that label. Therefore the "Palestinians" have no history or contribution to culture. I am very clever. Like it's OK to genocide someone apparently if you don't think they've made a big enough splash, or if they're poor. Gaza didn't become Singapore instantly when the IDF graciously was like, nope, don't want this bit, proving they are worthless for all eternity.

They were merely part of ottoman imperialism, and before that various other imperialism going back to Rome when Judea was destroyed. The entire area was the victim of imperialism for 2000 years. But not the Palestinians, they were not victims of imperialism, the land was victimized. Clearly just because the victimization and enslavement of the land under the evil Palestinian overlords following the murderous evil dictates of their various evil empires that force converted and murdered countless people. Note that if at any point the Palestinians were force converted, as is the sole known method of the spread of islamomurderous ideology, this would not make them victims, clearly the only way to avenge the memory of those poor victims of force conversion is to eliminate all their evil descendants and liberate the poor land to someone better. Just because the land has been victimized by endless imperialism which you cravenly exploited and benefited from by unjustly attempting to aggressively deny the Jewish people their eternal progeny by living there, doesn't mean you get a country when evil imperialist rule is lifted!

Nothing could be more absurd than believing your deserve a country, just because you live in a place by pure accident of history, ignorance, and fanatical Islamomurder. Nothing could be more absurd, when have your people ever had a country before? That is not at all a normal and justifiable process at the cessation of imperialism, creating new countries out of mere artificial geographical collections of syllables like "Palestine", and further victimization the land through bondage to the evil inhabitants who exploited the cruel Ottoman yoke of the land (not the people) for so long. No clearly the reasonable and normal process is to anachronistically export enlightenment ideas like nationalism like all the way fucking back to the 200 BC, and refer to the Hasmonean Kingdom as "the Jewish State", like unironically, the concept of a state didn't really exist fully at the time, but the Jewish State did. And liberate the land from the clutches of its inhabitors and give it to its sole eternal owners, the Jewish people.

This is a perfectly normal and fair process and nothing at all is wrong with this. After all, look at the geographical designation "Judea", from which the word "Jew" derives, there could be no clearer indication of the Jewish ownership of the land than the title of their people being a reference to this ancient, vaunted geographical designation, unlike the meaningless curse towards God, "Palestinian".

The Jews are basically the only example in history of a nation being genocided and then somehow managing to maintain its culture while living in foreign lands and retaining memory and connection to an ancient homeland, the leadership of the rabbis after the disaster of the Second Jewish revolt and the Jews unique status as an ethnoreligious group enabled them to accomplish this, it's admittedly like a really bizarre and cool artifact of history. Like so bizarre that, literally no one else has ever done it. The usual process after being genocided is that people stop taking about you and nobody cares. So in those edge cases where an ancient exiled ethnoreligious group with an industuable and eternal claim to an area does not exist (I.e. the entire world besides Israel), it is OK after imperialism to create a country in a known geographical area and grant self rule of that area to its current inhabitants. It is only on the surface that the Palestinian virus seems superficially similar, but this is the vicious virus of antisemitism taking hold in your brain. The Palestinians only have a claim to the area that, in like every other case, would be a perfectly normal and reasonable foundation for a nation state. The Jews on the other hand, have a claim to the area on the other hand that is entirely unique and of which no other example exists or could come into existence anytime in the near future. Clearly from well defined, universal preexisting principles, nothing could be more laughable than the claim that a Palestinian state could ever possibly have a right to exist, this is pure delusion and aggression. Actually the Palestinians never existed and the land was magically empty I think, yeah I'll go with that now. The ancient Levant, I'm literally going to copypasta America's old lame yarn about the Indians and try to use that for one of the most well known ancient inhabited regions of the entire world.

Anyway, no, clearly the claim of the Jewish State, literally a direct continuation of the interrupted political authority of the Macabees (ie also the Jewish State for non antisemites), had the obvious and sole claim, this is not some special situation due to no comparable example ever existing in history, that would need any special attention or sensitivity or anything. The foreign Islamomurderers from, like the den of Azathoth, should return from whence they came, this is obvious.

Also, Israel won a war. You may say something like, "Rome won a war", but seriously, fuck you. That was an unfair, temporary setback in Judeas perfectly normal aerosilization into a disparate nation and subsequent precipitation into Israel when the time was right. It was not planned that while the Judeans were pulling off this clever strategic maneuver, the land would fail to remain vacant for the entire period, a short two millenniums, as literally never happens after such events, but not the temporarily aerosolized Maccabean kingdom. And then we pawned them and it was awesome, and now they gave to go away like a normal boring country does because we won so hard and so epically, unlike the cruel unfair tragedy of the second Roman war which interrupted the 15 billion years of uninterrupted Jewish reign over like all the territory of modern Israel. Not Judea, like more than that. This is normal and you are insane if you have any questions after this perfectly reasonable process.

Why does this bother you? Do you think girls don't get horny too?

It leaves out women who are leasing or renting to own their vaginas.

Who cares? I think you know this sub's opinion on rentoids.

are leasing or renting to own

Speaking of which, yo got an onlyfans page?

It would crash the internet if I did.

Nevermind breaking the internet just think about how much money you could make

Imagine if you did a crossover with Bella Thorne

🤔

What's the rehoming fee normally run when you buy from a private seller?

They should be confused and think they've invented masturbation like the rest of us. How dare these fuckers rob them of that magic.

Are you implying that girls still have vaginas in current year? Disgusting. Be better sweetie.

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https://www.elitedaily.com/life/culture/12-real-struggles-people-hate-animals-will-understand/986318

You kinda know that she's acting defensive here because she feels so guilty about riding stray dog cock in her spare time and thinks saying she hates animals will throw people off.

All you really need to know is this tidbit:

  1. You get super pissed when people bring animals to places where animals do not belong. As I stood in line the other day, waiting to purchase my $4 bottle of vino from Whole Foods, I noticed the woman behind me had a dog with her. One of those small, yappy dogs. I couldn’t help being annoyed that this lady had chosen to bring an animal into a wine shop. Animals do not belong in stores, restaurants or movie theatres. Animals belong in your home or a park. That is all.

She considers an upscale grocery store a wine shop. What does that even mean? Is she such a sad alcoholic living from one bottle of $4 hooch to the next that she can't even tell where she's at?

In general she appears to be the most utterly vapid, pure unbridled id person I've ever encountered, and that is saying a lot from by experiences in high school and college.

'holes', but woke

boys have holes too.

how-to-masturbate-if-you-have-a-penis

wait I know this one

gigi seems unaware of the existence of dry guys

It’s me, the penis-haver

smh the fuckin degeneracy

Btw this was the woman who got shit on because her diagram in the article about anal sex didn't have the clitoris in it.

Now I don't actually care about that, but in general I'd highly recommend reading her earlier articles she wrote for Elite Daily as well as Teen Vogue because they're so mind-numbingly dogpilled they'll make your brain melt.

Women are so retarded they don't know how to get off

Nah, growing up I knew how, but then I found out my clit is broken and I can't return it. I think that's the demographic she's going for.

You DO know my profession used to be a clit mechanic ? Look like you're in luck and since you're a dramatard eligible to a 20% discount 😎✌️

!seriously what happend to this poor thing.? ;(( !<

I saw Chris-chan's nudes when I was 10 years old. That'll do it.

Nothing I can do then.

How to alienate 99% of women to appeal to .000001% of the population

Condé Nast is publishing articles teaching middle schoolers how to rub one out and that's not even a footnote of the drama.